My mom says she regrets not taking us kids to church - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-24-2008, 07:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not sure what I'm looking for in posting this. But it has me

My mom told me this once. That she regrets not taking me and my siblings to Church when we were kids. I did go to Church, but I went with friends, by choice and my grandmother took once sometimes when I stayed with her.

My mom on the other hand is not religious. Christmas and Easter were secular celebrations with Santa and the Easter Bunny when we grew up including gifts from Santa ect. While my mom was baptized as a kid I never knew her parents to go to Church and her mother in particular was really anti religion. I remember as a kid my mom going to psychics and tarot card readers, we had a copy of Dianetics in the house that I read in Elementary school although I don't know which one of my parents bought it, probably my mom though.

All of my siblings practice some sort of alternative religion and one of them is a paid psychic My mom has gone on retreats with them and discusses New Age stuff with them. I don't discuss my personal stuff with my mom as I don't feel I can trust her.

I just do not get my moms comment at all.
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Old 03-24-2008, 08:08 PM
 
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Maybe she misses God right now. I can see that.
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Old 03-24-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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Or maybe she is missing the sort of "ready made" community that often comes with affiliation with a specific religious group? I know that I sometimes wish I had the sort of social network I see mamas in "denominational" religions describe (people bringing meals, helping with childcare, outings and events, conversations, etc). If your mom is feeling lonely or unrooted that could have been part of the sentiment behind the comment... the wish that she had such a community and that she had, in turn, provided access to such a community to you.

Or she could have meant nothing by it and just sort of been wondering alound about her parenting.

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Old 03-24-2008, 09:03 PM
 
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My first thought was the community aspect.

otoh I grew up going to church every Sunday by force & at the first opportunity did not go. I did try to go back in my 20's (Roman Catholic) but I disagreed with sooooo much that it was pretty pointless. When the x asked for a divorce the first thing my mother tried to push was me going back to the Roman Catholic church 'for the community aspect'. She totally did not see my point of having a community that you disagree with on most things, but just having people around.

Did you ask her what she regrets? Or why she is telling you this? Or is that type of communication not there? My mother tells me lots of stuff too that I'm not really sure what to do with.
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Old 03-24-2008, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not really sure. She is very involved in her clubs and stuff so I guess I don't see a lack of community in her life.

I didn't ask why she regrets it because I have a very uneasy relationship with her and I don't like getting personal with her at all. And yeah I have no idea what I was supposed to do with that info. She tends to just toss out there sometimes and leaves me um ok.
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Old 03-25-2008, 11:39 AM
 
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Maybe she regrets not providing her kids with some theological foundation? A friend of mine says that her mom says the same thing, and she took it to mean that it's useful to have a religious foundation from which you can begin to question, challenge, and come to your own spiritual answers. I did have a solid Catholic religious education as a child, and it has been invaluable to me as a springboard in my spiritual journey.
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Old 03-25-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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How old is your mom?

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Old 03-25-2008, 05:04 PM
 
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My parents have made this comment several times - about regretting not taking us to church. My father apparently was raised United and my mother was raised Presbyterian. There was no religious discussion at all in my home. The only thing my parents stressed was trying to be a compassionate and "good" person and that they didn't feel a connection to the Divine (my words) was found in church.

When they have now, in later years, commented that they regretted not sending us to church - the comment was not made with a religious intent. Both my parents are looking back at their kids' struggles and pains and I think they wonder if giving us a more structured tool of coping and a community would have helped lessen our struggles.

I've just shook my head and said not to bother having regrets. And for what it is worth, I've done quite well finding my own spiritual path. My brother on the other hand has no connection with any thing spiritual nor does he even desire it.

And I've know many people raised in church who went to services weekly and still, in adult life, either have no connection with any Divine spirit or are simply struggling to lead a good life.

My take on it is simply a parent looking back and wondering, had I done this .... would they have benefited?

Sorry about my spelling - baby crying!
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Old 03-25-2008, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracy View Post
How old is your mom?
She is in her 60s.
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