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#1 of 114 Old 10-04-2002, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What a crazy week! It all started when I stayed up until 2:30am Sunday writing a talk. I've been dragging ever since. I've been sleeping instead of getting my internet fix.
Audrey, I looked and looked for you. I saw a few redheads, but no strawberry blondes. It was lovely, though. We had a craft day and a dinner before the broadcast, so it was fun. I felt a twinge of guilt during pres. Faust's talk about silently supporting dh in his calling. I know I'm often not so silent and not so supportive. Callings are about as good at showing us our weaknesses as children...
Thanks for your support about the singing time thing. On Sunday after I gave my talk, I was faced with the ppres policing the little ones into the nursery. Like I was going to sneak them into singing time or something. Trying to fix my attitude on that one.
Hope you're all still out there. Hmmm, just heard a loud bang upstairs, gotta go. Sarah
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#2 of 114 Old 10-04-2002, 06:53 PM
 
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momnlovingit I hope that you have a somewhat relaxing weekend. I am so sorry that you are having so much trouble with your primary pres. I hope you can get something worked out.
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#3 of 114 Old 10-05-2002, 03:56 PM
 
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Hi moms,
hope you get a chance to hear/see one or more sessions of conference this wkd. I'm glad you started a new thread. Not a whole lot to say--I just listened to the first session of conference, and there were 3 talks about centering on the family and teaching our children--basics: FHE, prayer, etc. I get comfortable when I hear dd talking about Jesus, and forget that we have to KEEP talking about Him.
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#4 of 114 Old 10-07-2002, 02:52 PM
 
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I've been thinking about something and just wanted to get everyone's thougts. It seems like here on MDC that obedience in children is not highly thought of and that many think that obedience equates with coercion and squashing of children's "selves". There is such an emphasis on allowing children to develop freely, and that whoever they turn out to be is fine. I have even heard posters say outright that they don't want obedient children, because to them, is symbolizes something negative.

I was tending to start to get caught up in this line of thinking until I watched conference this weekend. I can't even remember which talk, but someone mentioned the principle of obedience and how important it is. I realized that obedience is a fundamental concept of our religious beliefs. We believe in strict obedience to God, and we want our children to grow up loving and obeying Him.

I don't think we can teach this to our children unless we first teach the importance of their obedience to us as parents. I truly believe that our interactions with our children shape how they will view Heavenly Father and their relationship with Him.

I totally believe in gentle discipline. I think spanking is morally wrong. I also see parents who I think are too much in the mindset of "my way or the highway" and see that this causes SO many problems in their homes and in their relationships with their children. I have a sil for whom obedience and respect for her authority are so important, that she is often unwilling to let really little, insignificant things go by the wayside, therefore creating mountains out of molehills and introducing unneeded contention into her relationships with her children.

I don't want to raise a bunch of little robots. I want to have mutual respect in our family between parents and children. I was just wondering how all of you have chosen to balance these principles in family life. Please share thoughts.
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#5 of 114 Old 10-07-2002, 03:22 PM
 
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Hi Laurel,
That's a really good topic for discussion.

I don't visit the gentle discipline board very often, because I start to get really raised hackles (and b/c I'm trying to limit my total board activity, but that's another issue) when I read some of the threads.

I have to admit that I haven't sat my kids down (4 and 2 yo) and said "I expect you to obey me," and I don't know why not, except it hasn't become an issue yet. However. I have worked really hard on establishing rules (not to many, b/c as some wise person said, the more rules there are, the more you will have to "enforce.") such as in our house we don't hit, we only throw soft toys down the stairs, etc. I'm very into the idea of natural consequences such as "if you throw a toy, you don't get to have it." I suppose that I"m therefore expecting obedience, but we talk more about the influence/consequences the action has on other people.

For example, dd #1 used to talk/sing really loudly to get herself to sleep. When we were transitioning dd #2 into their room, she woke her up a couple of times, and (usually dh) we made it clear that waking dsis was NOT acceptable b/c Mom and Dad were not happy, dsis was sad and tired, and it was a hard time. Now I have enlisted her help in a positive way, such that it is her "special responsibility" to make sure that dsis stays asleep at night!

Dh is emphatic that is important to reserve "strong words" and yelling for safety issues/dangerous situations. It is NOT inappropriate for parents to yell if kids are about to go in the road, push their sib down the stairs, etc.

So I have to say that we do expect obedience, but we don't emphasize it as a principle in and of itself with our kids at this age--we seem to get better results if there is a "reason." Perhaps we should, or perhaps that is something we can introduce at a slightly later age. Dd is very much a "why" sort of girl. So we have answers (usually).

Was this what you had in mind.
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#6 of 114 Old 10-07-2002, 04:55 PM
 
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I've been out of touch, we just flew out to Utah for dh's grandfather's funeral. It was a whirlwind of activity. This is a great discussion. I loved conference (we were only able to watch Sunday as we were flying Saturday). I've been feeling really frustrated lately with ds. He's hit the independent stage early at 18 mo.s and I feel beside myself a lot of time worrying about if I'm doing things right. Am I too lax am I too strict? What about AP philosophy? I decided that after listening to conference something was said about the fads of the world. It made me wonder are there things about AP that are fads that I'm buying into? I decided to start searching the talks of the prophets and the scriptures extensively and see if I can get ahold of that Parenting class manual to get some more insight into my parenting roll and methods. I feel like if this is the most important job that I will do while here on Earth that I better make sure that I do a good job of it. I know that I have soo much room for improvement in soo many ways and conference is always such a good time to take assessment of where I am individually and where I want to be going. I'll be interested to hear others comments.

Also, was there something said about the potential war on Iraq during confrence? My dad who is not LDS said he saw something on CNN that said the LDS church came out with a stance _against_ the potential war. What was said?
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#7 of 114 Old 10-07-2002, 05:03 PM
 
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Oh wow, I was going to post about this as well. First of all, I felt so wonderful hearing person after person talking about the importance of being teachers to our children and also being gentle in speech and action to your spouse and children. I love how we never hear any of that "spare the rod" garbage. My mom and I spoke about this topic a lot afterwards and about how we wish those people who still spank and try and control every single thing their kids do would really listen up to the council given.

The overall theme for me was the importance of what goes on in the familyand how respect is crucial for both husband and wife in their relationship and also with their children. While obedience was emphasized, it definitely wasn't in the spirit of sitting your kids down and telling them "you will respect me, you will obey, etc." I think the burden was on the parent to teach, respect and love. Model good polite behavior and it will be much easier to teach obedience. Of course certain rules are necessary and obedience is a very important principle. I personally would never want my little girl to spend time with children whose parents don't emphasize obedience at all and any behaviour is alright because it's "natural." Hitting, pushing, yelling at each other may be natural it is not proper behavior and it doesn't make other children want to play with your child. I also love the idea of natural consequences. It just makes such great sense. We try to do that as well.

Another beautiful story was the one about the father with his son on the camping trip and how they curled up together in the tent and after sometime the son asked his father if he was awake. The father said "yes" and he told him he loved him a million jillion times. That was so touching to me. Just the image of a dad and a little boy curled up together on a camping trip, I loved it.

Conference just really boosted me and confirmed that many of the ways I am trying to raise my children are in line with what Jesus would have us do, even though I have a long way to go. I just love how children are viewed in the Church and the importance placed on love, compassion, and gentleness.

I am just finishing Maxwell's biography and he mentions adhering to the teaching of "teach them correct principles and allow them to govern themselves" with his own family. I really believe this is an optimal way to raise children, particularly teenagers.

Ok, lots of random thoughts. One thing I remember in the talk on obedience was that children want to be taught obedience or they want to have expectations set. I can't remember exactly but I really do agree with that. They need limits and feel much happier and secure when they have them.

I would love to continue to talk about this in this forum as I was just so motivated by the wonderful talks.
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#8 of 114 Old 10-07-2002, 05:52 PM
 
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Quote:
It made me wonder are there things about AP that are fads that I'm buying into?
I've wondered the same thing. I've wondered how I can be sure that I'm not led into philosophies of men. I think the core beliefs of AP are right in line with gospel teachings, especially when we're talking about babies. But there are alot of fringe philosophies that come about simply because alot of AP parents tend to be quite liberal, and that's where I sometimes feel myself getting caught up in things that I later find myself wondering whether or not they are really right.

How do you keep yourself firmly anchored to the gospel short of sticking your nose in the ground and never reading anything outside of the scriptures and conference talks? LOL! Sometimes I wonder if I need to leave MDC because it's too easy to get carried away by "every wind of doctrine". Yet, the majority of what I read here rings so true. And I feel more at home here than I do anywhere else in cyberspace.

Well, gotta go, ds is sick of the computer. But I really want to talk about all this stuff more too.
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#9 of 114 Old 10-07-2002, 07:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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AMEN! I've had such a struggle with a lot of things I've read on here. I had to quit going to gentle discipline because I found myself in turmoil over every little thing I did with my kids. I'm afraid I was feeling like the opinions of the mothers on here were more important than the Lord's. I went way too far with the gentle discipline thing and lost all control and I could tell my kids were resenting me. Then I went too far the other way and we were having too many battles and they were even fighting with each other more. Now I'm trying to find a balance between the two. It is getting better.
We once had a fhe lesson on obedience. It was so great that we've done it twice. I got the ideas from the fhe manual. We sat down as a family and made rules. We made sure that all of our rules are positive. ( Funny that my ds's #1 rule was pray. I'm trying to learn to follow that rule before I do any discipline, but I am not doing too well yet. ) Other rules are touch softly, use polite words, etc. We taught that the rules are there to keep us safe and happy. It is the same with God's rules. He does not want us to be obedient because he is on some power trip. He wants us to be safe and happy. We ended with a treasure hunt. The kids had to follow the "rule" on each clue they found. At the end were some bags with pennies in them and a card that said "being obedient makes me happy". Back when I was doing better with discipline, we'd say, "the rule says..." That way, the kids are not learning to obey people, they're learning to obey rules. Then they can apply it to all circumstances, including and especially when nobody's watching.
Watching conference really set things straight for me. I realized that I don't need anyone's approval but my dh's and the Lord's on how I discipline my kids. I also learned that the love and teaching are going to go a lot farther than any new age discipline will. I sat down and did some journal writing with my 4yo today and I also implemented our "picture story time" where I'm going to read one of the gospel art kit pictures to the kids and have a little gospel talk every day. 1st lesson went ok. We've had such a happy day. It's like having that spirit in our home left a residue. We were so grateful to get it on the internet.
Conference is always a blessed wake up call for me. it is so easy to start focusing on the wrong things. then i'm unhappy and i wonder why. i'm so thankful for the prophet and leaders. there really are so many voices, especially in cyberspace.
Thanks, Laurel for bringing up this discussion. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels tugs from the doctrines of men. I'm mostly glad that the tug from the truth is stronger! Sarah
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#10 of 114 Old 10-08-2002, 12:49 AM
 
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I was reading tonight in Proberbs 29:15 "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." When this scripture talks about rod and reproof I don't think it's meant to be indicating any type of beating (which I think we all know) but I focused on the child left to himself part. It seems that we are here as mothers to be instructors for their welfare to help them learn right from wrong- or merely remind them as I believe it is innate in all of us and just needs to be cultivated.

I thought about the same quote by Joseph Smith(?) to "teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves." I also thought about the quote to, "reprove at times with sharpness them showing an increase in love."

I read that the role of disciplinarian comes from the root word of disciple which is to follow. My thoughts are right now that we are suppose to help our children understand consequences of choices. The Savior taught with love and gentle persuasion vs. coersion or forcing. However he did show/express when he was displeased with something. I guess i'm saying that I do think it's OK to set limits and expectations, that it's better to do so than to just let a child run loose expecting that he'll/she'll figure it out for themselves. I think it's much better to help the child learn to want to follow the rule not b/c you said so though but b/c they understand that it's in their best interest. But I understand that it takes time...at 18 mo.s I think I have to pick my battles (no hitting, throwing hard objects ) and try to stay out of power struggles while still setting expectations, whew- it's a hard job.

Oh, one other thing...there was a talk given by President Hinckley several years ago (and he's since repeated his analogy in other talks) of a tree that was beside his house that grew up sideways b/c he had neglected to put the little tie on it when it was younger to help it stand against the canyon winds. He had to chop off half the tree when it was older and he thought of how he could have saved the tree so much pain and ugly scarring if he had just put a little tether around it while it was younger vs. not being able to do much after it had grown in it's own way when it was older. Maybe this could help our discussion?

Last thing: I found this article under "discipline" at http://library.lds.org I thought it was helpful

"The long, cold winter in upstate New York had begun to take its toll on everyone’s nerves. We had been practically confined to the house for five months. One day, our eleven-year-old son, Taylor, decided to use the living room as a basketball court, and in the process broke every branch of our struggling Boston fern.

Faced with the dilemma, his mother could follow the natural inclination to hide the basketball for two weeks, send Taylor to his room for the evening, and broadcast our displeasure. Or she could discuss with him the consequences of disobeying a family rule and arrange for him to replace the plant. The contrast in approaches is the difference between punishment and discipline.

Punishment calls for “retributive suffering.” But discipline is “training that corrects, molds, or perfects.” Punishment is directed at the child himself. Discipline is directed more at the objectionable behavior of the child; it is something we do for our children, not to them."

edited for quotes
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#11 of 114 Old 10-08-2002, 03:35 AM
 
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Drewsmom,

You have a wonderful way of expressing your thoughts. I really admire that and I completely agree with everything you just said.

Thank you for the analogy of the little boy. It is fantastic! I think I will lie down for the night and think about it for awhile.

Great discussion.
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#12 of 114 Old 10-08-2002, 03:56 PM
 
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I'm in line with Taylor's mom though--in frustration I often send my child to the room or to the couch b/c I need them out of the way, away from dsis, away from me so I can regroup, etc. Dh still does, but I've stopped calling them "timeouts"--I just say ________ needs a "little rest" away from the situation. This lets me give hugs, nurse, etc. if s/o is hurt. After I "pick up the pieces," then I go back and talk about the consequences (being removed from the main room, etc.). I'm still also at the stage where the consequences need to be immediate, or else they don't mean anything! I simply mean the natural consequences.

One thing I try very, very hard to be careful of is make sure that what is being disciplined for is something they _know_ the rules for. If they don't know something is wrong, they shouldn't "deserve" disciplining--it's usually the first opportunity I have to talk about why something is acceptable or not, etc.

I have done a big scripture study about parenting and the nature of children, and I learned SO much. This is the basic explanation: Little children _do_ have this aspect of the fall of Adam (which is I think misunderstood by much of the world): they "suffer" from the natural man. If they're hungry/tired/cranky, that rules their lives. They only think for themselves. So without the Atonement of Jesus Christ, they would be little lost ones (how sad), but because they are alive in Christ and his Atonement applies to ALL things they do which would be contrary to God's laws, and therefore they can't sin. How wonderful! I had to really give myself that basis b/c when I'm very tired or dh was gone for many many days except for sleeping, I couldn't interact with them in a positive way--I felt they were out to get me. It really reset my ability to parent.

Another time I went through the whole B of M (over several weeks) and wrote down everything that seemed like parenting advice/parenting examples from the righteous people described in there. I filled up pages and pages!!

The scriptures are a wonderful place to get that kind of information, and I've found them to be way more helpful than any parenting book or anything. In my scripture study (which is flagging--I need a new topic), I started keeping a notebook and taking notes, and I've just been amazed at the wisdom in the scriptures.

Conference was also great. There was the talk on Sun afternoon--we were watching at our friends' house (they have cable) and it was "Dad, are you there"--my friend and I walked out and let the dads listen while we at dinner w/ the kids ...
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#13 of 114 Old 10-08-2002, 04:04 PM
 
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I was just going to say that those two rounds of intense scripture study were each as a result of reading ideas that made me doubt my parenting here and elsewhere. It's always best to go back to the basics if you get unsure!
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#14 of 114 Old 10-08-2002, 04:22 PM
 
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Tnanks, Bekka, for the reminder about scripture study. I've had a hard time reading, too, for the same reason--couldn't come up with a topic that felt really engaging. But now I know what I will study! A few years ago, I did an intense study on parenting too, and it was so enlightening. I think this time I'm going to branch out to conference talks as well. I need to keep myself surrounded by truth.

I have also found scripture journaling to be one of my best study methods. I have pages and pages of thoughts and feelings that I've recorded while reading the scriptures. It helps me pay better attention.

I didn't get to hear as much of conference as I wanted, as we were with extended family, and it was so chaotic. Dh and I have discussed before that it just doesn't work to be visiting people during conference, because we aren't able to focus and listen, and we learned that again this weekend. I'm feeling like I've really lost out, because I sure needed the spiritual pick-me-up.

I have really appreciated everyone's thoughts, and I feel like I'm back on the right track now. I'm so glad that others have felt the same way as I have and that I'm not the only one who struggles to stay on the straight and narrow. I love having this thread--I feel so at home with all of you!
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#15 of 114 Old 10-08-2002, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your insight, everyone. I too have been trying to change the way I study. It was so apparent after conference when I went up to my bed and read my chapter. It was even the words of the Savior, but it didn't do much for me. I remembered when I was studying for my talk on Faith, how enlightened I felt. Something really cool happened that I think can at least relate to Bekka, maybe more of you. I was finding myself spending more and more time on the computer, mostly on MDC. It was beginning to sort of "control" me. I'd think about it all day and be upset if I didn't get my "fix". That was beside the negative vibes I was getting from some of the forums. I was neglecting way too many important things. It was just so fun because I knew there was always one more thread to read, one more interesting tidbit.
Then I started studying for my talk. I forced myself to read at least one talk from lds.org before I could come here. I found myself filled with the same excitement there. There was such a wealth of information there. It reminded me of a talk I heard once that really stuck to me. The guy said, "The more you immerse yourselves in the scriptures, the more you will come to seek that kind of entertainment." I thought it strange then that something so boring as scriptures could be entertaining. I have learned since the very real truth of that. I've been trying to seek more of that kind of entertainment, and it is so much more enlightening. Since my talk, I haven't really had the desire to go to the other boards. I just come here and see what's new, and that's enough for me. Hopefully I can keep myself from getting lured back into my old ways. DS is begging me to get off, so off I go to build some roads with popsicle sticks!
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#16 of 114 Old 10-10-2002, 03:20 AM
 
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My heart is so full while I read these posts! I am so impressed and happy to find an LDS thread, and the topics presented are so thought-provoking. It is amazing to me to connect with other mamas going through similar life experiences and family choices, with the ever-present, fervent belief in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I was so so so grateful for the Conference talk that included many topics on discipline. It set me more firmly in my conviction of responsive and tender parenting. I feel even more validated as I search the scriptures on the topic, and read what you ladies have written.

As I became more acquainted with what the internet had to offer in the way of information on AP, other families choices in the matters of parenting, resources for endless research etc...I became confused at what would/could really work for us, and what was in line with gospel principles. I knew in my heart that responsive parenting mirrors how the Saviour feels about His children and how he would have us treat these special spirits...but how to incorporate the wide spectrum of philosophy was---overwhelming and I would get caught up in it, I would even find myself caught in a current of self-righteousness and paying less attention to the gift and blessing given to us of the Spirit (our true guide and measure The true joy is in enJOYing my children and truly allowing the Spirit to guide me as we guide our children. Dh and I both feel that we have been given an immense honor in being parents to these children.

It has taken these past two years of motherhood to come to a better place in our parenting, and I feel so much joy now. Conference really really rejuvenated a lot of my testimony, and gave me more courage in our personal family values. And I feel strengthened and inspired by the women here.

Thank you very much.
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#17 of 114 Old 10-10-2002, 11:18 AM
 
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Welcome Quella!

It is so nice to have you here. Glad you found us!! Yes, as I mentioned before, my reaction to the conference talks on gentle and responsive parenting were similar to yours. It gave me such confidence and motivation to hear the counsel of our wonderful leaders. Of course, I have always felt peace inside at this approach to parenting but it is wonderful to gain reassurance. I look forward to hearing more from you
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#18 of 114 Old 10-11-2002, 02:25 AM
 
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Ladies! Hi! You all ROCK!! I am so out of the loop....I haven't posted in a while and am soooooooooo HAPPY to read through this thread!! I had stopped coming to MDC as often for some of the very same reasons that you all have mentioned!! I LOVE YOU!! I read through the thread about what is ldsmammas and read the response about how the LDS have a "culture" so it's especially nice for us to chat together. That is so true and I am so appreciative to beable to come here and chat about AP type stuff with women who share the same eternal perspective. Just makes my day You ladies are all such a wonderful source of encouragement and information and support.
We missed most of conference. We don't get it on tv and we chose not to go to the chapel since they don't have a tv set up in a room for kids to play while the moms and dads watch and sitting and watching conference for 2 hours at a time for 4 sessions in two days would not happen with three young kids!! I am so bummed to have missed it, but am excited to read through the talks on the net.
We did have it playing on the computer here at home so I was able to catch tid bits here and there inbetween kids screaming and playing and all that.
It's so cool that our ap philosophies are validated in the gospel. Of course Heavenly Father knows the best way to raise his sweet little spirits....and so much of AP is inherit in all of us....must be that we recognize that Heavenly Father is an AP parent.
Thank you, Bekka, for the idea/inspiration to study the scriptures for parenting advice. I also was finding it hard to motivate myself to read and was wondering what I could gain from it other than the blessings of being obediant, etc. I now look forward to studying.
Welcome Quella!
It has been intersting to me and insightful to note that the leaders of our church don't come out and direct about certain or specific parenting practices. Like they don't come out and say "bf is best" or "HF doesn't want you to spank" or "drugs during childbirth are bad" or other things......we have our free agency....plus it seems like they direct in other ways like to be gentle and close to our children and spend time with them and be loving, etc.....and to ask Heavenly Father for guidance and direction....plus maybe some of the parenting "choices" out there don't mean as much in the long run as we might think at the time. (I am not talking specifically about bf and spanking I definitly think they matter and that Heavenly Father does want us to bf and not hit (spank) our sweet children) I am all for and practice natural childbirth, but maybe it doesn't matter as much as some of us think it matters in the eternal scheme of things. Maybe wether or not I use cd or not doesn't matter as much in the eternal scheme of things. Maybe wether or not I always carry my baby in a sling or sometimes she is in the bucket (although she is always in the sling) doesn't matter as much in the eternal scheme of things. Maybe wether or not I use time outs or I use re-directing instead doesn't matter in the eternal scheme of things as long as I am being loving and activly teaching my children right from wrong and modeling the behavior I expect. Maybe wether or not my baby sleeps in a bassinet at the side of my bed or in my bed (although I am a firm believer in co-sleepin) doens't matter so much in the eternal scheme of things. The list could go on forever. This thread is the only place I feel "safe" at MDC presenting these thoughts. My sister has wonderful, well-behaved, sweet, intellegent, and very spiritual children but is not AP to the extenet that most here are. Will her children "turn out" "better" than some of the children raised by parents who raised them with strict AP practices like allowing them as much freedom as possible for them to "explore" like what Laurel was talking about? Maybe. Maybe not. I really am making a point here. I'm just very tired and having a hard time forming my thoughts. But I hope that you all know what I am saying. I'm talking about how we can get caught up in the exteremist "fads" (man.....none of this is coming out like I wanted....) and stuff. It is tough. It's hard enough just trying to choose the right and do the basics like having family prayer and fhe and personal prayer and scripture study and church callings and church attendance and taking care of my family's daily needs like cooking and cleaning and nurturning and teaching and all that...that's all hard enough without putting into the mix the pressures of wether or not my children eat too much processed food or wether or not I am harming my baby by putting disposable diapers on her or wether or not my laundry detergent is ruining the planet or wether or not I immunize my children, etc, etc, etc. I think all of those things are great and wonderful to worry about and learn about and do what you think is right about, but not to the exclusion of the gospel and the family. Do you know what I'm saying? I know I am just rambling on, but all this has so been on my mind these past few weeks. You all have helped it to be a bit clearer in my mind. When I spend too much time on MDC my perspective sometimes gets clouded and I tend to worry too much about the above things and not enough about how much time I am spending in practicing the Gospel and how much solid family time I am having. There is so much to worry about, especially when you have a wealth of information like MDC. I also catch myself feeling more judgemental of other moms I see who dont' know about or who don't choose to practice some vital ap things if I spend too much time here. Sometimes I catch myself wishing that I didn't know about some of it so that I could live in peaceful ignorance. But for the most part I am very greatful for the info and support derived here. I was telling my dh earlier tonight that now that we have this ap thing down for the most part (with our third) I can't wait to have more kids!

Heidi : Married for 15 years, expecting our 8th baby in July!

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#19 of 114 Old 10-11-2002, 02:27 AM
 
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Wow...that was very long. Thanks for letting me ramble. It feels good to get thoughts and ideas out in such a warm, safe, understanding group!

Heidi : Married for 15 years, expecting our 8th baby in July!

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#20 of 114 Old 10-11-2002, 02:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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welcome quella! good to have you back youngnhappy. i was wondering where you went. what you were saying reminds me of a talk i heard once that said don't fill your lives up with so many good things that you don't have time for the essential ones. sorry, not only am i one handed, but i'm standing up as dd doesn't want to go to bed tonight and insists on being held her certain way. i'm havin fun, but i'll regret it in the morning! anyway, choosing good always brings blessings, but we cant condemn others for not choosing it. there are plenty of blessings that each of us are missing out on because we're not choosing to be obedient to certain commandments. our job is to keep growing line upon line. i've felt that if cd or natural childbirth or bf came between me and a friend or family member, i'd give it up. i feel that those are good things, but not essential. i've given the sling my best effort, and it has proven to be a big help many times. i cant carry my babe around all the time, though. the position she likes is very hard to attain with a sling. plus i like her to be down where her brothers can interact with her. i never take her bucket out of the car, though. at church i don't use my sling cause she's cute and i want people to see her and i like sharing her. i guess that story was to illustrate how different things work for different people so we just need to choose good for ourselves and love others. well, she just passed some major gas, so maybe we can sleep now!
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#21 of 114 Old 10-12-2002, 06:22 AM
 
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WooHoo! I just found this thread! What could be better than other LDS granola mamas!! What a wonderful spirit you sweet mommies have. Well, I don't really have anything to say, just hello, and I am so glad I found you!
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#22 of 114 Old 10-13-2002, 01:40 AM
 
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Wow! I feel like I haven't been around forever. My computer was in the shop for a few days, and it seems like I have barely had time to read, let alone type. Welcome to G-Dawg and Quella- it's so good to have you.

I have so appreciated everyone's thought about priorities and how to integrate more spirituality. Things like this really got brought to the front of my mid after conference- I had the thought that I was spending all this time on the computer and reading novels (mostly at night before I go to bed) but how much time am I spending reading my scriptures? DH and I have really been making an effort this week and it's amazing what a difference it makes in our spirits. I mean, we take time to nourish our bodies and our appetites, but often we neglect the nourishment of our spirits. I want so much to take full advantage of the spirit. I can't imagine how much richer my life could be. I'm so grateful for the kick in the pants that comes from conference!

About the Discipline discussion... I know that I'm a little bit late. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this one, especially since dd is getting so much bigger and so much more mobile. I've been thinking a lot about modeling my parenting/discipline afer the way our Heavenly Father parents. What better example could there be? I think that He is so loving and so involved, and wants nothing more than for us to be happy. He doesn't remove all the challenges from us, but is always there whenever we might neeed to turn to Him for answers or comfort. I don't think that the scriputre about "Reproving sharply" is baout yelling or spanking, I think it talks more about firmness or direction. There have been more than a few times in my life where I think that Heaveny Father has been scolding me, or I have felt very certain that the things that I was doing were not what He wanted me to do, but I never felt humiliated, demeaned or unloved. I think that's the key- always disciplining and guiding with love. I don't think that obedience should be forced, (Do this because I said so) but I also don't think that children should be taught to obey without question. Some of my greatest testimony building experiences and learning moments came because I wasn't afraid to question the things that were taught to me. (I think that's a large reason why I started believing in AP- more "mainstream things weren't working! ) Anyway, all these theories might be tested as dd and I grow together... I hope what I said made sense!

Hey, I'vebeen thinking about KatherineinCA. Has anyone heard from her? I'm wondering how her pregnancy is going- I think she's due fairly soon....

Violin teaching, doula-ing Mom to Abby, (8) Ashlynn, (6) : and Max (11/13/08) Diagnosed with Metopic Craniosynostosis. First surgery 5/1/09, Second surgery March 2010.
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#23 of 114 Old 10-13-2002, 02:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dd seems to be on a roll. long about midnight, she gets cranky and only holding her, standing up helps. if shes consistent, i have about an hour before she finally dozes off. i'm trying not to worry too much, though, cause we're going to japan in a week, and that will throw everyone off.

welcome g-dawg!

wow, she's nodding off...
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#24 of 114 Old 10-15-2002, 03:44 AM
 
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I am a newly called Enrichment night teacher....aH!
The topic this month (our mtg is tuesday, tomorrow, night)
is Marriage and Family relations. One of the classes is even on parenting.
I am thinking of incorporating the talk from (I'm not sure who) conference that included topics on "kindly disciplining" our children...other responsive parenting issues...what do you think? I mean basically using the example of Christ on how to develop our family relationships, expounding on avenues, however subtle, into gentle parenting...
Ideas? As you probably guessed I'm procrastinating a bit by reading the boards here...

I would love your input!

Ella
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#25 of 114 Old 10-15-2002, 01:35 PM
 
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What a great discussion. I especially liked the idea of having a FHE on obedience, setting the family rules--thanks, momnloveit. I'll be pulling out my FHE manual.

Welcome to Quella and G-Dawg, this is a great list.

Drewsmom, you mentioned a scripture in Proverbs saying "the rod and reproof give wisdom." I haven't read closely enough to know if someone has already addressed this, but I have heard several times that "rod" means the iron rod--the gospel. So when the scripture says "spare the rod, spoil the child" it's talking about neglecting to teach our children the word of God, not about spanking. What a huge difference in meaning!

Quella, your ideas for you lesson sound great. That's a lesson I would enjoy hearing.

Okay, time to go start breakfast...
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#26 of 114 Old 10-15-2002, 03:55 PM
 
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I shouldn't be posting now--it just means dds will be getting an even later nap , but I've missed MDC the couple days it was down ...

Anyhow, KatherineinCA I just wanted to say there is a good discussion on the rod in the OT on this discussion board--just do a search. It actually refers to the shepherd's crook (one description).

Also, I would say that it's totally appropriate to use talks from conference for enrichment night. If it introduces something that *could* be called AP, that's okay. Just grounding it in the words of the apostles and the prophet and other great church leaders would always be appropriate.

And now I have to go get them to bed/rest with a story.:
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#27 of 114 Old 10-16-2002, 12:53 AM
 
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Hello, Ladies. It has been a while -- I had a busy summer and soon found if I stayed away from the internet I did not really miss it! But then I came back here and found Lisa (Laurel) had a NEW and IMPROVED signature. I scrambled back (far!) to see when and how this came about, and, well, here I am again. By the way, Lisa, congratulations on this most wondrous blessing! I also wanted to let you know there is a mom on an LDS board I frequent who has adopted and nursed 2 babies. http://www.ldsmoms.org/cgi-local/Ult...assCookie=true
Her name is luvmygirls and you can find her intro here: http://www.ldsmoms.org/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000019.html

So, expect me to be around again -- from time to time
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#28 of 114 Old 10-16-2002, 01:10 AM
 
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Hello again ldsapmom. I was wondering about you the other day as I was trying to remember what the address was for the lds ap mom's site was. Thanks for re-posting it!

Heidi : Married for 15 years, expecting our 8th baby in July!

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#29 of 114 Old 10-16-2002, 12:55 PM
 
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ldsapmom- That is my very good friend Elaine! I know her from an infertility list I'm on, and she and I have done tons of emailing and been nursing buddies. I'm so sad that she's not able to continue, though I knew she was having troubles.

Thanks for the congrats. We are doing really well at the moment. Ds has mostly come through the fussy stage, and we are just starting to have more fun. He's all smiles now and is becoming such a little flirt.

Glad to have you back!
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#30 of 114 Old 10-16-2002, 04:06 PM
 
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I am so glad things are going well. One thing to keep in mind is what some refer to as the 4th trimester of a baby's life. Something almost magical seems to happen at about 3 months of age. I have talked to many moms about this. It is not unusual at all for a baby to have fussy periods, especially in the evening, for the first few months after birth.

What an exciting time for you! Is it everything you dreamed it would be (because now you are probably not dreaming a lot with lack of sleep!)? What has been your biggest surprise? What is one of your favorite things about your baby?

What a blessing! Many of us who "procure" children with such ease have no idea what it would be like to try to have patience and long-suffering in order to receive a baby. With my first it took us over a year to get pregnant (and I know that is still within the range of normal). That period of time was the roughest patch I have had thus far in my life. I felt betrayed by HF and my body. I became very depressed and stopped going to church. I made excuses and come SUnday I would always be "sick". I knew the reason I could not face church was it hurt me so much to see all these little children climbing over their parents. I eventually realized I needed to talk to my branch president and get back on track. Because we wanted a family and were not getting anywhere through normal means, I started to think a lot about adoption. I guess I had no reason not to as I saw it all around me in my life. For a few months I was totally focused on adoption and we were even getting ready to proceed with the paperwork. Then I found out I was pregnant.

I think there was a reason why, though. If I had gotten pregnant right when I wanted to, I never would have thought of adoption. But after going through this experience I feel we will have the opportunity to adopt later down the road. I feel when it is the right time, HF will let us know. I kind of feel like we will have the opp to adopt an older child, not a baby, but who knows.

I have had a few friends and family members who adopted. I can testify if you do not already know you and your baby were meant to be together, you will know soon (after 2 months, though, I am sure you already know this). Even my family members who are not LDS and parents through adoption have had this confirmation.

How blessed we all are!
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