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#1 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 03:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We just got word that the daughter of old, dear friends of ours died very suddenly on Thursday. She was only 16 and had no known health problems. Naturally everyone is stunned. The whole situation is made just that much worse by the necesity of an autopsy which (as far as I can tell) made it impossible to bury her before the sabbath. They are Jewish. Services and burial are on Sunday.

Please pray for young Sarah Dotson and her family.

I haven't a clue what to write to our friends. I guess there's really nothing particularly useful to say, but I must write.
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#2 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 03:57 AM
 
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Oh kama I am so sorry.
I am also so sorry for thier loss.
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#3 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 08:34 AM
 
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I am so sorry for their loss , and yours. I had a friend lose a newborn healthy daughter at birth earlier this year, and it is just so devastating. I also have a 16 yo daughter, and I don't know how I could stand that!

Just tell them you miss her too, let them talk about her and the death, over and over.

BB, (((hugs)))
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#4 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 09:12 AM
 
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May G-d comfort them among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

and hugs and comfort to you.

-BelovedBird

Mom of 5 boys- 13, 10, 8, 2 : and newbie Aug. 24th, '09 . babywearing advocate . Cook, baker, homemaker, wife to a man with another woman's kidney (live altruistic, unknown donor).
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#5 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 01:11 PM
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Kama-

My oldest son attends the same high school as Sara. He did not know her personally, but was very upset just the same. She collapsed at the school, during her computer class, and apparently there was some concern (at the time) that it could have been bioterrorism.

Is there anything IRL that I can do for them? Please pm me if you have any ideas.

I was so glad to see my son come home on that day--I can't get it out of my head that it could someday be one of my kids. The Everett Herald had an article on Friday, she seemed like such a neat kid.


dlb
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#6 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all. They sent us an email reminding us to tell everyone you love as often as possible... you never know. So, do that. Today and every day.

DeAnne, what a nice offer. If I think of anything I will let you know. I found a couple of articles from your local papers online, and yeah, they did a nice job talking about her. I haven't seen her in years so I have a picture in my head of a giggly kid even though we sent cards at her and her sisters' bat mitzvahs (pls forgive spelling) and other events.

Give your kids a few extra kisses today.
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#7 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 04:45 PM
 
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I heard about poor Sarah--she lived in my state. Drama girl, loved to sing? I was so saddened by the news. I will keep the family in my prayers.
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#8 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 05:13 PM
 
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I am so sorry. Three weeks ago, dear friends of ours lost their son in a tragic accident. Since then, another dear friend has had a miscarriage and another had twins, one stillborn. The loss of a child seems to much to bear. All I can offer is to remind you to live out your own grief however you need to, so that you can be with your friends and your family in their grief. My thoughts are with you.
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#9 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 05:24 PM
 
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Kama, I'm so sorry for you and for your friends. May Sarah's spirit live on in those who knew her.
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#10 of 14 Old 10-06-2002, 06:50 PM
 
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I'm so saddened by their loss, though I don't know them or even really you.

This cuts straight to the heart of parenting, there they are, our hearts, walking around outside our bodies...........

Kama, there's nothing to say except how deeply you share this grief with them.

One suggestion I've seen and I think would be helpful is to cook a meal or two, easily frozen, so they have something for the times they just don't feel up to the work of cooking.

"What will you do once you know?"
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#11 of 14 Old 10-07-2002, 02:21 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your friends and you,,what a inconceivable loss.

I just wanted to pass on some wisdom I have learned doing crisis counseling for suicide survivors..it is so important for your friend to find a safe forum in which to talk! usually families are surrounded with so much amazing support at first, then slowly it dwindles as everyone else goes back to their normal life,,but this families life will not feel normal for so long. Everyone else will start to find it increasingly uncomfortable to hear about the grief, bring up memories, they will no longer know what to say when "I am so sorry" seems done. So they won't bring up " the subject"..

That will be such a key time for you. Ask your friend truly how they are doing,, and allow them time to answer with no response from you..they just may need to talk. Call up with a funny memory of their daughter,, it will be a relief for them to know that she is still real for others as well. Send them the picture you found in your photo album of three years ago, a picnic at the park and their daughter with watermelon juice dripping down her face..or however you can help them feel it is ok, to talk about her, to remember her, to miss her,,that they don't have to just move on to keep everyone else comfortable..

You will be a great support for them..!

I used to work in an assisted living facility, and made it a habit to send a card to the families who had lost one of "my people" at the 6 month anniversary of their death. I would relay a funny story or great memory...Not once did the family neglect to send me a card in return, thanking me for the memory and thanking me for honoring the life that their family member lived. They seemed almost relieved to get my notes,,because everyone else was silent...

I will keep everyone in my prayers..
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#12 of 14 Old 10-07-2002, 02:44 PM
 
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{{{kama'aina mama}}}

So heartbreaking ...

Is there any word on what happened, why she died?

May they be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem ...

- Amy
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#13 of 14 Old 10-07-2002, 04:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by amyrpk
{{{kama'aina mama}}}

So heartbreaking ...

Is there any word on what happened, why she died?
All I know is 'enlarged heart' and that the docs say there wouldn't have been any indication of a problem prior.
Quote:
May they be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem ...
Both you and Beloved Bird said this. Is it an appropriate thing for me (as a Gentile) to say to a Jewish friend, or is it something just Jews say? Also, if they were Christian I know they would be comforted by the belief that they will see her again one day in heaven. Am I correct in my understanding that this is not a part of the Jewish belief system? I am struggling to write a note and don't want it to be full of Christ-centric ideas that won't be of any comfort at all and may actually serve to annoy.

Thank you.
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#14 of 14 Old 10-07-2002, 06:02 PM
 
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Oh, I am so sorry!! That is terrible. Just be there in any way you can for your friends. There just are no words.

Heartmama

Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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