Muslim Mamas tribe - Page 19 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-08-2008, 05:05 PM
 
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As-salaamu 'alaikom,

You might try Women for Women International.

In the last newsletter from the Mennonite Central Committee I remember they were asking for donations for their infant care packages for Iraqi mothers (for baby clothes, cloth diapers, etc). I'll see if I can find the contact info.
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Old 04-08-2008, 05:40 PM
 
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I did some searching and found Children of Iraq Association, too. I have no idea how to tell if a charity is reputable or not. I'd hate to donate and then find out that it's all eaten up by "administrative costs" or somesuch. (Also talked to DH about maybe he needs another wife? Only half joking.)
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Old 04-08-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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I did some searching and found Children of Iraq Association, too. I have no idea how to tell if a charity is reputable or not. I'd hate to donate and then find out that it's all eaten up by "administrative costs" or somesuch. (Also talked to DH about maybe he needs another wife? Only half joking.)
You can try guidestar.org They show you the info on various charities.. although I'm not sure how international their coverage is.

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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Old 04-08-2008, 07:44 PM
 
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as salaam alaykum,

thought u guys might be interested in this
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Old 04-14-2008, 04:27 AM
 
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Wow, I read that article about homeschooling and the reply. I thought the article was just ridiculous. Homeschooling so the young girls can cook and clean? Goodness, how long does it take one to cook and clean? I'm sure it can't be more then two or three hours a day! The only time I spend 3 hours a day cleaning is if I didn't do any cleaning for the days before.
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Old 04-15-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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I suppose it depends on how big your house is and how much food you have to cook and how convenient cooking is. My house is freakin' enormous and it takes all day to clean it. We don't have convenience foods here, everything is from scratch, so I generally spend at least an hour to make a simple meal, more like 2 hours if I'm doing something a bit more elaborate (or has more than rice + main dish). Not a good reason to homeschool, though.
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Old 04-15-2008, 06:50 PM
 
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Well, from what my midwife said...the hormones in the IUD basically stops any possibility of fertilization...like the pill...the pill makes your body believe it's pregnant, from what I recall...the Mirena does so too.
Salaam sisters,

My midwife said with Mirena, the cervical mucus is so hostile that sperm do not get to the tubes, so fertilization simply doesn't occur unless it's expelled and the woman doesn't notice. So I feel fine with it.

I would not get a copper IUD after what my friend went through with it. She bled pretty much every other day for a year - so much for spontaneity and convenience, huh? But everyone I know who's had a Mirena has been happy with it.

I'm still scared, though.
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Old 04-16-2008, 02:12 AM
 
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I think I might get dh to get a vasectomy...four kids naturally is enough for my body, after this I will adopt. But then again don't mind me I am an exhausted 20 week pregnant muslima....so who knows I could push push and hold that babe turn to him and say lets do it again not likely

I am off to Egypt inshallah in May..whoo but I am having total revert salat anxiety I want to be able to pray in the old mosques but am terrified I will forget something...I think it stems back to my early revert days when an imam's wife told me my deen was low otherwise arabic would be a simple joy to learn....I've never been good with languages that aren't computer ones...

8 might be enough
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Old 04-16-2008, 07:45 AM
 
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Umm Ahmet, I saw the photos of your house. MashaAllah. That's a pretty big house!

About the IUDs. There are two main kinds here in Canada - the copper and the Mirena. There's also Paraguard in the US I believe, but I haven't heard much about it here in Canada. The copper IUD is associated with more cramping, heavy bleeding, and the like whereas the Mirena you may eventually stop having periods and eased PMS symptoms. According to the makers of Mirena, there is no one reason for certain that the IUD works. It could be it blocks the sperm and egg from uniting, the lining of your uterus becomes thin, or less likely it stops the egg from being released. Maybe all three together...

Even with MIrena you could spot for 3 months before your period goes away. I've heard that from a couple girls. Another one of my friends, had the Mirena input and it was abnormally painful for her. The strings weren't cut properly (hurt dh) and eventually she just had to have it completely removed.

Shiloh, I seem too have salaat anxiety too. LOL I get so self-conscience while praying alone at the masjid. I feel like I'm going to mess up and look bad! astagafurallah. It's really annoying to me.... something I'd love to get over REAL quick!
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Old 04-16-2008, 03:52 PM
 
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I am off to Egypt inshallah in May..whoo but I am having total revert salat anxiety I want to be able to pray in the old mosques but am terrified I will forget something...I think it stems back to my early revert days when an imam's wife told me my deen was low otherwise arabic would be a simple joy to learn....I've never been good with languages that aren't computer ones...
:: at that Imam's wife. When people say stuff like that to me, I say, well why don't you go learn the salat in Mandarin or Icelandic, and then get back to me. OK?

Whenever I've been in Egypt, I rarely see women at the masjids for Jummah. (or Gomah, I guess, in Egyptian dialect.) I don't know if it's just the area where my in-laws live, or if it's Egypt-wide.

I was always taught that the more difficult it is for you, the more reward you get. So, if Arabic is very tough for you, don't worry... because Allah(swt) rewards you more than somebody who finds it easy or speaks it as their native language.

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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Old 04-16-2008, 04:19 PM
 
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I totally understand salat anxiety. I keep making up excuses not to go to juma because of it. Silly, but I am worried about the judgemnt of others.
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:28 PM
 
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lol i so felt like a fraud to even mention my salat anxiety...I wish prayer well communal prayer was more relaxing but I think public wudu is worse....nothing like someone telling you you didn't SNORT water high enough in your nose...

I don't want to do juma just a quiet prayer by myself in an empty ancient mosque would be heavenly....and atleast in North America there is variety in arabic accents, prayer styles...in egpypt well atleast I look non egyptian (if there is such a thing almost anyone can look egyptian

okay I have 3 weeks to get over my salat anxiety...
lol no self help books on that topic..dr phill?

8 might be enough
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Old 04-16-2008, 06:11 PM
 
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Oh, I meant to post this for any of the NY-area Mamas...

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf is coming to NYC.

Zaytuna Minara Program - Sunday, April 27, 2008

God and Country: A Guide to Faithful Citizenship in America

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf & Dr. Khalid Blankinship (Temple University)

The Great Hall at the Cooper Union
7 East 7th Street
New York City, New York 10003

Registration will open soon! www.zaytuna.org

I really really want to go. I'm hoping I can get DH to watch the kiddies.
Hey is anyone from around here going to this? I realllllly wanted to go but looks like its not happening. The registration says no kids under 10 and admission was a bit steep ($65 per person... so it would be about $130) for us Anyone going, let me know how it is.
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Old 04-16-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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Honestly, I've never, ever experienced anything to discourage me from attending jummah in Egypt more than just having to travel a bit farther than down the street to find a place where men's lines weren't already overflowing the building without the help of women's lines being tacked on. (Which personally I love seeing anyway. ) I know I've even committed a few obvious faux pas there and have never had it commented upon. Does anyone read the Sunni Sister blog though? The mention of "salat anxiety" reminds me of the account of some of her early masjid experiences in a recent post ... given my own positive experiences, regardless of country, it kind of made me go

I'm not sure where in Egypt you're going, but if you can get even to the outskirts of the big cities finding decent women's spaces you can have all to yourself on most days isn't that difficult.
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Old 04-16-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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Also, if anyone was interested, info on the MCC infant care kits being collected can be found here. Basically they're looking for sleepers, onesies, diapers, pins, a baby blanket, and soap all rolled up together. They were specifically looking for them for a shipment to Iraq, but given the number of countries they deliver to I'm not sure if a country can be specified or not if one is so inclined. They largely want them dropped off at one of their receiving locations, but if one is not close and/or they won't accept mailings, they do accept monetary donations towards their program, or since I live practically on top of one of their main offices just PM me for a mailing address.
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Old 04-16-2008, 08:42 PM
 
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....nothing like someone telling you you didn't SNORT water high enough in your nose...
Well, personally I can't SNORT. Whenever I've tried, it makes me feel like I'm drowning.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:35 AM
 
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Well, personally I can't SNORT. Whenever I've tried, it makes me feel like I'm drowning.
lol it took a while to get over that feeling like you are five yrs old during swimming lessons....like you just almost drowned in the pool water up the nose gag reflex feeling..
I can now snort anything....far more than the pea size I was first told I HAD TO....like I can see if you are in the desert....sand etc....your upper sinuses would get gritty....but I think just nose clean is okay am i wrong?

8 might be enough
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Old 04-17-2008, 11:58 PM
 
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Salaams,

Guys I have a question for you. I want know how you feel about birth nudity and seeing births? The reason I ask is because I'm doing a CBE and Doula course (with CBI) and I'm going to be teaching the classes. Usually folks get to see a couple videos of different births. I never went to a CBE class, but my DH told me he felt really uncomfortable with the idea of seeing someone like that. Too, I feel women might be upst seeing the private parts of another woman. What do you guys think? Have you taken a childbirth education course ? Did you just look away? Would you prefer women's only classes? or what's ur thoughts around this?
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Old 04-18-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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Salaams,

Guys I have a question for you. I want know how you feel about birth nudity and seeing births? The reason I ask is because I'm doing a CBE and Doula course (with CBI) and I'm going to be teaching the classes. Usually folks get to see a couple videos of different births. I never went to a CBE class, but my DH told me he felt really uncomfortable with the idea of seeing someone like that. Too, I feel women might be upst seeing the private parts of another woman. What do you guys think? Have you taken a childbirth education course ? Did you just look away? Would you prefer women's only classes? or what's ur thoughts around this?
Walaikumassalam,
I know personally, I've always felt really uncomfortable seeing pictures/videos of other women and their private parts giving birth. If I was a professional, I wouldn't, because... its my job. But for the purpose of just seeing what I myself will be going through... I don't know... does that fall under seeing another woman's awra, or is for the purpose of education? Since I never knew, I usually looked away. Btw, my daughter has the same name as urs A lot of Pakistani ppl, including my father, can't pronounce it properly though, because their equivalent is "Zehra".
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Old 04-18-2008, 11:45 PM
 
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Guys I have a question for you. I want know how you feel about birth nudity and seeing births?
I don't think the money shots are necessary...pardon my phrasing you don't need to see crotch shots to get birth...maybe more illustrations..also the money shots scare the crap out of husbands and give them nightmares about post partum sex...

I think men get explinations of what would go on and what their role would be for different senarios...natural, sections, vaccums etc.

I think women's only classes and men's only classes are a good idea...and couples classes...men won't ask questions about vaginal stretching tearing and post partum sex in mixed classes or ask dumb questions crap they can't ask for directions and they want to appear like they always know the answers

8 might be enough
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Old 04-23-2008, 12:24 PM
 
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Mahira,
I went to MoxiSpot with 4 of my DC and they all had a good time. They had a yoga class going on. The children enjoyed some time on the PC. The only thing I didn't like was having to go out and feed the meter. My aunt came with me, so at least I didn't have to bring the DC with me.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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Old 04-23-2008, 12:39 PM
 
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Mahira,
I went to MoxiSpot with 4 of my DC and they all had a good time. They had a yoga class going on. The children enjoyed some time on the PC. The only thing I didn't like was having to go out and feed the meter. My aunt came with me, so at least I didn't have to bring the DC with me.
I think I saw it... I was going to Atlantic Ave where all the Muslim shops are. Yeah, I think I remember the insane busyness over there with parking etc. I still wanna check it out though. Btw, near all the Atlantic Ave shops there's an ice cream place called Blue Marble... It was sooo yummmy and it's organic Lets take the kids sometime... I just need any excuse to go. They really need to make more cool, child friendly places in Queens. ETA: My husband says we sweat Brooklyn too much
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Old 04-23-2008, 12:42 PM
 
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Ok really random and maybe a little weird, but where better to ask then here
I always see threads on MDC about kids masturbating at a young age (like 2, 3 4). Most replies are along the lines of telling the child that it's ok, but its something private that needs to be done in their room.
I wonder what I would say to either of my DC, considering (at least from the opinions I've read) that masturbation in Islam is haram. Have any of you encountered this situation?
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Old 04-23-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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Yummy, yummy. Just let me know when you'd like to go. My aunt and I are taking DC to Mamalu's today. I found out on Thursday that my DC are off this whole week. Yesterday I also went to stillhip for a babywearing demo. I was soooo happy I went. One of the carriers that was demonstrated was the MT. I liked my MT before, but now I LUV it.

As for the question of masturbation in Islam. I'd just give my DC the facts about it according to Islam. They know about things being haram and so HARAM is a big NO NO for them. I'm not saying that they'd never do it. It's something that you can't really police, since it's done VERY privately. Though I hope that the info I provide them would deter them from doing it.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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Old 04-23-2008, 11:53 PM
 
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Masturbation first I look at what the hadiths said...
My arabic is poor so if I have misinterpreted Istimna educate me!
(from what I can find it means masturbation /self abuse...to orgasm)

masturbation as having sex with oneself..seems to be a little far away from a one year old touching their private parts compared to an adult touching themselves for sex in leiu of a marriage sexual relationship? How does a little boy touching his penis at 1yr old have anything to do with an physically mature male who chooses to satisfy themselves with their hand rather than a wife?

Quote:
"The one who weds his hand is accursed." (Fath al-Qadir)
Quote:
"Those who guard their private parts, except from their spouses..." [Qur'an, 23: 5]
For a small child the ages you mentioned ...to touch themselves...at that age its really more than sexual pleasure it can be exploration, itch, shift, etc than haram masterbation as from what I have read as ......isn't masterbation haram because of its effect on sex marriage relationships?

8 might be enough
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Old 04-24-2008, 12:47 AM
 
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For a small child the ages you mentioned ...to touch themselves...at that age its really more than sexual pleasure it can be exploration, itch, shift, etc than haram masterbation as from what I have read as ......isn't masterbation haram because of its effect on sex marriage relationships?
Hmmm that's an interesting point. I guess I was thinking along those lines because I hear that from other moms and its always referred to as masturbating. I do know I've heard of some kids, like out right humping things. It would make me think there is some animal brain sexually related drive there. Not that they are doing it for sex but just something carnal, almost uncontrollable, yk?
Btw, is the reason for why masturbation being haram given? It doesn't seem totally clear to me from the ayat you quoted.
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Old 04-24-2008, 01:08 AM
 
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Yummy, yummy. Just let me know when you'd like to go. My aunt and I are taking DC to Mamalu's today. I found out on Thursday that my DC are off this whole week. Yesterday I also went to stillhip for a babywearing demo. I was soooo happy I went. One of the carriers that was demonstrated was the MT. I liked my MT before, but now I LUV it.

As for the question of masturbation in Islam. I'd just give my DC the facts about it according to Islam. They know about things being haram and so HARAM is a big NO NO for them. I'm not saying that they'd never do it. It's something that you can't really police, since it's done VERY privately. Though I hope that the info I provide them would deter them from doing it.
We always go to Ben & Jerry's when we're on Atlantic Avenue. BUT, we love ice cream of all types... so will definitely give Blue Marble a try.

As for masturbation, both of my boys have gone through a "wow that's my penis" type phase at around 2 years old. I just sort of said... "Yes, it is... " or whatever... not making a big deal about it... and it never materialized into an issue. I'm not sure what/how we'll handle it when they're past puberty... but for now... it hasn't really been a big thing. I assume we'll handle it the same way with my daughter.

As for why it's haram, I seem to remember one reason being that it might keep people from getting married which is the recommended thing. (I'll have to go look it up... but that's one thing that comes to mind.) I also think the fact that one is typically fantasizing and such... perhaps looking at haram pictures... would also play a part. You're sort of forgiven for the first look which one can't always help, but after that, you're supposed to look away. (Granted, I think the visual stimulation is more of an issue with boys than girls.)

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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Old 04-24-2008, 02:39 PM
 
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I think its masturbation instead of sex...so there is something sexual about touching yourself its not about the same type of 'self abuse' mentioned in connection to masturbation/zina...

Quote:
I do know I've heard of some kids, like out right humping things. It would make me think there is some animal brain sexually related drive there. Not that they are doing it for sex but just something carnal, almost uncontrollable, yk?
Right I think that is why we have to learn to control it and recognize it for what it is...and then find a productive outlet for it (marriage and babies)

I think people always think a kid who touches themselves when they are little will grow up to be addicted masturbators...where its probably a child who is repressed who is more likely to...

Also I found this on masturbation is not haram...I need better interpretations ?
anyone have an opinion


Quote:
Question: Salaam, is masturbation permissible in Islam? And also do I need to perform ghusl after masturbation, or wudu suffices the need.
Answer: Masturbation is not haram, but it is not the normal way of satisfaction. Marriage is the best alternative. You have to make ghusl after ejaculation. The Prophet (saw) says, "Water (bath) is because of wet fluid (ejaculation)".
another view:
http://progressiveislam.org/masturbation_islamic_view

I just take the approach I teach the kids we touch our privates in our bedrooms and in our bathrooms...I really have no desire to have the masturbation chat with a teenager KWIM? I figure good habits about modesty now ...hopefully will make that a non conversation later on...

8 might be enough
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Old 04-25-2008, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok really random and maybe a little weird, but where better to ask then here
I always see threads on MDC about kids masturbating at a young age (like 2, 3 4). Most replies are along the lines of telling the child that it's ok, but its something private that needs to be done in their room.
I wonder what I would say to either of my DC, considering (at least from the opinions I've read) that masturbation in Islam is haram. Have any of you encountered this situation?
From the standpoint of the Early Childhood education community/educator/student...

You can't do anything about it...it's a natural thing for a young child to do and isnt generally for sexual pleasure. if youve ever taken child development or EC education courses they drill the various schools of early childhood development in your head and most generally consider this stage as a normal stage. It's actually very natural and normal forome p a young child to touch themselves...much like before they reach that stage they go through another stage called the "anal" stage in which they r focused on their bowels and potty training...and before that is the "oral" stage when everything goes into their mouths.

The general concensous w/in the education community is that you should NOT discourage your young child from doing these things as it's natural and they need to do them and get them over with to move onto the next stage in thier development. If one discourages them or makes them feel bad about it, the child might become fixated on it and or feel bad/dirty.

Basically if you leave the child alone and are there for them and nurture them, they will go past the stage.

seriously though, I wouldnt worry...to put it in context, when a child is in the anal stage if they say, pee or poop on themselves by accident and the parent admonishes them, they will have a much harder time full becomming potty trained and will often regress back to needing diapers.
You see this stuff in daycares all the time.

So in a nutshell, it IS normal...just ignore it...becos at 3-4 they arent touching themselves for pleasure but to explore. This IS normal. And admonishing them and saying it's haraam won't make sense to them and they will feel bad about it, wait until they are teens and are doing it for sexual reasons.

does this help?

I believe these stages are generally Piagetian stages...

p.s. sorry for the poor grammer but I'm very tired right now...also I just finished up my Bachelors in Early Childhood education and have worked in preschools and daycares so I sorta have witnessed this stuff and learned about it...and had it drilled into my head. hehehehe
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Old 04-28-2008, 10:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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p.s. salaam alaikum all! en'shallah ya'll had a great weekend.
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