Rachel, WOWW!!! I cannot believe this. It is like divine ntervention! For no real reason at all, I was at teh library today, and found a book that you must read! It will validate your side of the story and maybe help you fend off the ILs.(maybe not, the pastor sounds very persuasive) Anyway, the book is called Money Isnt God, SO why Is the Church Worshipping It? By John White. It is a very quick read and he has a whole chapter devoted to Evangelical Abuse.
Here is my 2 cents. When I was pg with my last baby, I had hyperemesis so badly that I barely moved out of bed most days for 2 months, and I had two little boys to tend. Within the six months before, we had started attending a Christian Church. They were very concerned with being a "seeker friendly church"(I really hate all these Christian buzz words) But, while I was sick, no one could help us. I needed someone to come over and watch the kids for a few hours a day. They brought me meals. hello! I am puking my guts out! I am not eating. The boys are little and dont eat much anyway. Dh is at work. SO, we called and asked specifically for the help that we needed. Still nothing. So, we wrote a long angry letter stating why we were leaving the church. The pastor adn the youth minsiter showed up teh next day, with lots of excuses, putting it back on us for expecting too much, planning to get us help, etc etc. But, actually still nothing! There was only one person in that church that did anything for us. She didnt even know us, but she heard that I was not feeling well(this was before We had requested help) and she came up to dh after the service, introed herself adn said that if we needed any help, call. So, we would and eshe would come over, clean house, care for the boys, take them to her house, sit and visit with me, whatever. SO, this is waht the people at church would say "Call Scotty, she'll help you" I am sorry, there are 150 people in this church, all the ministry should not fall on Scotty(who was also running the preschool, and the nursery and in the choir and anything else they could come up with and trying to be a newlywed and trying to conceive and looking for a paying job) She was the person ther that we saw God in, and she was my doula when Eli was born adn his Godmother. One of the associate pastors lived around the corner from our house, and never came to see us or even call/ Once I got up the courage to ask him if he could pick us up so we could go to the bible study at his house that night(dh was working nights) and he said ok. He got me and brought me home after, but didnt offer to pick me up again. e felt incredibly lonely at that church
So, it is not just the Charasmatics.
I attended a foursquare in CA and I have never felt the presence of the Lord like I did there. These people were awesome. The pastor came up and introd himslef and told me how much he loves children adn how he imagines jesus sitting around talking to moms like me with the children all around and I should not feel the need to silene the kiddos and he told me that he really felt that God has led him to give me that message bc I needed to hear it. SO, here I was, crying my eyes out and the first note of music had not been played!!! People at that church welcomed me into their homes adn made us feel a part of their family. The only reason we do not attend there is bc it is 1000 miles away!!
Anyway, dont know if this helps at all, or if it is jsut mindless rambling! I do understand the need to be anonymous sometimes. I hope this church works out. Talk to the pastor about the spiritual abuse you encountered. They may have a program to help you.(like a support group