Quiverful Tribe: It's Spring/Summer 2008! - Page 13 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-20-2008, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
I can so see this, though I have never thought about it in that way before. It is the same thing I am constantly telling my children, "If you felt good enough to play outside, don't tell me you are too sick/hurt/in pain to do your chores."
I was going to say pretty much the same thing. If you're healing, you're healing. That means no fun stuff. lol. If you're too sick to take care of your responsibilities, you're too sick to go out to the movies, dance, park etc. I would say if you feel up to engaging in the marital act, you're probably up for another pregnancy.


Speaking of pregnancy... I had an u/s the other day. I didn't know babies got the hiccups at 9 weeks! It was amazing to see the little one moving around in there. I think I'll never get over what a gift bearing children is.

Bri: mom to K: and M: at 27 weeks and 33 weeks :
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Old 09-21-2008, 03:37 AM
 
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I realize everyone is going to have different opinions on this matter even within the QF circle, but sometimes it's still nice to get some thoughts from others on it. getting a new or different prospective can be a good way to think of things in a new fresh light. esp since sex (even in marriage) has become such a self serving act if you know what I mean - all about what we can get out of it. if it's fulfilling enough to us etc etc... not about the purpose of it which is much more enjoyable than just the sexual act. (hope that made sense!)

sometimes I find I have to really try as best as i can to cut things down the the core foundation and build up from there. instead of asking is it ok to use birthing control, asking myself what is the purpose of sex...

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Originally Posted by momtokimari View Post
I was going to say pretty much the same thing. If you're healing, you're healing. That means no fun stuff. lol. If you're too sick to take care of your responsibilities, you're too sick to go out to the movies, dance, park etc. I would say if you feel up to engaging in the marital act, you're probably up for another pregnancy.
yes I think this brings up a good point really. I will bring it to my husband and see what he thinks. it's just something we were talking about the other night and he wasn't sure what to think either. we don't have friends that see things in the "QF" way so I don't have anyone else to bounce these ideas off of yet.
---

I have a few friends who have m/c after m/c and I wonder about them. their healing physically and emotionally. and how it must be difficult to think of sex when all they've done is m/c. I still think there is purpose in this, a life is a life no matter how long it lived. but you know... it doesn't make it easier emotionally on the parents. anyone have any good insight on this one?

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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Old 09-21-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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I have long been wondering about what quiverfull means hehe... Today I sat down and read parts of this thread, and I understand now hehe.

We are a kind of quiverfull too, I guess, We leave having kids up to the Lord, but we are muslims though hehe. We dont use prevention of any kind, and we are not sure we ever will either, maybe just to space kids, if we get any more, to leave it for some months after birth.

But i am not super fertile either hehe, we been trying for 3,5 years now, since having our first almost four years ago. Oh, and I have two kids from my first marriage though hehe... So we have three kids. Thanx to God.

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Old 09-21-2008, 04:49 PM
 
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Welcome Nabbe!

About this --

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Originally Posted by momtokimari View Post
If you're healing, you're healing. That means no fun stuff. lol. If you're too sick to take care of your responsibilities, you're too sick to go out to the movies, dance, park etc.
Well, one of the examples given was vaginal surgery ... I've never had vaginal surgery, but I could see how someone with a sore vagina that hasn't healed yet, might still enjoy going to a movie, might still take her kids to the park, etc. But I can't, not even for a minute, imagine having sex when I hadn't yet healed from vaginal surgery.

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I would say if you feel up to engaging in the marital act, you're probably up for another pregnancy.
Probably so.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-21-2008, 11:53 PM
 
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Well, one of the examples given was vaginal surgery ... I've never had vaginal surgery, but I could see how someone with a sore vagina that hasn't healed yet, might still enjoy going to a movie, might still take her kids to the park, etc. But I can't, not even for a minute, imagine having sex when I hadn't yet healed from vaginal surgery.

I see what you're saying but i was thinking something along the lines of a cesarean (which I realize isn't a vaginal surgery - I have no idea why my tired brain said that!) there is a time for healing on the wound, but one could heal before then in the vaginal area. it is good to give some time for a c/s scar to heal a bit before becoming pregnant. not to say it would surely turn out bad if one did, just a general rule is it's good to let it get a chance to heal well. I know quite a few people who even with exclusively BFing ovulate in the 2 or 3rd month.

anyhow please don't think I'm knit picking - trying to find some kinda loop or noose here. I'm sincerely interested in these things as like I said i haven't anyone else to go over it with! hopefully it isn't weird that I am asking these things...

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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Old 09-22-2008, 04:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by momtokimari View Post
I was going to say pretty much the same thing. If you're healing, you're healing. That means no fun stuff. lol. If you're too sick to take care of your responsibilities, you're too sick to go out to the movies, dance, park etc. I would say if you feel up to engaging in the marital act, you're probably up for another pregnancy.


Speaking of pregnancy... I had an u/s the other day. I didn't know babies got the hiccups at 9 weeks! It was amazing to see the little one moving around in there. I think I'll never get over what a gift bearing children is.
That's so cool about your u/s! Wow, hiccups? That is awesome!

With the rest of your post, I have to disagree somewhat....probably just a matter of syntax, but I think it's important to make it clear that (IMHO) sexual intimacy is not a responsibility, but a privilege. Of course we have a moral obligation to attempt to meet the needs of our spouses (which obligation goes both ways) as much as we are able, but I think the word "responsibility" connotes an element of drudgery that I hope is not the experience of any one here.

I also disagree with the thought that if one feels up to engaging in sexual intimacy, that one is healthy/strong enough to withstand another pregnancy.

First, I would hate to feel like I was being watched and judged by others while I was healing from a physical trauma or a loss. I'd hate to think that someone might see me out having a bit of fun and say, "well, she's well enough to be "playing" so she must be over it by now!" Sometimes a bit of fun is crucial to the healing process, but does not signify that the healing is complete.

Second, I think this is in many cases simply untrue, and I fear that it could come across as slightly insensitive to some. For example, I am certain that right now my back is still so badly injured that the only way I could get through another pregnancy *right now* is in a wheelchair. So, while I know that I could almost certainly survive a pregnancy and that the baby probably could too, my quality of life and my ability to care for the children I have now would change pretty dramatically if I were to become pregnant right now.

Obviously, I look to God for healing, and I know that He could miraculously heal my back, or He could give me peace and grace to deal with severely limited mobility. I know that He would take care of me whatever the circumstance, I would never question that, and that is the only reason I am able to continue struggling along with my little bit of faith. But to just say that if one can handle having sex then one can handle a pregnancy feels a bit....well, blithe I guess. A bit indifferent to the fears and struggles that others may be facing. : And I KNOW from our discussions here that you DEFINITELY understand such fears and struggles, so I know that is not the way you meant it!

I just wanted to ask for a bit of clarification, especially for the sake of new readers, yk?

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
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Old 09-27-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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Clarifying-

I was in no way implying that sex is a responsiblity. It was an example. I was also in no way implying that if you can do the "fun things" I listed that you can have sex. Again, just an example. I was still referring to kids who are "too sick for school" wanting to go out and play. That's all.

And also... I see what you mean, Sarah. But I suppose that God would not give her another pregnancy if she isn't ready. I was just assuming that if you're really healed enough for sex, you're probably really healed. Maybe it's not the case. If not, I would probably be worried too. That's definitely something that would require a lot of prayer. Maybe God will guide her (or anyone really) to want to be with their husbands only when they don't actually have a chance of conceiving until they are healed. Or maybe He will speak to her heart, and she will feel right in abstaining during those fertile periods because she knows that is what He would want for her. I can't really know considering I have yet to be unhealthy enough not to carry a pregnancy.

Bri: mom to K: and M: at 27 weeks and 33 weeks :
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Old 09-28-2008, 03:42 AM
 
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Hello! I'm Victoria. I have been married to my DH, Jake, for 3 great years. We have an almost 3 yr old- Eva Grace. We really started evaluating our eternal impact on earth over a year ago and took the step to have my IUD taken out in Feburary. This coincided with alot of other lifestlye/heart changes... I was finishing my BS and planned to go to Med school or the likes. So this has been an exhilirating, and gracious ride God has taken us on!

I thought we would get pg so quickly, since the 1st time was almost immediate. It's been 7 months. I'm open to QF when children are abundant, but I always get this creeping fear that I might not have anymore or enough... which REALLY scares me and makes me want to take control-quickly! I need to work on my trust muscle.

My DH has been such a rock- doesn't hardly waver from month to month. He grew up pretty QF- minded. He has 3 bio-siblings and 10 step-siblings and they are all a pretty big, crazy but mostly happy family. My parent's were somewhat QF minded- there were at times they were very open but struggled to concieve. After my brother was born they no longer felt it was responsible (financially) to have anymore. My mom has expressed that concern of "poor stewardship" with me... I honestly don't know how to respond.

We go to a some-what kid friendly church... it's been painful seeing all my friends have their second and third children. It's been even more challenging to remain cheerful when my DD asks for a little brother. I haven't openly disclosed that we are QF or even trying... I feel kinda of odd airing it out! I mean, you'd think eventually it would be obvious right?

We are curious if adoption is something we are called to, taking it slowly, praying alot.
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Old 09-28-2008, 05:59 PM
 
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Hi, Victoria!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-30-2008, 10:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome, Victoria! I hope that you will soon have good news!

Bri, thanks so much for your post...I think we're on the same page! I'm sorry to dissappear from the thread for so many days....we've been out of town, just got back late last night!

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:03 PM
 
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is anyone going to start an october/fall thread???

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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Old 10-05-2008, 07:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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is anyone going to start an october/fall thread???
Good idea! I just did....here it is! http://www.mothering.com/discussions...3#post12322853


Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
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Old 12-18-2008, 03:01 PM
 
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I think God is perfect. (Of course.) And in that I believe He truly gives us what we can handle. That does not mean that He loves us more or less, that He is more or less pleased with us, or that He is blessing us more or less than anyone else.

When I look at my children. I love them each to distraction. Utterly and completly. Yet, when I assign jobs or assignments, I don't give them evenly all the time. They can not each handle the same thing. One can handle doing five times as much in one area, but only two times in another. Where another can do four time in this area but only one times in that.

So I assign according to their ability and where I think they need to grow and stretch themselves. I think God does the same with His children. He assigns responsibilities where He sees that we can handle them, and where He can cause growth in certain areas.

I don't believe it has anything at all to do with Him being more or less pleased with any particular person.
This is very wise

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 12-23-2008, 03:01 AM
 
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AngelBee thank you so much for reposting Kidzaplenty's comment... it is truely beautiful.

Have a Merry Christmas
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Old 01-03-2009, 07:15 PM
 
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This thread is a bit behind (Spring/Summer 2008). Is there a newer thread? Or did I miss it?

So much has been going on that I have not been able to keep up much. But then that is what happens when you have a little one!

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
This thread is a bit behind (Spring/Summer 2008). Is there a newer thread? Or did I miss it?

So much has been going on that I have not been able to keep up much. But then that is what happens when you have a little one!
there is a fall one... but nobody has said much lately... it's been quiet through the holidays.

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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Old 01-04-2009, 12:13 AM
 
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Well, I have looked back 13 pages worth and not found it. It must have been a REALLY slow thread.

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Old 01-04-2009, 12:53 AM
 
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Well, I have looked back 13 pages worth and not found it. It must have been a REALLY slow thread.
You posted on it at 4:12pm today

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...&postcount=143

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Old 01-04-2009, 12:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is the link to the current thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...4#post12909854

You posted to it this afternoon, Jenny--maybe you aren't getting email notifications?

Anyway, since it is 2009 now, I'm going to go start a new thread so we'll be up to date. I'll come back and post links to the 2009 thread on this thread, and on the Fall one, just to be safe, so no one misses it!

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DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
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Old 01-04-2009, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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New Thread for 2009!! Come visit! Come subscribe! Come discuss!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...0#post12910960

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Old 01-04-2009, 02:24 AM
 
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Well, I know where my mind has been! I have been getting over food poisoning, so I am just not myself. Top that of with NAKing, and well, you get a crazed, forgetful poster!

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Old 01-04-2009, 02:24 AM
 
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Plus, the fact that it was on the FRONT page, naturally, I would not see it if I was looking pages back!

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Old 01-16-2009, 09:59 PM
 
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My life is so busy with my autistic son. Haven't posted here in months, but we are having another baby! : So celebrating our new found quiverfulness beginning with number 4 who was our first vas reversal baby, I felt compelled to come back since we have gone far beyond crazy with number 5 lol.

Allison
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Old 01-16-2009, 10:48 PM
 
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My life is so busy with my autistic son. Haven't posted here in months, but we are having another baby! : So celebrating our new found quiverfulness beginning with number 4 who was our first vas reversal baby, I felt compelled to come back since we have gone far beyond crazy with number 5 lol.

Allison
Congratulations! :::

That is wonderful!

BTW, here is the link to the new thread: Quiverful Tribe: It's 2009! (Part 1)

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