#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread - Page 13 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-04-2006, 05:08 PM
 
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Lilyka, do you want to go to Chicago right now?
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Old 02-04-2006, 05:27 PM
 
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I do really need a break. and it is only over a long weekend.

i am sure his intentions are good. but it is all the voices in the back of my head that keep repeating the worst case scenario drama. That voice that is constantly saying "you can't trust him. you can't trust anyone. Something terrible is going to happen if you dont stay on top of things" (my sweet little inner control freak)

I have 5 weeks to mentally prepare and can always cancel if thigs go south between then and now.

and it will be good for the girls to have some time with thier dad. it will be good for him to have the oppritunity not to bail or rely on me to help. Helps a man build confidence in his parenting skills i tell ya. and i think this show of trust will help our marriage grow. I can give lip sevice to trusting him and letting go of control all I want but here is where the rubber meets the road.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-05-2006, 06:25 PM
 
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[QUOTE=lilyka]It doesn't always matter what you feel like doing. Sometimes I give sex to my husband as a way of blessing him. QUOTE]

I really don't know what to think about this thread, seeing some good and some bad, as usual in interpretations of the bible and how some of it is applied to peoples lives. That being said, I was very surprised by this statement. Is sex considered in this fashion in the christian religion? I am wondering, because I never really learned about christianity in marriage, having had no religion since since 10th grade.

My dh is catholic, but of the american buffet type, take what you want and leave the rest, so he really doesn't seem to have any opinions on such things either, at least none he expresses. I know his mother was of this opinion of submissivness, as is described in this thread, and is a very strong woman and certainly part of the decision making process. So I guess I am just curious.

I have only visited the spirituality forum once or twice, and thought I'd pop in and see what this thread was all about. I was raised christian, but really not in any way other than church and ccd, as in my parents didn't really talk about it or make a big deal about it.

 
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Old 02-05-2006, 07:14 PM
 
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what is it about that statment that bothers you? (or maybe it doesn't bother you)

I don't mean I lay there while he does his thing. I mean I don't wait until i am in the mood. If he is in the mood I accomodate. I would expect the same "accomodating" from him. If he isn't sick or injured but just not in the mood, get in the mood already buddy. A girl has needs ya know. Often even if I am not in the mood there are certain things he will do along the way that make me forget I wasn't in the mood to begin with. Wouldn't have wanted to miss that.

And it isn't just sex. It is a whole atitude of how can I show him he means a lot to me. If he wanted a certain shirt washed for something I would wash it for him. Not tell him "sorry, honey, I am not really in a laundry mod today". if he wanted to go for a walk or out for cofee i would go even if i was not craving coffee. And he does the same for me.

I don't know where people got the idea that you can only have sex if you are absolutely a ball of raging horniness. Sometimes he is hankering for some of that kind of lovin and sometimes more me, if we waited until we were both "in the mood" I doubt we would ever have sex. And sadly that is how some relationships are. and they wonder why they are never in the mood. I wouldn't deny him a kiss or a hug why sex? Its not like it taks all night, its not like I am repulsed by him. Sometimes I am just feeling lazy or distracted. I can get over myself long enough to show my dh some affection. But what if I only did it when I was in the mood. thats sorta selfish. can I not give him 30-60 minutes of my time.

and sex is one of those things. the more you give the more you will be in the mood, the more you want it. Since I decided I was going to have sex wether I wanted it or not I find myself wanting to bless my husband more (even if i could care less about gettin' some, I still want to rock his world most nights, strangely, it brings me great satisfaction to . . um . . . know he has enjoyed the encounter) and find myself much more intrested in being, ahem, blessed back.

I doubt most Christians feel this way and I don't know that the Bible says much about it specifically about sex but it does talk about not being selfish and self seving, not being lazy and only abstaining for a short time by mutual agreement.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-05-2006, 07:40 PM
 
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Lol, lilyka, you put it so well. "Raging horniness" flew out the window with the birth of our first son. How awful would it be if I waited until I was really horny to say "Yes" to sex? My poor husband! I get a lot of enjoyment out of "blessing" him that way. And I very much appreciate that he wants me that way even with my saggy body and stretchmarks. He deserves a lot of lovin', and he gets it.
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Old 02-05-2006, 07:40 PM
 
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Lilyka,

I had wondered about that statement, too, but you cleared it up beautifully, and, of course you're quite right. I hadn't thought about it (your statement) in that way, but it makes perfect sense now, and ITA.

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Old 02-05-2006, 09:01 PM
 
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Oh, please, I don't have a problem with it at all! I think it is beautiful and a wonderful way to think about such a special wonderful thing. I love the idea of sex being just another way to show affection and love. I was just wondering if there was a biblical reference or religious, oh I don't the word, ideaology, maybe, But when you explain it the way you do, as being not selfish and self serving, I understand it in that aspect.

I guess there seems to be such a taboo, especially, it seems in the church to discussing sex in any way other than reproducation that I was surprised by the openess of what you said. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me.

 
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Old 02-05-2006, 09:36 PM
 
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the best doctine i can think of foes back to the verse about only abstaining for a short time mutually.

I have learned a lot about sex from very conservative crunchy Christian women. You would be suprised what lurks under those denim jumpers. . .

but seriously how can you talk about being a good wife without talking about how to please your dh sexually. The first step to pleasing him is to be willing regardless of how you feel.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-06-2006, 05:40 PM
 
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Wow this is quite a topic. I am not sure what else to add except that whenever I have monemts with DH intimate or otherwise I do try to thank him. For exactly what some of the pp have mentioned. I am not exactly a hot young thing anymore. Well neither is he. HeeHee. All in all I think it goes back to our Vows to "Love" for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do you part. That love is more than the "I love you's" mentioned throughout the day/week/month. It is the love shared between both of you. I must say I really appreciate that we are talking about this. Thank all of you.
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Old 02-07-2006, 11:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
I have learned a lot about sex from very conservative crunchy Christian women. You would be suprised what lurks under those denim jumpers. . .


afishwithabike-
Dh and I always thank each other afterwards as well. It just seems like the natural thing to do when someone shares something so intimate and special. I think it is the love and respect and comfortableness to be who we are with each other that makes it not just about sex. I know when things in our life are in upheaval, we tend to be more intimate in that way, because it is such a spiritual connection and we find such comfort in being so close with each other. But then again there are the totally "raging hormone" part to it as well ! I'm not sure if that makes sense, because I've never really examined my own feelings until now!

 
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Old 02-08-2006, 08:44 PM
 
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a totally off topic bump . . . . I have known abut the band Barlow Girl for a long time. didn't care, seemed a little over manufactured blah bah blah anyho, dh got the girls tickets so i coul take them (thanks hun, wasn't planning on going really had better things t do). So glad I went!! This is my new favorite band. everyone should have a listen. They have a sort of Evanessence qualit about them as well as one of them sounds like the lead singer of the Cranberries. hhmmm, two of my favorite bands. . . . And thier newest CD is very worship driven. Nice. Just thought i would share.

So anyone got any testimonies to share from the last couple of weeks?

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-08-2006, 10:14 PM
 
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hi lilyka
nothing much going on here. just regular stuff. I haven't been as close to the Lord lately. I feel a little distanced from Him. Being a christian for awhile now I know these bumps come. I just ride them through and keep conversing with Him.
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Old 02-08-2006, 10:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
it might not be the most fun i have ever have but it burns a lot of calories, .

There are lots of posts on this thread I haven't read yet, but I'm jsut : over this part. Yep, good exercise!
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Old 02-10-2006, 04:35 AM
 
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Long not so funny story about this blog. she had commented on my dh blog and I thought she was one of his special internet friends : and I don't remember what I said in my email to her but I wasn't a shining example of Christs love . However she responded with so much love and care and I have so enjoyed reading her blog. It has ben a blessing to me. It is always a blessing to see intellegent young women who loves the Lord. but I thought I would share what she wrote today because it was such a blessing to me and thought it might be encouraging to you too. I should point out she is 22 and unmarried. I wish every girl had thier head on as straight as she does and thier eys so fixed on Christ. (and I have her permission to post this here. . . )

And I'm just talking about women today, because I am one. . . . . Then in other areas, the feminist movement has empowered us to the extent that we're treating our husbands like crap. And I think most of the women guilty don't even realize it. I'm sick of sitcoms featuring the blundering father figure, constantly disrespected by his wife and children. And America just buys the lie. Men become more submissive as their wives step up to lead.. . .
The thing is every individual is dear to the Lord. He has gifted each one of us in creation to a specific role by how he has made us. And I'm not talking about any society's lie. I'm talking about each person being unique and treasured and empowered in Christ. "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." -1 Cor. 11:3 I don't know about all of you girls, but I have never felt robbed by this verse. God has gifted us in ways that He has gifted no man. He enables us to bear children for goodness sake. (Something I'm pretty sure a man cannot do.) I just don't know why women are so afraid of the word "submission" that they jump over it to domineer their husbands with a life of sharp-tongued disrespect. And guys, if I ever started to reach that point, I would want my husband to lay the smackdown. Which I know is easier said than done, and would probably royally P.O. your wife, and it probably would be easier to grow quiet and introverted trying to avoid her, but if you want to be respected, then act like you deserve respect. Oh my, what in the world am I opening with this post? . . . .I do not see submission in love something that lowers my value in any way. . . . .you can disagree if you want, but I consider myself a pretty strong woman. And yet whatever the idea of "submissiveness" is that's floating around in my head (though I'm not sure I managed to express it in this post), it does not bother me in the least. Perhaps it is easier for me because in my culture, I have a say in who I will marry. But still. The fact is, God commands that I submit to my husband. So I will. Okay, I'm stopping now. If anyone wants to paint a more clear picture of submissive, less of an impressionistic piece, feel free. My fingers have been on a rampage of rampaging, so now I will 'submit' and leave it to you all (if you even care) to continue some thoughts--in whatever direction.


Midaia
lovely isn't she.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-10-2006, 04:43 AM
 
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Ok so that posted, how would you feel if your husband put you in your place, rebuked you, "lay the smackdown" . natrually my first response would be "how dare he" but honestly at the same time i would hope he would care enough about me to risk it. And I would hope I would be receptiev because I know sometimes i need it. But it would sure be an act of my will not to give into rebellion.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-10-2006, 12:33 PM
 
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First I want to say how awesome it is to see a young unmarried woman have so much wisdom. Godly wisdom. I sure didn't have it at her age. I was too busy running the show to see anything remotely close. I agree with everything in that quote 100%.
My dh has in fact put me in my place,more than once. And not to *lord* it over me either. My first response is to get angry. But when I am daily seeking the Lord and His ways I can step back and see in a different spiritual light. IF I do get angry,I apologize. Dh *is* my head. I accept that completely,and love the freedom it gives me. I must add I have a very loving,kind dh. It isn't so difficult to submit to someone like him. I truly would be sorely tested by an ungodly acting man professing to be a godly man.
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Old 02-10-2006, 02:32 PM
 
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Ladies, I certainly hope that you are using the term "smackdown" figuratively! Even so, it sounds awfully disrespectful. I believe in submitting, even if he's not being respectful, but not to abuse. And not being in denial to oneself that one is being disrespected.

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Old 02-10-2006, 08:10 PM
 
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I agree CorasMama. The term "smackdown" has an ugly conotation. I certainly don't believe either lilyka or the young woman with the blog meant it literally,but it is a poor choice of a word to use,especially if you've been touched by abuse. I just didn't think of it that way until you pointed it out.
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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I think it is a weird midwestern expression . .. our computer is even named smackdown (as in when we log off it is says "you are now logging off the smackdown . . ") I don't know why . . . . I certainly didn't mean anything ofensive by it. It is similar to "laying down the law" or putting your foot down (and I certainly don't know why DH put it on the computer).

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-11-2006, 01:17 AM
 
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lilyka I hear ya.
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Old 02-12-2006, 02:16 AM
 
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Well..........DH got laid off work yesterday after working tons and tons of overtime for months. It will be hard not being the one in charge all day and most nights. It will be a challenge handing the reigns back over to him, but I am glad to have him home for a week or so.
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Old 02-12-2006, 02:52 AM
 
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sucky. laid off for good or just for a while?

it is a hard adjustment. My dh thinks things are constantly chaotic around here. He doesn't understand that everyone just goes nuts when he walks through the door and I am not going to make the girls do math and clean thier room when they could spending time with daddy. Its insanity. and it is just weird. I am j ust so used to be at the helm during the day at least. And forget about submitting. . .who said he could even have an opinion! It would surely be a test of my comitment to have him home all the time. gees he hasn't been home for more than an hour in over a year. it would throw me for a loop if he just started having a day off.

I will be praying for you guys.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-14-2006, 08:50 PM
 
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Temp layoffs occur a lot in his line of work. He is a Commercial Union Plumber/Pipefitter/Welder. Once a job runs out of work off to the next one. He was 10th on the list though so It shouldn't be more than two weeks. So far he has been good about fixing things around the house. Last time he was laid off all he did was play his PS2. I am very pleased he is not doing that again. It is hard NOT to nag when he would get up after 11:00 eat chips play video games and lay down for a nap at 2:00. Then ask "What did you do today"? Well, even if all I did was take care of the DC it was more then you. NEVER have I said that, but I admit it has been hard a few times. I really am just happy he is not doing that this time.
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Old 02-21-2006, 05:50 PM
 
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Well, it is very quiet around here. Is everybody doing okay? I am hoping it is a "no news is good news situation".
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Old 02-21-2006, 06:17 PM
 
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Hi mamas... I'm new to this thread. Dh and I have recently started going to church (after a few years of disillusionment and giving up on it) and are so excited about the things happening in our lives.

I just wanted to share about the sermon on Sunday at church. Our pastor is doing a marriage theme from Ephesians and he was talking about wives submitting to husbands and how that concept has been misconstrued in our society.
A very interesting and enlightening (to me) point he made that when God cursed humankind after the Fall, he said that (forgive me for paraphrasing) the woman would have desire for her husband and the man would rule over her.
I always wondered what that meant. The Hebrew word for desire is the same as used in the passage about when Cain disobeyed God's command and God cursed him saying that sin had desire for him to rule over him (again paraphrasing).
And here's the point I found so intriguing... that the curse on womankind because of the Fall is to want to control their husbands (same as sin wanting to control Cain) and that yet the husbands would rule over the wives (as seen in opression of women through the ages).
Christ of course brings freedom from that curse.... So what I've decided is that I have the freedom in Christ to CHOOSE be a blessing to my dh - and overcoming the curse -(a helpmeet, encouraging, sweet, gentle-spirited etc), or a curse (controlling him, telling him what to do constantly, not being satisfied with anything he does, making him feel less than what he is etc.)
That is such an amazing concept to me....
I just wanted to share!
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Old 02-22-2006, 02:07 AM
 
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You have the understanding many women struggle their whole lives with...... That it is a blessing to serve, help, and love your husband. I am glad that you have found a church body to worship and learn all that God has to offer. Blessings and welcome.
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Old 02-22-2006, 02:27 AM
 
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wow thanks for sharing that and welcome to our little thread.

our sermon on sunday was also on submission. It was an intresting persepctive. it had nothing to do with wives and husbands but wht it means to live a life submitted. I think as women it is such a boon to us that we have a chance to practice submission practically with our dhs i think it helps train our hearts to more easily submit to God. When I think of all the things i die to daily in submitting to my dh- how much easier for me to walk in submission to God with those things already out of the way!

I don't know how long it takes for them to get the messege up but if you would like to hear the it, it should be here sooner or later. I think the title was "missing person".

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 02-22-2006, 03:11 AM
 
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Just a question for you "experienced" submitters...

Can you tell me how you encourage your DH's to be the head of the home? DH and I struggle with this. He says he makes decisions and leads all day long at work, and when he gets home he just wants someone else to do it, yet I am trying to submit to him... Is submitting in this case leading?

It doesn't quite seem like that should be the case, but he defers to me in everything related to our child, and food (usually), and almost always chooses things because he *thinks* I'll choose it (or because I mention it). He is a very caring, sensitive husband, and I am very lucky to be his wife, but I struggle with having to take the lead when I'd rather play the supporting role.

Just recently, he actually sought out two different churches for us to try out (the one we have been attending is not working for us, mainly due to child care issues--as in sometimes they just don't have any, and on every invitation we get it says, "Make other arrangements for your children," or "Children are welcome, but no childcare will be provided." It's difficult to pay attention and be ministered to when you have a sixteen-month old screaming and climbing and eating and....on you during service or a bible study.). I was so happy! We went to one of them last week, and I can't get him to tell me whether or not he liked it and wants to go again, or if he hated it.

It's hard to say all of this, because it seems like I shouldn't fault him for trying to do things that please me, KWIM? But I feel like I have very few things I can do to please him, because he just says he wants me to be happy. (What a sweetie )

What does submission look like in real life in your home? Maybe some random daily examples will help me figure this out.
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Old 02-22-2006, 02:02 PM
 
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clynnr In your case leading is submitting. It is how he would prefer to run things in your home. If you get him to lead then you are the instagator therefore it was done out of an improper spirit. Does this make any sense? Sounds like he puts full trust and faith in your ability to run the home, I'd go with it unless he says something different. Blessings mama.
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Old 02-22-2006, 03:24 PM
 
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Thanks! It seems so simple when you put it that way--it was so complicated in my head, LOL.
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