Christian Topic: Spiritual Abuse of Power(long) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 36 Old 11-10-2002, 03:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, thanks for the cult info.

I am having a hard time putting words to the conversation dh had with his brother this morning about the church. Eventhough I wasn't the one talking to my BIL dh told me about it....

BIL is so commited to this church that he is missing our little lady's first birthday!!! He says his first obligation is to the church, that they could not function effectively without him, so he has to put family second. (he didn't say that his first obligation is God, just the work of the church)

He then proceded to tell dh that *I* am holding him back from the blessings that God has intended for him!!! WHAT?!? That if I would just "allow" then dh would be in full time ministry, and we would be wealthy.

The conversation went about...dh questioning his bro on the theology of the church, and about how the pastor is running the church. Dh's bro then told dh that he "his soul must belong to the devil if he is questioning bil's pastor" and "that God will curse him" : huh? Where in the Bible does it say that you cannot, or should not question someone's motives...especially a pastor?

Then the converstation ended with BIL saying that "He knows what he believes, he doesn't need the scriptures to tell him what to believe" :

Then he told Dh that he wouldn't be speaking to him again. I am sad that the conversation ended that way, but geez!!! I can't believe that his bro actually said those things.

Dh's brother is 20yo, and VERY immature, he WANTS/NEEDS somone to tell him what to do. He is extremely unmotivated....as is the rest of the family. They all think we are nuts b/c we left such "an awesome church"....I just don't get it.

So tomorrow, DD's party will be small, since BIL won't be there and I know MIL won't either b/c she backs her "baby" in everything and since they all hate me anyway...since I am the ruin of their family...turning their son into some sort of hippie weirdo who now has the strength to stand up for himself, and who has now decided against raising children like they all believe. But that's ok by me...good riddens!
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#32 of 36 Old 11-10-2002, 03:49 AM
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Hi guys--

Got permission from rwikene to say that I had her and her hubby, punky'sdaddy, over to my house one night last week. She is beautiful, a loving and gentle mama to little Gracie, who is herself an adorable little thing--

and holy cow, how can ANYONE say that that she is holding her husband back from the blessings God has intended for him, when she herself is such a blessing! And she has given the greatest blessing of all, a beautiful, healthy child!

I think BIL has twisted priorities, if he can't see how very blessed this man is!

Just had to vent a little, this is a lovely family trying to break free, and its hard when there are so many ties. Dh and I attended that same church, and left ten years ago-- it is so sad to see that nothing is changed!

Rachell, BIL needs to re-read the proverbs about the virtuous woman being more precious than jewels, her value far above rubies or pearls (proverbs 31:12).


edited to add reference

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#33 of 36 Old 11-10-2002, 03:51 AM
 
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Rachel, WOWW!!! I cannot believe this. It is like divine ntervention! For no real reason at all, I was at teh library today, and found a book that you must read! It will validate your side of the story and maybe help you fend off the ILs.(maybe not, the pastor sounds very persuasive) Anyway, the book is called Money Isnt God, SO why Is the Church Worshipping It? By John White. It is a very quick read and he has a whole chapter devoted to Evangelical Abuse.

Here is my 2 cents. When I was pg with my last baby, I had hyperemesis so badly that I barely moved out of bed most days for 2 months, and I had two little boys to tend. Within the six months before, we had started attending a Christian Church. They were very concerned with being a "seeker friendly church"(I really hate all these Christian buzz words) But, while I was sick, no one could help us. I needed someone to come over and watch the kids for a few hours a day. They brought me meals. hello! I am puking my guts out! I am not eating. The boys are little and dont eat much anyway. Dh is at work. SO, we called and asked specifically for the help that we needed. Still nothing. So, we wrote a long angry letter stating why we were leaving the church. The pastor adn the youth minsiter showed up teh next day, with lots of excuses, putting it back on us for expecting too much, planning to get us help, etc etc. But, actually still nothing! There was only one person in that church that did anything for us. She didnt even know us, but she heard that I was not feeling well(this was before We had requested help) and she came up to dh after the service, introed herself adn said that if we needed any help, call. So, we would and eshe would come over, clean house, care for the boys, take them to her house, sit and visit with me, whatever. SO, this is waht the people at church would say "Call Scotty, she'll help you" I am sorry, there are 150 people in this church, all the ministry should not fall on Scotty(who was also running the preschool, and the nursery and in the choir and anything else they could come up with and trying to be a newlywed and trying to conceive and looking for a paying job) She was the person ther that we saw God in, and she was my doula when Eli was born adn his Godmother. One of the associate pastors lived around the corner from our house, and never came to see us or even call/ Once I got up the courage to ask him if he could pick us up so we could go to the bible study at his house that night(dh was working nights) and he said ok. He got me and brought me home after, but didnt offer to pick me up again. e felt incredibly lonely at that church So, it is not just the Charasmatics.

I attended a foursquare in CA and I have never felt the presence of the Lord like I did there. These people were awesome. The pastor came up and introd himslef and told me how much he loves children adn how he imagines jesus sitting around talking to moms like me with the children all around and I should not feel the need to silene the kiddos and he told me that he really felt that God has led him to give me that message bc I needed to hear it. SO, here I was, crying my eyes out and the first note of music had not been played!!! People at that church welcomed me into their homes adn made us feel a part of their family. The only reason we do not attend there is bc it is 1000 miles away!!
Anyway, dont know if this helps at all, or if it is jsut mindless rambling! I do understand the need to be anonymous sometimes. I hope this church works out. Talk to the pastor about the spiritual abuse you encountered. They may have a program to help you.(like a support group )
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#34 of 36 Old 11-11-2002, 04:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dlb...thanks so much for the kind words

BIL came to the birthday party today, although it was very tense having him and MIL there...we all knew about the conversation that took place the day before...I know he felt bad (at least it's a step in the right direction)

When Dh went up to him to talk about it he claimed that he didn't say any of the things that he did. :

Anyway, DD had a good birthday, made out like a bandit!!! So all in all it was good I guess.

I will check out that book the next time I head for the library....thanks for the suggestion.

Also, wanted to say that dlb had the best boys around....they were sooooo polite, and soooo sweet to my baby!!! How lucky they are to have such a wonderful mama and papa who obviously take wonderful care of them!!!
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#35 of 36 Old 11-11-2002, 03:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by rwikene
since I am the ruin of their family...turning their son into some sort of hippie weirdo who now has the strength to stand up for himself, and who has now decided against raising children like they all believe. But that's ok by me...good riddens!
Three cheers for the hippie weirdo!!
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#36 of 36 Old 11-12-2002, 03:07 AM
 
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Three cheers for the hippie weirdo!!
I second that emotion!! Surely Jesus was accused of the same.
Thank God your dh has learned to stand up for himself. Those kind of families and churches can be so entangling.


Peace and grace,
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