LDS Mamas and Papas #43 - Page 13 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:01 PM
 
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When I started nursing DS she was like "You know, we do have a mother's room..." And when he walked to walk around in the back of the room behind everyone she was like "You know I usually take my grandson out in the hall..." Um...if I wanted to spend the whole day in the mother's room and the hall, what was the point in coming to church?
I admit I wouldn't have the nerve to, but... It would have been awesome to tell her that! I see what you mean about the Elders. Even nursing in Sunday school has been weird for me. Funny how if they hadn't been sent stateside they would have had to get use to public breastfeeding. I like America, but we are prudish in all the wrong ways.

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:11 PM
 
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I just got the call that dh got offered the job in AK. Oh boy! We had decided over the weekend that if they offered we would accept.
Congratulations!! :
You are definitely in for some interesting experiences!
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:13 PM
 
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Even nursing in Sunday school has been weird for me.
I'm with you there. I *know* there's nothing wrong with it, but I still feel a little strange actually doing it. I have zero problem nursing in RS. I have very little problem nursing in Sacrament because the benches feel like they provide so much coverage, especially from the back, unlike a Sunday School chair. I will nurse in Sunday School if I'm sure that I can do it discreetly, including not exposing too much of my side/back, even if I am covered with garments or an undershirt.
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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I just got the call that dh got offered the job in AK. Oh boy! We had decided over the weekend that if they offered we would accept. I'm very excited but also totally freaked out! I think I may hyperventilate just a little now. My life is really in for some drastic changes! (It's going to be a good thing, just,...whew!):

jenni
: :
That's wonderful! I hope that all the craziness isn't too crazy and all goes well. What a big change, but I'm sure you'll do fine. I'm so happy for you!

Tiffani, the wondering about being at church at all when you just spend the time in the hall/mother's room is a VERY common lament among LDS women. The meeting in the chapel should be piped into the lounge and the foyer, as well as any other room you happen to be in. Just look for the dial on the wall if you don't hear anything. But I agree, it is much nicer to be *IN* the meeting. Finding someone else in the same situation is nice. Most wards have a "hall class" of those who aren't in a regular meeting for whatever reason--or just to socialize.
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:18 PM
 
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If you wanna see pictures of the town, check out www.pelican.net It's beautiful!
It is beautiful! I'm jealous! It's also an island! Wow!

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:22 PM
 
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My life is really in for some drastic changes!
So what will it be like there? What is the population? What kind of services/stores do they have? What kind don't they have?
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:26 PM
 
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I don't mind nursing at RS, but since I'm in the investigator class with the elders, I'm pretty sure I'd make them uncomfortable if I started nursing in there. lol I haven't been to sacrament yet so I don't know what I'll do then. I did mention to the other elders that it was pointless for me to come for Sunday School if I had to spend the whole time in the nursing room, and the best they could do was say maybe they could talk to a sister and have her come with me. I really didn't like them much...lol. I'm so glad we have new ones, although they were supposed to call me yesterday and I haven't heard from them yet.

*edit to add*

There is this one lady in RS that is all over me. lol She's just trying to be nice, but it's kind of annoying. Anyway, she kept hinting at things during the meeting. When I started nursing DS she was like "You know, we do have a mother's room..." And when he walked to walk around in the back of the room behind everyone she was like "You know I usually take my grandson out in the hall..." Um...if I wanted to spend the whole day in the mother's room and the hall, what was the point in coming to church?
Some people are well meaning... but inexperienced! : Don't take it personally... she probably was just trying to help in her own sort of way... but some people just don't get it.

I do try to be more modest about nursing at church... but if you're not showing anything- who the heck cares? You should be able to nurse wherever you like.

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:29 PM
 
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So what will it be like there? What is the population? What kind of services/stores do they have? What kind don't they have?
Here's the Wikipedia entry for Pelican: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pelican%2C_Alaska ... it says that the 2000 Census Population was 163!!

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:30 PM
 
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Wow! But I love towns like that! Do they have a church there?

Eternal Companion to DH , Homeschooling mama to DS 05/04 , DS 11/05 , DD 12/07 , DS 07/10 and one on the way: June 2015!
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:31 PM
 
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There is this one lady in RS that is all over me. lol She's just trying to be nice, but it's kind of annoying. Anyway, she kept hinting at things during the meeting. When I started nursing DS she was like "You know, we do have a mother's room..." And when he walked to walk around in the back of the room behind everyone she was like "You know I usually take my grandson out in the hall..." Um...if I wanted to spend the whole day in the mother's room and the hall, what was the point in coming to church?
Uggh. She's probably just trying to make you feel comfortable (giving her the beneift of the doubt here), but that would really bother me too.


Speaking of which, after I had Gabriel, when he was about a year old, the bishop (who is a great guy and his wife breastfed all their children,) told me that I needed to cover up when I was breastfeeding in the chapel. Yk, with a blanket or something. He said he had no probelm with it but it made other people feel uncomfortable. I'ts kind of bugged me a bit since then, the more I thnk about it.

Now, I wasn't flashing tons of skin or anything, I doubt anyone could see any skin at all, but I probably flashed garments and people might have been put off by the sight of me reaching up my shirt to un-clasp or re-clasp my nursing bra. After the bishops redirection, I was so embarrassed, I alwaysleft to breastfeed Gabe after that. I don't believe in covering up nursing with a blanket and Gabe wouldn't have stood for it anyway.

I hate the Mother's Lounge in our building. It has old, dusty stuffed armchairs, (I have a pretty intense dust allergy) and it usually smells of dirty diapers and/or chemical floral air "freshener". And a changing table that is made of that awful compressed-"wood" stuff and is falling apart and an eyesore. DH and I offered to replace the changing table by donating our own pretty and functional one, but haven't heard anything about it since. Anyway I just hate the Mother's Lounge. Oh and the walls are all brick and it used to be an office room or something, so it is tiny, cramped, and lots of unused locked drawers, and one tiny window. It just does not have a homey feel at all. I really, really want to try to make it over, but since we share the building between two wards the whole thing would be some big production to coordinate, apparently.

I think it shows very poor priorities (on the part of these two wards, not the Church as a whole) to have the Mother's Lounge be such a dump-- but then, I'm in the Northeast US, where, unfortunately, most people are still very backwards about breastfeeding. Of course, the Church places an extremely high value on mothering and everything it should entail. I don't feel our Mother's Lounge reflects those values at all and I worry what message visitors, future mothers, and anyone who is impressionable might get.

Okay I got totally off track there. Sorry, I've really been wanting to complain about that.

Anyway . . . what would you do/say about the nursing/bishop/cover-up issue? I have started nursing in the chapel again now that I have Teddy, but I feel more uncomfortable now, wondering if the bishopric is noticing, so I'm more likely to leave the chapel and go nurse my little guy in the lobby. Where I'm sure some people are still uncomfortable but I think it's good for them. Lol.

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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At the beginning of the year it was 11:00, but then they put another ward in our building or something, so we all got scooched a bit.


I just got the call that dh got offered the job in AK. Oh boy! We had decided over the weekend that if they offered we would accept. I'm very excited but also totally freaked out! I think I may hyperventilate just a little now. My life is really in for some drastic changes! (It's going to be a good thing, just,...whew!):
If you wanna see pictures of the town, check out www.pelican.net It's beautiful!

jenni


Oh, Jenni, I'm so excited for you!!! Congrats!

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:35 PM
 
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Anyway . . . what would you do/say about the nursing/bishop/cover-up issue?
I forget the lady's username (____'sPrincess or something), but she is LDS and had a pages-long thread in another forum (Lactivism?) a few months ago over this issue. Her bishop was involved, and she ended up setting up meetings with him. I'm not sure how it was resolved.
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:39 PM
 
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I forget the lady's username (____'sPrincess or something), but she is LDS and had a pages-long thread in another forum (Lactivism?) a few months ago over this issue. Her bishop was involved, and she ended up setting up meetings with him. I'm not sure how it was resolved.
Ah, you must mean TuansPrincess. I'll look for it. Thanks!

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Old 07-31-2007, 09:43 PM
 
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Yep, that's her. Did you find it? Here it is: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=620092
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:47 PM
 
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At the beginning of the year it was 11:00, but then they put another ward in our building or something, so we all got scooched a bit.


I just got the call that dh got offered the job in AK. Oh boy! We had decided over the weekend that if they offered we would accept. I'm very excited but also totally freaked out! I think I may hyperventilate just a little now. My life is really in for some drastic changes! (It's going to be a good thing, just,...whew!):
If you wanna see pictures of the town, check out www.pelican.net It's beautiful!

jenni
I have to applaud your bravery. I'm afraid of islands. I don't mind visiting them, but I couldn't live on one.

Congratulaions! Invest in some full spectrum light bulbs!
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Old 07-31-2007, 09:48 PM
 
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I admit I wouldn't have the nerve to, but... It would have been awesome to tell her that! I see what you mean about the Elders. Even nursing in Sunday school has been weird for me. Funny how if they hadn't been sent stateside they would have had to get use to public breastfeeding. I like America, but we are prudish in all the wrong ways.

You know me, I would have told her off. And nursed in front of the elders. I nurse everywhere, and I have a toddler. Well, I dried up a month ago, but before then, we nursed everywhere and during every meeting. No one has ever said anything to me, though, but I don't always come across as friendly so maybe that's why.
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Old 07-31-2007, 10:11 PM
 
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There is this one lady in RS that is all over me. lol She's just trying to be nice, but it's kind of annoying. Anyway, she kept hinting at things during the meeting. When I started nursing DS she was like "You know, we do have a mother's room..." And when he walked to walk around in the back of the room behind everyone she was like "You know I usually take my grandson out in the hall..." Um...if I wanted to spend the whole day in the mother's room and the hall, what was the point in coming to church?
I hate spending the whole meeting in the mother's room too... I finally got up the nerve to breastfeed in Sacrament meeting and Sunday School... but I still feel a bit uncomfortable doing so. I never cover, mostly because DD just rips it off anyway, but also because I think it looks *more* conspicuous when you do. DH doesn't like me NIP in general, and he generally tries to "block me from view" when I do next to him. (We had one incident at a mall where I was nursing on a bench and some guy came and stood behind me trying to get a peek... DH was chasing after DD#1, but saw the whole thing... even though I didn't, so he's been a bit over-protective of me ever since.) Anyway, I've never had issues nursing in RS, and in my last ward our RS President nursed her toddler during the meeting... so I really don't think that's a problem.

As for taking the kid out in the hall... when we were in our married student ward several years ago, our Bishop had a whole lesson on how to teach children to behave in church. He explained that the small children should be taught that Sacrament meeting is a time to sit and be reverant. When they are being disruptive, they should be taken out of the meeting. He explained that we should be careful that they do not learn that they can simply be disruptive and get out of the meeting. Instead, we should make the meeting more fun for them. (Coloring books, picture books, small felt board stories, and other quiet activities.) *However* this same Bishop also explained that a 1, 2 or 3 year old should NOT be expected to sit still for 3 full hours. During Sunday School and Priesthood/Relief Society, it is perfectly acceptable for them to run, play, climb, etc. If they are extremely loud, then it would be appropriate to take them out in the hall... if not, they are perfectly welcome to stay in the meeting. Just a week ago, my 14 month old spent Relief Society crawling around the table in the front of the room with another boy just younger than her. They happily and fairly quietly played that way for most of the meeting. When the boy stole my daughter's pacifier and she screamed in protest, I crawled to the front of the room to help settle the matter... then they continued to play.

Anyway... just my Bishop's thoughts. I've always found that helpful... even since we moved out of that ward.

Emily
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Old 07-31-2007, 10:35 PM
 
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but then, I'm in the Northeast US, where, unfortunately, most people are still very backwards about breastfeeding.
All those Reverend Dimmesdale-esque Puritans. You should wear a Scarlet B and start introducing yourself as Hester Prynne. That ought to make 'em uncomfortable. :






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Old 07-31-2007, 10:46 PM
 
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What an awful thing that happened to that mama...

however I'm not sure I liked reading that post due to the fact that there were so many misinformed/incorrect people there spouting stuff about "the church" and such. It made me more frusterated that they were advising when they had their own slanted opinions that were affecting their posts. I however will make it a point to nurse this one during church- but I doubt it will cause any problems as a significant number of the mamas in my church nurse for a decent time period.

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Old 07-31-2007, 10:51 PM
 
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Posting to add that I HAVE nursed during church uncountable times with each other DS.... but have no one to nurse right now as Isaac weaned last month.

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Old 07-31-2007, 11:35 PM
 
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Ahh, love this topic. I remember when Tuan'sprincess posted her dilemma. That gave me the extra boost I needed to quit hiding and start nursing in SM. Even before then, I had gone on a mother's lounge strike. Ours is a new building, unlike LTB's, so supposedly our mother's lounge is made for the purpose, yk, a wall right in front of the door so you don't see anything when you first walk in, a sink next to the changing table, etc. But the reason I quit using it is that even if the speakers are turned up, it's social hour in there. Everyone is in there gossiping. So, I can choose to stay in the meeting, or I can go and get the latest scoop. So I stay, and I don't cover up. I totally agree with frogley that it's more conspicuous with a blanket. It's like waving a flag. No thanks. And so far, no problems. I've had one friend say she noticed, but that was it.
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Old 07-31-2007, 11:47 PM
 
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breastfeeding in church or around church members is one of the things that really boggles my mind. i get modesty totally get it!

what i don't get is the fact that we are taught to live a chaste life and yet somehow even though we all know why we were given boobs, members of the church still make them sexual. of all of the places where they should be seen with the sole purpose of their original purpose. the main reason we have boobs period is to breastfeed. women who breastfeed are constantly trying to desexualize boobs, the church and it's members should support that, not get uncomfortable by them. if we use them for their intended purpose they are not sexual and therefore you are not being immodest by nursing.

it just doesn't make sense to me.
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Old 07-31-2007, 11:56 PM
 
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i have to be a bad bad girl here and admit i love the Mother's Lounge. i love to "escape" and go in and feed Olive and chat with some of the other mom's while listening to the sacrament meeting over the speaker. to tell you the truth i feel the spirit more there than i often do in sacrament meeting. i'm just relating my feelings not trying to tell y'all what to do at all!
here's the deal with me: my DDD/E boobas don't like to be covered. it is such a fight to be discreet while feeding, and i'm not just talking a little skin seeing as how my areolas are the size of Olive's head, no lie! i just gave up and started just whipping the whole jumbo mama milk jug out in the mother's lounge. i don't feel comfortable with doing it in sacrament but the mama's in the lounge can deal in my most humble opinion. i've noticed that more mamas are doing the same thing now. while in public Robbie holds up a blanket while i get situated but even then it's a huge ordeal. i usually just stuff O full and then do my errands quickly. breastfeed in the car i hear often but let me remind those people that it was 96 today and i got all teary eyed because that is 20 degrees cooler than it has been in months! i opened up my house and enjoyed the "coolness". so i say more power to you, mamas! i see women breastfeed in church often and have to refrain from squeling with delight. i really wish i could but i do take other people's comfort into account. breastfeeding in general can make people uncomfortable but, allow me to be frank, screw them. you just have to realize when i breastfeed i let it all hang out. that's how Olive and i like it.

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however I'm not sure I liked reading that post due to the fact that there were so many misinformed/incorrect people there spouting stuff about "the church" and such. It made me more frusterated that they were advising when they had their own slanted opinions that were affecting their posts.
i saw this too and it bugged me. like the "i wouldn't waste my time in a church like that" it's all part of that 'church shopping' mentality, IMO. like who cares what the Lord has asked of me when i have my own wants. yeah i'm probably not making any sense here. but i did feel the thread helped to throw out some misconceptions and clear up some questions. like that when you are LDS it's not like we can just go to another church. ykwim?

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Old 08-01-2007, 12:01 AM
 
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oh! i forgot i have a story for this too.

a few weeks ago DH's friend was over (as he is more often than not he comes from a strictly bottle-fed family, but we love them all anyways. so he was chatting away with Robbie at the dinning room table and i went into the living room (like 10 steps away) and sat in the loveseat which back is facing the dinning room. i whip out big bertha and feed Olive commenting on their discussion (mind you my back is to them) when Robbie's friend decides to get up and walk around to chat with me. he gets to my side then turns and walks away and announces he got to see my boob. the funny thing is it didn't faze Robbie and i at all. we just let him stand there embarrassed and laughing it off and then Robbie cooly says "yeah, that's what they're for" to which we could hear the light click on in the friend's head "that IS what they're for" : and it only took me flashing him for him to be educated.

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Old 08-01-2007, 12:38 AM
 
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Thanks for all the reassurance guys. I almost nursed DS in RS this week, but we were like, 5 minutes from being over with so I just made him wait. I guess I'm just torn - part of me feels sorry for those poor 20 year old boys who were brought up around modest women and how they'd probably have a heart-attack if I nursed DS, and the other part of me really wants them to know what they're for. lol

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Old 08-01-2007, 12:43 AM
 
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You guys have all heard this before, but I think I live in the most fertile ward in the church. Seriously. There have already been 25-30 babies born this year, and there are 18 due between now and the end of the year. The sad thing is, most of them are bottle fed. Even the ones that I know are breastfeeding are supplementing with bottles and formula, and their babies are only 4-5 months old. Lots of moms started out nursing and I was so encouraged, but every week it seems like there are more and more bottles.

The whole NIP issue just makes me sad. It makes me sad that women aren't more supported in breastfeeding. It makes me sad that there are so many people that make such a big deal about it, and make moms feel so self concious and inferior, simply beacuse they are nourishing their babies. If people were more supportive and encouraging about breastfeeding, I think there would be so many more moms that would stick with it longer and contribute to a healthier society overall. It doesn't seem like anyone is shamed for bottle feeding in public. No one bats an eye. But somehow, breastfeeding is obscene? It doesn't make sense. Especially at church- it's hard for me to understand the ignorance.

As far as nursing in church goes, I've nursed everywhere too. I hate that women are expected to leave the meeting to go nurse their babies, especially when there are so many women bottle feeding without a second look. Whe I was nursing a 2 yo, I would often go to the mother's lounge, mostly beacuse I wanted her to fall asleep, and she wouldn't do it if there was something more interesting to do. And sometimes I would go to the mother's lounge if Sunday school was boring. And yes, I did enjoy mother's room social hour. : But I never, ever left Relief Society. It just seemed ridiculous. Everyone in the meeting is a woman, everyone has a set of breasts, whether they use them to nurse or not. What's the big deal? Ugh. This really is one of my hot-button issues.

I have to admit, I had a lot of fun nursing my toddler in church though. She was small for her age, so when people would ask how old she was, I always laughed at their reaction when I told them 2 1/2! But hey, every little bit helps normalize it, right?

Violin teaching, doula-ing Mom to Abby, (8) Ashlynn, (6) : and Max (11/13/08) Diagnosed with Metopic Craniosynostosis. First surgery 5/1/09, Second surgery March 2010.
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Old 08-01-2007, 12:48 AM
 
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I guess I'm just torn - part of me feels sorry for those poor 20 year old boys who were brought up around modest women and how they'd probably have a heart-attack if I nursed DS, and the other part of me really wants them to know what they're for. lol
I served a mission in Brasil and women breastfed in Church and in the missionary discussion left and right. I say show 'em what they're for. :

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Old 08-01-2007, 01:22 AM
 
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part of me feels sorry for those poor 20 year old boys who were brought up around modest women and how they'd probably have a heart-attack if I nursed DS, and the other part of me really wants them to know what they're for. lol
My SIL is all uptight that her 14yo ds is going tos ee something when I'm nursing my baby. She has straight out told him to cover his eyes (we were caravaning to a family event, and baby needed to nurse so we pulled into a rest area, and we were parked next to them...I was nursing ds in the front seat, and--in the other car mind you--she told him to cover his eyes). Here's the kicker--he goes to the mall and to movies. Oh, and to school! LOL. But she's all uptight about him seeing me nursing. I kinda want to grab her and shake her and say "hey, he sees them all the time anyway, don't you think it would be healthy for him to see them used appropriately?!"

Oh well, from AK they won't see anything...until I come back nursing a baby AND a toddler ROTFLOL
(So, I talked with dh, and we'll accept the job pending being able to actually afford moving up there...it'll be $1200 just to fly us up, and that's with Sammy in my lap! If we have to ship furniture and stuff who knows! So we're gonna see if they'll help with costs, or if the apartment there is somewhat furnished or somethign like that--if we only have to bring up clothing and some housewares that's a whole different matter than if we need to bring beds and tables and chairs...kwim?! The job there would pay us more, and we'd save money in other ways because of not having a car up there and renting out our house here...but if we're gonna be out several thousand just to move each way, that kinda uses up all that 'extra' money we'd be making, kwim? DH is going to call them tomorrow and talk about some details of logistics--stuff we couldnt' really ask until they made the offer, you know? So hopefully tomorrow night we'll have answers!)

jenni

~Jenni, rural frugal Alaskan, eternally married to Dragon
loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
 

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Old 08-01-2007, 01:30 AM
 
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Oh Jenni!

I hope everything works out for you guys! We didn't even get DH's official "offer" until we were already here... but they provided $2500 (tax protected) as our "relocation assistance." It was a total answer to prayers, and I actually just used it to finish paying off our credit cards about 10 minutes ago. I'm so happy to be out of consumer debt.

Emily
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Old 08-01-2007, 01:42 AM
 
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Hi Stacy! good to see you again!

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The whole NIP issue just makes me sad. It makes me sad that women aren't more supported in breastfeeding. It makes me sad that there are so many people that make such a big deal about it, and make moms feel so self concious and inferior, simply beacuse they are nourishing their babies. If people were more supportive and encouraging about breastfeeding, I think there would be so many more moms that would stick with it longer and contribute to a healthier society overall. It doesn't seem like anyone is shamed for bottle feeding in public. No one bats an eye. But somehow, breastfeeding is obscene? It doesn't make sense. Especially at church- it's hard for me to understand the ignorance.
You're so right. The idea of nourishing and nurturing my child is one of the things that finally helped me feel comfortable with NIP at church. Honestly, I couldn't think of a holier thing I could do for my child, and holy things can happen in the chapel.
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