Hi! I'm so glad you started this thread. My husband is a United Methodist pastor. We've been married for 5 years, and just moved to a new church this past summer. The United Methodist has an itenerant system, so the pastors move fairly often. My husband had been at our previous church for 8 years.
When we married, our church celebrated with us. They were used to a single pastor, so my role in the church was really up to me. My husband also believes strongly that my role in the church SHOULD be up to me. I choose to be there on Sunday mornings and for special events. I have my own busy career, and now a busy 14 month old. So I don't volunteer much (if any) of my time.
There has been some discussion in the Wednesday night Bible study about the role of "preacher's wife." It started off as a biblical discussion with my husband fielding questions, then it turned a bit more personal. (Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.) Some of the women in the group had some pretty definite ideas about what I should do.
They think that I should be right there at my husband's side at every single church happening. That is their idea of how I should support him. They don't seem to understand that I support my husband by listening and advising behind the scenes.
My husband says that I shouldn't care if they understand or not, that it doesn't matter what they think. I'm trying to get to that place.
All of that aside, I do think that we will be happy in this church. I'm happy in my family, anyway, and for now that is enough!