#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread - Page 15 - Mothering Forums
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#421 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 12:36 PM
 
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We just let God do the deciding. We figure that since he alone knows the future, he's the best one t decide whether another blessing-baby is good for us or not.

If my dh were to say "No more" (May it *never* be!) I would submit to his wishes but ask him to take care of the contraception. I believe I would be in sin to prevent babies, so if he wanted no more children, he'd be responsible for making that happen.
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#422 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 12:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom
We just let God do the deciding. We figure that since he alone knows the future, he's the best one t decide whether another blessing-baby is good for us or not.

If my dh were to say "No more" (May it *never* be!) I would submit to his wishes but ask him to take care of the contraception. I believe I would be in sin to prevent babies, so if he wanted no more children, he'd be responsible for making that happen.
We too are quiverful (leave it up to God)

If Rich honestly decided he wanted no more, I suppose it would be similar....we would use condoms without spermicide and it would be his responsibility to do so, as I would feel like I was sinning as well.

Unless it was a case of my life being at risk. Then I would do something surgical and I do not believe that is a sin anymore then cutting cancer out of a body. It becomes a life and death situation at that point, not an issue of fertility.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#423 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 12:49 PM
 
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Does that include things like NFP? Or do you mean that you don't do that either? Just curious.
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#424 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 12:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by clynnr
Does that include things like NFP? Or do you mean that you don't do that either? Just curious.
We do not do that either.

I do keep track of my cycles and am aware of my fertility so that I can be aware of my health and date pregnancies if necessary.

But we make love whenever the mood stikes us.....whether I am fertile or not. We do not avoid. We do not try. We prayerfully leave it up to God.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#425 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 02:57 PM
 
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Congrats AngelBee How refreshing to read these quiverful posts!
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#426 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 03:04 PM
 
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afishwithabike,it is hard,IMO,to figure it out. I think I know what you are saying. I personally believe God will bless you with as many children as He desires you to have,whether through adoption or biological,if you allow Him to.
Many years ago,right after a miscarriage,I had my tubes tied. It was a decision I regretted. But.........because of that tubal we went on to become foster parents and adopted two precious children through the state. I guess what I'm saying is God can redeem anything He desires to.
If you do not want anymore children I do not think it is sinful. That is your decision based on many factors I'm sure. Can you elaborate more on what your trying to say?
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#427 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 04:40 PM
 
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It is funny that you mention adoption. Almost like God knows what we were thinking. We actually have been talking about adoption for a while. I just don't want to "miss God" on something because of a selfish desire. I can't stand when people make selfish decisions and then brag about them. I have heard too many tales of "I want to be thin" or I want to drink". It breaks my heart. Thank you all for understanding and answering my questions.
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#428 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 07:07 PM
 
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Do you mean adoption is a selfish desire? Or not wanting anymore bio children a selfish desire? I'm just trying to clearly understand what you are saying.
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#429 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 07:23 PM
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There is teaching by Bill Gothard, who is respected in some QF circles, that adoption isn't Biblical.

I don't know how much to get into this but these people travel in the same circles. Don't interperate what I'm saying is anyone *here* would believe this way, but they may have heard or have been mildly influenced by this teaching.

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#430 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 07:33 PM
 
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I haven't read anything like that DB,but I'm not a Bill Gothard fan anyway. How weird that a christian would think adoption isn't Biblical. Go figure.
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#431 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 07:39 PM
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Our relationship with the Father is analagous (sp) to an adopted child, the Bible makes these references, that He has *chosen* us to be adopted into His family.

Very strange, indeed, that a Christian should diss adoption.

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#432 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 07:40 PM
 
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Exactly.
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#433 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 07:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldermamato5
Congrats AngelBee How refreshing to read these quiverful posts!
Thank you oldermamato5

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#434 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 07:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by oldermamato5
I haven't read anything like that DB,but I'm not a Bill Gothard fan anyway. How weird that a christian would think adoption isn't Biblical. Go figure.
Yeah. :

Joseph "adopted" Jesus.

I may skip reading Gothard. DB, thanks for the heads up.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#435 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 09:47 PM
 
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I forgot to say Congratulations, AngelBee!!!!!!


Bill Gothard is strange. I actually never heard of him, in spite of the very conservative circles I travel in, until I saw him mentioned in a similar context to this discussion. How can adoption be unBiblical???
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#436 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 10:43 PM
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We have some children in church adopted into their families.

I also have a best friend growing up who couldn't ever conceive.

She adopted two children from china. I gave her my sling for the journey

Her children are precious.

DB
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#437 of 587 Old 03-11-2006, 11:32 PM
 
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Not saying adoption is selfish. I am saying some of the people I know have had or not had bio DC for selfish motives. I would LOVE to adopt. I have known a few people who were adopted and it has touched me deeply at how greatful they are to their adoptive parents for being kind and opening their homes. That does not mean I apreciate my two bio DC any less I just feel that there are a lot of DC out there who need families, Need to feel connected, NEED to feel loved.
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#438 of 587 Old 03-12-2006, 10:56 AM
 
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Now I do understand where your coming from.
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#439 of 587 Old 03-12-2006, 11:10 AM
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My firstborn has a very low pain threshold and is not particularly thrilled at the prospect of having a baby (the physical elements.)

She and her dh are likely going to adopt children. Likely, they are going to be all the colors in the rainbow which gives me a thrill to think about looking forward to my grandchildren. Likely in a few years because she's still in school Um... We're both Sophomores She's going to be a teacher so her schedule will match her children's schedules.

Now, you know what is said of man's plans and G-d's sense of humor, so we really don't know the future.

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#440 of 587 Old 03-13-2006, 02:07 PM
 
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I know what you mean Debra. I am supposed to be a psychologist with a PhD. I often FEEL like a psychologist but definitely don't have the PhD. (HeeHee)
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#441 of 587 Old 03-13-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lilyka
Hi I just wanted to let you know that Hannah passed away in the early hours of the morning. Please reemmber her family today.
I am so sorry.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#442 of 587 Old 03-14-2006, 04:23 PM
 
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Ok so I need you wise ladies help.

this is a lose/lose situation.

So I need to lose as best i can.

Went away for the weekend. Dh was amazing. the girls had a riot, he was super dad and even fixed things around the house.

and he went shopping since he didn't luike my cooking utensils.

I have been working really hard to do four things in my kitchen.
* cut the clutter.
* get rid of plastic.
* get rid of teflon.
* make sure portions sizes we small.

and I was so sucessful. This weekend was the crowning touch whenI went to IKEA and bought smallish plates and bowls for my children (need I say for cheap ) so that thier helpings couldn't help but be small. Yay me. all our storage wear is glass. our pot is stainless steel and our three skillets and dutch oven (from small to freaking huge) are cast iron. everything fits into our 4 cupboards with room to spare.

So while I am away he outfits my kitchen with enourmous portion sized, teflon coated cooking stuff. a huge griddle thing and a giant muffin tin. I don't get it. whywould he but cookware for the weekend? why wouldn't he consider the fact that the only teflon in the house is his one little skillet that he has to have. does he not get it that I never use that pan? Does he not see the cast iron I keep stored on top of the stove?

but if I say anything I am doomed.

If I am anything lss than enthusiastic he will take it as a personal slight.

If i don't say anything and tell him I love it, I risk him buying more.

I will not use this stuff for my kids. however he is now king of breakfast and he will. and I can't just casualy take over because he thinks he is doing such a huge big favir. but he didn't bothr to ask how I felt about stuff. he is cooking like his mother. teflon seasoned everything. Nothing whole grain. nevermind that I just tortured my children for a month helping them aquire a taste for porrige. spening a lot of money finding what types we could choke down. will he ever ask fo rmy recipes? will he ever even think to make this stuff for them? Does he care that I have researched and have solid evidence and actually think beyond the check book and cravings when i plan what we will eat? does he not realize that I consider this one of the most important aspects of parenting? what I feed my children and how I cook it? He has no clue how we eat, how we cook anything, he hasn't done a bit of research on what is good and bad, has never questioned what his mom did in the kitchen or what the man tell him is good or bad and yet if i utter one word against these pans or what is cooked in them I am the bad guy.

what do I do?

do I just suck it up?

I cannot think of one way to adress thiswithout ruining everything.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#443 of 587 Old 03-14-2006, 05:00 PM
 
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I would do like we do in our kitchen. DH does HIS thing and I do mine. The good thing is that I cook, prep food and serve waaay more than he EVER does. I know how hard it is when you are the one trying to do ALL the healthy stuff for your family. I watched as my Mom used to slave over a healthy meal and Dad would come home and eat this nasty processed ham or something like that. UGH. I used to listen to Mom cry about how he didn't seem to care about himself. I have learned to give DH space and not But into his kitchen time and he doesn't but into mine. If he tries I just teasingly say HEY! GET OUT of MY kitchen. He does likewise. I am praying you find what you are looking for I am praying for you.
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#444 of 587 Old 03-14-2006, 05:49 PM
 
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lilyka,you can't just crush him,but as afishwithabike so eloquently stated,you do your thing,he does his. When your cooking,great. When he cooks with his poison coated cookware just stand back and let him. It is not worth a fight.
Just my 2 cents worth. Pick and choose your battles. As for the kids,aren't you the main chef most of the time? I don't think it will hurt them to eat from their dad once in awhile.
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#445 of 587 Old 03-15-2006, 01:00 AM
 
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its not just what he cooks for them because that isn't such a big deal really. but if I so much as don't gush over it it will be one more thing i don't appreciate (in his mind) and one more way he isn't good enough. So I feel like i have to lie when he mentions it or whatever. So what if he says "hey, did you see the great stuff I got you" in my mind I will be going over all the ways I hate it and how I wish he knew me well enough to care about what was important to me. but with my mouth I will have to tell him I love it. but what if he then buys me more. he would be ticked off to find out I didn't appreciate it. ticked off if he finds out i was faking that i did like it. and risking that he will buy more only to find out my true feelings and then be mad that he wasted his money because I lied. I feel like I can't win here.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#446 of 587 Old 03-15-2006, 01:12 AM
 
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hey, lilyka, I'm obviously about as submissive as a pitbull, lol, but does your DH know WHY you have done all that work to ditch the teflon?

My understanding is that the stuff is toxic as the day is long, and fixing to be banned by the EPA for that reason. He can't be expected to keep up with the latest and greatest news on cookware, so maybe you could fill him in? I don't think it needs to be adversarial, just informative.

Cuz the lying thing is obviously not gonna cut it here.
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#447 of 587 Old 03-15-2006, 11:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka
its not just what he cooks for them because that isn't such a big deal really. but if I so much as don't gush over it it will be one more thing i don't appreciate (in his mind) and one more way he isn't good enough. So I feel like i have to lie when he mentions it or whatever. So what if he says "hey, did you see the great stuff I got you" in my mind I will be going over all the ways I hate it and how I wish he knew me well enough to care about what was important to me. but with my mouth I will have to tell him I love it. but what if he then buys me more. he would be ticked off to find out I didn't appreciate it. ticked off if he finds out i was faking that i did like it. and risking that he will buy more only to find out my true feelings and then be mad that he wasted his money because I lied. I feel like I can't win here.
hi! Before I say anything, I should introduce myself real quick, I'm not a Christian but I do lurk in your thread occasionally because I find your devotion to your husbands inspiring, even if I do not believe in the bible. This is said with love.
I just want to say I think you can let him know you appreciate him thinking of you, and you appreciate what he does around the house without saying you like the teflon. I don't know the exact words or anything. You should not feel bad for feelig less than thrilled about his purchase, even if he is mad at first, maybe when you explain why you don't like teflon he will be understanding?
I hope it works out.

  BC Mum of three ('05, '07, '11 and #4 coming May '14!)    jumpers.gif  belly.gif 

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#448 of 587 Old 03-16-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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I totally agree with you weliveintheforest. You can show grace without being sold out happy about it.
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#449 of 587 Old 03-16-2006, 04:35 PM
 
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oo hey if a ban is coming son that would rock. I could blame it on something else. "Oh you poor man. here you did this sweet thing but look what I saw on the news today . . . ." and no he obviously has no idea I have even stopped using teflon. I think he just thinks we ran out. (even before I did research it has freaked me out as it started coming of. I mean it is going somewhere). I just wish he had asked me if there was a reason. I wish he knew how passionate I was about this. I am on a freaking mission to rid the world. I made my friends get rid of thiers. You think if he knew me at all he would have cought on at the very minimum . . ."wasn't there something she was ranting about in the kitchen . . . ?"

the irony of the thing is that I am making Irish food for the fam for St Patricks day. one of the recipes I decided on requires a ginourmous non-stick muffin tin. Just exactly like what he bought. what are the odds of that. the up side is they tell you how to fashion tin liners for it. saved by the parchment paper. . I guess if I an cover it and wash it seperately I can live with it for its limited life span. and then when it starts to wear out specifically ask him to pick up something specific "as in honey, my muffin tin is begining to loose its stuff. would it be ok if we got a stoneware one . . . ?" he is pretty good with suggestions but I have to stay on top of it and suggest/ask at the right time.

thanks for all the input.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#450 of 587 Old 03-16-2006, 04:44 PM
 
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oo hey if a ban is coming son that would rock. I could blame it on something else. "Oh you poor man. here you did this sweet thing but look what I saw on the news today . . . ." and no he obviously has no idea I have even stopped using teflon. thanks for all the input.
There was a thread about the ban on N&CE awhile back, I think... we've got teflon pans right now (DH's from before we got married), but like you, I've always been a little wary of them. AND they suck anyway.

If I could get the scratch together, they'd be gone TOMORROW. Maybe the cast-iron fairy will descend upon the kitchen for my birthday.

Reminds me, I should print off some articles to put in the bathroom before the very same thing happens to me! Men don't listen, and that's a scientific fact.
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