Biblical Marriage with Wife Submission Tribe - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 427 Old 10-01-2005, 11:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by QueenOfThePride
Kristen, I like the hippie-style skirts too, but I'm no hippie! They are big in style right now. I have decided that my style is now 'frontier woman style'. I typically wear leather and faux-fur moccassin-looking boots, frontier woman/ hippie style skirts, peasant-style shirt or sweater, and my hair up in a loose bun. I like to read on the off-the-grid forum, but it's a fantasy for me. Living off the grid does not appeal to my DH. LOL I still think of myself as a frontier woman.
Emily I like the frontier woman role model too :LOL We have a lot of the Little House books on tape and my little girl loves them, we listen while we work around the house, and I like to think I'm like Ma . I always wish I could find that style dress for DD, it seems so nice and practical. And their style skirt is much sturdier than your standard hippie style skirt too, so it would be excellent for working around the house. I always keep my eyes peeled at the secondhand store for a good sturdy skirt that's still pretty, they seem so hard to find! I just keep my hair in a straight braid down my back (it's a little past halfway down) because that's easiest for me. I keep vowing I'll learn to do some more with it to suprise Dh, even went so far as to check a book out from the library, but it still ends up in a braid most of the time I haven't mastered the art of a bun yet, but it seems like it would be practical, especially for housework.

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#122 of 427 Old 10-01-2005, 11:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ksmommy
I see what you are saying! And I agree a little bit! I think that we probably forget what the Pearls and George are saying and determine what Biblical submissivness means and then put their writing in the light of the Bible!
Based on what I believe the Bible to be saying is that FIRST the husbands shouls love their wives the way Christ loved the church and that HE gave HIMSELF for her! Now, Ephesians talks to the wives to obey their husbands in EVERYTHING! EXCEPT for sin! The Bible doesn't say to obey our husband IF they only obey Christ, although it would be nice! Would you like to be loved only when you are lovely?
The fact that he is your husband is the only qualification given. As such, the wife’s submission to him is a reflection of the submission of the church to Christ. If the husband utterly fails to fulfill his obligations as laid down by Paul, this in no way relieves the wife of her obligation to submit to him. Indeed, her submission becomes all the more striking as his leadership proves to be poor.We are to serve Christ and that's a sign of doing so! At the feet of Christ we are ALL made the same, in the image of GOD, BUT, we have different responsibilities, for instance, as much as I will answer to GOD for my shortcomings, my husband will be held responsible for the whole family, his responsability is greater than mine!
I need to get going, but I found this quote that is humbling to me:
True submission is not difficult, my friend, it is impossible. There is no way that we can, in and of our own strength, submit. But that only means that we must look to God to produce that of which we are incapable, but which His word commands. Our text on submission follows immediately upon the teaching of Paul concerning being filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). It is only as the Holy Spirit controls our life that the will and the ability to obey His commands are produced. To submit to one another necessitates that we die daily, that our flesh by crucified, put to death. This is God’s work, and we must trust in Him to do it.
: I think you put it really well!

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#123 of 427 Old 10-01-2005, 11:45 PM
 
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i also have seen the marriage dvd by m pearl and the instructions to the husbands are far more tenuous than the ones given the wife.. they have a lot more to do than we do! No one way street here!
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#124 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 12:04 AM
 
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Hi, I just bought For Women Only by Shaunti Felhahn, and Love & Respect by Eggerichs.

I couldnt find Created To Be Hi Helpmeet, in fact the guy at Barnes and Nobles didnt have anything that comes close in the computer.

I am interested in A Woman After God's Heart, and will check out Borders tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for their encouragement, especially those that took the time to PM me

Lisa
PS Whats with the skirts? Is it a modesty thing? (as i sit here in my shorts and camisole )
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#125 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 12:15 AM
 
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Sheeesh! I'm away for just like--a day and 1/2 and so much catching up to do!

Just wanted to pop in and say hi and I missed y'all . . .going back a couple pgs to catch up. . .
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#126 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 12:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bamamom
: : : :

you must be my european twin sister mysteriously separated at birth

Maybe we're triplets. . . I always do that to dh when he's on the phone. . .and have never thought twicw about it! I guess that's why I'm here.
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#127 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 12:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Skrimpy
I'm going to have to admit I'm still totally confused, I've never heard of Pelagius before this...
and I am still unclear: is it good or bad to be Pelagian? is it better or worse to be Semi-Pelagian?

this is a really interesting thread. It raises more questions than it answers, for me but it's been very educational so far.

I sometimes choke up a little when I read about one partner being "submissive" to the other, but that's only because of a previous marriage wherein the word "submissive" had very different connotations, kwim? the way the idea was perverted and distorted in that relationship really did a number on me. what I had to go through in that relationship I'm pretty sure had nothing to do with the holy spirit. that said, here I am reading this thread, and grateful for the opportunity.
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#128 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 12:32 AM
 
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There was a lot going on whilst I was gone! Well, I don't have much to contribute about the Pearls or most of the other books, as I have not read them.

HMC, I too so love what the scriptures say about marraige.

SanMarg.--welcome, your post struck a cord with me. Tho I don't know your past or what you've endured, I too have healed from a relationship where this was completely skewed, offbalance. . .just wanted to say that I'm glad you're here, and .
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#129 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 01:19 AM
 
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: angelbee love you too!

Your life doesnât change by the man whos elected. If your loved by someone you can't be rejected... decide what to be and go be it! If your a caged bird brake in and demand that somebody free it.
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#130 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 01:22 AM
 
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why thank you joyfulhands!

it was a rough patch but I survived. (it's a not-for-this-thread story...maybe a not-for-this-board story!) so I'm left with a lot of ambivalence for a relationship where it looks like one partner has all the marbles, so to speak, and the other partner has none.

however I know that what they mean when they say "biblical marriage" isn't that Mr. Partner has more push-around power, more resources, more goodies than Mrs. Partner. I'm still a little hazy about what it does mean - but I know it's not that.

so maybe it's just a matter of redefining (properly defining?) terms.

what does the term "equally yoked" mean?
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#131 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 01:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sweetbaby3
PS Whats with the skirts? Is it a modesty thing? (as i sit here in my shorts and camisole )
I just like skirts because they make me feel pretty and feminine, and Dh loves them As far as modesty, I don't have a problem wearing shorts but I won't wear them too short and I won't wear short skirts at all, I'm modest to the point of blushing to think of wearing a skirt or dress shorter than ankle length, but that's just me! To me dress is a personal preference as long as it's not blatently meant to be sexually enticing, does that make sense :LOL But I also know that pretty skirts make my Dh happy and that's a big reason why I wear them.

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#132 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 02:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SaneMarguerite
what does the term "equally yoked" mean?
I always thought that term meant both partners are Christians. Like a Christian should not marry a non-Christian- they're not equally yoked. I could be wrong, though...

Shannon
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#133 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 07:36 AM
 
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Beautiful post lilyka.

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#134 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 07:36 AM
 
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Beautiful post lilyka.

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#135 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 08:47 AM
 
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Debra,

Instead of getting defensive, perhaps you could share which scripture you use to model your marriage after. I haven't read the book being discussed, but I do not consider myself a doormat because I follow scriptures teaching on marriage, children, being a woman of virtue. It takes great courage and selflessness, prayer, and faith to follow the biblical model.

Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderes or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands,so that no one will malign the word of God.

I strive to me a Titus 2 women, I want to glorify the Lord. I didn't have a christian upbringing and came into marriage with worldly ideas. This made for problems in my marriage. Praise God, that we have christian women boldy proclaiming the word of God. I'm slowly working towards being a Titus 2 women. Changing my attitude towards being a wife and mother has made me so much happier. Listening to the Lord and not to the world has brought me much more happiness and contentment.
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#136 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 09:49 AM
 
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I dont wanna start a debate here... Just wondering out of pure curiosity...

If you are supposed to let the man lead... what if he is not following the Bible, and lets say do something against it, should the woman follow him then too?

Just wonder because that is against islam. Wanna know how close we are.

Mother of three little muslims!
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#137 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 10:53 AM
 
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Gosh, this thread is so interesting and addictive that you are making me neglect my husband

There are so many different aspects and different pov. But I love reading them all. As someone said this thread comes up with a lot of questions, and you are all making me think more seriously about my own position on different issues. Thank you.

I guess, I am a bit into mutual submission - But my problem was that I used this as an excuse not to submit to my dh... kwim?
The Bible asks the men to love their wives like Jesus loves the church and to sacrifice themselves for their wives like Jesus did for the church. Now, I'm glad that isn't said to the wives :LOL

But I feel I need to focus on my role in the marriage, not dh's.
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#138 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 12:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Skrimpy
I just like skirts because they make me feel pretty and feminine, and Dh loves them As far as modesty, I don't have a problem wearing shorts but I won't wear them too short and I won't wear short skirts at all, I'm modest to the point of blushing to think of wearing a skirt or dress shorter than ankle length, but that's just me! To me dress is a personal preference as long as it's not blatently meant to be sexually enticing, does that make sense :LOL But I also know that pretty skirts make my Dh happy and that's a big reason why I wear them.
Ok. Thank you for the clarification.

My husband has never expressed a desire for me to dress in any kind of way, although he does go a bit nuts when I wear jeans and a black turtleneck. he finds that very attractive.

Which explains my drawerful of turtlenecks! (besides, I live in Colorado, and it gets cold!)
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#139 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 01:10 PM
 
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I haven't mastered the art of a bun yet, but it seems like it would be practical, especially for housework.
Kristen, it's pretty easy. Just pull your hair back like you're going to do a pony tail, but twist it all up and wind it around itself, then stick in a bunch of bobby pins. I should try a braid one of these days, I haven't braided my hair since I was little!

Tis the season, for hot apple cider!
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#140 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 02:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by rbeaufoy
aaahhhh..what a relief, I may finally have found a group of women who can help me let God help my marriage (did that make sense? :LOL )

What you have described about your lives once you finally submitted is what I want for my life, family and marriage.....but I am my own worst enemy! I have a REALLLLLYYY hard time trusting that my husband is capaple of making good, safe decisions for us, so fight it ALL the time!

Could you guide me in the right direction of biblical resources, books, etc, etc? And talk to me.....please reassure me that I'm not somehow less of a woman for submitting to my husbands will?????????????

I know God did not give me life just so I could spend it struggling to be in control and unhappy! There has to be more in store for my marriage, I know it!!!

-R
I am hesitant to point you in a direction of outside resources. I'd say read what you feel like you want to and engage your own discernment in reading it, if you do decide to read books on marriage.

You seem honest and seeking Truth. I wanna say to you...ask other women you trust some really hard questions and trust your gut.

THERE IS MORE IN STORE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!

Cling to that Hope and continue to be a seeker of Truth.
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#141 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 03:13 PM
 
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I don't cite a particular verse of the Bible but rather take the Bible as council.
Maybe you could share what you do to make your marriage a biblical marriage and cite which parts of the Bible helps you to make your decision.

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.....please reassure me that I'm not somehow less of a woman for submitting to my husbands will?????????????
Actually, your a much stronger , wise, and faithful to the Lord woman when you submit.
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#142 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 04:25 PM
 
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I think it takes much strength to submit to someone else. i t requires great faith in your God and your husband. It takes gerat love. it the essences of Christs call on anyones lives. It is easy to look out for yourself. it is easy to take control of the situation ion a way that makes *you* feel comfortable. it is easy to make sure *your* needs are being met. But what a blessing to woman enough to step back and put ithers needs abover your own. to pracrtice obedience to Christ. to stand out of the way an dlet Giod have his way with your dh.

Looking back I can't believe how much selfishness drove me. I thought I was doing what was best but what I was really doing was what was best for me. not so much my dh. I wasn't all the concerned with his needs and how he thought and what made a man tick. I am firmly convinced there is a diference in the way men think and feel and wmoen do not really grasp that. Just like men don't always grasp what makes us tick. I realy have to step back alot and just accept that God is going to work hi perfect will out in my dh lives and my life and the more I try to control that by stepping out of my place in teh chain of command the more I am going to screw up what God is trying to do.

I have watched women tear own thier husband because he doesn't do enough house work. what the heck? is doing the dishes the hill you want to die on? is your dh not mopwing the lawn really worth planting seeds of divisiion and resentment over? get off your butt, shut your mouth and do what you feel needs to be done. (sorry pet peeve tangent) I let my dh have his way on almost everything now. I hesitate to say everything but i can't think of a single thing where I would absolutely say no. I can think of some things where I wouldbe heart broken (if he asked me to send my children to public school) but I would still do it. God has promised me that if I be faithful in thie area he will not let me be broken and he will not let my children be harmed or snatched from his hand. And that if my dh is walking outside of His will, that does not concern me and God will deal with Him in his way. And ya know we can play the what if game with "what if your dh asked you to sin" all day but that misses the point and is only us lokoing for an ecape hatch from this submission thing. CAn you not trust God to bles you in your obedience to Him? Can you not trust your dh to love you? even if he isn't a Christian? If my dh told me to get an abortion I would refuse. but i would not leave him. if he sent me away i would wait for him. if he filed for divorce I would wait on God. some things aren't worth contemplating till you are there. on a more seemingly grey area be sure that if you refuse to submit it is bcause you would be in sin. what if your dh decided to go into debt for a big screen TV?If you are merely worried about how debt wil effect you then your heart is not trusting and your eyes are not focused on submision at all. you are meerly worried about protecting yourself and perserving your good credit. Is God not big enough to handle that? If you feel debt is sin you have to decide whose sin it is. It is your dhs money, it is your dh descision, it is your dh debt, therefore it is your dhs sin and has nothing to do with you by way of sin. don't be all pissy and refuse to watch it with him, would you refuse to watch TV on someone elses TV bought on a buy now pay later plan. of course not. I think so many times we look at what our dh do and say "you are leading me into sin". again that is self focus. they aren't leading you anywhere. this is between them and God and the more you try to be the Holy Spirit to your dh the harder it will be for the real Holy Spirit to do his job. So I guess if my dh was asking me to watch porn with him, take birth control, drive the get away car, or be a part of three way or something perverse like that that obviously made me a party to sin I would say no. but i wouldn't feel it released me from my marriage vows or like I had less of a responsibility to my dh. I woudl still be called to sumbmit and honor him. however hard it may be. if you are going to look in your dh in the eye and say "you are in sin you need to repent, and here is where you can find me when you do" you had better be sure you are led by the Spirit. because really I don't know if this is your place, your responsibility as a wife, your business really and it certainly has potential to do more harm than good in your marriage. (an example of things I would think this would be appropriate are adulty/porn/inappropriate relationships with the oposite sex, alcohol/drug abuse. and if your dh is a christian and resepects your pastor you might bring him along for reinforcments or if your pastor is a woman then an elder or somehting but a man at anty rate. I don't think any woman but a mans wife has the right to rebuke him, just as I don't think it is proper for any man but a womans husband to have athority over her. chastisment and rebuking of a woman in sin -should it need to be done at all, is clearly the job of a husband or another older godly woman. but that is clearly a tangent ) better to live by example than words in this instance. If you are going to look at your dh and say "you are leading me into to sin" again be sure that your dh is specifically asking you to sin. that this sin is worth bringing up. is this something you would do for yourself without hesitation but because your dh is asking you to do it suddenly you are standing on your holiness? really really investgate your motives. are you just being judgmental and stubborn or do you really think this is compromising you. If it is at all a grey aera I prefer to ere on the side of submission, repent of any sin I think I may have walked in, ask for clarity and direction and pray that my dh and I would be given discernment and commit it to God. lets face it our dh are not perfect and neither are we. if our dh lead uys into to sin it will be htem reconing with God for it. our hands are clean if our motives were out of obedience to god. he understands our hearts and our motives and I believbe those are as important to him as our actions and inactions. what were our motives for folowing our dh? obedience to Christ? what were our motives for not submitting. was it really that we thoguht our dh were in sin and we just couldnt' live with that or was it because we didn't lik the way this sin effected us. you know as opposed to all the ways we sin every day. Don't be pharisitacal to get your way. if your ox is in a ditch get it out. don't worry about brweaking the sabbath. remember that story?

oh and for the record, in the original language the word used in Ephesians for obey and submit are identical. I did a 10 page exergesis arguing that there was a difference between obedience and submission. he gave me an A because i cited so many resorces and according to those resources and my lack of knowledge of the original language (althoguh there is no reason I shouldn't have known how to use a strongs concordance as a biblical studies major for something as simple as comparing two words in the original text. you think there would have been a class on how to study the Bible offered to biblical studuies majors but i digress) . however he did know the original language and sure enough while i made some good points in my paper about the athority structures of husband and wifes being in submision vs those of children and parents and slaves and masters and obedience the word is indeed the same. there fore my new conclusion base don the new evedince at hand is not that wives get to obey with a grumpy attitude because of thier forced position but that everyone under the headship and athourity of another out to submit with a joyful heart as unto the Lord. And by submitting I do not mean going along begrudgingly with a "fine but only because you are in charge but I still think tyou are wrong" atitude but instead with a decided heart attitude that so and so has my best intrests at heart and is doing what they think is best and should this not pan out it is on them and I need not worry.

and I know I have rambled on way to long but I also wanted to say that the Bible is clear that wives are to submit to thier husbands and no where does it say "if" the husband is mutually submitting, "if" we liek what they have to say "if" we knew about this submision crap when we got marrid. "if' or husbands are Christians (as a mater of fact it specifically addresses this that submitting with a joyful quiet spirit is just waht the Dr. ordered for this relationship. there is no if. will you go to hell is you do not submit? of course not. will you see the fullness of Gods blessing in your mariage if you walk out of OPbedience to Gods plan for blessing you inside your marriage? I have never seen it and I highly doubt it. But not everyone trusts Gods way of blessing them to be as good as thier way of blessing themselves. I have seenit in som many areas. specificaly in finances and marriage. places where God says "If you do this rthis way I will open the flood gates of my blessing on you" and we are not bound to the law for our salvation but God never changes and so many of those laws were direct avenus to blessings in our lives and binding the work of Satan. we would be wise to heed them and we would only be helping ourselves.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#143 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 04:29 PM
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My goal is to be fully submitted to the L-rd, mutually submitted to my husband and 100% committed to my marriage.

I believe I should be doing what I can to add to and bless my marriage. If things were always in one direction there would be no balance and I cannot say I would be able to do that. Mr. Command in Pearl's book. She lauds him as a g-dly man but he is really manifesting gross sin in many ways. I don't have a husband that neatly fits into Debi Pearl's three steryotypes (thank G-d) I don't see them as reflections of G-d's characters. In fact, they are sorry exucses for sin and to suggest that sinful humans reflect G-d's character is disrespectful of the perfection of G-d.

So, fully submitted to G-d, mutually submitted to dh and willing to give 100% to my marriage is what I believe.

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#144 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 04:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DebraBaker
I don't cite a particular verse of the Bible but rather take the Bible as council.

The Pearls are extreme. Michael Pearl and Debbi Pearl advocate baby whipping. You can read about this on other threads at MDC. Michael Pearl has advocated taking a pediphile husband back into the home and marriage bed. I believe in the sanctity of marriage but to risk your children's safety for the sake of a pediphile husband is taking a principle to extremes.

Debbi Pearl's book, Created to be... is the wife's version of baby whipping. It is unbalanced and does not approach exigesis in a very balanced manner. I could post blogs of very conservative women because I think their position on many issues addressed here would be a bit closer than mine.

Gotta go or I'll be late for Church.

Debra Baker
I know that the Pearls are very extreme and direct in their writing. I do not think it's fair to say that he supports having a pediphile husband around - in fact he says that the wife should testify against her husband in court and fight for a long sentence so she can raise the children safely away from him. The Pearls also add that extreme caution should also be used when children are with anyone playmates, neighbor kids, babysitters, even other relatives, so that you can protect them and their innocence.

I don't think that spanking babies is acceptable or ok, but I think "baby whipping" brings to mind the mental image of someone throwing an infant down and beating the out of them. Using such an image tends to raise hackles and be inflammitory more than it is true. Even childcare books that advocate spanking say you will go to hell for abusing a child/spanking in anger, etc. Nobody ever says Dr. Sears has a chapter on how to whip children in his book, and nobody says Mothering ran an article where someone mentioned whipping their baby... They say Dr. Sears has a chapter on how to spank safely and that Mothering ran an article that mentioned a mother spanking her child. I know some people see no difference and I think that's ok. Just pointing out the language can be used to make the situation seem more violent than it really is.

My opinion on Debi's book is that it's not written for the husband. Why put instructions for the husband in a book wives are going to read? Why say "your husband should be doing this." It will just make more women who say "my husband is a total jerk so I'm going to be a total jerk right back." The book is written for wives to grow, not to give them lecture material for their husband. I think if it seems unbalanced it's because it's only written for one side of the equation. After all the Bible says for wives to be obedient to their husbands. Not "be obedient to your husband only if he is perfect or lives up to your standards." And no I don't think a man has the right to treat his wife badly nor do I excuse a man for being a jerk. But this book is for wives.

This thread is for wives. Talking about what our husbands should be doing is pointless. It's just complaining.

I'm working hard to be submissive to my husband and I'm sure not feeling that I'm in any way "wife whipped."

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#145 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 04:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by beccaboomom
Maybe you could share what you do to make your marriage a biblical marriage and cite which parts of the Bible helps you to make your decision.
Wait. How can WE make our marraige biblical? We can't. We can't do anything really to make ourselves more Christian, to make our lives work, our marriages work, to make relationships work....I believe that is a point to the Gospel. There is nothing we can do to make our lives work for us. A redeemed heart is a gift from God and our lives, marriages, relationships change out of God's movement in our lives, not our own research and justification.

You happened to stumble upon one of my personal pet peeves within modern evangelical Christendom. The removal of suffering, the addition of legalism disguised by Grace and clever Biblical justification to make our lives work. Our Christian bookstores are filled with books of lies, imho.

Truth is everywhere, by the Grace of a Good and Holy GOd, despite our attempts to build our own cisterns or make and flash our idols. We can find truth in books whose sole purpose is to promote a false Gospel sure. When our hearts are open to truth, when we seek it and ask for Wisdom, God reveals it to us.


I love the idea that we are all here to know and love GOd more and to reflect that in our marriages. A big amen to that! Let's sincerely pray for each other in our marriages. We all need community like that.

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#146 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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Oh and becca...your words stirred my response. I do not feel challenged by your words or any need to fight them. The internet can be so misleading and I wanted you to know that my response was stirred by your words but I am not upset with you personally for what you wrote.

Peace.
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#147 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 05:36 PM
 
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Scrimpy, I understand what you mean. You expressed a lot of my thoughts. s

My very biggest problem is remembering that I'm responsible for doing *my* part, and not responsible for forcing my husband to do his. I'm accountable to God for *my* obedience or lack thereof. I'm not accountable for dh--he's responsible for his own actions.
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#148 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 05:43 PM
 
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Oh and becca...your words stirred my response. I do not feel challenged by your words or any need to fight them


Maybe I didn't frame my thoughts very well. I'll try agian. I believe God the creator of all knows us so intimately, has given to us in the Bible a framework for marriage. I also believe we are called to be obedient to the Lord. ( I'm not legalistic, I understand grace and forgiveness are a large part of marriage.) I think God blesses us when we strive to follow him. He knows if we are doing it only for appearances or if our heart truly desires to follow. I hope that makes some sense. I'm a bit sleep deprived today.
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#149 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 06:10 PM
 
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Welcome Robyn!

I am new to the Biblical marriage philosophy as well. Likewise, I am also a strong woman, and find it difficult to give up control of my life. So I took a step back and looked at what was going on in our marriage. Although DH and I were both Christians when we married, we both entered marriage from a worldly, mainstream attitude of equal partners. After three years of marriage, I realized that there is no way for a husband and wife to really be equal AND at peace. Since both DH and I are strong-willed, we were just always fighting each other for control. It got almost to the point of divorce. What would happen if America had two equal presidents? To maintain a solid, cohesive, peaceful family, only one person can be the leader. The family cannot go in two different directions at once, and maintain its integrity. In the Bible, God appoints the husband to be the leader. Who knows why? There are many theories, the obvious one being that God made Adam first, then Eve as his helper.

All Christians are called to servant-leadership. We are all to be humble and seek to serve and help those around us. We find our greatest strength in giving up our time, our pride, our resources to help others. That's what Christ did on the cross. The one sinless holy God sacrificed himself for the whole world of sinners who did not even ask for forgiveness or deserve it.

God knows our husbands are fallen creatures, just like us wives, but we were still created for them. God made me specifically for the purpose of being the other half of my husband. The bible says that when people marry, they become one flesh (one body). The husband is to be the head, and I've heard it said that the wife is to be the heart. God appointed the man as the leader, and even if the wife has better abilities to lead, it is her place to step back and wait on her husband. The wife's strength is her ability to give up her own will. This is really hard for us, who were raised in the 'girl power' generation, to do.

The husband does not have to direct every single day-to-day activity of his wife. That would be pretty much impossible anyway. Wives have their own role in marriage. This usually includes making the day-to-day decisions about childrearing, buying clothes for the family, what foods to purchase and cook, how to decorate the house, etc. There is also no Biblical prohibition against women working outside the home. If the wife forsees something bad happening because of a decision her husband wants to make, it is her duty to speak up and discuss it. But she can't take the decision away from her husband. If he makes a mistake, he is held responsible for it.

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#150 of 427 Old 10-02-2005, 06:26 PM
 
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Emily you are an amazing Godly woman and you inspire me.

it is so encouraging to see women rising up in the church to lay down thier lives by laying down thier will, thier comfort, thier pride and thier ego to the glory of God. if nothing else we are making peace in our homes and blessed are the peace makers for they will be called sons (and daughters) of God. You would think husbands and wives would be fighting over who gets to be the one to lay down thier will to make peace in thier home with that kind of promise

on a spiritual level I think submitting is very good for me. It reminds me daily what it means to die to the flesh, pick up my cross, lay down my life. it reminds me that to be great in the Kingdom I must have a servents heart and make myself and my comfort the least important . There are so many applications in this according to what Christ found important that even if the Bible wasn't very clear on wives submitting to thier husbands headship and athourity I would still see the benifits.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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