LDS Mamas and Papas #39 - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 12:19 PM
 
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You might want to give your friend who gave up to0 easily a kinder thought or prayer, because exclusive pumping is hard, and one of the only reasons I was able to stop pumping for both my girls was because ....
I obviously didn'ty say a word to her about it, and I stated that I felt badly for thinking bad thoughts anyway.: I peraonlly pumped all the time - and one of my best friends worked full time and pumped exclusively for her TWIN DAUGHTERS for 9 months, so please don't make assumptions based on one statement that I made.

Also, if makes you feel any more at ease, this girl has no other children, doesn't work outside her home, and extremely NOT depressed. I see her all the time, we are still great friends, and I would never SAY or do anything unsupportive of her. I gave her a nursing necklace, a lovey (both of which I made myself), took several dinners, took my cosleeper over for her to use, gave her my double electric pump to use, plus went over there myself more than once to "teach" her how to nurse and help get the baby latched on and whatnot with her inverted nipple issue. So I have, in fact, done considerably more than give the girl a "kind thought or a prayer". And I remain disappointed that she quit nursing/giving breastmilk, and I feel fine with that, thanks.
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#182 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 12:27 PM
 
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Heidi-
I do hope your DH gets the new job, sound like it will be a lot of stress off of you and him. I can't figure out how other people do it- like when their husbands are deployed? I don't think I could do it! And if my DH travelled for work like my grandfather did... he used to be gone (he worked for NASA/Lockheed) for two weeks at a time, then home two weeks, then gone.... I think I'd have shot myself in the head or something.

I defintiely do not have enough patience.. and I only have one child (maybe that's why the Lord ahs only blesed me with one?! :
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#183 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 12:45 PM
 
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Stacy, I'm so sorry. I'm just seeing your sad news today, and just wanted to add my sympathies.
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#184 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 01:09 PM
 
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Since everyone's talking about husbands being gone, I'll chip in. My husband has been a long-haul truck driver since last August. That means that he's gone for two weeks and then home for 2 days. He realized how hard it was to be away from the family (I could have told him this before he started, lol), so he's moving back to Houston (we're in Utah) to do mortgage sales.

He left for Houston this morning, so we're on our own now! He may be able to come back in a month, or 6 weeks, or maybe longer; we just don't know yet. It's ~24 hours driving, so just to see us for 2 days would take 6 days total. Or if he does REALLY well in his job, he may be able to fly back occasionally.

I am working full-time, so I am not around the kids 24 hours a day, but when I am around them, we are all tired and stressed, so it's almost worse! And I'm pregnant, lol.
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#185 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 01:47 PM
 
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Hi everyone!

I am so happy to finally be able to get over to the spirituality board! It was very annoying to wait for the 2 months. LOL.

My name is Jessica and I converted to the Church 3 1/2 years ago. My husband grew up in the Church but has just began reactivating himself in the Church over the last 6 months. We have a 2 year old daughter together and he has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We will be TTC again this summer.

I hope to make some friends here. It can be hard not to know any "crunchy" moms within the Church. We are visiting my MIL and FIL this weekend (whom I love dearly and am close to) but I am nervous about the nursing situation wiht my daughter. They think I am very bizarre about still nursing my daughter. It won't change what I do one way or the other but it would be nice to have some support.

Jessica
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#186 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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Angie,

I've thought about it (adoptive nursing) a lot, and I think the hardest thing for me right now is the night time situation. Since we are a co-sleeping family, dd wakes relatively frequently...but since I have to use the lact-aid, night nursing is really a challenge. I can't just roll over, latch her on, and go back to sleep. She's a VERY slow nurser too...nighttime nursings often last 40 minutes. As it is, I am relying on my dh to help me by giving some bottles at night. I just can't deal with it. Right now she is waking 3-4 times a night (she's had an ear infection, but it's clearing up and now she's still waking). I think if I was getting a good night's sleep, the idea of nursing my next child wouldn't seem so overwhelming! I don't see dd sleeping all night happening anytime soon. Ds didn't until age 4. I am really close to just doing all bottles at night. I finally have gotten to where we can at least stay in bed, but side-lying nursing just doesn't work.

In general, though, adoptive nursing is going well. It's never "easy", but right now it is very manageable. I have a pretty good routine for cleaning the lact-aids, dd isn't nursing quite so often or for quite so long (part of why she is so hungry at night), etc. When I get nervous about the next child, it's mostly about getting through the first 4-6 months. Especially because at the beginning of bf'ing, I have to be such a stickler about things like no bottles, nursing round the clock, etc. (for milk supply). I know that adoptive nursing is not necessary, per se. I ended up bottlefeeding ds after about 5 months of trying to induce lactation, and ds ended up very well bonded and we have a great, close relationship. But I do enjoy nursing, though it hasn't been quite the profound experience I envisioned.. With dd right now, we finally have things under control, and even on the hard days I know that we've invested too much to quit. Now that I"ve made it this far, I know I can go the distance with her. I know we would get to that point with a subsequent baby too, it's just that the "getting to that point" part is such a challenge. I think if I didn't nurse my next baby, I'd regret it. I'd always wonder "what if". I keep thinking that the next baby won't have the exact same challenges as dd. DD doesn't have a very strong suck, hence the extremely long nursing sessions and my lack of milk production. Chances are my next baby would be different.

Anyway, I think I just need to be getting a little more sleep at night and to be a little bit distanced from dd's young infancy, and I will feel rejuvenated about the idea of nursing the next one.

I have used a hospital grade pump, two different kinds actually. Those are the pumps with which I produced the 1/8 oz of milk. When I tried the PIS, I didn't get anything...it doesn't have enough suction. Pumping is not a practical option. I wasted several hundred dollars renting a pump for two months and only used it twice. I think pumping would help my milk production, but I just don't have time to use it...again because dd is such a slow eater and eats so often, and because my ds is already pining for time with me. I"m already taking a lot of herbs. The only thing I might do next time is look into the medical protocol with bcp's and domperidone, although all those make me nervous too. I had a friend who donated milk for me a few months ago, and dd wouldn't drink it. It was so sad! She was used to the taste of formula at that point and wouldn't drink the bmilk, even when it was mixed with formula. (So obviously I"m not making enough milk for her to even taste.)

I think that using a wetnurse probably wouldn't be a good idea for an adopted baby, where feeding is so tied in with attachment and bonding. I supposed an occasional wetnurse wouldn't be a big deal, but it would have to be very occasional.

RasJane, dd is OK with cold lact-aids. I"m the one who doesn't like them. That's a great idea about using the burp rag underneath. We have started using it cold at night so I can stay in bed.

Canadiannancy, I say big kudos to anybody who EP's! I think it would be very hard! I found out that a woman I VT EP'd. I was really surprised. It was her first baby, a girl, and she had looked so forward to that close bond with her dd. But with ep'ing, it ended up that her dh became the primary "feeder" while she pumped, and she talked about how much it hurt to see her dd prefer her dh. I think her baby was about 9 months old when she stopped ep'ing, and she says it was one of the happiest days of her life because it was so stressful (she was working full-time too). I found that I couldn't do anything else when I was pumping. I needed both hands to help the pump cups stay on.

Welcome Jessica!
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#187 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 06:12 PM
 
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Hi everyone!

I am so happy to finally be able to get over to the spirituality board! It was very annoying to wait for the 2 months. LOL.

My name is Jessica and I converted to the Church 3 1/2 years ago. My husband grew up in the Church but has just began reactivating himself in the Church over the last 6 months. We have a 2 year old daughter together and he has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We will be TTC again this summer.

I hope to make some friends here. It can be hard not to know any "crunchy" moms within the Church. We are visiting my MIL and FIL this weekend (whom I love dearly and am close to) but I am nervous about the nursing situation wiht my daughter. They think I am very bizarre about still nursing my daughter. It won't change what I do one way or the other but it would be nice to have some support.

Jessica
Welcome! I like your user name.

I think that Formula can be alright if mothers realise they will need to compensate for its shortcomings. Formula feeding mamas need to be extra cuddly, have more skin-to-skin contact, and give their infant extra vitamin c and immune-boosting herbals.

After we had our breastfeeding relaionship established, I pumped and taught DS to use a botle so that if anythingever happened to me, he wouldn't be traumatized by suddenly being forced to eat a new way. We stored breastmilk in the freezer. I think it's a smart addition to a family's emergency preparation plan to teach a baby to use a bottle or sippy cup. That may get me flamed here, but a lot of infants will simply stop eating if mom suddenly isn't available.


I made breastmilk cookies the other day. I'm pretty darn tasty!
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#188 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 06:38 PM
 
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After we had our breastfeeding relaionship established, I pumped and taught DS to use a botle so that if anythingever happened to me, he wouldn't be traumatized by suddenly being forced to eat a new way. We stored breastmilk in the freezer. I think it's a smart addition to a family's emergency preparation plan to teach a baby to use a bottle or sippy cup. That may get me flamed here, but a lot of infants will simply stop eating if mom suddenly isn't available.
We did this as well... and when my MIL came she gave DS a bottle of breastmilk. Mostly I just wanted DS to be willing to take a bottle from DH in case anything ever happened to me. Luckily nothing ever did, but I had my little bags in the freezer ready-to-go just in case. (DH would give DS an evening bottle before he went ot work- nightshift- while I took a shower). DS would NOT take the bottle of breastmilk if I was anywhere he could smell me!
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#189 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 10:05 PM
 
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So our neighbor upstairs has been the neighbor from hell since we moved here. It's bad enough that we live in a hell hole. This ones plays her music so loud it vibrates the walls and wakes up Connor, and smoked all through her pregnancy and threw the butts on the lawn in front of our door. I have called the landlord many times but it does not seem to matter.

So this morning I picked up all her cigarettes for the millionth time and placed them in a bowl on her porch. The threw them back on my lawn and threw out the bowl.

We can't stay here anymore.

We've talked about moving but very few places let us keep a big dog. Dama is 7-1/2 years old and it would be traumatic for her to be moved to a new family, especially here where most people keep their dogs chained up outside, even in winter. But this is not a good place for our son. I can't raise him here. The neighbor up and over were evicted for drug dealing and so now there's meth in the building. The music interrupts his sleep. And I've caught him on several occasions with cigarette butts IN HIS MOUTH.

You know what? I've been poor before. I've lived in downtown San Francisco with over half my income going to rent, where hookers stood on the corner in front of my building. But I've never lived someplace like this, with such inconsiderate neighbors and unresponsive landlords, where I literally feel unsafe, and that I am betraying my son.

No matter how much I love my dog and feel morally obligated to her, she cannot come before my son.

I feel grieved and conflicted but if we cannot find someplace affordable that will let us keep her, we will have to find her a new home.

Because we cannot stay here.
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#190 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 10:32 PM
 
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Alisa-
That sounds terrible... it may be redundant (hopefully not offensive!), but have you prayed specifically about this? Maybe this Sunday would be a good Sunday to fast for direction on a new place to live and raise your family? I know it isn't fast Sunday, but you could still do a special fast, and have other members of your extended family fast as well, if you want?

Hang in there!!
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#191 of 575 Old 03-09-2007, 10:34 PM
 
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I don't blame you. I've lived in that area of town, before it got quite that bad. A dear friend's mother lives in the large complex just east of you guys. That whole place scares me. I really wish you could move into my ward. We have a few apartments in the ward, but I have no clue what they charge. Our old neighborhood in Springville was decent as far as apartment neighborhoods go, but I don't think anyone had big dogs. A few had little dogs, including us. I do hope you find something soon -- you are right. You shouldn't have to live there, especially for the sake of your son's safety.
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#192 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 12:35 AM
 
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I made breastmilk cookies the other day. I'm pretty darn tasty!
That is the coolest thing! I have to say, that I do not formula feed my dd the same way some of my other friends who aren't crunchy do, we do a lot of skin to skin time, and never bottle prop, Hopefully if we are blessed with another baby we will be able to have a wonderful nursing relationship like i did with dd1, I can totally bf anywhere..pumping not so much...

Nancy, Mom to Kyra (2005), Zoe (2006), Callie (2007) (2008), and Xavier (2009)
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#193 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 12:42 AM
 
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I will be praying for your family alisa. We just moved from a place like that, after living in our duplex 9 months we never met the neighbours who lived beside us, but we felt the boom of their music at all hours, and the bark of the dogs, and the smells of the pot...they would tramp all across our yard and leave nasty garbage all over the place, the house would flood and was full of mold. We prayed and are blessed enough to have been given the opportunity to move this week past to a clean house that is perfect for us(once I get everything unpacked )
I hope that you find something for your whole family and soon. s.

Nancy, Mom to Kyra (2005), Zoe (2006), Callie (2007) (2008), and Xavier (2009)
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#194 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 12:44 AM
 
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I don't blame you. I've lived in that area of town, before it got quite that bad. A dear friend's mother lives in the large complex just east of you guys. That whole place scares me. I really wish you could move into my ward. We have a few apartments in the ward, but I have no clue what they charge. Our old neighborhood in Springville was decent as far as apartment neighborhoods go, but I don't think anyone had big dogs. A few had little dogs, including us. I do hope you find something soon -- you are right. You shouldn't have to live there, especially for the sake of your son's safety.
If they allow a 60 pound flat-coat retriever, paying a little extra might be worth it. I love Linguist Mama's apartments because they cost the same but have clean, modern, working appliances. However, they won't even let us keep a cat. That might not matter in a month, though.

We've prayed but we really do need to fast. I'd love to stay in the ward because I love our calling but I'm not sure we'd have much luck with neighbors in ANY of these buildings.
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#195 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 12:52 AM
 
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I will be praying for your family alisa. We just moved from a place like that, after living in our duplex 9 months we never met the neighbours who lived beside us, but we felt the boom of their music at all hours, and the bark of the dogs, and the smells of the pot...they would tramp all across our yard and leave nasty garbage all over the place, the house would flood and was full of mold. We prayed and are blessed enough to have been given the opportunity to move this week past to a clean house that is perfect for us(once I get everything unpacked )
I hope that you find something for your whole family and soon. s.
Hurray! It must feel good to be settling some place nicer.
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#196 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 01:39 AM
 
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Okay guys, I need help (terry fam, I'm talking mostly to you!)...

I am against skirts. period. When I see a woman in a skirt, I see a woman who is more easily raped, a person who can not do physical activity as easily, a person who is telling the world how useless they are... so I don't wear them.

Well, apparently it is now a rule, for the Orlando temple at least, that any woman in the sealing room must be in a skirt. I'm having to go spend money I don't have on something that makes me feel dirty so I can go see my cousin get married. I need to know WHY it is so important! Some of my worst memories were only made possible by the fact that I was wearing a skirt, yet I am supposed to wear one... why?

Help me understand this, please...

~Valarie~

~Mom to Sy (3), #2 Due Jan 2014, GF to Pork, Psych grad student, Judoka~

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#197 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 01:44 AM
 
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Skirts are the rule in all temples I believe...


Would a long dress work better than a skirt? Maybe put it on right before you get there and then take it right off? Wear shorts under the skirt?

I don't know your history and am not trying to be insensitive in any way, but why do skirts = being raped easier?

Do they let you do sessions in pants?

I'm not a big fan of the rule by any means. I used to work across from the Ogden temple and could not go do a session because I was dressed in a nice pant suit or a pair of slacks. I really hated that I was dressed dressier than the folks headed in in sandals and jean skirts.
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#198 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 01:59 AM
 
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Skirts are the rule in all temples I believe...


Would a long dress work better than a skirt? Maybe put it on right before you get there and then take it right off? Wear shorts under the skirt?

I don't know your history and am not trying to be insensitive in any way, but why do skirts = being raped easier?

Do they let you do sessions in pants?

I'm not a big fan of the rule by any means. I used to work across from the Ogden temple and could not go do a session because I was dressed in a nice pant suit or a pair of slacks. I really hated that I was dressed dressier than the folks headed in in sandals and jean skirts.
When I was raped, it was made easier for him by my skirt... when I was 14 and being molested, the worst times were when I wore skirts...

I have been told that a few years ago the 1st pres sent out a memo telling temple workers not to turn anyone away for their dress- not matter what a person wears they should be welcomed into the temple to worship.

I just need to know why this is a rule.

~Valarie~

~Mom to Sy (3), #2 Due Jan 2014, GF to Pork, Psych grad student, Judoka~

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#199 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 02:48 AM
 
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When I see a woman in a skirt, I see a woman who is more easily raped, a person who can not do physical activity as easily, a person who is telling the world how useless they are
Valarie - While I am in no way downplaying your feelings about what happened to you while you were wearing a skirt, I am disheartened to see that you actually feel this way about your fellow sisters who choose to wear skirts. I choose to wear skirts because they are more comfortable than pants, I feel feminine and beautiful, I feel more connected to my role as a peaceful and loving home-keeper, etc. I can function quite well in my job as a civil engineer while wearing a skirt. They certainly don't render me useless in any of my typical duties, or make things (including physical activities) more difficult.

Do you really have to think of me as *useless* for wearing one? I just can't understand judging so many people so harshly over something so typical and widespread.
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#200 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 02:58 AM
 
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Do you really have to think of me as *useless* for wearing one? I just can't understand judging so many people so harshly over something so typical and widespread.
I think something was lost here in the reading- I don't see women who choose to wear skirts as useless. Historically, things like skirts and high heels were worn by people to purposefully display that they did not work.

I don't judge people who choose to wear anything... my issue is that I am being looked down upon because I feel gross wearing skirts. They make me feel dirty. I don't feel feminine or peaceful, just subjugated and burdened.

Sorry if you misunderstood my words.

So, I guess no one actually knows why this is required?

~Valarie~

~Mom to Sy (3), #2 Due Jan 2014, GF to Pork, Psych grad student, Judoka~

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#201 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 03:16 AM
 
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Okay guys, I need help (terry fam, I'm talking mostly to you!)...

I am against skirts. period. When I see a woman in a skirt, I see a woman who is more easily raped, a person who can not do physical activity as easily, a person who is telling the world how useless they are... so I don't wear them.

Well, apparently it is now a rule, for the Orlando temple at least, that any woman in the sealing room must be in a skirt. I'm having to go spend money I don't have on something that makes me feel dirty so I can go see my cousin get married. I need to know WHY it is so important! Some of my worst memories were only made possible by the fact that I was wearing a skirt, yet I am supposed to wear one... why?

Help me understand this, please...

~Valarie~
I don't know why your temple made it a rule, but you can change at the temple. You could wear a nice pantsuit in and then change into a skirt just for the sealing and then change back into the pantsuit before leaving. Nice skirts can befound at a second hand store, or if you sew, a broomstick skirt can be made easy and cheaply.

I can see how you would feel uncomfortable in a skirt outside the temple, but inside the temple you are safe and do not need to feel vulnerable or at risk.
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#202 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 05:33 AM
 
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When I see a woman in a skirt, I see . . . a person who is telling the world how useless they are
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I think something was lost here in the reading- I don't see women who choose to wear skirts as useless. Historically, things like skirts and high heels were worn by people to purposefully display that they did not work.
Historically, when - the 1500's, or the 1990's? The image in my mind of a modern high-powered working woman (let's say a lawyer, for example) always includes high heels and a skirt! :
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#203 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 04:30 PM
 
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Skirts didn't equal power until the 70's and 80's when women really started climbing the corporate ladder. But that's irrelevent to the discussion. I can absolutely understand why Valarie feels the way she does about skirts. It's a valid concern when you've had those experiences.
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#204 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 05:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alisaterry
I can absolutely understand why Valarie feels the way she does about skirts. It's a valid concern when you've had those experiences.
True. But this is the Temple. Suppose to be like heaven. When I go to the Temple I feel so much better then in the outside world. And no one is going to care if she has on biker shorts or something like that under a skirt. No one is going to check. Heck, my 5 yr old DD will only wear dresses to school if she has on a pair of shorts too. No one will care. Really, they won't. And then take off the skirt when you get done with the sealing, like others said.

But you better get used to the dresses/skirts idea. I feel when we are in Heaven, we ladies won't have a choice, and I doubt we will be given a pair of shorts to wear beneath.



Oh, and I found a cheap ticket...less then $200 roundtrip for DS to fly to his PROM, on Southwest Airlines. Yea! I don't have to drive him there now.
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#205 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 05:25 PM
 
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But you better get used to the dresses/skirts idea. I feel when we are in Heaven, we ladies won't have a choice, and I doubt we will be given a pair of shorts to wear beneath.
But it will be our choices that get us there. Why would they be taken from us once we're there? I dont' get it.
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#206 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 05:28 PM
 
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But it will be our choices that get us there. Why would they be taken from us once we're there? I dont' get it.
Don't ask me hard questions! From all the church movies I have seen, all ladies are in dresses/skirts in heaven.
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#207 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 05:31 PM
 
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Don't ask me hard questions! From all the church movies I have seen, all ladies are in dresses/skirts in heaven.

Ad so are the men. Everyone's in robes.
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#208 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 05:46 PM
 
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I'm guessing that whatever is going to go on there is something that we can't quite comprehend in our current mortal state, so I wouldn't worry too much about what we'll all be wearing.
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#209 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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I'm guessing that whatever is going to go on there is something that we can't quite comprehend in our current mortal state, so I wouldn't worry too much about what we'll all be wearing.
Touché.
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#210 of 575 Old 03-10-2007, 08:58 PM
 
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I would just walk into the temple with those really wide-legged pants that are tea-length (kinda hard to tell if they are not a skirt) and knee-highs and dressy shoes. and have a backup skirt in your purse for if you really need it.
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