#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread - Page 19 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-08-2006, 07:22 PM
 
kimnicole428's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 170
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been lurking.

being submissive is something I have trouble doing. Here is my big example. I have to run every single errand. DH works closer to home and leaves work earlier. He drives by the grocery store and the laundrymat. He refuses to stop for anything. He will call me and ask me to stop even though I leave later and have a longer drive. Then he gets mad when I get home "late"

The little things like errands are the hard things. He is thoughtful. We discuss things and generally agree. I have trouble with the idea of being submissive I dont want to lose who I am. I also get ticked off when he teats me like one of his kids. (he has two that are 18 and 20) I have to remind him I am an adult and deserve respect.

when I first read this thread I said ICK i will not be submissive. i am not weak. Reading more I realize that isnt what this is about. i do defer to DH, he is the leader of our household, but we should respect each other and the others opinions. I would request that we talk to a pastor or a faith based counsler if we had a major issue we disagreed about. Basically Submission is a two way street. It is his reaponsibility to lead in a strong, Christian , carring, loving, respectful manner.

On a lighter note. The hair thing. Mine is long and thick also and I have trouble with Jaws and clips. I have the habit of pulling it up in that 1/2 ponytail loop thing. (It actually looks very nice as long as i have hot rolled my hair) I also sometimes split it in the middle and pullit up with two clips, although that isnt a real attractive look it is more a gardening/house cleaning look. I get headaches from one clip or one pony from the weight of my hair pulling. the two clip thing keeps them away.

Kim, mama to Anna Blair 11/23/07
kimnicole428 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-08-2006, 08:53 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
when I first read this thread I said ICK i will not be submissive. i am not weak. Reading more I realize that isnt what this is about. i do defer to DH, he is the leader of our household, but we should respect each other and the others opinions. I would request that we talk to a pastor or a faith based counsler if we had a major issue we disagreed about. Basically Submission is a two way street. It is his reaponsibility to lead in a strong, Christian , carring, loving, respectful manner.
Being submissive is NOT an easy thing ALL the time. It is a challenging and rewarding part of marriage. When I know I have done everything I can do to maintain a peaceful Godly marriage it brings me peace and a closeness to God that makes it ALL worth while.

As far as the errands go it can be a difficult issue. DH and I have come to a compromise that works for us. Either HE picks stuff up OR I go get things after the DC have gone to bed for the night. Our issues surround me taking two babies into the store and expect then NOT to get upset throughout the entire trip. It just doesn't work. I do it without them because it's easier on ALL of us at this point.

I am sure your situation has SOME kind of compromise if you can both sit down and find it. It took DH and I quite a while to find ours (it didn't come easily), but now that we have things are much better. I am praying for you. Blessings.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-08-2006, 09:45 PM
 
DaryLLL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Under a Chimpocracy
Posts: 13,153
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimnicole428
I also get ticked off when he teats me like one of his kids. (he has two that are 18 and 20) I have to remind him I am an adult and deserve respect.
I have an 18 and 20 yr old that are adults in my mind, young adults. They also deserve respect. Everyone deserves respect. Our children also deserve guidance.

Quote:
Basically Submission is a two way street. It is his reaponsibility to lead in a strong, Christian , carring, loving, respectful manner.
I think this is key but do not see that many here agree.
DaryLLL is offline  
Old 05-08-2006, 10:14 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimnicole428

when I first read this thread I said ICK i will not be submissive. i am not weak. , . . . . Basically Submission is a two way street. It is his reaponsibility to lead in a strong, Christian , carring, loving, respectful manner.
there is nothing weak about being submissive. i would say that it takes more strength to die to yourself and submit to your husband and your God than it does to just take what you need for yourself and hold your ground and work towards getting yoru way.

and while our husbands do have a responsiubility to love us like Christ loved the church thier responsibility is to God and not us. And our submission does not hinge on our dh and thier relationship with Christ or thier willingness to be be obedient.

as for you errend dellima could you find a more creative solution. or perhaps ask your dh how he would like you to do it. Since he seems to have such an opinion. he might have some good ideas.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
Old 05-08-2006, 10:52 PM
 
kimnicole428's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 170
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thanks for the feedback everyone. The errand issue is a continous struggle. It is not a showstopper obivisouly. I DH and we will figure out a compromise. It was nice to vent and get support.

darylll - dh is ex military. tends to order around as if everyone was a soldier under him. we have had dicsussions about that before, that his kids are adults and should be treated as adults. They are his kids (not mine from a prev marriage) i know i really have no say in his relationship with them. Nice that we dont all have to agree on everything to be a part of the thread. Thank you for the support

lilyka - not sure i agree with you, but respect your opinion and apperciate the response. I will prayfully consider it... And try to do some bible study on it

afish - thank you for your prayers. It is nice to know someone else has had the same type of issue. i feel/felt the issue was petty BUT it bothers me.

thank you all again

Kim, mama to Anna Blair 11/23/07
kimnicole428 is offline  
Old 05-08-2006, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
fish....the clip that I bought said it was great for thick hair. I hesitated to buy it, simply because my hair isnt thick at all! I was afraid it wouldn't hold. but it does. If you would like to try one, I will gladly pick one up tomorrow and send it to you. If you don't like it, or it doesn't work, just send it back to me and I will add it to my little collection! How does that sound?
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-08-2006, 11:50 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ex-military huh kimnicole428? They are trained to give orders but also take orders. Compromise is not necessarily a strong suit. It can be reached, this magical happy medium. Has he ever stated why he doesn't like to do it?


As for how Dh and I work a submissive relationship when we find things we are NOT agreeing on we both state our case. Then we work through it. Sometimes it is NOT worth taking the time to find a compromise and I or he will just say. Lets do it your way. Other times we have to really get down in the "dirt" to get the issue resolved. I personally don't mind getting "dirty" once in a while to make my marriage better. I am glad you are here. I fought the same issues you are describing. Whenever I sat in a study or heard people talking about submission I'd get mad. Usually it was stated in a "do or die" tone of voice. My father was a tyrant and he treats my submitting mother like crap. She allows herself to be a doormat and sometimes will go to that thing where people "play" stupid. This is what I saw modeled in front of me ALL my life. I had NO idea that submission doesn't HAVE to be that way. Look at the relationship of Abraham and Sarah. When she told Abraham that he NEEDED to send Hagar and Ishmael away he listened becuase SHE was talking sense even though it was NOT what he wanted to do. GOD confirmed to him that it was right and he NEEDED to listen to his WIFE. I like to re-read those texts a LOT when we are working through something because she gave him her opinion, he LISTENED to it and GOD confirmed it. This is how it should be. If DH and I are NOT agreeing I usually pray that GOD will help me live with the decision that is made whether it be what I want or what HE wants then I ask GOD to help me accept the decision DH has made. EVERY time I have done that DH has chosen to go with my solution. I expose myself and get rid of my pride to GOD NOT my DH. God has NEVER failed me. I hope I am NOT just rambling on here. I am just so glad you decided to visit this corner of the board.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 12:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow..I never thought about the situation with Sarah and Hagar like that before. Very intriguing!
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 03:43 AM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I don't see Sarah as any sort of chamion there. She threw a tantrum, accused abraham for her bad descision, She nagged Abraham until he gave Haggar back to her and Sarah abused her until she ran away.

God worked it out but I don't see Sarah as doing anything other than selfishly sinning and lacking faith.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 03:47 AM
 
DahliaRW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Near the beautiful Cascades!
Posts: 6,584
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I just found this thread and skimmed a bit of the beginning and the last two pages (it's too long to read it all though I wish I had the time!). I just wanted to pop in and say hi and tell you all that it's great to find "crunchy" women who don't think submission to your husbands is "backwards" and such. It's refreshing!

Anyways, I agree 100% with submitting to my dh (as the Bible commands) and hope I can be encouraging to some and get some encouragement myself by reading this thread.

One thing I thought about when reading some of these posts, is that when I concentrate on being submissive and above that on finding ways I can meet my husbands needs and help him more, I find that I get more from him (in terms of help and getting my needs met) in return. But only if I have the right attitude about it. It really makes me realize that God knows my heart and blesses me more when I am humble myself. I hope that makes sense.

bamamom - I have to find one of those clips and try it - thanks for the tip. Ds (16 months) thinks my hair is his toy to pull! But aside from that - I have been noticing that dh finds it very attractive when my hair is down because is do have it up so much. Your post made me think a lot about how my being modest and such when I'm in public can actually help my marriage, if that makes sense.

Anyways, I've rambled enough. I'll be subscribing and hopefully doing more than just lurking in the future!

Happily married to my dh, mama to ds1 (01/2005), ds2 (07/2007)  and dd (07/2009).
DahliaRW is online now  
Old 05-09-2006, 02:56 PM
 
kimnicole428's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 170
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
a fish - I will have to reread the Sarah story. I had never thought of it. To be honest, I have never really looked for biblical examples...weird now that i think about it.

Today is DH and I's 1 year aniversary We are going out to dinner and maybe to a movie. I am excited to celebrate us. Somethign I dont think we do often enough.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Kim, mama to Anna Blair 11/23/07
kimnicole428 is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 03:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
one yr anniversary......I can barely remember ours!!

I am loving the hair up thing....really I am!


I would love to find some really comfy, really well made, really flattering denim skirts. I am losing weight, and would hate to invest a chunk, but if anyone has any to die for , sure fire skirts they wear all the time, I would love a pic or a brand name!
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 03:44 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimnicole428
a fish - I will have to reread the Sarah story. I had never thought of it. To be honest, I have never really looked for biblical examples...weird now that i think about it.

Today is DH and I's 1 year aniversary We are going out to dinner and maybe to a movie. I am excited to celebrate us. Somethign I dont think we do often enough.

Hope everyone has a great day!
Happy annaversary.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 03:45 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bamamom
I would love to find some really comfy, really well made, really flattering denim skirts. I am losing weight, and would hate to invest a chunk, but if anyone has any to die for , sure fire skirts they wear all the time, I would love a pic or a brand name!
Let me see if I can find any patterns. My mom and I both sew. Where I lack in skills she makes up for. Maybe we could find some cheaper for you by doing it that way. I too have been losing weight so I am NOT putting much $$ into clothes. I am currently in my "just passing through" sizes.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 03:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I like pretty flared skirts, fish. Not those denim ones that are SO heavy and wrap around your legs when youwalk....

zippers up the back are nice...It is SO hard to find good heavy well made skirts...
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 03:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sorta like this.....

http://store.nordstrom.com/product/p...nim_skirt:9847

or this

http://www.sierratradingpost.com/p/,...or-Women.html?

flowy, not binding.

Right now i am inblue jeans all the time because that's all i have that fit!
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 04:13 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The story of Abraham and Sarah is found in Genesis 21:9-17. It explains that Sarah came to Abraham and stated that they NEEDED to be cast aside. Abraham went in and prayed and GOD confirmed with him that Hagar and Ishmael should be sent away. That they would be taken care of and Ishmael too would be multiplied.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 04:15 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bamamom
sorta like this.....

http://store.nordstrom.com/product/p...nim_skirt:9847

or this

http://www.sierratradingpost.com/p/,...or-Women.html?

flowy, not binding.

Right now i am inblue jeans all the time because that's all i have that fit!
Those are pretty easy to come by and easy to make. I'd just need t omake sure that I had a heavy duty needle and strong 100% cotton thread. I have the thread and I am sure Mom has the needle. I'll see what we can come up with.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
fish
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 04:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hmmm. i looked on sierra trading post and saw some made out of different stuff....I'll bet I could make a simple A-line skirt with elastic waist..I probably have some fabric laying around upstairs. I suppose I would have to figure out how to measure myself, huh??
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-09-2006, 10:13 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Waist is at natural waist. Hips are the widest part of the hips usually marked six inches down from natural waist and bust is fullest part of breast with bra on. I know it's hard to measure yourself. I usually get Dh or Mom to help me.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-10-2006, 03:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Goodmorning, Ladies!! or good afternoon, should I say!!
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-10-2006, 08:03 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hello, How are you all doing?


I must change the pace of the thread for a moment to say a secret "thank you" to my DH. He stayed up and snuggled with our teething little guy so I could sleep. Usually our "snuggler" wakes up in the middle of the night. It is normally up to me to take care of his night time needs. He woke as we were getting ready for bed. I offered to stay up with him and DH said "No, I'll do it." WooHoo. YAY! HOORAY! That meant so much to me. You have NO idea. He rarely helps with this type of thing. Such a breakthrough. I didn't say ANYTHING to get him to do it. He did it willingly. I am so delighted.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-10-2006, 08:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
bamamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow....I am sure you smiled and hugged him this am and told him how thankful you are and how well you slept???? Mmmm...I love those moments when you can really connect with the " You did something spontaneous for me, and I am SO thankful!" good job to fish's dh!

Got your clip, it will go out tomorrow!
bamamom is offline  
Old 05-10-2006, 08:54 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you sooo much.
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:49 AM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
pray fro me ladies. Dh and I are flying out to New York city tomarrow morning (plane leaves at 5AM - 6 hour flight : ) and then we are driving back (24 hours).

the ground rules. as of last night we weren't talking about anything regarding outproblems and not trying to solve anything or fix anything. we are just going to enjoy each other where we are and leave all the baggage here (perhaps we shuld take it. we might get lucky and the airport could lose it ).

so pray that I would uphold my end of the bargin and we would have a pleasent trip. all I have to do is not complain or accuse. I can do that for 3 days. and while we are doing that we can be healing and building up for facing those problems at the appropriate time.

i was so shocked when he invited me. it really touched my heart. He is trying ladies.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
Old 05-12-2006, 11:47 AM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am praying for you and your DH.
Lord bring them peace so they can enjoy the time you've given them.
~Amen
afishwithabike is offline  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:56 PM
 
PrincessDoll's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 411
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am praying too.
PrincessDoll is offline  
Old 05-14-2006, 04:26 AM
 
glorysmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I,m wondering if any of you ladies have read the book, Created to Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl.
This book is pretty radical and has been changing the way I have thought about this issue. I have bee majorly convicted in a lot of ways and have felt a lot of peace in my relationship with my husband. To me, it is all about my relationship with God. And I' finding that if my spirit is loving and kind and submissive towards my husband than I'm just a nicer person for everyone to be around.
And about the book, I definantly do not believe everything the author says, but I feel that it is possible to receive a blessing from iteven if thre is some you may not agree with.
Happy Mothers Day Mamas!
glorysmom is offline  
Old 05-14-2006, 05:43 AM
 
genifer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: In a land, far far away...
Posts: 1,185
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ive not read that one but The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian is a really good one too.
genifer is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off