Hi all... up late *again* I really appreciate all of your comments.
|even if it meant missing some meetings, or not being as organized and on top of things as I would like.
I think this is one of the hardest things for me. I got married "old" for Mormon standards... lol, I was 24. But had lived on my own since I was 18. I was very used to being rather anal and pretty proud of myself for how neat and organized I was. I was always on top of the on top, yk? My callings were structured and fulfilled above and beyond the call of duty. When I got married it was a little adjustment to get used to someone messing up my way of doing things... and then boy, when Jake came along my schedules were trashed. Add the extremely busy biz on top of that... and you have one very tired exhausted mama sitting in a sea of toys, on an unvacuumed floor with the kitchen table piled high with fabric samples, bags of snaps and a box of reciepts... we won't even look at my desk or the kitchen sink... or the bathrooms, or the pile of laundry, or the empty fridge........
I WANT to take the leap of faith and *somehow* trust that HF will work that amazing miracle of creating time out of nothing (kind of how he makes your paychecks stretch after you pay tithing?) That has been my attitude since I first got the calling. I have the stack of books, I have the charts and sign up forms. I have the info sheets on day camps and uniforms, I have lists of the boys' names and addresses... it's on my eternally long list of things to do. But somehow, along with the toilet scrubbing, yard work, showering, shaving my legs, and putting on make up... it gets pushed farther and farther down the list. And not intentionally either.
*sob* There simply aren't enough hours in the day. Period.
I honestly don't know what to do. I can't believe it's already Wednesday. I'll go to bed around 5, try to sleep in a little and then start the cycle again. We really do need a couple of employees, but we've got to get out of the black before that happens, yk?
If HF would tell me to just do it. I would. I would somehow carve out the time to plan cubs. It's just so hard for me to not DIVE WHOLEHEARTEDLY into it, yk? Pre marriage, pre baby, pre business. I would have made cute invitations and gone around to personally deliver them to the would-be cubs in my uniform freshly pressed. I'd have sat down with their parents and introduced myself and handed them a calender with the year's activities listed with times and contact phone numbers. I'd have great activities planned and actively pursue the less active boys to join scouts to make friends and have fun. I'd be on time for Pack Meetings, I'd be heading up the day camps and training the newbies. I'd be driving around and picking up the boys that somehow couldn't manage to get a ride or make it on time. My ward hasn't seen a cub program for 20 years. I'm *totally* in charge of Den Meeting, Pack meetings etc. I'm the Cub Master and the Den MotherS all in one. I'm over all 13 boys without any help at all.
You guys... I can't do it. I mean, I can't do it without help from HF. I really feel like this was just one of those "good fit" callings. I'm NOT just a young couple with a baby. I'm in over my head with a new business and trying desperately to stay a good AP mom. I don't sleep. I forget to eat b/c I'm so busy and who has time to go grocery shopping? *sob*
Blah blah. I need to get back to work... I've got to finish a full page ad and work on the new website pages before the sun comes up.
This sounds like a big whine fest... I'm sooo grateful that the business is busy, I love it that my little idea has been able to employ us both full time... well, more than full time. I'm excited about the future of it and hope to be able to grow it into something really great... and more managable. But when I try to factor in any extras like working on a embryo-cub program. I just break down and cry.
I really do need to go chat with the Bishop. There have been new couples move in that have more time and energy to spend than I do. I'd love to help out in any way I can, but I don't think I can champion the whole thing from the ground up. I don't think HF wants me to either.