LDS Mamas and Papas~ Fall/Winter '08 (all are welcome!) - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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#241 of 266 Old 02-23-2009, 01:10 AM
 
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come participate in my polls if you would please!
what was your full-term LO's birthweight here
at how many weeks gestation did labor start (on its own--not induced) here

~Jenni, rural frugal Alaskan, eternally married to Dragon
loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
 

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#242 of 266 Old 02-23-2009, 01:47 AM
 
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I answered the polls Jenni!

For some strange reason, my RS is having the birthday party on St. Patrick's Day. I have traditions on that day and I have to make a choice between my family traditions and a church meeting. I think the family tradition is going to win out... And the RS birthday party is actually one RS meeting that I like going to. I wish they had scheduled it for a different day.

M.Ed. Mama to Chunka (1/07), Beauty (5/09) and Elizabear 3/12): Birth Doula (working toward certification) AAMI Midwifery Student, Advocating with Solace for Mothers & The Birth Survey

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#243 of 266 Old 02-23-2009, 11:01 AM
 
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If I remember right, the actual date of the RS birthday is March 17, so it's not that odd that that would be the chosen date. This will possibly sound a bit blasphemous, but I've often wondered why we need to celebrate the birthday. How does that help fulfill the purpose of RS?
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#244 of 266 Old 02-23-2009, 03:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If I remember right, the actual date of the RS birthday is March 17, so it's not that odd that that would be the chosen date. This will possibly sound a bit blasphemous, but I've often wondered why we need to celebrate the birthday. How does that help fulfill the purpose of RS?
Good question. But honestly I ask this of a lot of what we do. :

I think with the birthday it's a time to reflect on why RS was founded and what it's purpose and our purpose is within it? I know the birthdays I have been do have all talked about those things.

Maggie, blissfully married mama of 5 little ladies on my own little path. homeschool.gif gd.gifRainbow.gif
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#245 of 266 Old 02-23-2009, 04:05 PM
 
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Right, so then why don't we go out and do some service project to commemorate the inception of a service organization? The ones I've been too have had music, classes, and cake. It's not a bad thing, I just question why. But I do that a lot anyway.
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#246 of 266 Old 02-24-2009, 03:48 PM
 
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The RS Birthday is just a thing. A nice thing, with some good benefits, but still just a thing. It doesn't make you a "bad" Mormon if you don't go. Lots of General Authorities have spoken recently about church programs being just that, church programs. They're not the gospel. I've missed many a RS Birthday celebration. I've been to many where we did service projects and others where we just ate cake and enjoyed fellowshipping with one another. And having said that, I'm pretty sure I agreed to sing at ours in a couple of weeks. I really need to call the other Sister and work out a time to practice!
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#247 of 266 Old 03-05-2009, 10:36 PM
 
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The RS Birthday is just a thing. A nice thing, with some good benefits, but still just a thing. It doesn't make you a "bad" Mormon if you don't go. Lots of General Authorities have spoken recently about church programs being just that, church programs. They're not the gospel. I've missed many a RS Birthday celebration. I've been to many where we did service projects and others where we just ate cake and enjoyed fellowshipping with one another. And having said that, I'm pretty sure I agreed to sing at ours in a couple of weeks. I really need to call the other Sister and work out a time to practice!
Can you name any in particular for me please? This is a real sticking point with some people at church and myself. They know we are doing temple prep and they have stated that if I do not attend all of the extras then I am not supporting my leaders and attending all of my meetings. So pretty much they are stating that tuesday night relief society activities are required meetings.

Also in your Wards is it acceptable to go Visiting Teaching on Sunday? In our last ward this was a big no-no we got lectured several times on that we could do it any of the other days, but that because Sunday was to be a family day and that Visiting teaching was for the woman that we were not to do it that day. Now in our current ward I brought this up and they looked at me like I was crazy, so has anyone else been told they should not be doing Visiting teaching on Sunday. We were told Home teaching was Ok because they are there for the whole family.

oAlisha- eternal companion to mike:, mother to three energetic boys (02):, (05), and (07) and one sweet little girl 3/13.  Two in heaven.7/21/2010, 11/05/2011 mecry.gif.

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#248 of 266 Old 03-06-2009, 01:57 AM
 
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There are lots of families in our ward that only have Sunday available for home teaching or VTing. I have always used Sunday for visiting teaching sometimes, especially when I WASN'T working and they were, because my schedule was so different from those I was assigned to.

It may be they were doing an extra effort in giving families more "time" in another ward.

Sacrament Meeting is the important meeting. Attending the weeknight things/other things is very nice, and builds sisterhood, etc., HOWEVER, I can think of lots of reasons why it might be hard (single parent, scheduling conflicts, children with special needs, have to work evenings, etc.). Even attending church every week can be challenging for some people, for any of the above reasons. Really, they should "worry" about you only if you are only showing up at church every few weeks.
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#249 of 266 Old 03-06-2009, 04:23 PM
 
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Can you name any in particular for me please? This is a real sticking point with some people at church and myself. They know we are doing temple prep and they have stated that if I do not attend all of the extras then I am not supporting my leaders and attending all of my meetings. So pretty much they are stating that tuesday night relief society activities are required meetings.
I'll look for one for you. But I'm positive that in either 2001 or 2002 (pretty sure one of those years because I remember what ward we were in at the time) there was an announcement that our Bishop read during sacrament meeting. It was supposed to be read to every ward/branch. It was basically stating that wards needed to scale back activities. It also said that every extra activity that a ward had puts a strain on the mother.

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#250 of 266 Old 03-06-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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Here's one. In section 3 Elder Oaks talks specifically about ward activities. There are also references there to other instructions to limit activities.

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.js...____&hideNav=1

This is the talk by Elder Ballard that Elder Oaks references.

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.js...____&hideNav=1

If you enter "reduce ward activities" in the search box for Ensigns there are a bunch of other articles too.

As far as visiting teaching goes, if it works for you and the sisters you visit teach then do it. One person's preference doesn't make it a rule. Also, as far as I'm concerned, Monday is family night. That's when we hold Family Home Evening and don't really want that disrupted. I would be curious to know how your old ward felt about things like choir practices on Sundays.

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#251 of 266 Old 03-06-2009, 05:07 PM
 
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Here's the one I was thinking of, its from a talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks during the October 2007 conference:

"Church leaders should be aware that Church meetings and activities can become too complex and burdensome if a ward or a stake tries to have the membership do everything that is good and possible in our numerous Church programs. Priorities are needed there also.

Members of the Quorum of the Twelve have stressed the importance of exercising inspired judgment in Church programs and activities. Elder L. Tom Perry taught this principle in our first worldwide leadership training meeting in 2003. Counseling the same leaders in 2004, Elder Richard G. Scott said: “Adjust your activities to be consistent with your local conditions and resources. … Make sure that the essential needs are met, but do not go overboard in creating so many good things to do that the essential ones are not accomplished. … Remember, don’t magnify the work to be done—simplify it.”7

In general conference last year, Elder M. Russell Ballard warned against the deterioration of family relationships that can result when we spend excess time on ineffective activities that yield little spiritual sustenance. He cautioned against complicating our Church service “with needless frills and embellishments that occupy too much time, cost too much money, and sap too much energy. … The instruction to magnify our callings is not a command to embellish and complicate them. To innovate does not necessarily mean to expand; very often it means to simplify. … What is most important in our Church responsibilities,” he said, “is not the statistics that are reported or the meetings that are held but whether or not individual people—ministered to one at a time just as the Savior did—have been lifted and encouraged and ultimately changed.”8

Stake presidencies and bishoprics need to exercise their authority to weed out the excessive and ineffective busyness that is sometimes required of the members of their stakes or wards. Church programs should focus on what is best (most effective) in achieving their assigned purposes without unduly infringing on the time families need for their “divinely appointed duties.” "

Elder Oaks is talking about choosing the best things and activities in this talk. I also remember the one gillibean was talking about. Hopefully she'll be able to find it. I make it to a Relief Society activity, maybe every other month. Right now I have Achievement Day Girls every other Tuesday and temple prep class every Thursday. There's just no way I can make RS activities most of the time. And no, I don't feel guilty about it. I spend that time at home with my 5 month old daughter. Since I WOH its very important to me to spend quality time with her EVERY night. That comes first right now.
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#252 of 266 Old 03-06-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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OT...

for those of you who dont' see me elsewhere, just hought I'd mention I just got one of these

~Jenni, rural frugal Alaskan, eternally married to Dragon
loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
 

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#253 of 266 Old 03-07-2009, 01:42 PM
 
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:::::::::: :::::::::jumpe rs:::::::c arrot:ba nana: :::::
CONGRATULATIONS JENNI! HH9M and and all that good stuff!
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#254 of 266 Old 03-07-2009, 03:58 PM
 
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: Yay!! That's awesome! : Congratulations! :

Can you send some baby dust my way? Have a great pregnancy.


ancoda, here's a letter from the First Presidency - I just copied and pasted it. I think that this must be the one I was thinking of. I remember that I was in the young women's presidency and I had just had a baby. I thought that it was just after DS but it looks like it was DD1 instead. I think it also addresses what you were talking about with not doing visiting teaching on Sundays. I've bolded the parts that I think have the most relevance. Hope it helps.


“Letter from the First Presidency,” Liahona, Dec 1999, 1

February 11, 1999
To: Members of the Church throughout the World

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

All about us we see evidence of the corrosive elements targeted to injure our youth. We compliment most warmly those of our young people who choose to follow the way of the Lord and the program of the Church. We are pleased to note that faith is increasing among our youth, for which we are deeply grateful.

Unfortunately, there are some who fall into the adversary’s net and drift into inactivity and trouble. We are deeply concerned with these.

We call upon parents to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility.

We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.

We urge bishops and other Church officers to do all they can to assist parents in seeing that they have time and help, where needed, as they nurture their families and bring them up in the way of the Lord. Wherever possible, Sunday meetings, other than those under the three-hour schedule and perhaps council meetings on early Sunday mornings or firesides later in the evening, should be avoided so that parents may be with their children. As we strengthen families, we will strengthen the entire Church.

Faithfully your brethren,

Gordon B. Hinckley
Thomas S. Monson
James E. Faust

The First Presidency

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#255 of 266 Old 03-07-2009, 05:20 PM
 
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Hello. My name is Erica and I'm an inactive member who wants to go back! Maybe tomorrow, although DD (6.5 weeks old) is sick with a croupy cold so I'm not sure. I was just lurking this thread and thought I'd introduce myself and my family.

I was active from birth (LOL) through age 5 or so when my mother became inactive. I would then go on occassion when other family members would take me. I lived with my aunt (who's now ex-communicated, whole different story) at age 10 because of issues at home. She got me baptized. When I moved back with my mom at age 12, I was once again inactive. I went downhill from there. I met DH at age 13. He moved in with my mom and I when I was 14 or 15 and he was 18. The missionaries came over and we became active again! We got married when I was 15 and he was 19. DH was baptized in 2002 right after we got married. We remained active until 2003.

There were various reasons we stopped going. I need to go back so that I can re-evaluate to see if those reasons were right or if we made a huge mistake. Lately, (the past year or so) I've been feeling that it was a huge mistake to stop going. For the past year, I've seen this world and the people in it, in a completely different way. I feel so badly about the world I live in and I feel as though I need the support of people who may understand. So many aspects of "mainstream" society are simply evil.

Anyway, that's about it I guess.

Erica, wife to Jason (March 2002) . Mama to Ava (June 2003) , Jason Jr. [AKA JJ] (August 2004) , Lila (January 2009) , Maura (October 2010) , and a new person in December 2012!
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#256 of 266 Old 03-07-2009, 07:13 PM
 
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Welcome Erica

Well, as a fairly active member of the church, obviously I think being active is the right thing to do... however having the right support system is important--and wherever it is that you find that support is where you are likely to go, so I hope that you're able to find a good system with us!

FYI, This natural LDS living forum is a little busier than this MDC thread...a bunch of us moved over there after feeling the need for a more private place to discuss certain religious topics.

~Jenni, rural frugal Alaskan, eternally married to Dragon
loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
 

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#257 of 266 Old 03-09-2009, 03:47 PM
 
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Erica, Welcome.

I spent much of my childhood going to various other churches. We started attending LDS services when I was about 12-13 and I'm very glad we did. It's where I feel at peace (even though there are definitely challenges too).

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 4 wonderful kiddos . . . and now another on the way.
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#258 of 266 Old 03-11-2009, 09:33 PM
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I forgot to subscribe to this thread...again! Hi everyone
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#259 of 266 Old 03-12-2009, 09:50 AM
 
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I'm subbing as well but just wanted to say, keep us in your prayers (tongue in cheek . Ds#1 is turning 8 tomorrow and he is a deep spiritual thinker and has not yet decided to be baptized. We just broke the news to ds's parents and told the we would let them know when he decides (pressure from them) and ds#1 just broke the news this morning that he is not going to school anymore, he's homeschooling (this just happened 3 weeks ago).

I'm SURE that my mil is having a heart attack and going to put us on the prayer roll this morning!
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#260 of 266 Old 03-12-2009, 12:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just changed the title of the thread to include '09 mainly because I'm still confused at what year it is.

Maggie, blissfully married mama of 5 little ladies on my own little path. homeschool.gif gd.gifRainbow.gif
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#261 of 266 Old 03-15-2009, 01:47 AM
 
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Thank you to everyone that responded with the direct from the authorities answer to the not having to make it to all the extra meetings council.

Congratulation Jenni :::

Welcome Erica.

oAlisha- eternal companion to mike:, mother to three energetic boys (02):, (05), and (07) and one sweet little girl 3/13.  Two in heaven.7/21/2010, 11/05/2011 mecry.gif.

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#262 of 266 Old 12-22-2009, 01:56 PM
 
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I don't know if this was the last thread for LDS mamas and papas. I'm pretty unsuccessful about getting onto the other website and staying logged in.

I have a vent similar to my last vent months ago. I was upset about fast offering going to families who I have a hard time seeing as really needing help. Just found out about yet one more family that I am having a VERY hard time coming to grips with. They moved into our ward last year and they live in a rental house that's well over a million dollars. They are accepting food assistance and most likely got a donation from those who gave extra to a Christmas fund. I could almost maybe understand if that was the house that they were paying a mortgage on but for heavens sakes why hasn't someone told them to move out and downgrade to a house that they can actually afford?! Why am I expected to literally support someone's bad habits? We try to live within our means and frankly I feel irate that I should be giving money for a family like this and they're not the only ones.

My vt'ee is a single mom with three small children. She struggles to just get through daily life and it's been a learning experience in giving to her, mainly b/c she's had a hard time staying motivated about getting a job. But I understand her situation much more than this other family. We were asked to donate to a Christmas fund and that families could buy gifts that they felt were good for their children. We gave the amount I had figured we would spend on my vt'ees children and her. But she told us that she wasn't planning on buying present this year. Great! So these kids are going to wake up with no presents and what is she going to do with the money that we donated which is the exact amount that was given to her? I can't go buy presents now, we're totally stretched this Christmas as we're selling our house. One of my best friends' dh's lost his job last year and they really do a good job about being frugal and I know that they are using their donations and food wisely and he has applied for literally every job in the surrounding area and has found one that pays significantly less than the one he had last year but he's working very hard and moving up quickly.

Anyway, how do you possibly reconcile this stuff? We were actually asked to donate more a couple of months ago b/c our ward isn't covering people's needs but how do I do that when I know that part of the fast offering is being misused? And yes I totally think about the scripture of the hands that went to steady the ark and I know that I may be doing that myself when I think these things but how in the world am I not supposed to? Yes I don't know the intimate details of these people's lives but I do know enough to know that they're living in a house worth well over a million dollars, talk about the extravagant vacations that they're planning (yes dh overheard that one a couple of weeks ago) and are accepting our hard earned dollars to buy their kids food and presents this year?!!@#@#$?
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#263 of 266 Old 12-22-2009, 03:16 PM
 
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Drewsmom, I've been following you on this topic since your last posting.

If I were you, I'd go talk to my bishop. Not because you are a 'bad person' or anything like that, but you have concerns that can only be addressed by him, ya know. I know you don't want to have those feelings towards your offerings, and I think they will only be resolved after a heartfelt conversation with your bishop.

Go to the root.


Keep us posted.
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#264 of 266 Old 12-22-2009, 04:03 PM
 
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Drewsmom,

I have some similar feelings from time to time.

Our family lives an extremely frugal lifestyle and most others in our ward don't. They refuse to, in fact.

There are families facing foreclosure because they bought two homes. They wouldn't rent.

There are families who continually buy homes well outside of their ability to pay them (mortgages are 60-70% of gross income and affordable housing is available here).

We tithe regularly and give a generous fast offering (10% of my monthly grocery budget). Yet I know that there are those in our ward who regularly spend beyond their income using credit cards and continually come back to the church again and again for food for their children. I feed my children rice and beans in order to feed the children of people who buy extravagent convenience foods with money donated to them.

Ultimately I know that my father in heaven knows my heart. He knows I want to help the innocent children. He knows that I know that judgment will come and that I can only be accountable for my own works and sins.

I turn the rest over and just focus on improving myself.

My family gives all we are able to give and trust that anyone who misuses gifts will be held accountable for their abuses. It's out of my hands. I cannot change the actions of others and I can only change myself.

It's hard to do, but moving the focus away from others and back to myself was ultimately the best solution to help me reconcile my feelings.
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#265 of 266 Old 12-27-2009, 08:03 PM
 
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Hi, I haven't posted in this forum before, but LDS my whole life! I wanted to add to the conversation Drewsmom started about fast offerings and living frugally.

I, too, live frugally. We do without a LOT of things that other people consider essential, all our clothes are hand-me-downs, I make my own bread, birthday and Christmas gifts often come from the thrift store or are homemade.

A lot of the families that I see who are making poor financial decisions, I think that they really don't know how to do it right. They don't know how to make a budget, save so that they can stay out of debt, or they think that they can't do without certain things. So I say that solving this problem has to start with education. Remember hearing about the Perpetual Education Fund, and how the participants have to take a class on financial management through their local institute before they can apply? I think they need to have something like that in our wards and stakes, a required class for everyone that receives assistance and optional for everyone else. I think that a family should have to show their budget to the bishop before they receive help with paying their bills and stuff. Or maybe make a budget as a follow up, so that they don't need to continue to ask for the assistance.

So while I feel annoyed that my fast offering and tithing might be helping people live a more expensive lifestyle than my own, I mostly consider myself lucky. I know how to live within my means, I know how to budget and save, I know how to be responsible and avoid debt. I'm not really giving for those other people, I'm giving for myself, I'm giving to my Heavenly Father.
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#266 of 266 Old 12-29-2009, 12:57 AM
 
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Thanks for the thoughts while I work this through.
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