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#61 of 75 Old 11-24-2012, 07:08 PM
 
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treehugger.gif

 

We have snow. Not a lot but it stick to the ground. First of the season. cold.gif

 

DD2 wants to put decoration up... I'm so not in the mood... Guess this will be a case of faking it till I feel it. whistling.gif


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#62 of 75 Old 11-25-2012, 07:03 AM
 
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DoK, how are you feeling?  

 

 

Thanks for asking.  It's been such a hard week.  In and out of the ER (ambulance ride for one because of a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotic they had prescribed.)  Then, started having asthma trouble on Thanksgiving.  Was a doc the next day and she wanted to send me to the hospital but they gave me some meds and did an EKG.  She decided that I could go home but to go right to the hospital if my asthma got severe again.

Good lord, I need a break.  Still haven't come up with enough funds for the necessary dental work.  Supposed to have my first appointment on Friday.

 

My son's birthday is next one.  He's all excited about turning two digits.  I remember how I felt when I was about to turn 10.  It was such a big deal.  I wish I could have a party for him.  He only has a couple friends but my sister said that she and her boyfriend will come.  I don't have room for everyone in my place and can't afford to have it somewhere else. (A noisy kid place is out of the question.)  Trying to figure out what to do.

 

This thread has gotten so quiet.  It's a bit sad.  We used to be such a lively group.

I hope all of you are doing well.  I pop in to read sometimes but don't usually have time to reply.


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#63 of 75 Old 11-25-2012, 02:15 PM
 
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Yikes! Sounds like such a horrible experience and you must be exhausted! Glad you're feeling better.

I've been reading on my kindle but typing makes my arm go numb, hehe. Trying to stay out of the office so DH can finish a project he's working on. He's porting a mobile game from iphone to android for a business venture him and a friend are doing. Apparently its really difficult and while DD is adorable, she's also distracting. smile.gif We start making money as soon as its done so I'm giving him space to get it done asap.
We should hear about the job DH interviewed for last week tomorrow. I hope. It would be for hear in San Diego but DH is not confident it would a good idea to take it.
Lots of stuff for us to figure out.

Hope everyone is well!

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#64 of 75 Old 11-25-2012, 03:45 PM
 
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Wow this past week and a half has been absolutely awful. DH and I...well, shit hit the fan. It was absolutely horrifyingly awful. We're separated now. I'm staying with my parents for about another week. We agreed we wanted to work things out, but DH esp still needs some time to relax and let go of some anger. He's got the kids and I'm having a somewhat forced break from it. That was one of his big things--I'm so burned out I'm completely unhappy with everything in my life, I'm going to take a f*ing break. 

 

I'm so heartbroken. I love my husband, I love my family, I'm so scared at how close to losing it all I am. DH and I are both going to have to make some big changes in ourselves (work on anger issues, learn how to resolve our disagreements without it becoming a fight, being more open with each other, etc) but we do want to make it work.

 

I'm so ready for 2013. I'm so ready to go home. gloomy.gif


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#65 of 75 Old 11-25-2012, 04:09 PM
 
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I'm so ready for 2013. I'm so ready to go home. gloomy.gif

 

I'm so sorry.  I hope you are able to find peace and calm.  Hopefully, you'll be back home soon.  Many hugs to you.  hug2.gif


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#66 of 75 Old 11-26-2012, 10:21 AM
 
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hug.gif 3xMama

 

 

Lots of emotions going on, lots of issues rising up... It sure is a heavy time for many people right now! 


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#67 of 75 Old 11-26-2012, 03:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 3xMama View PostI'm so ready for 2013. I'm so ready to go home. gloomy.gif

 

Aww, mama hug2.gif

 

Yeah...we're having issues, too. Not "not getting along"-- we get along famously. I brought up sexual issues in the past and they are still plaguing us-- only worse bawling.gif

 

I leave tomorrow to go back to NC. I can't wait to see my boy, but I am sad to leave M once again. I am so.bloody.tired. of living a double life. I'm so exhausted...I just wish my house would sell. I will probably take it off the market till spring and start again. But I really wish I was up in MA before summer. I have to be working again as of September next year and would really like to be settled in without adding a job into the mix. Plus, if I am still in NC I won't be able to visit M anymore, if I'm working. This just sucks all the way around, this whole thing.


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#68 of 75 Old 11-27-2012, 02:11 PM
 
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Thank you, ladies. It means a lot to me. blowkiss.gif

 

Last night I went home for several hours. We were originally going to put up Yule decor, but the kids and DH were just so darn tired after the long holiday weekend we just hung out for the evening. It was awkward at first but relaxed and became rather normal by the time the kids went to bed. DH and I spent a few hours together then just talking and snuggling, actually. It was bittersweet. Wanted so badly to stay, hurt doing things like helping fold laundry that I wasn't going to put on the kids and planning meals I wasn't going to be there to make. It all seemed wrong. DH is insistent on these next few days apart, though I'm not sure if its for me to relax (HA!) and get over the burn out or for him to be able to put things into the past so we can forge on with the future. He'd probably say it's both. We are going out on a date on Thursday. As he's picking me up and dropping me off at my parents' house, I'm hoping it will reignite some of the fervor of the early part of our relationship. Then I'm picking the kids up Friday after DD is home from school and bringing them to my parents house through Sunday morning. We'll all go home then and we'll all stay home. I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm very anxious about it, but I'm ready to plow forward with my life/our life and leave this nestled in the past.

 

Maia-You are in a very tough situation! I'm not sure I'd be able to do anything beyond what you've done. Hopefully taking the house off the market for awhile will take some pressure off and change around the energy patterns enough that something will come through this spring! Surprisingly, DH and I haven't had any sexual problems. If anything, its better than its been in a long time. Not sure what to make of that. We had serious issues in our second year of marriage, though. We got shy with each other and eventually had to sit down and force ourselves to talk things out and be intimate. It worked in the long run, got two babies out of it!!


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#69 of 75 Old 11-28-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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It does seem to be getting difficult for a lot of people. Hugs and good energy to everyone! 

I've started to see fall and winter as the time of the labyrinth. We're forced to look at ourselves more because we're inside more and it gets darker and colder. I don't know... it helps me have a different perspective when things start to die and life upheavals happen. I lean very heavily on Persephone as a personal goddess in times like that. Every bad day I have (I have a long long history of anxiety/depression) now I just chalk up to coming to another turn in the labyrinth and finding something new. 

 

Lately I've been completely gaga over Martha Beck and all of her self help books. I normally can't stand the self help market because everyone sounds like a salesman, but I started by reading her memoir and I'm much more willing to accept what she has to say. And of course the exercises I've done so far have already made a huge difference for me. So that's my magic for the week. Also my birthday is on Friday and I'm going to be a prime number. That has to have magical significance, right?

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#70 of 75 Old 11-28-2012, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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3x: hug2.gif  many, many hugs!!  I hope that this time apart helps everyone gain some perspective and understanding.  I will be thinking of you and hope that your date night tomorrow is simply awesome!! 

 

Maia: how was your trip home?  I wish so much for you to be able to have all your guys in one place.  I can't imagine how it is to feel you have a double life.

 

Full moon tonight.  For the first time I am putting out a jar of water to energize (if that's the word I want).    


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#71 of 75 Old 11-28-2012, 06:13 PM
 
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It was uneventful. I know, I know, I posted and it should have shown up above greenwitchy's. I don't know what happened to it greensad.gif


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#72 of 75 Old 11-29-2012, 12:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Maiasaura View Post

 

Aww, mama hug2.gif

 

Yeah...we're having issues, too. Not "not getting along"-- we get along famously. I brought up sexual issues in the past and they are still plaguing us-- only worse bawling.gif

 

I leave tomorrow to go back to NC. I can't wait to see my boy, but I am sad to leave M once again. I am so.bloody.tired. of living a double life. I'm so exhausted...I just wish my house would sell. I will probably take it off the market till spring and start again. But I really wish I was up in MA before summer. I have to be working again as of September next year and would really like to be settled in without adding a job into the mix. Plus, if I am still in NC I won't be able to visit M anymore, if I'm working. This just sucks all the way around, this whole thing.

 

I hope your see some movement on your house soon. What kind of work do you hope to find?

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3xMama View Post

Thank you, ladies. It means a lot to me. blowkiss.gif

 

Last night I went home for several hours. We were originally going to put up Yule decor, but the kids and DH were just so darn tired after the long holiday weekend we just hung out for the evening. It was awkward at first but relaxed and became rather normal by the time the kids went to bed. DH and I spent a few hours together then just talking and snuggling, actually. It was bittersweet. Wanted so badly to stay, hurt doing things like helping fold laundry that I wasn't going to put on the kids and planning meals I wasn't going to be there to make. It all seemed wrong. DH is insistent on these next few days apart, though I'm not sure if its for me to relax (HA!) and get over the burn out or for him to be able to put things into the past so we can forge on with the future. He'd probably say it's both. We are going out on a date on Thursday. As he's picking me up and dropping me off at my parents' house, I'm hoping it will reignite some of the fervor of the early part of our relationship. Then I'm picking the kids up Friday after DD is home from school and bringing them to my parents house through Sunday morning. We'll all go home then and we'll all stay home. I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm very anxious about it, but I'm ready to plow forward with my life/our life and leave this nestled in the past.

 

Hugs, mama. I, too, hope that you have a wonderful, connecting date night that helps your whole family move forward.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenwitchymama View Post

It does seem to be getting difficult for a lot of people. Hugs and good energy to everyone! 

I've started to see fall and winter as the time of the labyrinth. We're forced to look at ourselves more because we're inside more and it gets darker and colder. I don't know... it helps me have a different perspective when things start to die and life upheavals happen. I lean very heavily on Persephone as a personal goddess in times like that. Every bad day I have (I have a long long history of anxiety/depression) now I just chalk up to coming to another turn in the labyrinth and finding something new. 

 

Lately I've been completely gaga over Martha Beck and all of her self help books. I normally can't stand the self help market because everyone sounds like a salesman, but I started by reading her memoir and I'm much more willing to accept what she has to say. And of course the exercises I've done so far have already made a huge difference for me. So that's my magic for the week. Also my birthday is on Friday and I'm going to be a prime number. That has to have magical significance, right?

birthday.gif a day early! Googled her and wow, what an interesting life she has had.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vydalea View Post

3x: hug2.gif  many, many hugs!!  I hope that this time apart helps everyone gain some perspective and understanding.  I will be thinking of you and hope that your date night tomorrow is simply awesome!! 

 

Maia: how was your trip home?  I wish so much for you to be able to have all your guys in one place.  I can't imagine how it is to feel you have a double life.

 

Full moon tonight.  For the first time I am putting out a jar of water to energize (if that's the word I want).    

 

We had a chill full moon. We built a fire and ate moon cookies as we watched her rise over the forest (and beautiful bright Jupiter too). I charged some water and my tarot deck with moonlight. I miss the fire jams already, but I'm glad to keep up with celebrating the full moon during the cold seasons anyway. I love solar holidays like the upcoming solstice, but I've always had this deep, deep love of the moon. In the meantime, unexpected expense after unexpected expense rolls into our lives. I try to relax and acknowledge that all this comes with settling into a new home (oh, oh, I already think I know my word for 2013: nest, to cover my goals of continuing to remodel the house, grow my family, start my forest garden, etc... for 2013; 2012's was Move, and well, I think I pretty much kicked arse on that, with the whole buying a house and running a 5K), but man, my back account hurts. Maybe I need a little prosperity magic with the moon starts to wax again!

 

Blessings to you all!


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#73 of 75 Old 11-29-2012, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by revolting View PostI hope your see some movement on your house soon. What kind of work do you hope to find?

 

 

Someone posted on FB awhile ago (or maybe it was here?) 11 jobs that are part time, that offer great benefits. They were places like Whole Foods, Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, things like that. I shall probably try one of those. Coffee and books and food. What could be better? Or, I would love to work in tourism, the local what do you call that place where people go when they first get into a town and want to know about it? There. Or if (bite my tongue) I am still here, the Biltmore would be fun.

 

ETA: Chamber of Commerce. There, I remembered it! lol.gif

 

I am going to take my house off the market when my contract with the realtor expires in December. Let it rest for the winter and then re-list it.

 

I am beyond upset with M right now, as much as I love him. He's really f***ed up sometimes. He is deeply sorry for his behavior on that last day, but is still helpless to explain himself. I don't knwo what happened to my last post, but I said I am not coming back up there till 1) he gets therapy and maybe chemicals for his sexual issues and performance anxiety (and resultant avoidance behaviors), and 2) he gets a sponsor in AA and works the first 5 steps with such.

 

I will miss him terribly, but I will NOT put myself in that position again, of possibly (probably) being hurt like that again. We are talking, every day and just as much, but there's a much more somber tone to our conversations, and I'm not going back until he gets better.


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#74 of 75 Old 11-30-2012, 12:46 PM
 
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and I'm not going back until he gets better.

 

 I think that sounds like a very good idea.  Hugs to you.


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#75 of 75 Old 12-08-2012, 07:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1369784/december-pagan-family-thread

 

I started us anew here... if anyone is interested.  Or did someone start a new thread and I missed it??


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