“Everyday Blessings” Part VI ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party - Page 11 - Mothering Forums
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#301 of 330 Old 07-16-2003, 12:44 PM
 
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Hi, everyone!

I am visually gobbling up your posts 'cause I don't know how much time ds is going to give me during this nap, BUT...

I wanted to say thanks for the hugs and positive vibes. We'll be okay. The big news is that we have THRUSH. Yes, it was not JUST canine teeth cutting through (which they are), but thrush. Our first experience with it. And now my boobs are sore, too. When it rains, it pours...

I feel so close to you mamas (geograpically speaking, of course), especially Anne, Angie, and El (hey, what's 12 hours between friends?!) that I'm inspired to suggest a reunion sometime this month for those of us in the east or New England. How about it? Anyone feeling spontaneous?

I can't convey enough to ALL of you how much you mean to me, and how much your wisdom has begun to enter my daily life. I am so thankful for you.

Anne, I have recently been thinking about introducing some sort of grace to our mealtime, too. It just feels right. We had W dedicated at our fellowship (Unitarian Universalist - my recovering Catholic hubby feels right at home there - give it a shot!), and he was given a book that some of the fellowship members put together. It contains a few table graces and other rituals. I need to spend some time with it when I get home. There's another book about creating significant rituals for your family, too, that I have written down at home... but alas, I don't know what it is off the top of my head.

Jacqueline - best wishes. I entered into this time away (and alone w/ds) thinking that it will be a time of growth, and growth is always challenging. Sure is rewarding, though. Check in with us if you can - we'll be sending positive thoughts your way.

Can't believe he's still out - gotta run or I won't get through the 21 other e-mails waiting for me (some even work-related... oops!)

Be well, friends!
Karen
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#302 of 330 Old 07-16-2003, 12:45 PM
 
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oops - it was Cheryl's hubby who was a "recovering Catholic"... sorry!
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#303 of 330 Old 07-16-2003, 01:01 PM
 
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skay karen, and thanks for the suggestion on the book!

wish i could be spontaneous with you all. i keep thinking a meeting would be great, but get overwhelmed at the thought of where to begin.

i forget who knows sonoma county and used to live here? maybe that will come together sometime.

hey, i am going to hawaii in november for a national karate tournament. anyone want to meet there? dd and i are bring dh and ds for a vacation as part of the whole package. (dd and i will compete in the tournament for the first 3 days, and then we'll have another 7 days to chill)

should be fun! i am already starting to save up some moolaaaa.
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#304 of 330 Old 07-16-2003, 04:18 PM
 
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Hello everybody

I hear you about blessings and ritual (and also the anxiety of being forced in the past to say "grace). We light candles; Finn blows out the match and then when everyone is seated, Finn initiates a clinking of the glasses and everyone says Cheers.

For awhile, we would all take a deep breath before starting to eat so that we could all enjoy the meal more mindfully, but somehow that disappeared. Heather, I like the idea of appreciating each other, but can see how on a daily basis, it might get a bit "forced." I think that maybe if the glass clinking was incorporated with a bit more one-on-one gazing, then that would be perfect to me--a chance to show that I see you and accept you for all you are. Yes, I'm a recovering grace-sayer (who gravitates to UU often, but just can't get her foot in the door).

Other blessings I've been trying to engage in are lots of moments of humorous play with Finn (normally rolling around on the bed after he wakes up). It's that moment after the laughter is finished when everyone has to take a breath with their giant smiles plastered to their faces that is the epitome of a blessing recognized (once I re-read what you wrote, I'm not sure if that's what you were talking about, Anne). Blessings throughout the day.. I'll have to think about that.

Cheryl - I'm so sorry to hear about the thrush. It's totally the pits. I wish that you were closer and I would bring you my gentian violet bottle and the purple sheets that we bought just for that purpose. I imagine that you have a "get better"regime all sorted out by now, but I think that temporarily changing my diet made a huge difference for me (Finn was just a wee one then). Let me know if you need website links or other information. How long are you guys going to be in CT??? I'm feeling kind of spontaneous (how's that for a paradox).

Hugs to Heather on her journey HOME and to Jacq on her journey far from HOME and to all the other mamas already at HOME.

Angie
Angie

Angie, Mama to Finn (6/01) and Theo (4/05)
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#305 of 330 Old 07-16-2003, 09:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by nuggetsmom
And I am pretty sure that she won't slleep and get over tired and really be a pill. How is that for mindfullness. I am trying to let it go and see what happens because I know if I have expectations I will live up to them and be tired and horrible and impatient.
Jacqueline, that so made me think of page 449 in the AA Big book:

Quote:
"And acceptance is the answer to ALL my
problems today. When I am disturbed, it is
because I find some person, place, thing, or
situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable
to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept
that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this
moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in
God's world by mistake. Until I could accept
my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless
I accept life completely on life's terms, I
cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so
much on what needs to be changed in the world
as on what needs to be changed in me and in my
attitudes."
c. 1976, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 449
Thought others might enjoy that so I pasted it in... By the way, I was a huge softball nut for years. It's how dh and I met. We both played at the same park.
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#306 of 330 Old 07-16-2003, 09:51 PM
 
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In terms of our blessings/rituals - we do have a bedtime one with the boys. We read a chapter from a good children's Bible - nothing hellfire and brimstone about it. (BTW - I have a very liberal view of a Higher Power, so don't think I'll go Jerry Falwell on you. :LOL I see many paths leading to that same mountain top. ) Anyway, we read a chapter and then we have a neat little devotional book for kids that is very positive and uplifting - the only one I have seen like that.

Then we end by saying 3 things we were grateful for that day. Jacob says his and even little Matthew tries to chime in - sometimes gobbledy gook that makes us all smile and sometimes things like, "Bibbitybobitytruckblahbedoiyfkh". One thing I have been taught in AA is how important gratitude is for our wellbeing and I want to really cultivate that in my boys so they grow up looking for the good every day, not just on the "good" days.

We have a neat meditation book for kids that some of you might like. It has Moonbeam in the title, I think. I'll need to go check and then post again...
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#307 of 330 Old 07-16-2003, 09:55 PM
 
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Yes, Moonbeam: A Book of Meditations for Children. Here is a blip from Amazon:

Quote:
Maureen Garth's popular mediations for children were born out of the author's desire to help her three-year-old daughter sleep soundly. Developing "the gentle art of going within", her delightful stories helped her child -- and many others around the world -- to feel secure and to sleep peacefully.

In Moonbeam, Garth invites her readers to accompany her on journeys into an imaginative world of animals, people and places. She shows parents how to use these imaginings with their children, helping them deal with their anxieties, develop their concentration and enhance their creativity.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...224662-4653547
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#308 of 330 Old 07-17-2003, 12:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamabutterfly
Oh, one other thing related to EB -- a group of women at my church have begun meeting to talk about motherhood, and July's meeting will be discussing Everyday Blessings! I'm excited, though it feels mildly, um, disloyal to you all, lol
I'll let you know how it is!
Not disloyal! A way to bring us new insights! Enjoy!

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#309 of 330 Old 07-17-2003, 12:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by nuggetsmom
ANalisa, how are you doing? Hanging in there I hope. I thik about you every once in a while.
Aw, thanks for asking. 12 weeks 3 days now. Midwife appt. yesterday, but my previous midwife left suddenly, so now I'm working with her partner.

Have to see a perinatologist (hopefully just once) in the next few weeks, and then next checkup in four.

My house is overwhelming me, it's such a disaster. Dog food everyone b/c Meg likes to feed the dog by hand. Toilet paper everywhere b/c Meg likes to tear it up. Papers everywhere. Blah blah blah sigh.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#310 of 330 Old 07-17-2003, 01:10 PM
 
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i forget who knows sonoma county and used to live here? maybe that will come together sometime.
that would be me! I was going to come out next month...but decided dd is still to young to leave. Alas....it will be anothe 6-9months before Im there again!
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#311 of 330 Old 07-17-2003, 01:18 PM
 
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Two cradle Catholics who love to say grace here. In fact, since it's the only time we pray together outside of Mass, we add all our other prayers on to the end - thanks and petitions, etc.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#312 of 330 Old 07-17-2003, 01:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Festivus
Jacqueline, that so made me think of page 449 in the AA Big book:



Thought others might enjoy that so I pasted it in... By the way, I was a huge softball nut for years. It's how dh and I met. We both played at the same park.
Wow, Kim, I totally needed that. Thank you. I'm reading the Big Book a couple of pages a day right now but I'm still near the beginning.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#313 of 330 Old 07-18-2003, 01:51 PM
 
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Hello Lovely Mamas,

We've been out of town this week and it's so nice to come HOME to you all!

For once I am not going to write a novel about my personal trials and tribulations, but will just say that your talk about rituals and blessings, and Kim's post from the AA book, have been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me, and I plan to read and reread your posts this weekend until I can begin to internalize these ideas. I feel like I am having a midlife crisis (at 32!) and it was good to be reminded that it is *entirely* in my head and *entirely* a matter of attitude. So if I'm quiet for a while, it's bc I'm doing some work, but know how much you all mean to me and how much you HELP me with my work!

Angie: I, too, have started a RL book club and we've been struggling to come up with a name for our yahoo group . . . Could we share Mindful Mamas with you? (at yahoo it would have to be one word, so maybe ncmindfulmamas?) Maybe we'll be the beginning of a national trend?

Karen: SOOOO sorry that the evil yeasties have invaded! But good for you for figuring that out! We're pursuing that to see if that may be an underlying prob for ds (with his constipation, sleeplessness, and multiple food allergies). I bet it's tough finding good help with that when you're not in your hometown, huh? Hang in there!

I would LOOOOOOOOOVE to come meet you mamas in New England! We have unfortunately just discovered that ds no longer sleeps in the car , however, so long car trip are out for us for a while. Wanna swing south for a beach trip before you head home?

I've said it before, but it's a good description of where my head is right now . . . it's a good thing breathing is involuntary, bc otherwise, I'd be blue in the face right about now!
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#314 of 330 Old 07-18-2003, 02:46 PM
 
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I promise not to turn this into an AA quote thread, honest. But there is one other section similar to the one I posted I thought a couple of you might like. Keep in mind that when AA says God, it is a very open, undefined word for Higher Power, so don't be turned off by that. There are atheists and agnostics in AA.

Quote:
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any
life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that
basis we are almost always in collision with something
or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most
people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is
like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever
trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery
and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical,
selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he
is more likely to have varied traits.

What usually happens? The show doesn't come off
very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right.
He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the
next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the
case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting
he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people
are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying.
What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a
self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a
victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and
happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is
it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are
the things he wants? And do not his actions make each
of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out
of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a
producer of confusion rather than harmony?

Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the
root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear,
self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the
toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they
hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably
find that at some time in the past we have made
decisions based on self which later placed us in a position
to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic
is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he
usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics
must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it
kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems
no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid.
Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions
galore, but we could not live up to them even though we
would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.

This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to
quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that
hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our
Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the
Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple,
and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant
arch through which we passed to freedom.

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable
things followed. We had a new Employer. Being
all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept
close to Him and performed His work well. Established
on such a footing we became less and less interested in
ourselves, our own little plans and designs. More and more we
became interested in seeing what we could contribute to
life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of
mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as
we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose
our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.
I copied and pasted to trim it down. I PROMISE I won't paste anymore in b/c that isn't what this thread is about, but I know you allow a little bit of off topic chatter. It still kind of goes along with the general idea of finding peace, etc.
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#315 of 330 Old 07-18-2003, 02:54 PM
 
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Kim, {{{HUGS}}}, thanks again! I was just talking to my sponsor about this this morning - having a lot of trouble with prayer these days and she's telling me I have to just do it whether I want to or not.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#316 of 330 Old 07-18-2003, 03:03 PM
 
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Thanks Festivus! My son is in rehab now and though Ive read some things on AA, I still dont know the kinds of things he is going thru, or reading etc etc, that will hopefully help him move from actor to healthy contributing adult. Ive seen some people change from AA, and others not. am I just a mother to hope he can come thru this and turn his life around? My hopes are high.
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#317 of 330 Old 07-18-2003, 10:02 PM
 
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I wasn't gonna do this to you guys again -- I feel like a complete and total narcissist for directing you all to my own weekly rants and raves -- but I just began a new thread in Personal Growth that I *probably* should have just written here for your eyes only:

http://216.92.20.151/discussions/sho...threadid=74664

Please don't feel compelled to read it -- I just felt self-conscious once I posted it, bc if one of you came across it, you would probably wonder if I was trying to be secretive, when in fact I was just trying to give you all a break from being my personal therapists. Oy.

I'll just chalk this one up to being overwhelmed and frankly, a little confused about my life. Please forgive the chatroom faux pas. :
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#318 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 10:13 AM
 
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Breathe and rainsmom, get yourselves to Al-Anon. Seriously. It will change your life for the better, and very quickly. http://www.al-anon.org

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#319 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 12:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by rainsmom
Thanks Festivus! My son is in rehab now and though Ive read some things on AA, I still dont know the kinds of things he is going thru, or reading etc etc, that will hopefully help him move from actor to healthy contributing adult. Ive seen some people change from AA, and others not. am I just a mother to hope he can come thru this and turn his life around? My hopes are high.
There is certainly hope! He is 26? I was 20 when I got sober and I do think it is hard to get sober young, mainly b/c a lot of really awful things have to go wrong, typically, to get sober. Running our heads into that "brick wall" has to hapen so many times that we finally "surrender" and become teachable and listen to others and follow their suggestions. But it is difficult for anyone to stay sober... The stats used to be 1 in 10. I'm not sure how they are now. Kind of depressing numbers, but some people do get it and keep it.

I started going to AlAnon in 1999 when my husband's pot habit became a big problem. It helped me sooooooooo much - I cannot even tell you how much it helped me. And I had been in AA for 9 years already. Saved my life and my sanity. For one thing it showed me how to be happy and serene (on good days ) whether he got sober or not. Helped me decide what my boundaries were and how to stick to them. And it helped me stay out of his business, which I do believe is part of what helped him finally get sober. there is that dance of taking care of me and detaching from him.

Good luck to your son. I hope he really takes what they teach him in rehab and applies it when he gets out. My parents were wonderful when I got sober - even went to a few meetings with me. Made a big difference to me.

And here you have read or are reading EB and that is icing on that cake for your son!!! A lot of AlAnon type stuff in that book.
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#320 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 12:30 PM
 
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And {{HUGS}} to you, too, Megs Mom!!!
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#321 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 12:35 PM
 
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Thanks for the info Festivus......i went to Al-anon years and years ago with a friend, and maybe I was in the wrong group, but it was a group of people who whined and felt sorry for their lives......it was hard for me to hear. They were doing NOTHING to change or get out of their situations.....maybe its my problem, but whiney pathetic people are hard for me to be around. Even hard to empathize with. Maybe it would be different in a different group. (This was just my experience, Im not knocking the organization) My son doesnt live near us.....but I would still be interested in understanding what he is going through. ANy other books you could recommend would be helpful too.......

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#322 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 12:37 PM
 
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Oh, rainsmom, that is SO NOT typical Al-Anon! I keep going back b/c these people have the kinds of lives I want! They are so happy and at peace and hopeful and loving! I think you found a very unusual group, and would be pleasantly surprised at trying a different one...it certainly doesn't matter if your son lives anywhere near you - none of the alcoholics in my life even live in the same city I do, and some have even passed away.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#323 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 12:46 PM
 
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The very first AlAnon meeting I went to I hated. I went 10 or so years ago and thought it was useless and that the people were wimpy, etc. I don't think it was about my state of mind so much. Just not a great group... I didn't return for years.

When my AA sponsor has me try it again she said to try at least 3 meetings and I am glad I did. You'll find people in all different places on their journey - some still struggling to keep their heads above water and some with lots of wisdom to share.

However, if you don't want to try one maybe you could get some of their devotional books. They sell them at cost and they are really neat. One is called One Day At A Time and there is another called Courage to Change. They have daily readings and an index in the back, so that if I am having a "bad" day in terms of detachment I can refer back to the index and find all the readings on that. I bet they have info on the website Megs Mom linked.

Also, the AA Big Book would give you some insight. They are also available at cost, but I have a link to an online version: http://www.healingresource.org/book.cgi?Contents_1 The chapters "More About Alcoholism, We Agnostics, How It Works, and The Family Afterwards" might be helpful to read or skim.
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#324 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mindful mamas! I got home last night and I am pooped! I like all the support you're giving one another here and all the hugs are great too. I gotta go dig thru my mail and see if alanon mailed me the list of meetings I asked for before I left.

On Sunday (or when anyone has time) will someone kindly get us going on the next chapter (Healing Moments) which begins Part 7 of EB? If someone has the time a new link ("Everyday Blessings" Part VII ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party...or call it whatever you want and link it to this thread please) for Part 7 would be awesome!!!

I'm swamped with unpacking and other junk, but glad to be home.

Love,
Heather
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#325 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 02:12 PM
 
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Welcome home! I hope your break was re-energizing.
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#326 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 04:47 PM
 
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OK - back to mindfullness....

Do any of your find that you are spending too much time living in the past and future?

i was out on a walk yesterday morning and I realized about 30 minutes into the walk that I had spent that entire time thinking about things in the past and then fantasizing about the future.

I realized how futile my thinking was and I started to think about what I really needed "now" and what I needed to do to get it going. It was really hard.

How do you all center yourselves to stay focused on "now"? I'm a list maker - I need to see a list of things to get done, break things down into little steps. If I don't have lists I feel like a boat without a rudder.

any thoughts?
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#327 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 06:20 PM
 
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I work on staying in the present by using my five senses. It's especially useful when out walking. I find something that smells delicous, or I just try to identify as many distinct smells as possible. Then I listen very carefully and do the same things with sounds...etc.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#328 of 330 Old 07-19-2003, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lists help me when I have a lot going on. But when I find lists from a year ago I have to laugh at what seemed so vital at that moment to me then...you know the things we have to have or think we need to do that keep us from being in the moment we're in NOW. Funny how our needs change. I often find myself not in the moment but able to pull myself back in after I realize my mind is on another planet. It takes a lot of practice and remember just realizing where our minds are is being mindful. And being an adult and having lots of responsibilities makes me want to be on another planet some days.

Thinking of you all and going to attempt to attend an alanon meeting this week. They are at 8pm...late for me to leave the house but I am very interested in checking it out.

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#329 of 330 Old 07-21-2003, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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<==me today. Finally feeling motivated to get the trip laundry done. Just wish I had the energy to get us onto the next chapter and make a new thread. You all are so precious to me, but I am seriouly thinking of unplugging my computer to fully enjoy summer, dh, and ds. This computer has a way of sucking me in. I hope I havent killed our thread. I'm sure you'll figure out what to do...mindful mamas ROCK!! (I typed a more mindful post but ds turned off the computer when he woke up from his nap...before I could finish...and I am out of time.)

Love,
Heather
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#330 of 330 Old 07-21-2003, 04:40 PM
 
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Here's a link to the new thread I just created for our group.

http://216.92.20.151/discussions/sho...threadid=75195

In order to get the emails that there are new messages, you either need to write a reply to the new thread or subscribe to it, by clicking on a button at the bottom.

I would have included a summary of the next chapter with quotes and deep thoughts, but alas, I'm the one that still can't find her book. If I'm just mindful enough about it, I'm sure it'll turn up.

Hugs to Heather and hope that you can find your computer/life balance.

Angie

Angie, Mama to Finn (6/01) and Theo (4/05)
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