What was I thinking? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 06-01-2003, 10:06 PM - Thread Starter
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I just told my mother who raised me VERY christian that I did not call myself a christian and did not plan on raising my children in the christian church. It seems like this was long overdue, but I just recently have felt the overbearing need to be heard for who I feel I am as a spiritual being...and that does not fall into a category at this time. If anything, the buddhist teachings touch my heart more than anything ever has. And I told her that. She still seems to thinkand project onto me that she has found the only way there is to God and that maybe one day I would "change". UGHHH, can we ever just appreciate each other for following our individual heart path???????
I hope I can appreciate my three children in their individual paths......maybe that is what I can learn from this.
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#2 of 6 Old 06-02-2003, 08:27 AM
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Hi teatime.
I think what you did in telling your mom about your spirituality and hopes for your children's spirituality is great! I know when you find something that means a lot to you, in your case buddhism, that you want to share it and how you feel with other people, especially those close to you! So good for you!
I guess it is hard for people who have believed for so long in one thing to try to even think what it might be like to believe something else. That's how a lot of people I know are. As long as they don't try to tell me what to think, I have no problem with them. Hopefully your mom will be nice about your choices you make as a mama.
Good job
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#3 of 6 Old 06-02-2003, 08:25 PM
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I think you are right--this IS what we, parents who have made a choice that differs from our parents', are learning.

If we can come to our adult children and show them support and love in their choices, we have won a great deal.
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#4 of 6 Old 06-04-2003, 03:24 AM
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Well, I can definitely relate to what you did, but I couldn't do it quite so openly.

My mother is diehard Christian and Catholic. We were raised Catholic, twelve years of Catholic school, and it only took a couple years at university to make me realize I just didn't believe this stuff. A long evolution took place to get me where I am now, which is probably still on a path....but I digress.

My mother refuses to acknowledge in her heart that I am gone from her church. She thinks I'm in a "phase". She gets angry when I tell her I don't agree with her on abortion or discrimination against homosexuals, even though she *knows* how I feel about these issues, but it's like she refuses to HEAR me.

She keeps bringing up why DD isn't baptized. I told her we're not Xtian so why baptize? She actually says: "what if you're wrong: wouldn't it be better to be on the safe side?". All I could say was "I want no part of a religion whose god would send an innocent baby to burn in hell b/c her parents didn't baptize her".

Anyways, now my DH wants to convert to Judaism, and on the bright side at least it would give her a final answer to the baptism question. Not that I will get her baptized anyways but maybe this will get it through her head.

She has no respect for my feelings or beliefs. I understand it (she's honestly fearing for my eternal soul) but it drives me nuts and is at the point where I actively try not to bring the subject up.

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#5 of 6 Old 06-04-2003, 10:42 AM
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What my mother would say if she was your mother was by losing you from her church she feels SHE is failing God. That this is the job of a Christian mother, to deliver her children's souls to God.

Somehow there is a gap there between the child's birth and death that I think is called adulthood, but my mom has never quite gotten a grasp on that little fact of life. Still, I try to be compassionate about her very real sorrow.

And in my case, I remain in the Catholic church, just way out on the left peace and justice wing...which to mom, means I'm not in the club at all...

So strength to all who are finding your way...and peace to the elders who are having a hard time letting this be
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#6 of 6 Old 06-04-2003, 11:34 AM
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Somwtimes it takes our parents a LONG time to adjust to the fact that we are now adults too and quite capable of making our own rational decisions.

Sometimes it takes them beyond Long to realize that leaving the church they raised us in can be a rational decision, if they ever get to that point.

What I do when mine, mostly Dad now since Mom has chosen the sigh and move on method of coping, start on this issue is to try my best to hear the Love behind the carping. I also try, when the conversation allows, to winkle out what the real concern/fear is and address that. It's not always easy.

Or you could think of it this way: at least she's still speaking to you, still cares, still loves you and your children. Some parents have been known to completely cut off contact with their adult children of different belief--most definately NOT a loving response by any definition.

"What will you do once you know?"
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