Jewish Moms - December Dilemma ALREADY!! (vent) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 11:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So my MIL wants to take my kids to the “Holiday Show” at her community’s clubhouse. I told her no b/c it is not appropriate since first of all it is December 22nd and Hanukkah will be long over and second I am sure Santa will be there and it will be all Christmas stuff. She has the nerve to strat fighting with me on this – that they will be exposed to this for the rest of their lives and they’ll always want to do it... I said “No – when I was growing up I was exposed to it all the time and I never wanted it...” (etc.)

Just b/c the kid next to them in lunchroom in kindergarten might be eating a ham sandwich I’m not going to stop keeping kosher – you know? Arrrgh!

So then she has the freaking nerve to tell me she disagrees with me!! I said “Thank you but these are my children to raise and you don’t GET to disagree with me” and then I hung up the phone.

Arrrgh!!!!

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#2 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 11:47 AM
 
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Yikes!

Good for you for telling MIL off!

I think its disrespectful of her to disagree with you on this matter. My Dad and his wife said they wanted to bring our kids on the polar express and we didn't think that was a good idea and they really respect our wishes on this.

I'm trying to approach 'december dilema' this year with a new spirit. Especially funky for me, growing up Catholic.

I want to look around me and see joy and giving. Santa is joyous and wants to spread happiness...I want him to come to my Hanukah party (not literally) he's got a great smile and really really jolly. (excerpt from a song I wrote last year after December)

My family (Dad) celebrate Christmas as just a tradition/time to gather/non-religious/gift-giving event. Somewhat hollow IMO, but really just focused on the JOY aspects of being with family.

goodluck with MIL!
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#3 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I should mention that my husband (and my in laws) are also Jewish!! doesn't that make this crazier?? LOL

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#4 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 02:07 PM
 
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oh, well, in that case, she's just trying to get your goat... was your husband raiosed with Santa and all that?
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#5 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have to ask - I guess he must have been or at least that it wasn't a big deal either way... My parents raised me that "we don't believe in Santa b/c we are Jewish." and I want to raise my kids the same way....

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#6 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 03:38 PM
 
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Oh Andrea - (((((hugs))))))). If it makes you feel any better, I have had similar blow-outs with my MIL. She's Jewish too, but dh grew up with a tree, the whole bit. MIL's father put up a tree too - and he was a European yeshiva drop out! I think with them it was a matter of trying to be American. We have conflicts all the time b/c we are Orthodox, so we just aren't able to do lots of things that they would like. Like family outings on shabbos. Meals in fancy restaurants. You get the picture. I think that my MIL is still in mourning that she won't be able to take my girls to high tea at some fancy hotel!

I think you can say, "I'm sorry you don't see things my way, and you can feel free to disagree with me, but this is the way we have chosen to raise our children".

Chava
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#7 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 03:38 PM
 
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It's only an issue for the kids if the parents make it an issue.

I grew up in a very Jewish/nonobservant community, and my family was the most religious one there (parents are traditional Conservative) and we were the only ones without apparent issues. We did Chanuka, and we did not do Christmas, and that was that. We have our holiday, others have their holiday. End of story.

All these other kids I knew who had parents who maybe set up a tree, maybe went to the Rockefeller Center Christmas show, maybe had a family dinner on the 25th ... and those all had these issues that they had to deal with.

The lights and decorations are fun for little kids to see, too, but that's not the same as the parents (or grandparents) actively taking part in them. That is where the mixed messages and confusion come in.

- Amy
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#8 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL Chava - you and I are in the same situations... we have Jewish husbands and we still manage to be in "mixed marriages"

Amy that is exactly how I feel - and exactly how I grew up!

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#9 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 04:25 PM
 
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LOL! Andrea, sometimes I think that in true "mixed marriages" people are more respectful b/c they don't want to make an issue. When everyone is Jewish they feel like they have a right to an opinion b/c they think, "what? she thinks she's more Jewish than me?"
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#10 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 08:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mom2five
"what? she thinks she's more Jewish than me?"
:LOL :LOL :LOL

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#11 of 11 Old 10-03-2002, 08:54 PM
 
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Mom2Howevermany, that's too true ...

:LOL

- Amy
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