Mindful Parenting Book Club Part III - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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#121 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 09:48 PM
 
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Originally posted by mamakarata
that i have been into fitness since high school, and with my 12yo dd, we have studied karate for over 4 years- (we are testing for our 3rd degree brown belt next month, which is the belt belo[w 1st degree black belt!)


Ah, that explains your user name. That is so so cool! Congrats!

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#122 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 09:54 PM
 
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thanks heather. i actually was serious about where we were in the book.

so discussion is on 18 year retreat, and sunday begins the next chapters. right?

i vote that if the other 3 chapters are one pg each that we combine 2 or even 3. but i don't mind if anyone feels that is too much. i mean hey, i have the next 18 years, right?
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#123 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 09:56 PM
 
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Originally posted by nuggetsmom
I am always trying to improve who I am as a person and as a parent. I really do the inner work. I constantly train myself to talk to DD and other people differently (active listening, speaking respectfully etc). I really make an effort to internalize the gentle discipline and respectful interactions that I believe in.

I can accept the things I am not proud of because I have learned their lessons, and I know they are part of my growing as a person. And I know that I do not have to be perfect either. I think a real honest effort at doing the very best I can is what really matters.


There's another couple of things I'm pretty good at. Hmmm, watch out I might be cheering up.

Update from the hellhole: DH just got home from work (late) and informed me he has to go back after dinner. Great.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#124 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 10:03 PM
 
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analisa, you make me.....LOL!

and el, (little miss mary sunshine) you too!

thanks for the upward motion!

now i am off to kick some a** in karate tonight.....
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#125 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 11:04 PM
 
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Originally posted by Curly Locks
Chapter three of Part IV ~ "An Eighteen-Year Retreat" Pages 96-105

A few days ago I mentioned that I asked a former member of our group if she would write her thoughts on the next chapter from her unique perspective (which you will know soon too). I was thrilled when she graciously and kindly accepted! Here's Rainsmom's thoughts. I know you will enjoy her wisdom. Thanks, Rainsmom, for sharing your story with us!!


I have taken so much comfort so many times in that Maya Angelou quote. It helps me forgive myself for Meg's first several weeks......what a nightmare I remember that time to be.

The quote I loved loved in this chapter is the one about how we are not our opinions. That one hits me hard. I am such an opinionated person, always have been, and it relates really strongly to our discussion re: being judgemental of other mothers. I often feel like people don't really know me until they know how passionately I feel about certain things...but it's really comforting to imagine that maybe, deep down, I can be me without having all the answers. Wow. Gotta go think about that.

Update from the hellhole: DH came home and saw how badly I was doing so offered to have me go out somewhere and I told him I just wanted a bubble bath. So I took my book and hid in some hot, good smelling water for 1/2 an hour. Now I feel better.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#126 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 11:12 PM
 
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Originally posted by Curly Locks
On my next baby I will do things differntly. Like the quote Rainsmom wrote about: When you know better, you do better. And I will try to enjoy the newborn days more next time and not worry about how tired I am. I will cuddle more and not agonize so much about everything. I will try to turn my back on the world more like Mamaste said about APing. Being a mom has changed me, but I am so curious to see who I will be when this retreat is over.

P.S. I couldn't help but get emotional! Sorry...


Well I got all emotional reading that before I even knew you had gotten emotional. It's just exactly how I feel, as referenced in my above message.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#127 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 11:21 PM
 
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Originally posted by Curly Locks
I still haven't heard back from JKZ but I thought it was neat that I at least found his email address. Does anyone have any ideas on how to approach the next few chapters which are pretty short:
Importance of Practice page 106
Breathing page 110
Practice as Cultivation page 113

Should we lump some of those together or do seperately?


Separate. Definitely separate.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#128 of 197 Old 01-21-2003, 11:27 PM
 
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Originally posted by Breathe


OMG. I cannot BELIEVE you have your DOG crammed in that little space with you!!!!! And do you even have a kitchen? At least Meg is destroying someone else's carpet, right? (feeble attempt to make you smile)

I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. Hang in there. And know that all across the country, all kinds of little people are flinging oatmeal, rice, applesauce, noodles, raisins, AND cups, spoons, and bowls . . . you are not alone in the midst of the food tornado.

Little Mary Sunshine suggests that you make a paper chain to mark your remaining days in the Bates Hotel. Then you can cheerfully tear off a loop for each sunny day that passes! (and promptly shove it down Little Mary's throat!)


I am laughing so hard I'm crying. Reading to my DH who somehow doesn't get it.

Thanks, Hon.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#129 of 197 Old 01-22-2003, 12:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Analisa and Breathe~Thanks for the laughs!!!! I love the hellhole updates and the Bates Motel, Mary Sunshine!!!!!


And I don't think any less of you for admitting you wanted to spank. I had one of those moments a few times today! Luckily, I was able to breathe through it! He just wanted to be held non-stop today and did not want to sleep!!!!! I think I'll be lucky if my hair doesn't turn completely gray over the next few years!! All this hard work is paying off though. When I'm not so tired I am much more mindful of that fact!!

The next three chapters coming up are more than one page each (more like two and a fourth pages at the least). I started re-reading and think one chapter a week will work fine. It's good stuff! Sometimes I worry that the pace is too slow for you all but I keep trying to remind myself what Angie posted once: "The closer you look the deeper it gets." And that is so true!! So if anyone objects please let me know. But seeing as how we are all knee deep in ____ (you fill in the blank) it will work out o.k.

P.S. Jacqueline, please let me know what the doc did for Naomi's nose situation? I just know ds will try that soon! He's sticking stuff in his ears and mouth all the time.

Edited to add more rolling laughs!!!!
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#130 of 197 Old 01-22-2003, 12:28 AM
 
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Okay, not really, but I feel as though I've been in another world - didn't check my e-mail or log on for over a week, and now I have 137 e-mails (no lie) to read, and I realized I was THREE (count 'em, three) pages behind on posts on this thread alone! Aaaahhh!

Analisa - you are my hero for today! I haven't decided whether having a dog AND a son is good or bad - he throws the food on the floor, the dog eats it... but I think now he throws the food on the floor BECAUSE the dog will eat it... hmm... and I can't remember the last time the floor was actually washed. But I won't go there again. But seriously, 400 stinkin' square feet!!! You are a goddess. You are a saint. You need a BREAK!

So, for the rest of you, my true confessions:

*I still swear. I've really been trying to cut back, haven't used the f-word in a while, but the s word and others seem to slip right out! Good thing ds isn't as verbal as he is physical... can't wait until he can repeat these gems...

*I am a super-mega-crazy-control freak. This I get from my mother. (I couldn't get her eyes?) This manifests itself in a myriad of ways... but I won't get into all that now.

*I work full-time. I work more than full-time. I work WAY more than I should, and I feel guilty about it (Jewish mother, Catholic father - if I don't feel guilt, who will?!).

*still drinking coffee. Without it, I wouldn't function given our night-waking patterns.

Things I'm doing right (for today):
*still BFing, still co-sleeping, still married (see earlier post - and El, I'll have more to say sometime on your suggestion - just remind me!)

*eating (and feeding ds) organic food, no meat, only organic (and occasional) dairy (although I'll admit that veggie booty is one of ds's favorite "junk foods," as are Tree of Life organic french fries... *sigh*)

*kiss, hug, snuggle, chase, and generally love ds more than I ever thought I could bear

*TRYING to be mindful (and isn't that something of an oxymoron?!) with this whole parenting thing - but am really learning how to let go (at least occasionally - that's why this is on the "good" list!) of my control-freak habits (see list #1)

*don't let ds watch any TV or videos/movies. Trying to bring him up as (mainstream) media-free as possible.

*still give money to wonderful non-profits who work for peace, justice, and the environment, even though we could probably use that to fund ds's college account.

*actually HAVE a college account for ds!

Wow, I love you all. Confession really is good for the soul.

And, for what it's worth, I'm also in political turmoil these days. Glad to hear that some of you are as affected/concerned - was with the DC march folk in spirit, if not in person. I need to consider NOT reading the Sunday NY Times anymore - makes me too depressed. But I'm a junkie...

Great to be back with you all!
Karen
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#131 of 197 Old 01-22-2003, 12:36 AM
 
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Oh, Karen, I'm not a goddess or a saint but I sure do need a break. My floor only gets washed when housekeeping comes. It IS convenient to have the dog for cleanup but YES Meg def. throws things on the floor just to give them to him. In fact she has started holding them out to him. Sigh. And he sticks his face up between her legs looking for missed goodies.

I'm taking him to a pet behaviorist after we move. Seriously. I already have the appointment. He's driving me nuts.

I'm also a super crazy insane control freak.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#132 of 197 Old 01-22-2003, 03:59 AM
 
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oh yes, ds went thru the phase of feeding our dog, but now gleefully commands to her "out out out" (just like mama) so doopers knows she must leave until she hears the magical words "high chair", (which is her cue to come in and clean up and around the high chair.)

they have me trained so well ....
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#133 of 197 Old 01-22-2003, 03:42 PM
 
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hey, maybe we should get a dog! finn's been throwing his food on the floor and when I ask him to help me pick it up, sometimes, he says "mama" (like, no, it's mama's job to pick it up) and this is not a good thing to say to someone who already feels slightly enslaved by this torrent of energy.

but then, I'd have to leave the house today and it's too cold. huh, dilemma!

feeling mind-numb. spent a good portion of finn's nap yesterday reading about people's experience with bondage and other s&m stuff (why, I don't know, i got led through the internet, danger) and it totally freaked me out. i guess that I always thought that people were just being dramatic and faking it (like wrestling), but people are really into pain and that just made me sad and hopeful that finn won't decide to follow that path and wondering if I could support his sovereignty if he made that decision. still feel off-balance by the whole situation. i haven't had a chance to vent to dh b/c i fell asleep with finn last night, so here i sit stewing (or venting to you). hope that's not TMI.

happy thoughts happy thoughts

analisa - when is the big move?
karen - what the &&^%&*^& are you doing swearing in front of your kid, LOL. sadly, I didn't even mention this as a personal negative, but I guess I don't think it's so bad. some words are derogatory and those I don't use anymore, but s**t just rolls off my back. it's more about other people's reactions than thinking it's really bad, so I can't focus on it right now. but you're not the only swearin', bfing, cosleeping mama on the block...

better finish my ice cream b4 finn wakes up (bad mama not sharing)

Angie, Mama to Finn (6/01) and Theo (4/05)
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#134 of 197 Old 01-22-2003, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello! I have been doing some soul searching today about my journey as a mom in the society I (and most of you) grew up in. You know what I mean. Cable TV (watching stuff we weren't supposed to watch when we were way toooo young, listening to pop rock and country music that had sexual inuindos in the lyrics, breasts being sex toys not for feeding babies, going to movies as often as possible, vegging in front of the tube after school watching "Good Times," violent cartoons, or some talk show about secret lovers or "who's my baby's father?". I think you know what I am driving at? The same society where we grew up way too quick and are expected to be independent at a very young age. The society that pushes products, consume or bust, and spend more than you make!!

I wonder what issues we would be facing in this 18 year retreat 500 years ago as children or mothers? Would we be feeling overwhelmed by isolation or lack of compassion from our families and dh's? What would our challenges be? Would we be surrounded by loved ones for longer than the standard 18 years we have today? I don't believe so. The life exp. was so much shorter back then. I feel many of our frustrations are b/c we are not programmed biologically to operate under the conditions we are living in today's world we now know. Just like some of the stuff mainstream babies are expected to tolerate and most people don't question or know to question. IYKWIM!

Just some stuff I've been pondering. I have other thoughts but I need to go!

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#135 of 197 Old 01-22-2003, 11:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi! I'm sending you all warm thoughts!!! It's going to be ten below here tonight...I hope you're all snuggled up to someone you love tonight. I will be very soon.

I had to rush off after my last post and I am not going to edit it. I hope it made sense. The thing that got me thinking about what I wrote was a convo dh and I keep having and had again today. He seems to think that when ds is older he will be like he was when he was a teen. You know...a normal teen with LOTS of hormones. Well IMHO I feel ds will not be JUST like him in lots of ways since we plan on limiting his exposure to most of the things we were exposed to at such young ages. (Read my earlier post if you're confused.) Dh was not APed or breastfed. Neither was I for that matter. And we are both really screwed up in a lot of ways!! i.e. Dh seems to be attention starved sometimes and he seems to obsessed with my boobs. I think a lot of that has to do with unmet needs as an infant and baby with the breasts....although he will deny it to his death bed.

So anyhoo, I think so much of my journey so far as a mother and this 18 year retreat discussion makes me think of my own 18 year retreat. And how dh and I grew up is effecting current choices and things that seem out of my hands like my UNmindfulness on occasions and the crazy dominant culture that surrounds us.

Happy trails, mamas! I gotta go spend some alone time with dh now that ds is finally asleep after an hour of rocking and nursing.
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#136 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 12:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by LiminalOne
analisa - when is the big move?
karen - what the &&^%&*^& are you doing swearing in front of your kid, LOL. sadly, I didn't even mention this as a personal negative, but I guess I don't think it's so bad. some words are derogatory and those I don't use anymore, but s**t just rolls off my back. it's more about other people's reactions than thinking it's really bad, so I can't focus on it right now. but you're not the only swearin', bfing, cosleeping mama on the block...

better finish my ice cream b4 finn wakes up (bad mama not sharing)
The big move is Feb. 3!

DH and I always talk about Meg's "s**t-eating grin" when she's about to do something she knows we don't want her to do. It's the only time either of us swears w/o the other reprimanding!

I don't like to share my (soy) ice cream either.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#137 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 11:59 AM
 
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Analisa - we'll be thinking wonderful, celebratory thoughts your direction on Feb 3rd!

Angie - do NOT get a dog simply to clean up after Finn... dogs are pretty handy that way, but first you have to clean up after them, if you know what I mean...

Funny swearing story: several years ago, a co-worker of mine and his wife had a baby. When babe was about 9 weeks old, we had them over, along with a few other people from work, to celebrate. Someone used the "f" word, and this new mama went into overdrive: "You will NOT swear around my daughter! We will LEAVE if this is what you think is appropriate in front of children!" There was silence, then conversation (tentatively) resumed. The offending party and I walked into the kitchen, where she began a tirade that I thought was really funny:
"F-ing kid can't even f-ing FOCUS let alone understand what the hell I say..." in an attempt to use EVERY swear word she could think of! It was really funny. Every time I berate myself for saying s**t, I think of that moment... although there are definitely words we choose not to use (the f word among them). I would like to be able to cut back, though - particularly when ds begins to repeat them in front of MIL!!:
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#138 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just for the record, I think it's great that we can get T some weeks. It keeps things interesting. I'm trying to decide if I should fess up about my wording habits. : NOT!!!! I don't want anyone to think I'm a bad mama...for PETE'S SAKE! You don't wanna know what I say when I'm in one of my b!tchy moods.

More hellhole updates, PLEASE! And any other confession anyone wants to share! ...Or if anyone wants to talk about the book you are more than welcome. I'm game for either discussion!
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#139 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Goodness is there a lot of stuff here we could dive into...MB's baby is walking now...Analisa's upcoming move to her first house...Naomi's nose incident...Swearing stories...my soul searching! But I have another list idea...please help me indulge.

Know how moments seem to slip by and before we know it they are gone? Well here's list to pay tribute to some of those magical baby moments. Ds is 13.5 months now. This will give moms w/ younger babes something to look forward to and moms with older babes something to remember about their older(s).

Things I about ds right now:
1. His adorable smile...especially when his tongue is hanging out.
2. When he dances to music and smiles at me while he is dancing.
3. How he reaches for things and points, saying what it is in baby talk. He is so enthusiastic as he does this all day long. He's so tickled with himself.
4. How he tries to help dh and I around the house with chores or whatever we are doing. He really wants to be included.
5. How he feeds himself pretty well now and loves my cooking. Seemed like he wanted to do nothing but nurse every hour and didn't want food for a year.
6. How he gets so excited to nurse still and tries to help me pull out his "teet." How he doesn't want to nurse calmy unless we are in our quiet nursing spot. He gets so distracted still. I tried to nurse at the keyboard last night and he kept turning around to look at the computer.
7. How ds loves to cuddle with dh and I and how loving and affectionate he is. He likes to stroke my cheek and arm and hair while I am trying to nurse him to sleep.
8. His laugh! He tries to immitate my crazy laugh sometimes too.
9. How he waves at dogs we see when we are outside. He gets so excited it makes me sad we can't have a dog.
10. How he is starting to understand what I am saying more and more and concepts. He can follow simple instructions now.
11. How he puts his feet up when I say "do you want a foot massage?" I sometimes like to massage him to calming music before naps and bedtime to get him relaxed to nurse and SLEEP!! It is a special routine that we enjoy.
12. His baby smell.
13. His soft skin and fine baby hair.
There are lots of things I am enjoying now and NOT enjoying but I thought it would be neat to list HAPPY things. Most of us know the stuff that annoys us.


Things I miss:
1. When he used to say "Quack! Quack!" last fall b/c dh taught him that. We have ducks in our neighborhood lake that we visited almost everyday.
2. When he would peck at me with his chin as a sign he wanted to nurse. We called him Woody Wood Pecker.
3. When he was first learning to walk he would chase the cats and laugh the whole time!!! I thought he would never leave those cats alone. He still loves the cats but the game is over now that he can catch them so easily.
4. How I was him main source of comfort. Now he wants dh a lot and even cuddles with him at night. Especially after he nurses he wants dh to cuddle him back to sleep. It's a good thing, but I still miss being so needed.
5. How I used to have to carry him all the time. Now he wants to walk and do it himself.
6. How he would fall asleep much easier at the breast. Now I have to work at naps and bedtime for longer periods unless he is REALLY tired. Sometimes I even have to put him on my chest and lay with him until he is in a deep sleep. And then he still wants to lay on my chest when I try to move.
7. His sweet newborn cry.
8. His pink newborn skin.

I'm sure there is more I am missing.

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#140 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 03:08 PM
 
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OK, to be different I will talk about the book a little.

One quote that really struck me was "you are not your body, you are not your thoughts etc" I guess it shouldn't be in quotes because it is probably not a very good quote. Suddenly I thought of DH and wondered, well, if we are not these things, then who is it that I love. And the same goes for DD. I realized suddenly what the unconditional acceptance and love really is. It is not loving their behavior.
(Sorry Heather, I thought of this before I read your post and wanted to write about it. I did enjoy your lists)
So the things that you don't like, are not them (or you). I am not the things I am not proud of, and nor am I the things I am doinjg right! I simply am, and so is DD and so is DH. And all the feelings of confusion surrounding my political and philosophical ideals are just noise that my mind is making to distract me. They don't matter.
Besides I think they come up when I read the paper a lot and I am right now because of the world situation. THe thing is that I can only live by my highest ideals and that is all I can do. And that I am dong most of the time. They still don't make me who I am.

I have never loved DH and DD this much. Or myself either. So no lists for me this time.

I also really like the analogy of the waves on te ocean. I may have some big storms, but underneath I am still me, the giant calm and quiet ocean. I am loving my 18 year retreat and yet I am sooo tired (we are both sick)

OK, about Naomi's little nose stuffing habit: I think one reason she keeps doing it is because it is interesting that I react to it. Maybe part of figuring out the "other minds" problem. But what the doctor did besides look really far up her nose (and he didn't see anything) is have me hold her down in a "nursing position" (she could nurse standing on her head at this point, but you know what I mean) and I hled her cheeks so her mouth would open. THen DH held the other nostril closed and gently blew in her mouth as if doing CPR. Since the one nostril was clearly blocked this would blow out the other object.

ANyway, maybe a useful technique if you even need it. I think she actually didn't have anything in her nose but I had felt something under her skin which I now believe was just a swollen sinus. Anyway, at least I didn't spend 8 hours in the emergency room.
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#141 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 03:09 PM
 
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By the way heather,

You still ahve the moments really, because they are in your heart.
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#142 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Jac~Thanks for such a thought provoking and heartfelt post!
I like this part of the chapter very well too!~ Jac wrote: "I also really like the analogy of the waves on te ocean. I may have some big storms, but underneath I am still me, the giant calm and quiet ocean. I am loving my 18 year retreat and yet I am sooo tired (we are both sick)"

When I read this it makes me think of my reactions on the surface and how much I wish I could calm the waves and reactivity. And other times I think of dh and his turmoil on the surface right now.

The other thought I really liked and have pondered quite a bit about over the months I've been reading: Jac wrote~"One quote that really struck me was "you are not your body, you are not your thoughts etc" I guess it shouldn't be in quotes because it is probably not a very good quote. Suddenly I thought of DH and wondered, well, if we are not these things, then who is it that I love. And the same goes for DD. I realized suddenly what the unconditional acceptance and love really is. It is not loving their behavior.

(Sorry Heather, I thought of this before I read your post and wanted to write about it. I did enjoy your lists)
So the things that you don't like, are not them (or you). I am not the things I am not proud of, and nor am I the things I am doinjg right! I simply am, and so is DD and so is DH. And all the feelings of confusion surrounding my political and philosophical ideals are just noise that my mind is making to distract me. They don't matter.
Besides I think they come up when I read the paper a lot and I am right now because of the world situation. THe thing is that I can only live by my highest ideals and that is all I can do. And that I am dong most of the time. They still don't make me who I am."


I often think about my opinions and judgements of others and wish I could free myself from them.

If anyone wants to skip my list I am not offended! I know what we "think" and "feel" about our babes is important to us but Jac is right...what we think does not really matter b/c it's so much more than that in the moment. It's hard to even express in a list how I feel about something in a moment...doesn't do ds justice. But it's still fun to try.
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#143 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 04:41 PM
 
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Remember though that the ocean is not the ocean without the waves.. I mean, what would the surfers do? But the true nature of the ocean is that it is deep and still. On top it has waves. Having waves is different than being the waves. Besides, the waves are not just from the ocean, but also from the tides (moon) and the weather. It is part of the interconnectedness of things

I also read somewhere else that you don't have to change anything about yourself in terms of negative behaviors. You only have to become aware of them. So, don't worry about changing them.

BTW reading myself quoted I realized that I don't mean that the quote I put in is not good, but that I am not actually uoting but writing what I think they wrote. So it may not be word for word. In fact I doubt they use the "word" etc at all.

I am not trying to sound like a little know it all proffesor type (but I am sometimes), I am jsut still exploring this concept "out loud"...
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#144 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 04:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I keep getting database errors when i try to reply and i'm out of time right now but cool thoughts, Jac and sorry to hear you've both been ill. and thx for the nose remedy!!
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#145 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 08:08 PM
 
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i liked the list idea heather. i related to so much of it too.

i must ponder it before giving it a proper reply.

i also love the ocean analogy. i think about affirmations and visualization. that our minds really are like computers, and how the words we say and think really do make up a our experiences.

so to have a visualization of this ocean with a calm underneath. very powerful. the water is likened to our emotions in our dreams. sometimes when i am feeling a freak out coming (a time where i might slam a door or yell at someone or something) a visualization is my saving grace.

off topic, but nuggetsmom, your nose thing reminds me of my ds's newest antics.

a few weeks ago he gagged himself with his own fingers, which elicited a reaction from me to say "are you okay?", to which he happily decided to repeatedly gag himself over and over.

well i turned and ignored it (against every cell in my body) when i heard his gags turning to burps and near vomiting. thank god, he stopped that day, but not before his eyes were all tears and his face was all red.

and then for days afterwards, he kept exploring this whole gag thing (with no more reaction from me) until he finally made himself vomit this last weekend.

since then, he seems to be satisfied with discovering how gross it can get. i don't think he liked vomiting. my budding little bulemic.

anyway, thought it strange enough to share.

i may be back with a better list of loves and misses in the spirit of heathers idea.
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#146 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 09:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was thinking about the calm beneath the surface waves theory and thought "gee some moments I dont even feel calm beneath the surface!" But I know the book mentions these storms that come and go. The older I get the easier it gets to realize the storms and breathe through them....the storms will pass.

Another cute thing I've been loving with ds is the growling!! I love it when he growls. Sometimes he's frustrated or just being silly! I know this is a common thing for toddlers and I remember one of you even got pegged as a mama lion!

I wonder if my "Friends" lovers are lurking? If not, I hope you are having fun and well wherever you are!!!
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#147 of 197 Old 01-23-2003, 09:57 PM
 
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I also like the ocean metaphor, the idea of such depth and a turbulent surface. hmmm. sounds familiar. i don't know much about ocean dynamics (tho I probably should since I'm planning to study salmon for my dissertation), but even though the depths appear calm, so much is really happening down there. food is being moved around, columns of water move in parallel to one another, whole communities of life thrive. so maybe it's calm, but not still.

jacqueline's comment about we aren't our thoughts or our body is something I remember from my first read through, but I don't think that I really get it. I guess it means that my intrinsic me-ness is not about the stuff I get stuck in (the praise, the browbeating). the thought of letting that all slip away is scary to me somehow, but maybe that's b/c so much of my thoughts are a security blanket, how I identify myself to the world at large. what would be left underneath that. does anyone else know what i mean here. but i do understand the need to move beyond these surface manifestations especially in my experiences with dh and ds. they definitely do get in the way.

babble on babylon

angie

Angie, Mama to Finn (6/01) and Theo (4/05)
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#148 of 197 Old 01-24-2003, 12:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by momcat
Funny swearing story
That is a funny swearing story! Here's mine: when I was just starting to talk my mom said GD a lot. So I started repeating it, and every time I said it she'd say, "Don't say that". So I started going around all the time saying, "GD don't say that GD don't say that..."

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#149 of 197 Old 01-24-2003, 12:20 AM
 
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Quote:
jacqueline's comment about we aren't our thoughts or our body is something I remember from my first read through, but I don't think that I really get it. I guess it means that my intrinsic me-ness is not about the stuff I get stuck in (the praise, the browbeating). the thought of letting that all slip away is scary to me somehow, but maybe that's b/c so much of my thoughts are a security blanket, how I identify myself to the world at large. what would be left underneath that. does anyone else know what i mean here. but i do understand the need to move beyond these surface manifestations especially in my experiences with dh and ds. they definitely do get in the way.
Exactly. I was trying to express this when I was talking about me not being my opinions. I'm such an opinionated person, and known for my passions, that I'm not sure who I'd be without them. It IS scary - to me it's like admitting that I have intrinsic worth, even if I'm not right all the time. That's revolutionary.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#150 of 197 Old 01-24-2003, 11:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi there, mamas! I was surfing MDC yesterday and came across this website and I thought it was really cool because another mom used her screwed up childhood to her advantage! Of course I am still really screwed up but trying to muddle through and I think I am doing an o.k. job considering! Well if you want to check out the link make sure to read the top b/c it explains the abusive "Thank You Mom" descriptions and how it was turned around to be a positive.

http://kim.mimicvii.com/family.htm

...Just another reason I love MDC moms! They give me hope that I will make it another 20 or so years on this crazy journey and "retreat" if you want to call it that. Have a weekend and I will post some quotes about the next chapter, "Importance of Practice," on Sunday!!! It's a short chapter, but it has a lot of insightful stuff...



P.S. I am really attached to my opinions etc. and I can totally relate to the "feeling" not wanting to give them up! But sometimes I really do try to give them up and they just keep creeping back up on me and screwing up the "mindful' plan!!! Does anyone know how to erase those attachments and rewire a brain???? Brain OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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