LDS Papas and Mamas #48 - Page 13 - Mothering Forums
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#361 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 04:58 AM
 
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I can't remember which nephew! But it was either the 11 year old or the 7 year old, and it happened earlier this year (the older one would have been 10). I have a feeling that it was the younger one because he wasn't a very good reader until recently and they've been focusing on memorizing the AOF earlier and earlier, but I could be wrong!

Is the mother of your brother's child on Medicaid? Because unless things have changed recently, Medicaid in Washington State does not cover RIC. Perhaps that will be enough to convince her not to circ. If not, he should check to see if the hospital will do RIC or if she has to go to someone else for that, just in case she decides to pull a fast one and do the circ when he's not around. I think it's going to be a lot harder for a father to prevent the circ from happening since the mother is the one that custody defaults to, and they may not require the consent of the father for a circ (I've never dealt with this, so I have no idea how this works!). So sorry he's going through this!

Mama to DD (5) DD (3) and DS (2 months)
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#362 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 11:08 AM
 
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Oh, the circ discussion. I don't know if I will ever ever understand it. Most of my friends at church know where I stand, and they know that I can't believe what they did to their sons, and we just have to avoid the topic. I had a long long conversation once with one of my good friends at church, who is pretty darn crunchy, but still had her son circed because her DH wanted it done. I think she had a hard time understanding my passion about the topic, that I see it as a human rights issue. But she wanted to know why that was different than any other decision we make for our kids along the way that they may suffer consequences from. The only reasons I could come up with were A) it leaves a very visible physical scar that will affect future sexual relationships and B) it's something we only do to boys, which makes no sense to me whatsoever. I think she will leave future sons intact, but it's still a mystery as to why I have to pound the table on the subject now and then. And DH's and my families are totally baffled by our choices. DS is the ONLY male on either side of the family for a couple of generations who is intact. WHY WHY WHY

This topic gets me angry. I think I should stop.
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#363 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 11:28 AM
 
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she wanted to know why that was different than any other decision we make for our kids along the way that they may suffer consequences from.
Also because it has no medical benefits and is a cosmetic procedure and it's done without proper anesthesia!!!
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#364 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 12:37 PM
 
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Chased by an elephant....

I really needed that laugh this morning.
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#365 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 12:38 PM
 
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And Marly...

Those are absolutely some of the most beautiful wedding pictures I've seen! I would have loved snow for our wedding!
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#366 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 02:04 PM
 
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I have a circ'ed son and an intact son. Both have been easy, though circ son has had some irritation from the unprotected skin rubbing against his underwear.

I feel odd because I'm NOT an intactivist. I cannot get behind it being a civil rights violation. It was once a covenant and thus it cannot be inherently evil. That's just my view after my studies and ponderings, though.

I do get annoyed when someone suggests I am stupid for not doing it and have doomed my son to penile cancer.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#367 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 02:22 PM
 
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I feel odd because I'm NOT an intactivist. I cannot get behind it being a civil rights violation. It was once a covenant and thus it cannot be inherently evil. That's just my view after my studies and ponderings, though.
This is the part about circ that I have THE hardest time wrapping my mind around. I have spent so much time lying awake at night trying to figure out how it could possibly have been a token of the covenant at one point, (and by the way, it was just a token, not the covenant itself. The covenant is still in effect, but not the token.) and I've finally shelved it to my list of things I probably won't understand in this life, so that I can quit driving myself nuts about it. It just doesn't make sense to me. We've been taught how very sacred our bodies are, that they are created in the image of God, that it's a violation of them to tattoo them, to pierce them, to not take care of them and allow them to become unhealthy. And yet, an entire nation of men was asked to totally alter the bodies they were given, created in God's image, as infants, when it was not their own choice to do so, so it's also an agency issue to me. It. Blows. My. Mind. Why did God create the foreskin just to remove it for his covenant people? Why why why isn't the body perfectly designed without such an alteration? Enough. It gives me a headache.
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#368 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 02:43 PM
 
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I just remembered I did come to one conclusion about Old Testament circ, and why it was okay to do. I thought about Abraham asked to sacrifice Isaac, and Nephi asked to kill Laban, when both knew beyond doubt that murder was contrary to the plan of God. But in those instances, that is what was needed. It does not make murder okay in other instances. So I concluded the same thing about circ. At one point, maybe the Israelites needed something so drastic in order to remember who they were. But that does not mean it's okay today, when there is no covenant attached to it, and there is nothing in our church today set up for it to be an ordinance. Those who perform circs today do not get their authority from God, so LDS people claiming to be circing for religious reasons are sadly misguided, IMO.

Off my soapbox.
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#369 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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I love seeing your pictures and reading your stories. "There's a lot of love out there, y'know man?" Okay, we watch too much Cars.
Anyway. I put our pics up on my blog. It's funny to go back and look at our pictures from so long ago. I have a whole different take on my appearance! But it also helps me remember why I fell in love with the man I married. He's a great guy and I'm lucky to have him.
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#370 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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I got my first DDDDC! : Was it one of you?!?! I don't know who did it! But it really really made my day!

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I feel odd because I'm NOT an intactivist. I cannot get behind it being a civil rights violation. It was once a covenant and thus it cannot be inherently evil. That's just my view after my studies and ponderings, though.
I can understand that. Here's my take-- first off, we have no reason to believe that the circumcision of the law of Moses really removed the whole foreskin. If much or even some of the foreskin was left, it would have made sexual relations much more natural and comfortable for the women. Also if it was just the end that was snipped off, rather than the whole thing, it would have been much easier on the poor little guy than to have the whole thing torn off. I just can't believe that God would want it done the harder way when it was meant to be symbolic.

Now, the symbolic part of it makes a LOT of sense to me. Under the law of Moses, the Israelites were asked to give up all of their "first" and "Best"-- the first fruits of their harvests were tithed, the best most perfect lamb was sacrificed, etc etc. They were asked to make these sacrifices. So it makes sense that the first and most sensitive part of the penis was sacrificed, not because it isn't good or necessary, but because it IS good and necessary-- the best part! This was one symbol of their covenant to God along with the other sacfrifices. Remember, we believe in a long and eternal life to come, with our physical bodies made perfect, so these lesser circumcisions were only for a short amount of time on earth, not for all eternity-- a symbol of the hardships and sacrifices we must endure on earth.

Why was the covenant done away? It was a physical symbolic sacrifice, and all of the physical sacrifices of the law of Moses were done away with when Jesus fulfilled the law.

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I love seeing your pictures and reading your stories. "There's a lot of love out there, y'know man?" Okay, we watch too much Cars.
Don't embarrass me, Fillmore!


♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#371 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:31 PM
 
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That's so cute Sarah!
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#372 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:33 PM
 
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I absolutely see circumcision as a human rights issue. It is not OK to remove someone's healthy, useful body part without their permission. It should be the boy/man's choice if he wants that vital organ removed for health reasons. We take his choice away when we do it to babies.
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#373 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:38 PM
 
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That's so cute Sarah!
Aww thanks.

LTB, too funny. I like your dddc, but 'twasn't me!
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#374 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:38 PM
 
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I absolutely see circumcision as a human rights issue. It is not OK to remove someone's healthy, useful body part without their permission. It should be the boy/man's choice if he wants that vital organ removed for health reasons. We take his choice away when we do it to babies.
I don't necessarily see it as a "vital organ" or a "useful body part" nor as a "human rights" issue, but I am against circumcision as "unnecessary surgery" and as cruel since most of it is done without anesthesia and most babies are left with an open wound without any sort of post-surgical medical care for it other than "keep it clean."

While it doesn't quite make the "human rights" column for me, it does fall under the "medically negiligent" column and therefore I am against it. (Plus all the so-called "medical" reasons for doing so fall flat in my opinion.)

Though I do have to say that the religious ramefications are interesting to consider, though they were done away with by Peter and Paul in the New Testament. However, I will not condemn any Jews or Muslims for circ'ing because that is their religious right and belief to do so, just as the washing and annointing or baptisms for the dead are our religious right and belief to do so.

"A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion Lannister

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#375 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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Peeking my head out and looking around...

I am halfway through "Twilight" and coming up for air. And to feed my children. Funny thing that they think they need to eat. :

NCD, was it you who called it literary crack? Indeed...

Violin teaching, doula-ing Mom to Abby, (8) Ashlynn, (6) : and Max (11/13/08) Diagnosed with Metopic Craniosynostosis. First surgery 5/1/09, Second surgery March 2010.
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#376 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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Congratulations on your baptism Tiffani!

On the jewelry thing... I hate those commercials too. I do think a little jewelry is fun and looks nice, but I just stick with the cheap stuff. And really, I don't wear it much anymore at all -- I did when I was younger.

I am extremely anti-circumcision as well. I have bumper stickers stating as much. I'm almost positive that whoever is in charge of VT in my ward saw them, because they gave me the only other known anti-circ sister in the ward as a Visiting Teacher, heh. Either that, or it was a very inspired choice.

How we met... I was going to BYU, living in a condo that my dad purchased for housing for his kids. I was managing that condo, and thus in charge of its upkeep. I called my uncle who owned several apartments in the area to get a recommendation for a carpet cleaner. He recommended DH by name, saying that he did a really good job. DH was working for a company that cleaned carpets, so he came over and cleaned them for us. My roommate and I thought he was cute, and I sort of followed him around, making conversation, while I watched what he was doing. He took my number off my work order and called me all the next week, trying to reach me. He finally caught me at home about a week later, and we started dating the next day. Eight months later, we were married.
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#377 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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Peeking my head out and looking around...

I am halfway through "Twilight" and coming up for air. And to feed my children. Funny thing that they think they need to eat. :

NCD, was it you who called it literary crack? Indeed...
Yes, I did.

"A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion Lannister

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#378 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 04:03 PM
 
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He took my number off my work order and called me all the next week, trying to reach me. He finally caught me at home about a week later, and we started dating the next day. Eight months later, we were married.
That is so sweet! So does he still do a good job with the housekeeping?
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#379 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 04:06 PM
 
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My sister and her husband ahd their newborn circ'ed when I was there last month. They ahd already made the decision by the time I got there, and there was very little time between when he was born and we all fell into an exhausted stupor and when they took him for his circumcision.

It was awful to see him afterward. That day, he was fussy and out of sorts, and he screamed, screamed, screamed, any time they changed his diaper. After the circ, the nurse didn't put enough vaseline on the gauze, and at the first diaper change after, taking the diaper off ripped another wound in his penis and made him scream again. My sis and bil felt so bad that he had this raw open wound, and it was all I could do no to say "Then why did you decide to do it to him?" Since I have two girls, I have never seen the effects of circ firsthand like that, but seeing the misery that poor sweet boy was in cemented in my mind even further.

BIL kept commenting on how they needed to keep the gauze on his penis, and how he was so worried and concerned about it. I think that sometimes people don't realize that there are choices, and that they have the responsibility to educate themselves to make the right choice!

I can't claim that I am an intactivist. Because I'm not incredibly educated about it, and beacuse some people view it as such a personal decision and cultural norm, I feel very uncomfortable talking about it at times. I need to step it up though, because I feel like I have a responsibilty as a doula to be promoting intactness. (Is that a word?)

Violin teaching, doula-ing Mom to Abby, (8) Ashlynn, (6) : and Max (11/13/08) Diagnosed with Metopic Craniosynostosis. First surgery 5/1/09, Second surgery March 2010.
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#380 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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I absolutely see circumcision as a human rights issue. It is not OK to remove someone's healthy, useful body part without their permission. It should be the boy/man's choice if he wants that vital organ removed for health reasons. We take his choice away when we do it to babies.
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#381 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 04:51 PM
 
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My sister and her husband ahd their newborn circ'ed when I was there last month.
At first, I read this "My sister had her husband and their newborn circ'ed..." Sorry the baby has to go through all of that. I think you're right about people not realizing they have choices. I feel badly for everyone involved when people seem convinced that they have to circ their sons for their own good.

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I absolutely see circumcision as a human rights issue. It is not OK to remove someone's healthy, useful body part without their permission. It should be the boy/man's choice if he wants that vital organ removed for health reasons. We take his choice away when we do it to babies.
:

I'm thankful that this hasn't been an issue in our family. We're in Canada, and the circ rate is much lower here. Most families I know don't circ. Dh was surprised to find out that anyone who didn't have a religious reason did it.

Mom to DS(14), DS(12), DD(9), DS(6), DS (4), and DS(2)  

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#382 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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Sooo, crap. The transmission is dead. : I had a midwife appointment this morning, and we weren't positive whether it was drivable or not, so DH decided last night that he would come home and watch the kids for me and I would drive our little Nissan Sentra all the way down to the midwife. It's about 25 minutes on the highway. The Sentra's muffler is toast, so it was an interesting drive. And when I was almost back home, it suddenly got worse. DH inspected it before he went back to work, and he says it looks like there's a new hole in the exhaust pipe up closer to the engine. So I was thinking *maybe* I could put the kids' carseats back in the Sentra and drive DH to work so I could go to our AP playgroup cookie exchange tomorrow, and then to a VT appointment, and then another VT appointment on Wednesday. But with a hole in the exhaust, DH is worried about fumes getting into the car and doesn't want the kids exposed to it, and says I should just cancel our activities. I started crying. I had to skip VT last month, last minute, since DS was sick. I feel really flaky canceling again at the last minute. And last night I went ahead and baked 7.5 dozen cookies for the cookie exchange, hoping everything would work out and we could go. And now that's not going to work. And I feel so bummed that I think I could eat all those 7.5 dozen cookies myself. Which would be a horrid idea based on the fact that I'm 26 weeks pregnant and already up 23 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Sigh. But the biggest worry is financial. There's really no way I can see that a transmission will cost less than $1k. Probably more. So we'll have to put it on the credit card. And figuring out the whole midwife payment thing right now is driving me absolutely batty. Right now I'm hoping our tax returns are closer to $4k than not, but I'm kind of doubting it. We've never had it that high before. Anyway, I'm just feeling super stressed and really upset about the timing of all of this. And DH is feeling the same...but instead of crying like me, he just gets short-tempered. Poor kids...weepy mommy and short-tempered daddy.

But now onto happier things. How DH and I met.

In my senior year of high school, I was dead-set on applying to BYU for college. I had planned on going there ever since I had thought about college. But my parents convinced me to attend a somewhat local meeting that had representatives from all 4 LDS schools (BYU, BYU-Hawaii, Ricks, and LDS Business College). Just for variety, I decided to sit in on the Ricks portion of the meeting. And during that meeting, I felt strongly impressed that Ricks was the school I needed to go to. Which just seemed so odd to me, being the high achiever I was. I was (and still am) positive that I could have easily gotten into BYU with my grades, AP classes, and test scores. But I never even applied, I applied *only* to Ricks. And got in. I ended up taking 3 semesters there (which was all I needed after my AP class college credits, to qualify for an Associates). While the first 2 semesters were good (although my roommates drove me absolutely nuts, admittedly), it was the 3rd semester that was the special one. I had made friends with a girl I played clarinet with in the band, and she invited me to be one of her roommates for the coming year. I *loved* my roommates that semester, they were great. But anyway, the first week we were there, we got a knock on the door from a couple guys. They introduced themselves as two guys from our new ward. They were *actually* going from apartment to apartment to meet all the girls in our ward. This is pretty hilarious, if you knew them. One of them, of course, is now my DH. The other was his best friend, who had met while they both served missions in Brazil (they were never companions, but were roommates in Brazil). DH is totally an introvert, never ever "schmoozes", and avoids social activities. His friend, Q, was totally afraid of girls. While he had a good time socially, the minute it came to getting close enough with a girl that she might actually hold his hand, he would freak out. We joked about that so much. He ended more relationships because of that... and I was so surprised when he finally got married!

Anyway, so DH and Q spent a few minutes at each apartment, getting to know the girls a bit. My apartment was the 3rd one down, and they stayed the rest of the evening there, never getting around to going to the rest of the apartments. We had SUCH a fun time, joking, laughing our heads off, and it was just great. DH says that he thought my smile was amazing. I honestly had a crush on his roomie Q before I paid much attention to DH. We attended a few social activities together, where we became jovial friends. Once his roommates and my roommates all went to the sand dunes together. After we were all completely tired and it was getting to be about sunset, we laid down in the sand. Myself and my good clarinet buddy/roommate both snuggled into DH's arms while we all looked into the sky. Yeah, she had a crush on him too, at that point. And yeah, we were crazy teenagers!! It seems so crazy now, I would GASP at my own daughter doing the same thing. He later told me that he wished it had just been me, but was happy that I was there at all. And when we watched a movie at their apartment later, DH and I sneaked holding hands while everyone else just started dozing off, lol. He eventually asked me to the Homecoming dance. I basically fell in love with him there...I just seemed to melt into his arms at one point. It felt rather magical.

I was probably a bit pushy from DH's point of view. I was only there until the end of that semester, after all, and I also had a missionary that I had always considered "the one". So once I started feeling like maybe I might need to make a choice between the two, I really was very blunt with DH. I had a serious talk with him one evening, telling him that either he needed to decide soon if he loved me enough to maybe marry me, or I would just forget about it and go back to my missionary. I was not one to play mind games with the guys I dated, lol. He later told me that he was very confused by that conversation at the time...like he was a little blindsided by the sudden seriousness of the relationship. Heck, he hadn't even told me he loved me at that point. And I was the first girl he had ever had a relationship with, and had only been on a single date before then. It's amazing I didn't scare him into running away, LOL!! I even went so far as to read him quotes from my Eternal Marriage class, a couple weeks later. Oh my, I really was insane.

DH and I always had such a good time together. He *always* made me laugh, and we loved just hanging out and doing whatever. (Not that there is much to do besides "whatever" in Rexburg, ID....) We even had "sword" fights, and wrestling matches. During one wrestling match, he had me totally pinned. And what does a pinned girl do to get a guy off of her? She bites, of course! I got DH's arm, totally from instinct and not an intention to hurt him, and I got it good. I left the biggest, ugliest bruise you've ever seen on that arm. And he rubbed it into my face EVERY chance he got. I felt so embarrassed!! But we always had such a fun time together.

It was only a matter of maybe 6 weeks by the time I was head over heels for him, even though he had only recently actually said that he loved me. But I was frustrated with him shortly after that, he almost seemed like he was avoiding me, or at least not spending as much time with me as he used to. He finally told me that it's because that while I wasn't with him, he really felt unsure and completely doubtful about our relationship. But when we were together, it felt totally right. So the poor guy was confused. We both decided to seriously pray about it. I told Heavenly Father that I really loved DH, and thought that I wanted to marry him, but that I wasn't 100% sure, because I still had some major love for my missionary, too. I asked for help to know that I was making the right choice. That very same day, I had 3 separate answers confirming the same thing, while I was in my college classes.

1) In our Eternal Marriage class, our teacher decided not to focus completely on the lesson material, and talked instead a lot about D&C 9:8,9.
Quote:
But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong;
I had definitely been feeling so much that marrying DH was the right thing, and this scripture and our teacher's comments on it really helped me to trust my heart on this one, instead of constantly doubting in my mind. Something the teacher said or read prompted me to write this in my journal: "We're expected to act on our feelings if the Father hasn't said "no"." And then the part about forgetting the thing which is wrong - as I dated previously, my feelings for my missionary remained super strong. But as I dated DH, I thought less and less about him, to the point where I really did feel like I was "forgetting" my missionary.

2) During my sociology class, where I seldom actually listened to the boring-as-wood teacher's lectures, I instead thought about what we had talked about in Eternal Marriage, and actually made a list of pro's and con's about DH. My list of pro's was about 40 or or more, while the con's numbered about 4. I had several journal entries that were completely harsh on DH, criticizing him for this or that about his spirituality. But it was during that sociology class that I realized, HEY! People aren't perfect. I'll probably never find someone absolutely perfect for me. But DH felt about as close to perfect for me as I could imagine. Maybe this wasn't a completely ground-breaking revelation, but it was an important step to my final decision.

3) In my Spanish class, where we typically spoke in Spanish for the entire duration of the class, and actually learned about the language, my teacher decided to go totally on a tangent instead. He talked about the gospel, ESPECIALLY focusing on families. He really stressed how much the family unit is the absolute center of the gospel. And I kept thinking about the one night that I asked DH what he loved most about the gospel....his answer was "eternal families". And during the course of my teacher's lecture, I realized how very fortunate I would be to have a husband who truly valued me as an eternal wife, a mother, and very much wanted an eternal family. That was all that really mattered.

So that night, I told him about those 3 experiences, and before he walked me home, we sat outside in the absolute FRIGID air, just watching the moon. And all of the sudden, out of nowhere, I blurted out "So are you going to marry me, then?" He was silent for only a couple seconds, got a thoughtful look on his face, and answered, "Yeah."

In another week or two, it was Thanksgiving, and I went with him to his grandma's house in Idaho Falls. While we were there, we went ring shopping, where I picked out my ring. Just a simple .25 carat solitaire on a gold band. I don't think I have a picture on my computer, but it's not something you can't easily imagine, anyway And then a few weeks later, I had to go back home to WA state. He came to visit over Christmas break, and officially asked me to marry him on New Year's Eve. (Not like I didn't see it coming or anything, lol!!) That's when we finally told everyone.

We got married at the Seattle Temple on April 29, 2000, one week after he was done with school at Ricks. It was so hard to be apart between January and April. We emailed each other constantly, and every other night spent a good 2 hours on the phone (I have no idea what we talked about - we can hardly have a constant 10 minute conversation anymore without bringing up computer games or kids....).

So story summary: I felt impressed to attend Ricks College specifically. During my last semester there, DH and his roommate went tracting for girls in our ward (), stopped at our apartment on the 3rd door down the list, and DH and I had decided to get married a little less than 2 months later, and got married about 7 months after we met.

Here is a picture of us on our wedding day:
Me and DH

Ahh. The hour it took me to type that (sorry for the book!!) made me feel so much better than I did before I started, worrying about money as I was!

SAHM to Melinda (Oct '03), Jacob (Aug '05),  Alex (Apr '08), and baby.gif Malcolm (Sept 29, '11)

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#383 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 05:52 PM
 
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Oh, and re: circ. I feel so burned out on that right now. Any time I think about it, I get depressed. I want to tell people about it and get them educated, but I can't get up any nerve to do it right now. Specifically on my mind right now is my new Visiting Teacher, who is due with a boy, her first, on January 1st. She's a totally sweet lady, and admits openly that she doesn't have the first clue about parenting. I gave her a few homemade gifts and a couple books for her baby shower (books including "A Parent's Guide" by the church, and "The No Cry Sleep Solution"). I'm hoping she reads enough of NCSS, which does talk a bit about circ, before the baby is born to think about not circ'ing on her own, because I just don't. have. the. emotional. energy. to give her reading materials and talk to her about it right now. And that makes me feel awful, too, because I definitely feel like it's totally against our doctrine and nobody seems to stop and consider that, these days. But after all the drama I went through with my younger sister on the same topic this year, and the stress I have in my own life right now, I don't feel like I can handle it. I wish I could be a better intactivist.

Mostly I'm feeling 150% grateful that my good online gaming friend is expecting a girl instead of the boy they were originally told to expect a couple months ago. He's due within a couple days of our baby #3, and it would have broken my heart to know that a tiny little guy the same age as mine would be circ'd, on top of being an elective cesarean.

SAHM to Melinda (Oct '03), Jacob (Aug '05),  Alex (Apr '08), and baby.gif Malcolm (Sept 29, '11)

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#384 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 06:03 PM
 
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Becky, I loved reading your story!!!

I'm so sorry about the car. I did pray for you about it!

P.S. You two are really cute, too!

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#385 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 06:05 PM
 
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I'm so sorry about the money woes, Becky. It's sounding all too familiar. Both mine and DH's cars needed work last month in order to pass NYS inspection, and that was pretty hefty. And Dh and I sat down a couple of weeks ago with our budget trying to figure out where we'll come up witn $2000 for this next baby. It is so so so frustrating to me that if I just waltzed into a hospital, it would be completely paid for by our insurance. But something that in reality is a whole lot cheaper we have to pay for ourselves. And of course it's also frustrating from the standpoint that I'd rather UC anyway, so why are we paying for a midwife? I didn't mean this to turn into a vent, but I do seem to be doing a lot of that today.

I realized I left out a part of DH's and my story, that others have included in theirs, which is how we knew we would get married. I'm sure I gave the impression that we had been together for so long it was just default by then, but the truth is we both knew very early on that we would get married. We just didn't talk about it for another 6 months.

I received my endowment a few days before our first date. In the temple, I was very impressed by the marriage relationship portrayed and by the covenants I made. So I formed a list of sorts with this new knowledge, on what I was looking for in a husband. He had to respect me as a person with agency and freedom. There was no two ways about that. And he had to be dedicated to the things he believed to be right and firm in his committments, and a few other things. So I had this list but didn't think about it much after that, even ad Kurt and I started dating. Then one night when we had been dating about a month, I was reminded of it again, and a very strong impression came to me that Kurt fit the list beautifully. I knew after that that we would be married.

Kurt says his answer came about the same time, on a ward temple night. He said he looked across the aisle at me and heard the voice in his head say, "You're going to marry her." So he knew too.

We often thought it was interesting that both of us received answers before we had formally asked. Of course it was sort of in the back of our heads, but neither of us had prayed about it at all, and it came to us, and both through the temple.

So that's the ammendment to my already long story.
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#386 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 06:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marlygf View Post
My wedding pictures. I'll have you know, it was freezing but I didn't care. There is no way anyone was going to get me in a long sleeve dress
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8526548@N07/?saved=1
Yeah...my parents practically forced me to get long sleeves on my dress despite the fact that I was paying for it. They threatened to remove all monetary support for the reception (which was only around 1k anyway...) if I went with the short sleeves I had always dreamed of. I was really really ticked off about it for a long time, especially when they called me for advice about two younger sisters wanting short sleeves as well. When I reminded them how much I had wanted short sleeves, and how upset it had made me at the time, they couldn't believe it. They were absolutely flabbergasted that I had such strong negative memories about it and they couldn't even remember the conflict at all. The one nice feeling that came from all of it was that the temple workers commented several times about how it was the absolute most modest dress they had ever seen on a bride, and how wonderful it was that they didn't have to alter anything for the sealing. I admit I felt a little bit proud about that, even though it wasn't really my own decision. But I had been sketching "my dress" complete with short sleeves for years, and I didn't get it. But my younger sisters did, because of what I related to my parents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LionTigerBear View Post
Becky, I loved reading your story!!!

I'm so sorry about the car. I did pray for you about it!

P.S. You two are really cute, too!
Thanks!! I appreciate the prayers, I guess Heavenly Father needs us to go through more trials right now.

We both looked pretty nice and thin back then.... and DH had more hair!!
Here's what we look like now...


Quote:
Originally Posted by quarteralien View Post
I'm so sorry about the money woes, Becky. It's sounding all too familiar. Both mine and DH's cars needed work last month in order to pass NYS inspection, and that was pretty hefty. And Dh and I sat down a couple of weeks ago with our budget trying to figure out where we'll come up witn $2000 for this next baby. It is so so so frustrating to me that if I just waltzed into a hospital, it would be completely paid for by our insurance. But something that in reality is a whole lot cheaper we have to pay for ourselves. And of course it's also frustrating from the standpoint that I'd rather UC anyway, so why are we paying for a midwife? I didn't mean this to turn into a vent, but I do seem to be doing a lot of that today.
I'm glad you can relate, so I don't feel alone, but I'm sorry we share the same frustrations!! I don't feel willing to compromise on the homebirth right now, so I'll have to make it work, somehow. I wish it were only $2000 for the midwife, though. It'll be almost $4000 for us, after prenatal, postnatal, labor/delivery and assistant fees, but I'll be able to use what we accumulate in our Health Savings Account towards that at least. I guess I'll keep praying that everything will work out, especially with tax returns. I'm just sad that we won't be able to put that money into savings, and have to use it all up immediately instead. It would be so nice to have a couple thousand dollars in savings when DH finally finds a new job and we're ready to move, that we can use for those types of expenses.

SAHM to Melinda (Oct '03), Jacob (Aug '05),  Alex (Apr '08), and baby.gif Malcolm (Sept 29, '11)

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#387 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 07:17 PM
 
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We both looked pretty nice and thin back then.... and DH had more hair!!
Here's what we look like now...
Oh you guys look so cute now! What an adorable and good-looking family!

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#388 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 09:26 PM
 
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I've enjoyed the stories, let me pony up ours:

Upstate NY, 1998. I am a new member of four whopping months. Missionary transfers occur, as they do. The missionaries, who were working with my HTers to give me the new member lessons and keep track of me (as I was the first convert in a LOOOONG time in my ward) bring the new elder over. I'm a couple of years older than missionaries at this point, and have a very jokey friendship with all of them (always got along well with boys). Elder C calls to set the time and says "Wait till you meet Elder A, he looks just like Leonardo DiCaprio!" He's totally mocking me because I had some framed postcards of William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet in my apartment.

When they arrive, I shake the hand of Elder A, who looks NOTHING like Leo. (Not that Leo is my physical type, anyway.) He has a headful of curly hear and is a tad sweaty. My first thought is, "Wow, he's sweaty." His first thought is "Wow, she is wearing overalls! A Yankee in overalls! That is cool." I learn he is from Louisiana and that he has reprehensible grammar.

Later, the Elder who physically baptized me gets in touch to warn me about Elder A: "Don't trust him, he's a narc." I keep my distance, but I should have remembered the "by their fruits" scripture. Elder A is kind and friendly no matter how I treat him, and the other Elder is rude, snarky, and constantly breaking mission rules. I was his only baptism.

One day I came to my senses and asked Elder A to forgive me for my rudeness. He said "I already did, every time." I was pretty awed by his 70 times 7 attitude and his humility. We were friends. He gave me the mission address of his best friend (Spokane, WA) and his mom's email address. I wrote to both regularly.

In my patriarchal blessing, it said to pray earnestly to know who should be my eternal companion and father of my children. Like the woman who wearied the judge with her please, I wearied Heavenly Father with mine. Endless hours were spent asking for the man to be revealed to me. I promised I would hold on to the information if the timing was bad, but please, please, just show me.

On my first trip to do baptisms in the DC Temple, I dozed off in the car and dreamed of my husband. It was Elder A. I woke a bit stunned. We were friends, but nothing more. And he was going to be serving for six more months, so it was definitely not information that I could share. I confirmed my dream with HF and set about readying myself for the marriage, should it come to pass.

This sounds completely unromantic, I KNOW. But I credit HF with knowing me very, very well. Knowing my past and how I can get carried away on a wave of emotion that has no basis beyond physical pleasure. Getting to know Elder A through his mom and his best friend was a far better way to go than my usual pre-membership "hook up and stay in the relationship for years" ritual (serial monogamist here).

His mom and I became the BEST of friends. His best friend informed me that there were some pretty strong feelings coming from both sides. The mission president was aware of the situation and made sure we toed the line. (Elder A was transferred before my temple trip.) We were allowed to write occasional letters but they were not to be mushy. So the mushy stuff went into emails from each of us to his mom. She loves the role she played in our very odd courtship.

He arrived home Christmas Day, 1998. I flew out a couple of days later to attend and sing at his homecoming. The first person I hugged when I got off the plane was his mother. We were engaged on December 30 and married June 4. I never told him about my dream until he'd already proposed. He had no real confidence that I would accept him and said "why did you put me through that torture when you've known for six months you were supposed to marry me?" I said I didn't want to make it too easy for him, he needed to know, too!

10 months later and hugely pregnant, we were at his mission reunion in SLC (his president is now President Rasband of the Presidency of the Seventy). Sister R asked anyone who met while serving, or was a member in the area who'd married a missionary she met while he was serving, to stand up. There were a good ten to fifteen couples. She said there were so many more that the presidency was aware of in those three years, and that those of us who were standing could know that we made it because we followed the rules and were obedient. It was nice to hear.

I don't regret it for a minute. I made the decision with my feet on the ground, and we have a lovely marriage and amazing children.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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#389 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 11:19 PM
 
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I haven't posted ours yet. It's a bit different.

We were in the same group of best friends from the 2nd day we were in college at USC in LA. We continued being excellent friends, and had other relationships, etc. for a couple of years. After a series of events that included the Rodney King riots, it "came out" that I kind of "liked" him, but I was very reticent b/c he wasn't a member of the church, etc.

We decided to write all summer before deciding to have a relationship (although it had really started then), and I sent him a B of M that summer. The next schoolyear he read the whole Bible and the whole B of M and then prayed about it. We also had been going together all that year but I was about crazy sometimes. The next spring he prayed, and also was confirmed that he should propose.

Long story short, he got baptized, we got engaged, and married 2 YEARS later. Long story, but it felt right, both our moms had health issues, I needed to help at home with my baby brother who was born, etc.

We graduated in May 1995 and got married the next week in SD temple.
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#390 of 678 Old 12-17-2007, 11:24 PM
 
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Myself and my best friend could really use some prayers. : She told me some REALLY disturbing stuff last night. I'm praying for her health, as I know many of the things she told me aren't really under her control, but it REALLY affected me. I have this weight in my chest that won't go away, and it's bringing back feelings from my m/c that I thought I was over. Just...pray for both of us please.

Momma to DS1 4/5/06 nursed with IGT to self-weaning at 27 months, DS2 1/20/09 still nursing, DS3 due late November - planning to tandem with IGT and SNS
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