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Old 02-16-2006, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone read it, reading it, want to discuss it?
I am about half way thru it. I like it alot, I want to talk to people about it!

Anyone?

H

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Old 02-16-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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I read it. It's been awhile, but it's a favorite of mine.

-Angela
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Old 02-16-2006, 08:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess I am not actually half way thru, but what I have read so far has been very eye opening.... just getting to the baby part.
But my view on "Work" is so twisted. Work = bad. And if it is fun, than it can't be work. I think if I can change my view on work, I can change my attitude on alot of things. I want to be able to see the things I "need" to do as fun or as worthwhile as the things I "want" to do. Does that make since??

H

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Old 02-17-2006, 03:39 PM
 
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Im about half way through it too!! I will write more when I am done, its really very interesting!
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Old 02-17-2006, 05:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just finished the part about how the "civilized" babies are raised. Makes me heart sick. My kids were in arms alot, but not as much as the SA natives babies. To think how they must have suffered.

H

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Old 02-19-2006, 02:07 AM
 
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See http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=144887
and www.continuum-concept.org

I LOVE the book, and it has informed much of our parenting style.
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Old 02-19-2006, 05:37 PM
 
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I read it a couple of years ago....I didn't really like it
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Old 02-19-2006, 09:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sahm1: what didn't you like about it? I have found a few things I don't like, but I feel the benifets of the "In arms" time can not be stressed enough. Just curious...

Also to everyone else, what do you like or draws you to it, and what has turned you off?
I find, like with most "parenting" books of any sort, you take what works for you, and then leave the rest...

H

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Old 02-19-2006, 09:18 PM
 
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I love this book!!

However, I do find it kind of interesting that Jeanne Liedloff never had children of her own, I think it would provide an interesting perspective.
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Old 02-19-2006, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is interesting. I always find it interesting when people write books about something they haven't actually done.
Not to say that what I have learned from this book isn't wondeful and very eye opening, but still. It is like a bopok I read on living frugally but the people never did it with a house full of kids. Doesn't change the fact that some of the advice wasn't great and valuable, but it did add some light into their prespective.
But like I said, you use what works for you and to heck with the rest.
What in the book did you love so much?
H

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Old 02-21-2006, 08:42 PM
 
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I couldn't finish it. I felt too guilty for what I didn't do with my babies, and I consider myself an AP parent. My kids were held in arms quite a bit, the younger two co-slept from birth, and none were never, ever made to CIO, but they did spend some time in carriers, strollers, car seats.

I felt it set an impossibly high standard.
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Old 02-22-2006, 02:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Verity: I think it helps to note that the author never had kids. The lifestyle of the people she studied is vastly different than our own. I even if that is of our own making, those people never had to put their kids in a car seat, yet we do, I mean there is no "In Arms" time while you are driving, even if you pull over when they cry, sometimes that can take a few minutes. I don't know... I am torn in my feelings.
I find the book very enlightening, and very discouraging all at the same time. I will see how I feel after I finish.

H

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Old 02-23-2006, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The more I read of the book, the more I wonder about how our culture does things. Like I love to be with my kids, talk to them, hold them, love on them. Is that because I, myself, missed out on the "In Arms" time when I was little? Do I love on my kids too much. It seems from the book that the people loved their kids, but didn't either need to, or whatever, HAVE to love on them all the time. Like I can't imagine if one of my kids got shot with an arrow, that I at least wouldn't hang around to make sure they were ok, and just stay to watch this "white" woman do her thing. But the moms all seem ok to just leave their kids with her and go off to do whatever they need to do.
I mean why is that? Why do we feel like we need to be there and they do not. I think even with all the "In Arms" time in the world, I think if my kids got shot with an arrow they would want me around when it got pulled out. Maybe not, I don't know.
Also, I think you can't have it both ways, like not do the whole "In Arms" time, but still expect your kids to be OK without you. I sometimes think that is what our culture wants. Kids to not need their parents, EVER. But they do need us at a very young age, we just don't want them to be dependant.
So much to think about...

H

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Old 02-23-2006, 08:30 PM
 
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I just finished reading this book and it needs to be taken with a grain of salt. To say that the rest of your life only depends whether or not you were "in arms" I think is inaccurate. As a Christian, I believe a lot of emptiness can be filled with the love for God...but that's just me.

As much I as I loved the book and it was a fascinating read, it did induce some guilt. But Hello! Jean studied the people with huge families who can help each other...I'm all freaking alone, no mother or MIL to help. Just my dh. I can only do so much and I'm an AP parent.

Also, her comments are even dangerous in some sort when it comes to childproofing the house and so on
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janelovesmax
Also, her comments are even dangerous in some sort when it comes to childproofing the house and so on.
Not necessarily. See the references in my earlier post.
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Old 02-24-2006, 10:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janelovesmax
As a Christian, I believe a lot of emptiness can be filled with the love for God...but that's just me.
As a grown-up Christian that might be true, but very few babies are aware enough to have personal relationships with Jesus Christ, and may actually need to have their emptiness filled by someone holding them.

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Old 02-24-2006, 01:30 PM
 
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To: previous poster.
I meant as an adult, not as a baby.
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Old 02-24-2006, 01:33 PM
 
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This is one of my favourite books. A real eye-opener.

I am glad I read it before my son was born. I feel it has had a profoundly beneficial effect on the way I am raising him.
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Old 02-25-2006, 04:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janelovesmax
Also, her comments are even dangerous in some sort when it comes to childproofing the house and so on
I think if you truly embrace what she says, this is not actually the case. It's a little bit like saying it's dangerous not to vax because your kid might get measles...

I am not saying she's right and you're wrong, I just think you really need to suspend all of your preconceived notions and open your mind to what she's saying IF you plan to follow it. You can't just say, "Liedloff says not to put a fence around the pool" and that's it, ykwIm?

I also think there's no reason for anyone to feel guilty... just because you don't exactly live your life like an indigenous South American woman doesn't mean you're a bad mom, anything you take away from the book is a good thing for your kid. It's like healthy eating... should you throw in the towel on eating healthy just because your kid has some pizza or ice cream once in a while? Should you feel like a bad mom?

Slight change of subject -- I was really fascinated by what she said about PPD, how it is more likely to occur if you don't bond with the baby immediately. I wonder how true that actually is!!
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Old 02-25-2006, 04:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Something that I have been thinking about is that the people she studied lived in close tight knit communities, while we sort of live all spread out. I mean how many MDCers have said they are one of the only people they know IRL that live the way they do? I think it might be easier to live that book, if you have a whole community to help you out. And I do believe that the kids in the small villages where safer than our kids are in the city. Yes there are dangerous animals etc, but there isn't a constant stampeed of wild beasts running thru the village all day, like the cars racing thru a nieghborhood.
Plus I think it is hard to give to your children something you never got. It is easy to see why the SA villagers held their kids and did what they did, that is what they knew. It is harder to break a mold and do something totally different, and have no village to support you. Not saying that it can't be done, but it sure is easy to say "DO IT THIS WAY" and never actually do it yourself, than to actually do it.
What I got most out of the book was the whole "western baby" suffering story. I have been telling people simular things for years, to explain why I didn't do CIO, and why we held our kids all the darn time. But I used a quad as my example... would you leave an adult who was a quad to fend for themselves all night, because their "needs" had all been met? Even if they were lonely and scared... but clean, dry and fed??? That seemed to get some people.

H

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