Christian mamas - are you "weird" at church? LOL! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 02-28-2003, 03:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was just wondering if you were looked on as "weird" at church. LOL! There are a few Ezzo-ites at church (our church will not ever teach Ezzo), but also some extended breast-feeders, co-sleepers, etc. But no one really "AP," if you know what I mean. People think I'm a saint that I do cloth dipes, buy organic food etc. I don't think people think I'm weird, but neither do I feel completely comfortable saying *everything* that I do...of course, my friends know, I just don't advertise it, KWIM?

Just wondering how you felt or were perceived...

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#2 of 24 Old 02-28-2003, 10:18 AM
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Your church sounds a lot like mine.

There are a few Ezzoites (one woman with a 4YO is sort of the mothering guru for some inconceivible reason) but the Pastor wouldn't touch this mess with a 10 foot poll.

There are earthey chrunchey types as well. WE're in sort of a cool small group (the church seems to be divided geographically east and west and the westerners are sort of cool and the easterners are sort of mainstream)

I will speak my mind if the subject comes up but I try to live in harmony with others.

...Although I have decided that I will warn people against Ezzo if they're pregnant because if those Ezzoites are pushing their agenda why should I feel meek about sharing my concerns??

Most think I'm curious because I'm vegetarian but, again, I don't trumpet the fact and we just get along.

Around Christmas time there was in incident at a party where a fellow (nice guy) was talking about his daughter's boyfriend's son (3YO) who was out of control and "needed a good spanking".

Upon discussion I found out that the poor boy had a drugged out mother in jail and the father was fighting for custody. Hello! doesn't anyone realize that the child is out of control because of his stupid environment and what he *needs* is a loving home and consistancy. (and, yes, I said this to the group) and the *last* thing he needed was a spanking. "But the Bible says to spank" Me, "no it doesn't" "all kids need to be spanked or they're brats" "Do you like Julianna?" "yes, she's a sweet little girl" "....and she has never been spanked!!"

Grrrr.....but mostly they're sweet and think I'm crunchey but that's life.

Debra Baker
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#3 of 24 Old 02-28-2003, 12:49 PM
 
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Pretty much the same here. Our family is considered a little wierd or curious, but then not really in a bad way. At family and youth gatherings they have started making sure there is vegetarian food available for us. I don't know, I feel like people like us because we are crunchy.

In the past, at other churches, I felt like I always had to fight for my right to be who I am and parent gently. Everyone always wanted to "teach" me the "Biblical" way to discipline. I still have friends who think they are going to influence my parenting, but for the most part people are impressed with my teens and adult children, so they figure I must be doing something right!

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#4 of 24 Old 02-28-2003, 01:13 PM
 
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Nah, I'm not weird. Although I am the one who most fits the description of an "AP" mother, and I'm probably the only one with a subscription to Mothering. Like at Barbara's church, they started always having vegetarian fare for us at potlucks and such.
There are really only six other moms in my church and each one of them is very loving and nurturing and all of them stayed home with their children when they were little (3 went back to WOH when their children went to school).
My pastor and his wife spank occasionally but they don't try to tell me to do the same. They usually addresses discipline with good communication tools but their second child is extremely difficult and sometimes they resort to spanking. When I told them I was pregnant with #2, they said they were elated and thought I should have 15 kids (no, they're not into the quiverful thing) becasue they thought I was such a great mother. That made me feel really good. We're learning from each other.
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#5 of 24 Old 02-28-2003, 08:52 PM
 
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I have never heard of Ezzo...could someone catch me up on this? Thanks
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#6 of 24 Old 03-01-2003, 02:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ezzo is a man who has written several books, most of them geared toward Christians, on how to parent the "Biblical" way. He ridicules APing, claims his way is God's way (his company is called Growing Kids God's Way - pretty arogant!), and gives truly dangerous false medical advice. I have read both Preparation for Parenting and the secular version, Babywise. Very rigid scheduling system which has landed babies in the emergency room for malnutrition. Unfortunately, his books are very convincing, especially when they claim to be the only way and if you do ANYTHING outside of his method you're going to hell and so are your kids. I felt so terrible when I read these books, I was a very new mama but just felt instinctively he was wrong. Fortunately, a lady at church knew the Ezzo-ites were trying to get me and, although she is not AP, gave me a bunch of info on how dangerous this method is, and that he has been kicked out of three churches b/c apparently his character is less than stellar.

See www.ezzo.info - they have lots of good info there, especially useful if churches are debating whether of not to teach this program.

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#7 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 12:29 AM
 
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Ezzo ACK!!!!!!!

We are new to our church. Dh is the new music minister. Anyway, they don't really know us yet but I can tell you this....They are ALL into EZZO!!! Which really dumbfounds me. For one he isn't remotely scriptural do NOT get me started!

Anyway, we are borderline on extended bfing (in thir eyes anyway! Ds is almost 1). I've gotten comments like, "Oh is he still on formula?" And I'm like, "Uh no! he is bf'd and has never had formula." They think we are "asking for it" when they hear that we part-time co-sleep. They don't know our view on medicine and preventive chiropractics yet. but wait till they do!

Anyway, we are going to be known as the "Weird" parents. they have never appoached us about Ezzo and they better think twice about it if they ever want to!

BTW...I have never left ds in the nursery for more than a potty trip. But the lady in charge of the nursery is fine with it....cause i stay with ds. I want him to play...and I hate sunday school anyway!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#8 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 12:36 AM
 
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I would say we're borderline. I go to church with a couple members that are here. Other than that, we're kind of odd. I would say probably about 5 - 10 % parent like we do. Although most Catholic mothers nurse until their babies are around one year old. EBF is rare. Cloth diapering is rare but not unheard of. Homeschooling is pretty popular in our parish.

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#9 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 12:56 AM
 
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Ya know i think I am in the minority but taht minority is who is the leadership of the church. two elders extended BF, co-slept, gentle parented etc. . .thier kids, 3 people on the worship team is Ap, homeschooling,non vaxing and three of them and the admistrator person were rasise that way. (and when she has kids I know she will be all crunchy parenting ) But we are definitely not the majority. We are just the visible people so it seems that way. We are also in charge of nursery and Ezzo doesn't stand a chance. hey, maybe it isn't such a bad place after all.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#10 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 07:44 AM
 
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Most of the women in my church practise "the quiver full thing"(as super pickel put it) , and don't have time to even find out who Ezzo is. They all bf for at least a year, sadly I am the only cloth diaperer, and most of us co-sleep to a degree(although Rachel actually sleeps better in her cradle), and some do spank but, it isn't alot or extreme(including my husband )
No I'm not weird just a little eccentric to them.
Janie
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#11 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 11:05 AM
 
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lovingmomto3---

I just saw your sig. that cracks me up! We are taking this spring off too. But NOT for the same reason. 2 springs ago we were married (3/3/01) and the spring of 2002 we had ds....this yr we're staying HOME!!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#12 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 12:54 PM
 
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Well, I think most people at church think I'm a bit odd about the breast-feeding. In our area, most moms don't even initiate breast-feeding, so to still be feeding at 4 months is a big deal, let alone 3 1/2 years!

I do know that there are a few other families who practice 'reactive co-sleeping', although most of the older folk in the congregation are quick to tell them what a bad habit that is. :

I don't actually think that most families at our church spank, although I may be wrong about that.

I'm not vegetarian, but I don't eat red meat, and that is most definitely weird in our area! And they all roll their eyes behind my back at the way I limit what my kids eat.

But then - that's Scotland for you (has among the highest incidences of heart disease, etc. in Europe due to the horrible diet of its citizens).

So - they think I'm weird, but probaby not too 'out there'. We dont' have boys, but not circing wouldn't be a big deal - no one circumcises their boys over here anyway!
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#13 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 02:02 PM
 
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T T T

It's_our_family,
This is the first I've heard of your dh's new job. Congratulations! I'm very happy for you.
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#14 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 03:09 PM
 
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Thanks!! We moved to NEwport News VA on January 22!! We've been here a month now! it is so nice to be employed!!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#15 of 24 Old 03-03-2003, 08:53 PM
 
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T

Megan, Happy Anniversary! Your anniversary is also ds's birthday (he's 4). And congrats on move and the job. Yay for good things!

When I homebirthed my ds (he was 10lbs 8 oz) everyone thought I was insane. I don't really discuss a lot of the ways I raise my family with people at church becasue they raised me and my generation (most of the church is 50+) so differently.

So, if I did talk about it, they would think I was weirder, even more than they do.

We're hoping to go elsewhere, very soon, so hopefully wherever we go, we can find other AP parents. (crossing fingers).
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#16 of 24 Old 04-28-2003, 11:22 AM
 
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My church is fairly mainstream, but there are a few mamas like me there. It is a Presbyterian church, we have about 400 members, but there is a large percentage of large families at our church. I think most people have at least 3 children, and often more like 4. Several have 7-10 children. I've talked with some other moms who nursed into toddlerhood, several that co-sleep, and one or two that cloth diaper. There are also several who dont vax and more who selectively vax. Also a handful besides me that homebirth So while I am not 'wierd', I am in the minority. I have never seen anyone nurse a toddler in the sanctuary (which I did repeatedly with Grace at that age), they can expect me to when/if Lily nurses that long. Then I bet I'll be 'wierd'!
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#17 of 24 Old 04-30-2003, 03:07 PM
 
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I know that my ds is the oldest one "still" nursing (2.5 yrs). One of the pastor's wives switched to formula around 3 months because (in the words of her husband) "you have to wean them sometime." There aren't many other kids at our church, but I know a couple of the families did the cry to sleep thing, whereas we co-sleep.

I'm also the one who is in charge of the nursery there, and the one pastor keeps trying to remind me that we have portable cribs (whoopee!). I keep hoping I'll be a good influence on the ones that don't have kids yet.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#18 of 24 Old 05-01-2003, 12:33 AM
 
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Yes, I have always been an oddball at any church I attended.

Most people are medical minded, very mainstream.

Me ...hb, bf, ap, hs, ...I am a weirdo!

My favorite aunt never married because she wanted to marry a devout Roman Catholic who was also health minded, vegetarian, and an organic gardening-juicing type.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#19 of 24 Old 05-01-2003, 03:12 AM
 
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we go to a very crunchy church, there is a couple with one son and a baby on the way that is totally AP. They even built a hay bail house!!!

Another lady breastfed her first DD until she was 4 and is still nursing her youngest one, who is now 4. She encourages me to continue (not that I'm thinking of quitting) and tells me what a great mama I am for nursing.

I haven't heard or seen any spanking going on, that's a good sign.

I BF in the sancturary, nobody even bats an eye.

Our church is VERY casual though, they even have a coffee break after worship, then start the sermon. It's very comfortable and homey...just what we were looking for.
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#20 of 24 Old 05-01-2003, 05:08 PM
 
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I would say that if most of the women I know at church knew much about me they would consider me wierd...and I am not as AP as some of you!..hehe..I still bf my 22 month old and we don't vax...which of course is a strange thing..lol
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#21 of 24 Old 05-02-2003, 12:50 AM
 
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I LOVE being the weird one!! Just wait till they see my blooming container gardens and realize I make all of my own bread!

We don't intend on telling anyone about not vaxing. For us it is a non-issue. When we are asked how Tracy takes his shots we just down play it.

Of course they think I'm odd because he is still mainly bf'ed. I guess when they hit one they expect me to give him a glass of cows milk with dinner!

Just wait till they really get to know me....they can hear the crunch a mile away!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#22 of 24 Old 05-09-2003, 03:56 AM
 
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When I saw the title...I knew this was the thread for me...
My oldest was the first bf baby to be in our church in over 15 years...No one understood why I didn't want them to give her a toy bottle during bible class. We heard, "you don't use a crib?!?" quite a lot. All of the other parents in our church do spank, most not frequently though. Sadly, spanking has been preached from the pulpit before.
They have gotten use to me now, though, but I'm still the "nut"
Recently we have a newer member who is bfing her 3rd and sleeps with her babies..that is until they turn 1 when she weans them AND puts them in a crib!!!
But I have converted her to cloth diapering and homeschooling...so maybe I can changer her mind on other things too.
I pray daily that I can be an example to the other people in church...I see it as my personal mission work.
They are now letting me use one of the rooms for LLL meetings...we're moving up.
I think I will always be the weird one there though.
Now that we are converting to a vegan diet, it's worse!
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#23 of 24 Old 05-11-2003, 06:01 PM
 
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You know what's funnY? It wasn't until I actually started going to church that I turned more toward the AP way of life. Though I must say straight out that I am not totally 100% AP - still learning the ropes and researching on issues!

Anyway - My church at the time was so supportive of families and doing everything you could to support your children and raise them in God's family. Yet, they weren't so arrogant as to say that they knew the only way to biblically raise children. I was never looked down upon for BFing - actually quite a few mom's would whip out a boob during service and you could hear a collective latch on! I personally did not cloth diaper (one out of dipes now and one on the verge of using thepotty), but I did run the nursery and noone ever batted an eye at cloth diapering mamas - the only issue for a couple workers was "how the heck do I put this thing on?" When our pastor did a sermon on parenting he always presented both sides/opinions of the topic. He would give his interpretation of what he thought God was saying through the Bible but was also very quick to say that we each needed to do biblical reading on our own, pray for guidance, and do what we felt God was leading us to do. I was so grateful for that church community - very supportive of all the congregation and very loving. I also felt very biblically based too. Unfortunately, we moved 6hrs away a couple of months ago and have yet to find a church like that., I was spoiled there! Don't know what the people will think of me in this town, but I guess I really don't care. As long as my kids grow up and can say Thanks Mom - you were awesome! That's all that matters!
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#24 of 24 Old 05-19-2003, 07:50 PM
 
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we were taught AP by our lovely diverse punk-rock, bible-teachin', Jesus Lovin', vineyard church in chicago, but alas things change. our new arizona church seems to be less AP and less alternative than I would have at first thought. I have met many homeschoolers, but the idea of eb seems a bit foreign. i always assume the babies at least are nursing and asked one woman if her middle child was still nursing and I got the what are you crazy look. her children had all weaned at about seven months because nursing made her feel awful. she was still carrying her one-year-old in the bucket EVERYWHERE to keep him contained and his head and feet were sticking out several inches. He rides in the car like that too!!!!!
Anyway, I have given up on the blue hair, and dh and I don't do christian rap to Lauryn Hill and Kirk Franklin hits in front of this church. we do cloth diaper and nurse for three years or so, and co-sleeping, and we are vegans. we do our best to put the emphasis on GOD when we are at church but we don't deny who we are and we are ADVOCATES for those little people popping out of mommies (many of whom need extra-prayin because they are born in those germ-filled hospitals in a drug0induced way). I can't say I feel like much of an example many days and I want to MAKE FRIENDS at this new place. How do we balance our weirdness with our desire for community, and how do we relate to other christian mommas while not alienating them with our different choices? I guess we keep on praying that we won't turn out as dogmatic and dismissove of opposition as ezzo....
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