Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #7 July-Aug - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 112 Old 09-13-2007, 04:42 PM
 
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For me, submission is a "mutual respect" type thing. According to Ephesians 5:22-31, my hubby's job is to love me as Christ loved the Church and be the spiritual head of the house - my job is to submit to my husband.
In my opinion, dh's job is much more challenging than mine! And for me, my husband makes it extremely easy to be a submissive wife. He always wants to know my opinion or thoughts on a decision before he makes the final decision. And he loves me so much It is a joy for me to submit to him.
I feel the same way about my DH. He is incredibly kind and respectful, and always includes me in decidion making and asks my opinion on things. He makes it very easy for me to give him the reins in our marriage because I always feel like I matter, and like I am an important part of the family. I respect his contribution to the family very much - the fact that he gets up every day and works and makes the money to sustain us, and that he protects me and our children. Its because I respect him so much that submission is possible. I feel that giving him the reins is the ultimate way of showing him that respect.
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#92 of 112 Old 09-13-2007, 04:52 PM
 
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I'm a long-term lurker, but I do post once in a great while : ....
but I want to be a much more active member of this 'community within a community'. I'm committed to being the best wife I can be to my DH but I seem to hit snags all along the way...

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Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post

I think the idea of dressing up for DH is a thing most any wife should do. It really can enhance your marriage, whether or not you subscribe to the submission thing or not. But I have heard too many wives that seem almost feminist to the extreme and not thinking it is their job to do anything to please their husbands.
I need to really work on this. I feel like I always look like a major schlub when Dh gets home, either I havent had a shower yet or I have flour all over my pants from baking, and more often that not I am in my 'lazy clothes'. Even when not pregnant I have a hard time. I dress up when we go out together, but I would like to look nice and put-together when he comes through the door. Its a self-esteem issue for me as well; I don't feel that I look good when not showered/dressed/contacts in/little bit of makeup on. How do you find the energy to get pulled together with little ones who frequently spill things on you, and when you're just exhausted?




My mom subscribes to a very informative quarterly publication called 'Keepers at Home.' Its put out by some women that are members of a very conservative Christian community ( not specifically Amish or Mennonite I think, but they have a lot of Amish and Mennonite readers). They have frequent wonderful articles on wifely submission and respecting your husband in there, as well as great natural family living resources (herb catalogues, recipes, making natural cleaners, etc). Worth a read, for sure, though back issues can be hard to find.
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#93 of 112 Old 09-14-2007, 03:26 AM
 
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I need to really work on this. I feel like I always look like a major schlub when Dh gets home, either I havent had a shower yet or I have flour all over my pants from baking, and more often that not I am in my 'lazy clothes'. Even when not pregnant I have a hard time. I dress up when we go out together, but I would like to look nice and put-together when he comes through the door. Its a self-esteem issue for me as well; I don't feel that I look good when not showered/dressed/contacts in/little bit of makeup on. How do you find the energy to get pulled together with little ones who frequently spill things on you, and when you're just exhausted?
Do you sew at all? I've become super obsessed with cute aprons. I have on I like in particular that is a bit old fashioned but I made it with some really pretty purple calico cotton- it covers my entire front and crosses over in back. If I put it on after getting dressed it saves my clothes all day! I've recently bought 4 apron patterns just to add some cute ones since I've decided to get dressed every day.

I'm amazed what getting dressed and ready for the day does to my mood, and I'm not longer afraid when someone knocks at the door (or have to run and find a bra and a clean shirt really quickly ). I honestly don't know if its really helped my relationship directly with DH, but it certainly has improved my mood, which I am sure helps us out overall. For me, I just make myself get ready right after I get up, because if I start out the day in my pj's for any length of time I find myself falling back into old habits . I was used to getting the kids dressed (and the baby changed) so I just added myself into the equation!

Naomi, mama to Faith (12/03) and Hannah (12/06) and Kai, a homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg on 5/15/10
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#94 of 112 Old 09-14-2007, 11:29 PM
 
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OK, delurking here. You all do not have horns, as was my fear! (sorry! Just being honest! LOL)

Something in what you are all talking about really speaks to me deeply. This last week or two I've been working on just taking the back seat at home. My husband and I have always had a very egalitarian relationship and he has always loved me for my strength. What's been interesting the last week or two is that I'm not as agitated all the time. I feel more peaceful. I feel some new energy flowing in. Not what I expected.

Anyway, I will continue to read and apply and see what happens.

Oh--and what's REALLY interesting about all this is that my husband is not at all a man of faith. Very challenging at times. I keep my spiritual practices / beliefs / lessons pretty much under wraps and try to just live them.
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#95 of 112 Old 09-16-2007, 04:13 AM
 
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I am glad to see this thread still going.... I have posted a few times in the past. Right now I am working on praying for husband. My husband is not a Christian, so being a godly wife to him can be trying at time. He is a wonderful leader and head of our family. I would just love for him to be walking with me in Christ. Brings me back to my praying for him. I am working on not resenting him for not doing the same for me. I am reading the power of a praying wife, and it was so liberating to read that I cannot expect him to ever pray for me to the extend I pray for him. That the prayers I offer up to God will bless both of us many times over Anyways, it is great to be hear, and I am looking foward to getting to know everyone...

Janet ~ Wife to Bryon (Ret. USN), Mama to Korbyn(12)homebirth.jpg, Koltyn (7)homebirth.jpgribboncesarean.gif, and Kashlynn (6/23/09)vbac.gif Our long awaited little girl!! ... a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (proverbs 31:30)

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#96 of 112 Old 09-20-2007, 04:17 PM
 
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The book that I'm currently reading, suggests taking notice of all of the anti-male/husband information out there in this big wide world of ours. I never realized there was so much, and I use to contribute to it. Of course dh was much more difficult to live with as you might imagine, having a wife who thought he was stupid, etc.

We have a new girl at work, who I met for the first time yesterday. She gets a call from her dh I assume and comes back to poll the girls of which of us are married. Then she says 'You can relate to this' and proceeds to pretend to put someone in a headlock and punch them in the head. I work at a cosmetics counter, ladies, so it's kind of a funny sight. Anyway, I looked at the other girl that I work with becaue I was kind of speechless. Luckily she replied that she was perfectly happy w/ her dh and I agreed that I simply couldn't relate to putting dh in a headlock and punching his lights out. Actually the other girls who are married on our counter all seem to have very supportive relationships w/ their dh's as well. I guess she'll just have to learn that the girls on our counter like boys.

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering 8/00, 5/04, 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09), Bella (04/06-06/12) & Keevah (06/03-04/14)
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#97 of 112 Old 09-20-2007, 05:35 PM
 
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You know (and again, I am not a submissive wife by the standards you ladies are) I have never understood this trend in insulting one's partner. If they are as terrible as they are portrayed, why do people stay with them? And if they aren't, what possible good can come of continually putting them down? Just today I had a coworker spend an hour criticizing her boyfriend. I finally asked her if he ever did anything good, and if not, why was she with him. She looked at me funnily, and didn't have an answer. I can't imagine anyone would respond well knowing their partner degraded them in public regularly. And (IME) men would never get away with this.
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#98 of 112 Old 09-20-2007, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It really makes me sad to see people tear down their spouse/ SO.
I can't imagine doing that. I always try to build DH up, not belittle him.

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#99 of 112 Old 09-20-2007, 11:10 PM
 
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My DH was put down constantly by his adoptive father growing up. To the point that there are certain things he is terrified to try because he was always told he wasn't smart enough/good enough. Sad, isn't it? I've always been very careful how I speak to him as to never speak down in my tone or body language because I know it would/can hurt him very deeply.

I think unfortunately some women have been torn down by the words of their parents, so that is what they learn. How we model our marriage relationship and how we relate to our children is SO critical in terms of how they learn to relate to people as adults. I hope through my showing respect and consideration and not tearing down, that my children will learn to do the same.

Naomi, mama to Faith (12/03) and Hannah (12/06) and Kai, a homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg on 5/15/10
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#100 of 112 Old 09-21-2007, 02:15 AM
 
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I know, and it does bother me too. I try to be supportive about my hubby when I speak to other people, no matter how annoyed with him I get. I think I fail when I am at home though, because my oldest children have picked up a little of my comments and are now beginning to repeat them. : Nothing extraordinarily bad, but things I get frustrated with him about. And sometimes it is just things that I like to pick on him about.

Like, he is a easy sleeper. By that, I mean that he can fall asleep in seconds once his head hits the pillow. I, OTOH, can not do this and tend to lay there for a while trying to get to sleep. So it is a running joke with us about how we will put on a movie to watch at bed time and he will be asleep before the credits are over! OK, so it is funny. But when he says, "I am going to watch a movie" and hearing my children comment, "Yeah, right! You just want to go to sleep!" that tells me that perhaps I have been saying things I should not have.

~Hanging my head in shame~

I really need to be more careful about what I say around my children. Around anyone else, be it friends or family or just strangers on the street, I am 'The Excellent Wife'. I am courteous, friendly, and appropriately respectful. And any troubles or trials we are going through or personal issues, either personally between the two of us or just in general, are kept confidential and private. But I have slipped up way too often in talking to either myself or my husband in earshot of my children or even sometimes commenting in frustration to my children.

I realized not too long ago that my oldest daughter had developed a disrespect for Hubby and after digging and prying, the root lay in my words somehow. So it is definitely something I am working on. I allow my frustrations to become verbal at times when they should remain silent.

But that is part of the reason I created my blog and why I computer journal. So I can vent with my fingers and all the children will hear is the clickity and clackity of fingers typing away on the keyboard.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#101 of 112 Old 09-21-2007, 02:28 PM
 
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I really need to be more careful about what I say around my children. Around anyone else, be it friends or family or just strangers on the street, I am 'The Excellent Wife'. I am courteous, friendly, and appropriately respectful. And any troubles or trials we are going through or personal issues, either personally between the two of us or just in general, are kept confidential and private. But I have slipped up way too often in talking to either myself or my husband in earshot of my children or even sometimes commenting in frustration to my children.
Jenny: This reminds me so much of my parents. My dad is Italian and it has been drilled into me my entire life that you keep everything inside the family. What is said in the confines of the home, stays there. Doesn't matter if you're falling apart, you only show it at home. It's got it's good and bad points. But I was actually talking to a friend about this last night - about how every family pretends to be perfect in public, but that no family is. And thank God, that He made us all different. If everything was perfect, and everyone was perfect, then there'd be nothing to strive for, there'd be no appreciation of the good things in life. So, don't beat yourself up for the mistakes you've made. The really important thing is what you do once you realize that you should be doing something differently.

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering 8/00, 5/04, 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09), Bella (04/06-06/12) & Keevah (06/03-04/14)
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#102 of 112 Old 09-21-2007, 03:12 PM
 
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I think unfortunately some women have been torn down by the words of their parents, so that is what they learn. How we model our marriage relationship and how we relate to our children is SO critical in terms of how they learn to relate to people as adults. I hope through my showing respect and consideration and not tearing down, that my children will learn to do the same.
Very, very, very good point!! I love my parents, but I don't want their marriage and for the first few years of my married life I DID have their marriage and it was awful. But my mother practically raised us on her own and did family finances and my father worked nights and had no idea what Mom was spending $ on. I can't tell you how many times she'd say 'don't tell your father.' As a result, most of my siblings and I have little respect for my dad. I love him, but I dont' see him as the head of household that he once was (when I was a kid). He's kind of been neutered so to speak. And I don't want that to happen to my dh. Oh and I'm not even going to get into my grandparents' marriage. Egads!!

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering 8/00, 5/04, 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09), Bella (04/06-06/12) & Keevah (06/03-04/14)
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#103 of 112 Old 09-21-2007, 04:21 PM
 
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I know what you mean. My parents marriage was a role reversal. And I think my mom made my dad feel inferior. He never stepped up to be the man. His jobs were always the 'spending money' and his opinions were always sidestepped.

I am not really sure if it was his doing, her doing, or both. But I heard it and learned it good. It took several years at the beginning of my marriage to realize that I had brought that into my marriage. My Hubby had also been raised by a dominant mom. She tells me all the time how to manipulate FIL to get her way. Boy, the struggles Hubby and I went through.

Finally, I put my foot down and took a stand. Or rather, dethroned myself. Hubby had grown very comfortable into the roll that both our fathers had taken and would not take steps to change, so I did. I went on strike, permanent strike.

I can tell you, it was utter chaos for probably six months. I quit paying bills and balancing the check book (not that a wife should not do that, but Hubby worked at the BANK! So he was much closer to the info than me), I quit waking everyone up to go to church on Sunday mornings, I quit making the decisions. I would advise and aid with asked, but stopped actively doing it. And it was hard. So many times I had to grit my teeth or bite my tongue, or both. But it was all worth it in the end. My Hubby is now the head of our house that he was meant to be.

I think that is partly why my Mom and I no longer see eye to eye. I won't do anything without talking to Hubby. And she just thinks it is an excuse for me, like I want to say no but don't want to offend her so I will let Hubby do it for me. But she has mellowed a bit in that area.


Fierrbugg, thanks for reminding me. I guess that I tend to feel watched all the time when we are in public. After my Gabbie's accident, literally EVERYONE was watching us. They watch my children and their behavior, they watch to see if we show up to church, they watch to see if seem happy or sad, and so on. I feel like a monkey in the zoo sometimes. I guess part of the thing is that I feel like everyone is watching us, waiting for us to fail, and it is a hard place to live.

I know I am not perfect (and I am somewhat of a closet perfectionist) so I like things done right. And when I make a mistake, it frustrates me to no end! But I recognize that if I am working on it then that is the best that I can do. And with God's help, I WILL succeed!

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#104 of 112 Old 09-21-2007, 04:49 PM
 
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I know I am not perfect (and I am somewhat of a closet perfectionist) so I like things done right. And when I make a mistake, it frustrates me to no end!
You too?

I'm the oldest of 5, so I'm use to getting my way, or bullying everyone into my way of thinking. Dh is an only child of a single mom - so we're completely polar opposites. But he learned growing up exactly what to say and how to say it to calm down an over-bearing female. So at the beginning of our marriage, he let me step all over him, because that's how he knew to keep peace. It's still sometimes difficult to get him to make the decisions, but like you said, sometimes you have to go on strike and trust that dh will be the head of household.

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering 8/00, 5/04, 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09), Bella (04/06-06/12) & Keevah (06/03-04/14)
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#105 of 112 Old 09-29-2007, 11:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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bbbump!
How are you all?

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#106 of 112 Old 09-30-2007, 04:33 PM
 
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Have trouble right now being a good wife. : But hangin in there.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#107 of 112 Old 09-30-2007, 11:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anything we can help with?

I have to share- my nearly 5 month old is teething and rather grumpy. The other day she would not nap, would not nurse- she was just screaming. DH held her and sang to her until she fell asleep. SO SWEET! This is why I have such an easy time being such a submissive wife- I know that he loves his girls and I so much that there is no higher priority with him then our happiness and well being.

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#108 of 112 Old 10-03-2007, 05:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by fierrbugg View Post
The book that I'm currently reading, suggests taking notice of all of the anti-male/husband information out there in this big wide world of ours. I never realized there was so much, and I use to contribute to it. Of course dh was much more difficult to live with as you might imagine, having a wife who thought he was stupid, etc.
This is so true!! This is something that is seen as OK in our society. There was a time, I never thought twice about belittling hubby, especially in front of him, friends, or even family. I still do it from time to time, but I am so aware of it being wrong when I do it these days.

Janet ~ Wife to Bryon (Ret. USN), Mama to Korbyn(12)homebirth.jpg, Koltyn (7)homebirth.jpgribboncesarean.gif, and Kashlynn (6/23/09)vbac.gif Our long awaited little girl!! ... a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (proverbs 31:30)

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#109 of 112 Old 10-03-2007, 04:45 PM
 
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I need to start looking nicer. :
I'm with you on that ( I mean me!!)

No time to get past the first page-just found this thread. I need to work on looking nice too. I get up in the morning and think "what do I need to clean today...oh, I better put on some ratty clothes so I don't mess up my clothes while I clean the house" So I look bad every day That's where an apron can help Most of the time I have to wear good tennis shoes around the house because I have trouble with my feet and knees hurting if I don't. We have hardwood floors. It's hard to find shoes that I like that look good with my dresses that actually have something of a sole in them. And then most have a heel.

I would only dress up every once and a while though because it isn't practical around here on a farm with goats that escape all the time or animal poop I have to walk through. Plus dh gets home usually quite dusty from his work. Gotta give 'im a hug! But I sure so like it when he dresses up nice and I know he likes it when I wear a dress.

Well, ya'll are probably not even talking about this anymore. Haven't read the last page. I'll have to catch up. So glad to find this thread!

Married to wonderful DH 10 yrs DS 9yrs self-weaned @ 3 1/2 yrs  TTC 3 yrs got preg 4 months after HSG with DS 4yrs self-weaned at 3 1/2 yrs  Hope to have more little ones but have secondary infertility issues so we'll just have to see what the future brings Enjoying homeschooling and farming
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#110 of 112 Old 10-06-2007, 10:04 PM
 
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hey all,

just checking in here...wondering if you all could help me with biblical citations regarding our subject here? also favorite books? I'm in the mood to do more reading....

hope everyone is well tonight...it is finally raining here after weeks of dry weather.

thanks,

Jenny
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#111 of 112 Old 10-06-2007, 11:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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http://www.mothering.com/discussions...75#post9364275
Come join me- this one is getting HUGE!:

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#112 of 112 Old 10-15-2007, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to make sure everyone has the new thread!:

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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