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#121 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 03:59 PM
 
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So, my hubby and I are flirting with the idea of QF...we are Christians and have been feeling led to really give ALL of our lives to the Lord, including our fertility.

But here's my question: how do you ladies deal with the losses? I had three miscarriages in between my two healthy pregnancies, and I don't know if I could go through that again. I mean, I know that God equips the called, but it's a very scary thought.

The reason that I ask is that I just got my period back (our daughter is 6 months old tomorrow) and all three of my M/C were conceived while I was nursing our son. So it will likely be an issue soon. I clearly am not able to nurse and sustain a pregnancy, but every time I stand downwind of Jesse I seem to get pregnant.
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#122 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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The reason that I ask is that I just got my period back (our daughter is 6 months old tomorrow) and all three of my M/C were conceived while I was nursing our son. So it will likely be an issue soon. I clearly am not able to nurse and sustain a pregnancy, but every time I stand downwind of Jesse I seem to get pregnant.
I'm wondering if this may be the issue with me, too -- even though dd1 (then 4), did nurse occasionally during my pregnancy with dd2, without us having any problems. But when I had my recent miscarriage (my first m/c as far as I know for sure), some of what I experienced was very similar to a weird, scary-heavy period I had when dd1 was 3, about the age dd2 was when I miscarried almost 2 months ago. And this period was a couple of months late as well -- but then, as now, my cycles were still pretty irregular.

For me, I think the answer is to just keep leaving it to God. I don't feel okay about weaning my 3yo, or doing anything to prevent pregnancy, either. But I'm sure it'll be hard (emotionally) when/if I am blessed with another pregnancy. If there is a next time, I think I'll wait 'til the 2nd trimester before I officially consider myself pregnant and tell people -- though, of course, I'll still be praying for and bonding with my little one, who I know I'll meet again in Heaven if not here.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#123 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 04:19 PM
 
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but I also see Mama2B's point that some people do indeed see QF (or just having more babies) as a means of getting more political power. I've heard at least one person (though I don't think this was a QF person) express concern that white women are waiting longer to start their families, and are only having one or two children, while minority women tend to start younger and have larger families.
I have never heard any QF people speak this way, though I have heard some non-QF but "pro natalist" (who say we should have more children because the Muslims are going to overtake us, but don't go overboard, be sure to get "fixed" at some point!) like this.

We do sort of hold with the "Lord's army" viewpoint spiritually, as well as a genuine concern that Christians are contracepting themselves out of existance. I know people say "Well, we are evangelizing" but the truth is, converts aren't flooding in at a level that can compete with raising Christian families. I think the only place where this is not true is China, and they are suffering severely to get that rate of conversion.
I'm not even assuming that all our children will be Christians as adults. But if I have 6 or 8 children, those are 6 or 8 people whom I will have a very special opportunity to minister to and show God's love to. I have an opening with my children to share the Gospel that I can never have with someone else.

Given that my dh is black African, and our children are thus biracial and a lovely shade of brown it's obviously not a race issue for us. We were upset to find out that a certain mission station works hand in hand with Planned Parentood, and that many missionaries consider it part of their 'ministry' to encourage the Western two-child ideal in "the natives". Even 35 years ago, when dh's parents were starting their family, the pressure on native church leaders to use contraception was very, very high. People who don't use it are considered stupid, low status, yokels who can never prosper. Dh's father is one of the few who spoke out against such attitudes and refused the pressure to limit his family. He was willing to pay the price then (feeding 9 children on a static evangelist's stipend was tough), but he is reaping the reward now. I know that he is glad he was open to dh's conception, as dh is now in the States and sending money home.

Actually, reading Fatal Misconception just now, it's amazing how deeply racist and eugenics-focused the early "family planning" movement was--and just as sad that much of the opposing "pro natalist" movement had the same driving reasons--too many poor, ignorant, dysfunctional brown people, basically. The desired end result for both sides was the same (more educated, functional white people), just the means was different (keep the socially unfit from breeding vs. out-breed the socially unfit)
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#124 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 04:57 PM
 
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Actually, reading Fatal Misconception just now, it's amazing how deeply racist and eugenics-focused the early "family planning" movement was--and just as sad that much of the opposing "pro natalist" movement had the same driving reasons--too many poor, ignorant, dysfunctional brown people, basically. The desired end result for both sides was the same (more educated, functional white people), just the means was different (keep the socially unfit from breeding vs. out-breed the socially unfit)
That's a very good point: Thanks for sharing that!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#125 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 06:50 PM
 
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For me, I think the answer is to just keep leaving it to God...though, of course, I'll still be praying for and bonding with my little one, who I know I'll meet again in Heaven if not here.
That's kind of the answer I keep coming up with too...although there's also the issue of having ENOUGH milk for Faith. My supply dropped pretty dramatically with my pregnancies, then rebounded like crazy when I miscarried.
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#126 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 07:49 PM
 
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Given that my dh is black African, and our children are thus biracial and a lovely shade of brown it's obviously not a race issue for us. We were upset to find out that a certain mission station works hand in hand with Planned Parentood, and that many missionaries consider it part of their 'ministry' to encourage the Western two-child ideal in "the natives". Even 35 years ago, when dh's parents were starting their family, the pressure on native church leaders to use contraception was very, very high. People who don't use it are considered stupid, low status, yokels who can never prosper. Dh's father is one of the few who spoke out against such attitudes and refused the pressure to limit his family. He was willing to pay the price then (feeding 9 children on a static evangelist's stipend was tough), but he is reaping the reward now. I know that he is glad he was open to dh's conception, as dh is now in the States and sending money home.

Actually, reading Fatal Misconception just now, it's amazing how deeply racist and eugenics-focused the early "family planning" movement was--and just as sad that much of the opposing "pro natalist" movement had the same driving reasons--too many poor, ignorant, dysfunctional brown people, basically. The desired end result for both sides was the same (more educated, functional white people), just the means was different (keep the socially unfit from breeding vs. out-breed the socially unfit)
Ah, eugenics. I read a very interesting (fictional) book that touched on that. It was very interesting. I guess it started out as a way for them to breed out genetic problems and birth defects and just escalated to horrible mistreatment of lower-class and non-white citizens. Homeless were kidnapped, drugged and sterilized without their knowledge or consent. They would go on later to try to have kids and never know why they couldn't.

Anyway.... On the nicer point of you conversation.... I now know why your siggy says "ethiopian jumping beans." I have a wonderful CD of Ethiopian music somewhere around my apartment. And mixed babies are beautiful... not that I'm biased or anything. I'm mixed myself.

Bri: mom to K: and M: at 27 weeks and 33 weeks :
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#127 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 08:00 PM
 
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I am Nancy, haven't been online in a looooong time...finally got my computer working. I am married to Michael, we have been together for 5 years. I have a 3 year old daughter a 20 month old daughter a six month old daughter and am pregnant with our fourth DC. I am having a hard time with being QF, as I have in the past, and just need to spend time praying and hugging my kids and trusting things will be ok. I know God has plans for me and our children but they are so close in age! I exclusively breastfeed but still seem to get af very quickly post partum and will have 4 children under 4 God willing in the new year.

One thing I am certain of...When I tested to see if I was pregnant the nurse asked if I had thought of all my choices...I replied yes. If there were two lines we would have an addition to our family. Period. Even though it feels like we have way too much to handle I believe that God is palnning our family and knows what He is doing.

Nancy, Mom to Kyra (2005), Zoe (2006), Callie (2007) (2008), and Xavier (2009)
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#128 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 08:33 PM
 
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I am Nancy, haven't been online in a looooong time...finally got my computer working. I am married to Michael, we have been together for 5 years. I have a 3 year old daughter a 20 month old daughter a six month old daughter and am pregnant with our fourth DC. I am having a hard time with being QF, as I have in the past, and just need to spend time praying and hugging my kids and trusting things will be ok. I know God has plans for me and our children but they are so close in age! I exclusively breastfeed but still seem to get af very quickly post partum and will have 4 children under 4 God willing in the new year.

One thing I am certain of...When I tested to see if I was pregnant the nurse asked if I had thought of all my choices...I replied yes. If there were two lines we would have an addition to our family. Period. Even though it feels like we have way too much to handle I believe that God is palnning our family and knows what He is doing.

Nancy, Mom to Kyra (2005), Zoe (2006), Callie (2007) (2008), and Xavier (2009)
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#129 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 09:17 PM
 
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Hi Nancy. Congratulations! I know things will work out for you.

I must say, I hate when nurses ask that question.

Bri: mom to K: and M: at 27 weeks and 33 weeks :
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#130 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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Hi Nancy! Congrats! I just started hanging out on this board too with our new decision. Mine are 5,4,3 and 2 months. The reason I don't have a 1 and 2 is because of a vasectomy, but we just had our first reversal baby. I'm still struggling with it too, knowing I will probably get pregnant in the next couple of months based on my past experience. It's seems though that it's easy for me half the month and the other half it's a struggle. I think it's hormones
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#131 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 09:58 PM
 
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I have never heard any QF people speak this way, though I have heard some non-QF but "pro natalist" (who say we should have more children because the Muslims are going to overtake us, but don't go overboard, be sure to get "fixed" at some point!) like this.

We do sort of hold with the "Lord's army" viewpoint spiritually, as well as a genuine concern that Christians are contracepting themselves out of existance. I know people say "Well, we are evangelizing" but the truth is, converts aren't flooding in at a level that can compete with raising Christian families. I think the only place where this is not true is China, and they are suffering severely to get that rate of conversion.
I'm not even assuming that all our children will be Christians as adults. But if I have 6 or 8 children, those are 6 or 8 people whom I will have a very special opportunity to minister to and show God's love to. I have an opening with my children to share the Gospel that I can never have with someone else.

Given that my dh is black African, and our children are thus biracial and a lovely shade of brown it's obviously not a race issue for us. We were upset to find out that a certain mission station works hand in hand with Planned Parentood, and that many missionaries consider it part of their 'ministry' to encourage the Western two-child ideal in "the natives". Even 35 years ago, when dh's parents were starting their family, the pressure on native church leaders to use contraception was very, very high. People who don't use it are considered stupid, low status, yokels who can never prosper. Dh's father is one of the few who spoke out against such attitudes and refused the pressure to limit his family. He was willing to pay the price then (feeding 9 children on a static evangelist's stipend was tough), but he is reaping the reward now. I know that he is glad he was open to dh's conception, as dh is now in the States and sending money home.

Actually, reading Fatal Misconception just now, it's amazing how deeply racist and eugenics-focused the early "family planning" movement was--and just as sad that much of the opposing "pro natalist" movement had the same driving reasons--too many poor, ignorant, dysfunctional brown people, basically. The desired end result for both sides was the same (more educated, functional white people), just the means was different (keep the socially unfit from breeding vs. out-breed the socially unfit)
I'm mixed too! I'm surprised to see a handful of us in this section as I never seem to meet many AP (let alone AP and QF) mom's of mixed race.

I know a fair amount of QFer's do hold to the "spiritual army" thinking, if not a more literal take. I'm in another world though, theologically from Christianity, so it's very different for me.

I think we should she the Man up by have large, educated, intelligent families...

Kristi wife to Mal , mom to Ziva (4/07) (3/08) Aliyah (1/09) and somebody new (edd 11/10). I
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#132 of 384 Old 05-21-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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I'm mixed too! I'm surprised to see a handful of us in this section as I never seem to meet many AP (let alone AP and QF) mom's of mixed race.

I know a fair amount of QFer's do hold to the "spiritual army" thinking, if not a more literal take. I'm in another world though, theologically from Christianity, so it's very different for me.

I think we should she the Man up by have large, educated, intelligent families...
I agree

Bri: mom to K: and M: at 27 weeks and 33 weeks :
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#133 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 01:50 AM
 
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I mixed too!
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#134 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 07:44 AM
 
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I think we should she the Man up by have large, educated, intelligent families...
Oh, definately.
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#135 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 10:50 AM
 
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Congratulations, Nancy! I'm glad you're back!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#136 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 10:54 AM
 
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That's kind of the answer I keep coming up with too...although there's also the issue of having ENOUGH milk for Faith. My supply dropped pretty dramatically with my pregnancies, then rebounded like crazy when I miscarried.
Yes, that would be a toughy, since you're LO's not even 1 yet! I've never even resumed my cycle by that point, but I'm an older mama -- I have no idea what I'd've been like if I'd started younger.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#137 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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Nancy, welcome and congratulations!!

Can nursing while you are pregnant really up your miscarriage rate? I miscarried twice before having two live births, and when I got pg with my DS I wasn't nursing my DD anymore. I am just wondering if it's really true cause it just scares me about this pg.

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#138 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 02:36 PM
 
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Can nursing while you are pregnant really up your miscarriage rate?
I'm so sorry for your miscarriages!

I don't think that nursing is generally considered a miscarriage-risk. What I'm wondering in my case, is if nursing is just a very strong fertility-inhibitor. I mean, my oldest was still nursing at age 4, but very infrequently, and it caused no spotting or problems during my pregnancy with dd2.

But dd2 was 3 and nursing a few times a day (still is) when I had my first confirmed miscarriage 2 months ago -- the same age as (and similar nursing frequency to) dd1 when I had a possible miscarriage 5 years ago. So I'm wondering if, for me, there's an interim time where my fertility is sloooowly returning, where my body might be able to conceive but isn't yet ready to sustain a pregnancy.

Again, I just have to trust that God made my body, and He knows what He's doing.

Hope this helps!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#139 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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Can nursing while you are pregnant really up your miscarriage rate? I miscarried twice before having two live births, and when I got pg with my DS I wasn't nursing my DD anymore. I am just wondering if it's really true cause it just scares me about this pg.
According to the OB/GYN that I saw each time I miscarried, it can. But I'm just not sure I believe her. I see women all the time who nurse through pregnancies, and I have a girlfriend who used contractions caused by nursing her toddler to help get her labor going after it stalled for a couple hours.

I know that breastfeeding can lower your progesterone levels, and THAT can cause a miscarriage. But I ended up needing a progesterone supplement to sustain my pregnancy anyway, and I was not nursing at that point. So who knows?

to you, Mama! When I was pregnant with Faith I had to LITERALLY give her to God every single day. (Hence her name. ) I don't know what you believe, but I do understand what it's like to be scared while pregnant. I'm praying for you!
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#140 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 03:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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the way I understand it, nursing in and of itself cannot cause a miscarriage or induce pre-term labor in a normal, healthy woman/pregnancy.

If the woman is already at a significantly increased risk for miscarriage due to hormonal issues, then it can be an issue....as I understand it, in this scenario, the lowered estrogen due to nursing can make the uterus less receptive to the embryo, make it difficult for the baby to implant firmly. Sorta like using bc pills can correlate to increased early miscarriage risk, if that makes sense.

So a woman who is very sensitive to such hormone fluctuations might want to consider that risk, even though it is still a very small risk overall. More likely though, is that such a woman will find it difficult to conceive while nursing at all, because such hormonal sensitivity is likely to suppress her ovulation altogether while she is nursing. Obviously, there are exceptions.

As for nursing causing pre-term labor or late miscarriage/stillbirth, it is incredibly unlikely. IF a woman has a strong history of pre-term labor, then it's probably wise to consider weaning during the pregnancy (or perhaps pumping alone, as a breast pump is much less effective at stimulating the breast than an infant or toddler!

Otherwise, the risk to a normal, low-risk pregnancy is pretty much a myth. YES, nursing can increase and intensify contractions during labor, but that is only when the body is ready to give birth for real! If the birth is not already imminent, nursing may cause contractions, they may even feel quite intense, but they will not continue after the nursing is over. (I've nursed thru three pregnancies, and toward the end, MAN was I wishing that the nursing would get things going, but it never did, LOL! it did help when I was in labor with dd1 and things were slowing down at one point.)

I guess my point is that for most women, nursing during any point of pregnancy is such a small, negligible risk that it really should be thought of as simply a myth. But for those women who have a history of early miscarriage or pre-term labor, it may be something to consider.....I don't think that there has been any research that definitively shows a connection between nursing and miscarriage/preterm labor, but some couples might choose to wean during (or prior to, if possible) pregnancy just for peace of mind if nothing else.

I attribute my first miscarriage (first pregnancy) to the fact that I was using the pill at the time, and I also suspect that my borderline hypothyroidism was a factor. My OB indicated that thyroid issues are often associated with early miscarriage and/or infertility issues. I seem to have no problem getting pregnant, but sustaining a new pregnancy is a bit more difficult for my body. Or at least it used to be....I have not suspected a miscarriage since my dd1 was born. I feel sure that I had one before her, but it was not confirmed.

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
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#141 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 03:52 PM
 
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Yeah, as I've already said, I know that the infrequent nursing of my then-4yo didn't cause miscarriage or even spotting during my pregnancy with dd2 -- so I'm guessing that I'm healthy, but my body's just slow to resume full fertility while nursing, and when I conceived 2 months ago (and very possibly 5 years ago), my uterus/hormonal system hadn't quite returned to optimal level (for sustaining a pregnancy) yet.

It is a little disconcerting, knowing I could be pregnant and not know it yet (well, not right now as I'm menstruating), and wondering ... this last time, I'd confirmed the pregnancy when I was somewhere between 7 and 11 weeks along -- then the bleeding started 2 weeks later. So it's even possible that my baby had already died by the time I knew I was pregnant.

So, if I get pregnant again before my body's ready to sustain pregnancy (if that was indeed the cause of my m/c) -- by the time I know for sure, it's likely that weaning would do very little to help things along. Plus it would be horrible for my 3yo! I guess, like the mommas who worry about getting pregnant and losing their milk while their babies are still tiny, I just need to rest in the hands of the One who sees (and created) the bigger picture.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#142 of 384 Old 05-22-2008, 04:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess, like the mommas who worry about getting pregnant and losing their milk while their babies are still tiny, I just need to rest in the hands of the One who sees (and created) the bigger picture.
That's the way I've always felt about it, but I have a hard time saying that to another mother, because I'm afraid it will sound flippant and uncaring. Yes, I've had one, probably two miscarriages, and that is never easy, but compared to the heartache some women have endured, I have had a very easy time with pregnancy and childbirth. I know that I've been blessed (not that I deserved it, nor that other women who have a hard time *don't* deserve it!) in this regard, and I don't want to make light of other women's fears, you know? Because the truth is that I've never had to face a hard decision like this. I've never had to agonize over the thought of weaning my nursling, or living with the "what ifs" if something happened to my wombling.

I just don't know what I'd do in that sit. and I hope i never have to face it!

I hope that was clear, I feel like my brain has a slow, hissing leak today. Prolly ought not to post in this condition--sorta like operating heavy machinery while taking cold medicine, LOL!

I had a PAP smear yesterday...my first in about 3 years. Went back to my old OB/Gyn, whom I've not seen since about 6 weeks after my oldest was born.....we have been blessed with amazing homebirths for the others. Anyway, it was good to see him and his nurse, we really liked them back then, had a good birth experience with this doc (as good as hosp. birth can be, I think! )

But it was funny...of course they commented on how I'd been busy having babies since they last saw me, but they kept asking--the nurse asked 3 times and the dr asked once--if I needed any prescriptions. It was weird, at first i was totally clueless what they meant, because birth control is so far off my radar, LOL! But finally the nurse said, "So, I guess you guys aren't using any birth control at all, or you are just using the rhythm method then?" She was nice about it, but I was caught off-guard, and then I finally realized what they meant by "any prescriptions" LOL! I laughed at the nurse though....I wanted to say "Um....4 kids in 6 years.....yeah, it'd be pretty safe to assume that we aren't using bc! Either that, or some pharmaceutical company owes us BIG TIME!!! LOL!" But really I just laughed a bit and said, "No, we aren't using any chemical birth control." I didn't see any point in getting into a big discussion, when all she needed was something to write in the chart, yk?

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
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That's the way I've always felt about it, but I have a hard time saying that to another mother, because I'm afraid it will sound flippant and uncaring.
Flippant and uncaring? I only meant that I see definite parallels in our two situations: Both groups of women face potential criticism for leaving their/our fertility in God's hands.

Yes, I know that all QF women face criticism for leaving fertility in God's hands -- but for those of us who believe extended-breastfeeding may increase our risk for miscarriage, as well as for those very-fertile women who are at risk for conceiving while still exclusively breastfeeding, I think there's added condemnation from some people.

Yes, my experience is very different from that of a woman who's able to have babies very close together -- but the common thread between the two of us is our calling to get centered on God's love, which allows no room for fear.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#144 of 384 Old 05-23-2008, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Gosh, I am having the hardest time saying what I mean today....or at least saying it in the way I mean it! I nearly started a fight with dh over something obscure because I seem to have lost all ability to communicate, and apparently it's found its way to my fingers also. Please forgive me, and I'll try again.

The flippant/uncaring comment was ONLY about me. I realize that since I've been so blessed with my pregnancies, no problems getting/being pregnant (other than the miscarriage(s) I already mentioned, and don't most women have to deal with that at some point?) or giving birth, our child spacing has been decent--no concerns about milk supply for a tiny baby, etc.

SOooooo, realizing that it has been "easy" for me, and I've never been faced with these hard questions, then I feel that for me to come out and say to a mom who IS facing those questions "You just need to be strong, have faith, and trust in God!" is a bit of a slap in the face. Even though I believe that, and I believe that it is true for everyone, and I believe that God WILL reward our trust and our faith, and work all things for His Glory, even if we don't understand right now. But even though it's true, coming from me, it is simply neither helpful nor supportive. Whereas someone like you, who IS facing similar hard questions, can say that and have it ring true. Does that make any sense?

Truly, I was meaning EXACTLY what you said:
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Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
I see definite parallels in our two situations: Both groups of women face potential criticism for leaving their/our fertility in God's hands.

Yes, I know that all QF women face criticism for leaving fertility in God's hands -- but for those of us who believe extended-breastfeeding may increase our risk for miscarriage, as well as for those very-fertile women who are at risk for conceiving while still exclusively breastfeeding, I think there's added condemnation from some people.
This was exactly my point. There is that added condemnation, not just from non-QF people who think we are ALL crazy to begin with, but also, often, from other QFers who--like me--haven't had to deal with these concerns personally, who may think they are helping when they tell you to just "have faith and don't worry" as if that were as easy as saying "have a cookie." And if you show less than the ideal amount of faith (as proscribed by them) then you just aren't really quite *there* yet...

So anyway, having seen that type of QFer in action, coming down on another mama who was struggling, I am just trying to do my best to avoid being that kind of "miserable comforter" if you know what I mean. Seems I would probably have done better--at least today--to just keep my mouth shut. But hopefully I've not made an even bigger mess, and you'll forgive my clumsy language, and when I wake up tomorrow, somehow this foot-in-mouth disease I have will be gone. A communication illness.....hopefully not a communicable illness, LOL!

fergimme?

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
~~*~~Not your typical Pastor's Wife!~~*~~
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#145 of 384 Old 05-23-2008, 02:23 AM
 
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I think it's kind of funny that just as I'm facing the issue of FINALLY making an appt to get a pap and remove my birth control (I know... it took DH a long time to say yes, but it was faster than I though it would be) I was JUST worrying about having to wean Kimari before she was ready just because I was pregnant. I know that it's not supposed to be an issue for normal healthy women with no history of pre-term birth or miscarriage... but that's not me. Obviously. So, I have a bit of worry. Coming on this forum always cures that for me. I see how you all talk about your similar experiences and trusting God, and it just eases my worries. Thanks.

Bri: mom to K: and M: at 27 weeks and 33 weeks :
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#146 of 384 Old 05-23-2008, 12:00 PM
 
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SheBear -- Please forgive me, too, for being so quick to misunderstand!

After posting yesterday, I did realize that there actually was a way that I may have come across as flippant and uncaring: When I said it would be "horrid" for my 3yo to have to wean. For mommas who've had their milk supply diminish due to pregnancy when their babies were still tiny, that could indeed seem very crass on my part.

What I meant was that for a child who's had unlimited access to the breast for the first 3 years of her life, to suddenly be told "No more" is likely to feel like a real rejection from Momma. I'm not sure if that situation would be harder, or easier, on the Momma than having to supplement due to conceiving again very quickly. Not having been in either situation, I'm honestly not sure.

But it seems harder to me to contemplate "me" imposing weaning on my little one: Whereas there would be definite inconveniences and discomforts if I got pregnant almost immediately after giving birth, it wouldn't be "me" imposing the situation, if that makes sense.

And I could still offer my little one my breast, and be ready with the supplement when my milk ran out. So I don't think a LO in this situation feels the same sense of rejection -- even if it's a case where the pregnant momma can't nurse at all, she'd still be nursing Baby with a bottle.

The baby would still feel just as loved -- but I'm not trying to downplay the difficulties, and possibly the heartbreak, for the momma who may have dreamed of a long exclusive breastfeeding relationship.

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings that I may have created in my recent posts!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#147 of 384 Old 05-23-2008, 12:46 PM
 
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Thanks for all the replies!! I know I just have to put my faith in God, but at times it is hard. After my mc's whenever I'd say something about the babies my DH would remind me that the babies were never meant to live. God knows everything from the beginning of time and we just have to have faith that his plans are for the best. Even if we don't understand them at the time. I just need to remember that God will take care of me no matter what happens with this baby.

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#148 of 384 Old 05-23-2008, 01:32 PM
 
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Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#149 of 384 Old 05-23-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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Hi Roxie! Welcome! You know, I've gone back and forth on whether I can still call myself QF if dh does decide to ask me to do something to prevent. And I think I have justified it.....I think in a correct way, but of course, this is JMHO....

I am commanded first to be obedient and faithful unto God. And as a wife, God commands me first and foremost to honor my husband, and accept his headship and leadership for our family. God holds me accountable for honoring and upholding my husband. God holds my husband accountable for how he leads the family. So, I feel that in my heart, I *am* QF--my heart is open to the blessing of children, and I earnestly believe that God is in control of this aspect of my life, and that His wisdom is far greater than my own. I believe that He will open or shut my womb to His glory--in spite of my doubts and fears, and in spite of my dh's. I also believe that He can and will calm my dh's fears and give him peace with this issue--it is here, in this faith, that I am currently resting. And if my dh resists, what does that have to do with my heart and my faith in God? I am still open to the blessing of children in God's timing....I'm just trusting that God will work out any conflict that may exist between His perfect plan and dh's plan.

Anyway, all that to say this--I think you should claim the name of QF if you want it, and wear it proudly! Even as you honor your husband's leadership in this area--trust that God will work out the details! Chances are, He will do so in a way that is more amazing than you could have possibly imagined!




This is interesting to me--we are much the same. I'm from the larger family, and I don't feel fearful about the practical stuff--I know that a) we don't need nearly as much "stuff" as most people think they just can't live without--we don't even need as much as we have been blessed with! And b) we will be provided for. We won't be left without, we won't be forsaken.

I think that growing up in a family where we did have to be creative with our resources, I am much more comfortable with the idea of cutting back.



I would really like to hear more about growing up QF! As I said in my intro, my own parents were "mostly" QF...they never prevented, and they never really tried for any of us (never had to, LOL!) but they never talked about it. Never told us their opinions on bc or NFP or anything......I honestly don't know for sure even now how they feel about such things! I only know that they never prevented because I asked my mom outright right before dh and I got married--he and I discussed the issue of birth control and he wanted me to use the pill, so I asked mom what she knew about it, and she told me she didn't know anything, because they "never saw the need to worry about it one way or the other."

I guess it's just one of those things they aren't comfortable discussing with their children for some reason :

Anyway, I have been thinking lately about how I hope to impart this value to my children, and I don't know yet. And I wonder how I would feel someday if one of my daughters chose the opposite path...I think it would hurt rather deeply. So, how do we raise these blessings in a way that our values are communicated to their hearts, in spite of the clamouring message of modern society?




Happy anniversary, Renee! : And woot on the no HG, too!
You are one wise woman
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#150 of 384 Old 05-23-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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I would like to be QF. I believe it is right but my husband has doubts, I do not know what to do...I feel like by honoring him I am not honoring G-d.
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