DH is a born again christian. Need support. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 12-14-2002, 11:11 AM
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Go slow Jess. It is too hard to make life altering decisions when you are on the roller coaster. Unless you feel you are in danger. This may pass after a time.

Set your boundries. Guard them. Tell him what YOU are willing to deal with and have him leave the rest at church. If he will not do that, you walk away whilst he is ranting. You cannot make him change - he cannot make you change. Get past the hurt (time will do this) and see if there is something left.

Grant me
to accept the things
I cannot change.

to change the things
I can.

to know
the differance.
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#32 of 37 Old 12-14-2002, 02:33 PM
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Els'3, you are a fount of wisdom. beautiful beautiful advice. i just love reading your posts.

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#33 of 37 Old 12-14-2002, 10:34 PM
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I guess there had to be a Penecostal type post eventually..heh

Hi everyone I am Assembly of God which is similar to penecostal. Not all AoG-Penecostal churches are the same, in fact the church my family attends is pretty low key. Tongues isn't somethng heard very often in our church and NO ROLLING!! I did have a cousin who passed out a lot but we all thought she was weird...

I would ask him if you can pick a different church together. This one doesn't sounds like the right church for your family and thats what the decision should be based apun.

It could even be a Penecostal/AoG church just maybe more low key would be better...and then you would probably feel more comfortable attending if you wanted to and it would probably make your dh feel a little more at peace...

Not all those who wander are lost 
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#34 of 37 Old 12-15-2002, 01:07 PM
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(((((Jessjax))))) - what you are going through must be so difficult. I am a Christian (my dh is a Presbyterian minister), but if he suddenly became a fundamentalist, I would have a very difficult time with that (and my entire family are fundamentalist Christians, although not as extreme as what you are describing).

I also think that your dh should be willing to choose a church you can attend together. And I commend you for being willing to go to a church with him at all.

Is there some way you and your dh can sit down and separate out the core message of Christianity (i.e., that God loves us and wants to be in a relationship with us) from all the extraneous stuff he seems to have bought into with this particular church (the role of women, speaking in tongues, etc)?

I was thinking - if my husband became a Muslim, for example, that is what I would try to do. Somehow find the common ground, and then agree that the non-common stuff is off limits? He will obviously believe what he believes, but he needs to not have any expectations from you connected with those beliefs?

I'm not sure this is making a lot of sense. But perhaps if you could find some kind of core spiritual agreement with your husband you could work from there? I realize this is easier said than done with someone who has embraced fundamentalism but it might be worth a try.

I am so sorry you are going through this,
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#35 of 37 Old 12-15-2002, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
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Richard feels very connected to this church. It was the church he attended as a boy. We moved to this area because he found a job here. It's where he came to visit his grandparents as a boy. We bought his grandparent's house from his dad--he and his brother's growth as kids is measured on the door to the living room. I think considering all that, he feels like attending that church is the fulfillment of some sort of destiny.

The best I've gotten from him is an offer to go to a church of my choosing in exchange for me going to church with him. A one to one trade.

We had this big conversation last night, and for once I made it through it civil, no tears, if still frustrated with his stance. It centered around this question: If one accepts Christ as savior and follows his teachings, why should all the minutia matter?--baptism this way or that, God as one or God as three, saved by faith or good work? He's so hung up on it that he feels that other christian churches are "false prophets." Ugh, gag me!!! I'm thinking (maybe for today) I can deal with it, tough it out. Who knows, he might chill out, if not completely recant, some day. He could be a real ***hole before, verbally. That doesn't come out much anymore. He definitely seems dulled as a biproduct of all this. He got his hair cut short. (My karma was in bad shape because I'm always joshing Joy about her hair obsession. : ) He seems really square to me. I'm wondering how I'm going to get past that. I've had to do some soul-searching about how much of my attraction to him is tyed up in his image.

BTW I'm thankful for this outlet, as I can't afford therapy.ild
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#36 of 37 Old 12-15-2002, 06:16 PM
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I feel for you JessJax. What aplace to be in. Personally, it kind of sounds to me like it is a cult. Is there any way you can use scripture to back up some of what you think is really out their? It sounds to me like some of what he is now believing is taking scripture out of context. I know I am not explaing myself very well....will post more later as I think of it when my thoughts are not jumbled.
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#37 of 37 Old 12-15-2002, 10:54 PM
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I just want to send hugs yours way....

and say hello the joyberryjoy and hydrangea who I I also don't see around here much these days

Jessjax - I wish I could offer some advice...but don't have much to give on this one. I am actually the one in my marriage who has "changed" my spiritual beliefs but luckily they are becoming more, not less, aligned with my dh's. I do agree with the advice of the poster who said that the important thing is that you take care of yourself and make the choices that you feel are right for you and your children...

Sending feelings of harmony, hope and lots of light your way....
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