|Originally posted by momcat
I generally feel a real lack of eloquence when I post - I often feel that when I have a huge *aha* moment, I can't put it into words clearly. I dunno. *sigh*
I feel like this all over MDC, but esp. here. I think it's just says a lot for the company, and not anything against us when we feel this way.
|Originally posted by nuggetsmom
(DH doesn't seem to get it though and when we all go out and I tell him it is time to go he always wants to hang on for another half hour or so till DD completely loses it )
( I am getting Nursing your mothering otddler at the library today)
OK, I have to go. But as a preview... I am thinking up my post to tell you all what my new life direction is! I am very excited and scared and I think it will be a perfect fit.
My DH is pretty much in charge of deciding when we will get Meg ready for bed and he almost always waits until she's melting down. Then the whole bedtime routine is traumatic. When I'm doing it myself, I always start earlier than he does.
"Nursing your mothering toddler". Heh.
Waiting for the big announcement!
Meg is very busily drawing all over my new pregnancy journal with the pen I left in it. I'm letting her and not saying anything b/c I think it's cute that baby's big sister added to the journal in her own way.
Plus, I shouldn't have left it where she could get it.
I mean mothering your nursing toddler. LOL. What a slip! I dont' think Naomi will be making any announcements anytime though she does love her "baby" (a doll obviously), and repeatedly throws it is the tub and the pool and has tried to throw it in the toilet.
OK, so I am losing my current position at the end of August. It may be extended but I need to figure out what to do with my life besides being a labrat.
I have often felt that I would liek to teach high school science and I love to teach. I love science. California's teaching budget is in dire straits right now and I would have to get a teaching certificate. At least ultimately I would.
The other thing I love is drawing and making the figures for presentations and presenting science. Visualising science. I had done a project for someone where I designed an animation to explain a science concept for a textbook company. I really liked that work.
I have decided to work as a science illustrator.
It is freelance
I have a lot to learn
I am soooo scared!
I applied to a conference called visualization in science and education. IT is a gordonn conference (if that means anything, probably won't unless you are a scientist though) and they are notoriously difficult to get into because they are very small and all about networking. It is the week before DH takes the bar exam in oxford england so I am staying at a hotel (not at the conference site) with DD and my MOM
It is going to be pretty stressful I think but I am excited.
I have been putting in some time making connections and learning software and researching classes at community colleges to learn said software each week. The great thing about this is that it is freelance and right now my loss in income is made up for by DH's increase in salary because he is finally a lawyer. I am not sure that that is a real YEAH! thing
but it is good not to have him in school. (He does patent stuff and I am just kidding. He is really a great guy his lawyer status notwithstanding)
So I figure that this is my oppurtunity to do this. To retrain and launch my new direction and be able to say in the future "I am sorry, I cannot take that project now but I will have time available in september" while I am packing for the beach in the summer. And I will be home after school for Naomi and future DC's so they can get homework help.
I still have things to work out in my mind about this, but it's a start. Sometimes a gremlin in my head tells me I will fail anyway I I should spend the time at home with DC's instead of finding ways to be away from them. Especially because of the work I am putting in now I am away from her a little more. And more stressed too. I took a couple of classes in illustration that were a day long on weekends.
|Originally posted by momcat
I generally feel a real lack of eloquence when I post - I often feel that when I have a huge *aha* moment, I can't put it into words clearly. I dunno. *sigh*
I feel that way too. I don't know, but aha moments tend to transcend language KWIM. Like they are in the right brain and your left brain doesn't get it.
Annalisa~ Your dh sounds kinda like mine sometimes. Except I am REALLY good at letting him know what is bothering me (and not always in nice way, but I'm working on that).
He is only human though and maybe a spotless clean kitchen will slide for awhile or if that's not an option is a cleaning lady?
Being with child and caring for a child may mean changing priorities in some areas (not to say you havent already made some necessary adjustments). That's not a bad thing either.
Jacq. ~ WOW! What a neat plan! I'm soooo happy for you. That does sound like a much better idea than teaching or being a lab rat. :LOL Teachers in the midwest are being let go left and right here as well. Not a solid future there with homeschooling on the rapid rise anyway. I think it's super cool that you will have more kids and that you can find a way to have more flexibility in your routine. You really need it! Mama your schedule is WAY packed! I get overwhelmed much easier than most though.
Thanks for sharing your news with us.
My exciting news...ds and I made dh and audio tape for Father's Day with lots of love songs, 80s pop music, etc. and added some stuff we taped of ds talking and me narrating. I'm so excited! And I wrote him a cute little poem and made a card. I hope all the dads have a fabulous weekend!!!!
I'll be back on Sunday (hopefully...it may be late tho'). Two chapters for next week? They are short. Annalisa thought that was great a idea so I guess we'll go with it. If you dont have time to read we'll just punt.
Ugh, I feel awful today, my back is killing me and I'm still in my jammies.
Last week I made DH a mini-scrapbook for FD. It has a bunch of pictures of him and Meg, and poems and quotes and stuff. He's gonna love it.
aaack! i fell way behind again. took me so long to read all the posts, i can't begin to respond to it all! oh well.
i'll just say what comes to mind.
el, NPR sucks. i don't know. they sold out or something.
i felt at home reading everyone's toddler struggles. ds is not biting, but he has his own stuff. mostly getting into drawers, cabinets and climbing.
it is pretty major in our house. our tallest bar stools are no longer safe. for any rock climbers out there, he is mantling! so they are up on the bar. now most of the living room drawers have uly stuff in it. a lot of re arranging. the drawer locks don't work for ds. he gets right past them.
my assessment of him, is that he wants to effect change upon the world. different than dd who at 18 mos might hv say, watched the pond fish and noticed their different colors and sizes-ds wants to know what will happen if he jams the rake pole into the pond. or climbs in with them. or throws dirt or rocks in with them. i have dd to compare with, and am just amazed at the difference in their exploration of the world.
so i have a digi cam and lots of pics in my puter, but haven't really explored a way to post them for others to view. i'll try and follow everyones lead on that.
it's hard for me to stop and click too, but ds and i hv already looked at baby baby pics of him and he seems fascinated for a few seconds between trying to push buttons and kiss/lick the screen. fun fun!
so i'll confess to many a composed letter/posts for mdc that died before making it to cyberspace. i too find it sort of helpful. like an outside perspective living in my head when i need it. you guys help me when you don't even know it!
oh, and also wanted to share how some many post back we were talking about naming our emotions, and it has been so fun and enlightening to help ds name and understand the meanings behind happy, sad and mad. (haven't expanded from there yet). we have fun making the faces that match them to him and it is so funny to watch his expression change with ours as we say it. and now thru out the day, he will try to identify (so far, mad and happy). sad still eludes him for now. but this morning, he climbed into his high chair and started dancing and said "mama, fee pappy"
is that the cutest!?
okay, now i want to send a picture to go with the cute story.
bye for now.
oh- happy bday to finn! i'm telling you, this childhood stuff is soooo short!
and well wishes to the new career move nuggetsmom. your life sounds so exciting. like watching sex and the city or something. well...you know what i mean. smarter, but just as exciting.
and now, i am going to post this w/o editing my rambling stream of consciousness. i'll apologize now.
Jacq - COOL STUFF!! I need to give her a couple of weeks 'cause she just got married, but I know someone who is a designer for National Geographic. I think that before she worked there, she illustrated at a science mag. If you're interested in contacting her, let me know. I'm sure she'd be open to talking with you (via phone or e-mail). PM me and let me know.
Cheryl - good luck with your climber! I remember reading something somewhere about children who were way above average in the intelligence dept. The article said something about how exhausting it was for the parents 'cause the child was always experimenting - "wonder what will happen if I..." kind of stuff. Sounds like you've got a budding genius on your hands!
Happy Father's Day!! What an exciting day for all the dads!
I am up before dh and ds to do my yoga (which I just finished) and I thought I'd try to put a quick post in here just in case today gets away from me.
First of all I wanted to say to Cheryl that I loved the thought of you making faces with your ds. I thought it was so cute and worthwhile that I made all those emotion faces in the mirror while holding ds and he was VERY fascinated!
But he did not attempt to make the faces. I am aware of my emotions much more now than I was prebaby, but naming them when they occur in myself and ds, or whomever, is another story. But I think it is good to be in touch with those feelings and glad you all gave me the idea.
Cant wait to see this all pay off soon with ds.
the pics Karen! Thanks SO much for sharing those! I got some pics from Anne to post when I get a chance and I will PM you when I get it done (tomorrow). They are precious too.
It's soooo coool to have faces with names now...
"TIME" Well I thought being a SAHM would give ME time to do more of the things I've always wanted to do for MYSELF. Well I guess it has but it has also allowed me the time to FIND a more truer and calmer me. Not the me that was ALWAYS on the go. The first year of being a SAHM was REALLY hard for me. I was frustrated when I was not able to go and do do do as before. Yesterday ds and I were sorting through a junk drawer and I found a to do list from last year about this time and I had to laugh. At the time I remember thinking these things need to get done now or I felt I would burst, KWIM? But after reading the list yesterday I realize NONE of the things on that list mean a darn to me now. Those priorities last year are not my priorities now in the value sense. But I remember losing my cool with ds on many occassions last year b/c of my frustrations and wanting to get these things done that seemed SOOOO very important to me then. I guess I've come to see that there are MANY MANY MANY things that we can believe are important in our lives. But what things will we see as important 20 or more years from now to do with our time? I'm so thankful when I read that even the moms at MDC that are employed in the home or outside the home love to talk about important issues of mothering like poop consistancy and color or trying to find balance between constantly doing b/c their baby/toddler is having fits lately. What we do with our time is what makes up a LIFETIME...one moment at a time.
"PRESENCE" is the other chapter. Ds is awake so maybe someone else can comment on that later in the week or I will.
Hi-lo (how ds says hello. LOL) I'm sure I'm the only one that's read the chapters (it's summer and yesterday was father's day...you better be having fun!) and if I had time right now I'd post a few quotes.
I'm being summoned now!
Have a great night!
Okay, you busted me . . . I haven't read the chapters in a while . . . I've been too excited about seeing all these babies' pictures!!! It's been like CHRISTMAS!!!
And Heather, you inspired me to be brave and take advantage of our free website we get with our email, so I sat down tonite while dh was putting ds to bed and I MADE ONE!!!! Here it is:http://home.earthlink.net/~eleanorl/
I never would have gotten off my scaredy-cat butt to do it, if it weren't for wanting to share with you sweet mamas!
Okay. I promise I will read and post soon.
But can I just say that Meg and Holden and Sophie and Will are some of the CUTEST, milk-cheeked little cherubs I have EVER seen?!?!
(I haven't missed any other pix, have I?!?)
Hey, maybe you can pm me with how you set up your site.....cos I cant get anyone to help me.....
here are some pics of my dd, though theyre from xmas....all my pics are still in my camera!http://photos.yahoo.com./hycntrymom
Wow what a bunch of beautiful mama's and babies here! I will update our ancient webpage soon! I loved seeing everyone only nobody looks like what I had pictured in my head. I don't know what I had pictured, but well, whateve.
I'll be back later.
The coolest thing happened today and since dh isnt home I have to share it with someone who can appreciate it at this late hour.
Remember when we were discussing that sometimes toddlers hit, bite, kick etc when they are frustrated? Which led to the whole discussion about thinking they may do these things when they are feeling any BIG FAT FEELING, even love??? Well I've been trying to help ds find other constructive ways of expressing his BIG FAT FEELINGS and today it paid off!!!!!! Sometimes after or during nursing he smacks me or kicks me. Today he sat straight up after nursing and gave me a hug for no apparent reason. My only way to interpret this hug is to assume that he was trying to express a BIG FAT FEELING called LOVE!!
I always assumed that his feelings (when he was acting out sorta violently) were negative ones like frustration about something ugly that happened, anger, sleepy, teething pains, etc. Now I can see past that and realize he also feels excitement, love, and all sorts of fun things that I am now assuming he may express with a hug instead of a bite or smack on the face, out of a lack of other ways to express himself.
I'm still trying to help him verbalize emotions and I feel like I am getting through somehow. Thanks so much for all you did to help me get this awesome reward from ds today!
I cant help but feel so utterly proud to be a "mommy" right now.
CLINK Off to bed for me...
Maybe in the morning we'll all wake up to more links to pictures or I'll see some in my email to post. That would be sooo fun.
Heather, that is IT! DD seems to bite me in a fit of excitement and it always peerplexed me. Why bite, you're not frustrated or angry or anything!?@? But you are right. The big fat feelings! I need to pay attention more, and catch it because I have always been caught by surprise and reacted very negatively...
I can't wait till she bites again.
DD is obsessed with the potty and no longer wants to wear diapers. So I guess we need to learn to use it. She pooped on it the other day
Wow, that's an amazing discovery Heather! Good for you and Jacq for seeing this in your babes -- I know it must be hard to remove yourselves from the displeasure of being bitten long enough to see the true intention behind the love bites. You know what my favorite character says,
"I'll eat you up, I love you so!"
I did actually read these chapters, on the bus last week. Those rides are one way I've found to "buy" myself some *time* in my day. I don't read much expect on the bus, in the tub (
) and occasionally while nursing down for naps. I just feel too strongly the urge to do housework in other "free time."
Which bring up the whole concept on the endless choices we make about how to
... Time :LOL
Dh is of the opinion that it is not money (or love of money) but the clock (and love of the clock) that is the root of all evil.
He feels our culture is so obsessed with schedules and timelines and people often care so much about being "on-time" for something that they sacrifice human relationships, people's feelings, etc, and miss out on what matters in life. I have never known him to wear a watch, he prefers not to have clocks around and probably hates being rushed more than any other single thing.
Needless to say, he's maybe not the one you want to have drive you to the airport, and on night's when he's cooking I usually make myself some snacks first, lol.
But I do have to say that he was the ideal birth partner, is the funnest playmate to a child, the most attentive lover, a deep & substantial thinker, and the greatest listener to absolutely anyone in need.
I always know that when dd is with him, while she may or may not get a diaper change, she will have his full attention and she can spend as long as she needs to examining the underside of a rock or buckling and unbuckling the stroller straps.
: I get impatient much more quickly. I'm so glad she has the both of us to learn things from. I've mellowed a lot in the 7 years I've known him, and have really learned about slowing down and savoring the moment. He's also finally just admitted to me that it may be a good idea after all to plan our week with a meeting at the beginning so we are on the same page with our expectations. And we look at the clock so we can keep our meeting brief and do something more fun (maybe even very very fun) afterwards.
So that's just a few of my reflections about Time and Presence.
I thought that post was getting too long...
But I've been meaning to also say thanks to everyone who shared photos. Goodness, but our children are just *beautiful*.
I wish I could've found a photo of Sophie more recent than Febuary, but that's when our digital camera broke, lol. She hasn't changed much, just thicker hair, in her eyes now.
And Curly & Jacq I thought that was right on about those overflowing feelings of love not always knowing quite how to find a form of expression *strong* enough for how much they love us, lol! For my dd it's often an early morning hug in the form of a body slam from standing. Or the biting thing. Reminds me of moms, (esp those I know who speak Spanish, for some reason) who say things to their babes like "I just want to eat you up!" I figure that's like saying I can't possibly express how close I wish I could get to you.
Oops. Back to work, sigh...
Public confession: I smacked Meg (on the hand) for the first time today.
She was wanting to play with the button that turns off the computer and I kept telling her to stop and she wouldn't.
I apologized and kissed it right away.
Just now I totally screamed at her for biting the back of my leg while I was exercising. I grabbed her shoulders and yelled and walked away. Now she's fussing 'cause I'm not playing with her but I told her I'm too angry.
I want Anne's husband. I need someone to balance me out - I am so into schedules and I just have a hard time functioning without structure.
My husband is kind of an "in the moment" kind of guy and it really frustrates me. For example tonight DH came home just as I was getting the kids to bed. He had already come home for dinner, left and then returned. All of this coming and going without warning throws off the rhythm and the kids are so excited to see their Daddy that they then don't want to go to sleep.
Long story short, neither of the kids went to bed before 8, when they are normally both asleep by 7:30 - actually dd just went to sleep at 9:30. On the one hand I want to respect the flow and watch the children so excitedly play with their father, but on the other hand I feel resentful that my schedule is being upset - because I get so little time when both kids are asleep and I can be by myself.
3 year olds are hard.
Short on time today...dh is home (w/ our working car) working on our broken car. So I have to take the working car and go to the store while he is home today. Plus ds and I miss him! He has a job that requires a lot of driving.
Annalisa, I'm not sure how to say "I know how terrible you feel" for hitting Meg, but I do. I've struggled with anxiety attacks since ds's birth and sometimes I just snap and have swatted him on the butt, and leg before. I know you may not have anxiety attacks, but when you are going thru a lot of life changes (cross country move, buying a house, caring for a child, with child, etc.) it may throw you off kilter once in awhile. I know that's no excuse to hit but we all "lose it" in one way or another when we're feeling pushed to our limits. So here's a another
Also, one thing that has helped lessen my anxieties is to slow down my lifestyle quite a bit. It was hard at first but it has helped tremendously. We live in very fast paced world and hard to realize how fast we're going all the time until we stop. I noticed that I lost my patience on days that I had too many other commitments at home or outside or both. In addition, I have spaced myself from people (and media) that make me feel I need to be super mom too. I think we have this mental picture that if we dont have a clean house, clean kid, well behaved child, clean clothes, clean car, tidy yard, Martha Stewart house, perfect meals, perfect marriages, etc. we tend to feel like we're failing somehow. And honestly if we feel we need to perform well in all these areas at once we are setting ourselves up to fail. My crack pot theory is that these things are part of the reason for such a high divorce rate. So go easy on yourself, mamas (I'm sure you know all this!!) and here's some happy dust
. Have an awesome day!
P.S. Jacq~that's cool about nugget and the potty!!!
I had such a challenging day with dd yesterday. You know the kind, something sets her off and we spend 20minutes in the car with her screaming bloody murder until I can get home? Oh god.......I was questioning my ever deciding to be a mother again and not coming up with any answers! I yelled at her......and felt like a schmuck afterwards for it. Not my finest hour!!
Youre right though, its when I try to plan my day that these occurances happen!
After thought REAL QUICK as ds is in need...I loved your post Anne and your dh sounds fun/awesome! I love the spiritual ones.
Slowly but surely I am trying to be more in the moment and less goal/time/clock orientated.
Also, I want to eat my ds up! I love it, EL!!! What character is that??
Max and the Wild Things say that in Where the Wild Things Are
-- the inspiration for my little punkin'. He is not a wild thing, but when I was pregnant, one morning I woke up and told dh, "If this baby is a boy, he's gonna have to be a Max 'cause there was a wild rumpus in my belly last night!" And the rest is history!
Cute story, El! I remember reading that book when I was a kid. Now I want to buy it for ds. I'm sure he'll enjoy it.
I always wondered what your sign off meant...I just didnt want to ask and look like a ding dong. :LOL
Thanks, Anne for your reflections on "TIME" and "PRESENCE." They were very thoughtful and I'm glad you are making use of bus time. I grew up using the bus system in my home town. My grandmother, who raised me, never learned to drive and so we took the bus everywhere and did a lot of walking too. I even took the bus to work when I was in highschool. It was always an adventure that I will always remember fondly. Sometimes I miss bus riding. A friend and I joke about going on a bus ride with our ds's. But I doubt it will happen soon since they would have more fun running outdoors at this stage.
Here's a hug rainsmom
My ds gets overstimulated easily when I try to run like mad. And he throws fits in the car too when I try to push him too hard when he is tired or hungry. One reason I had to slow down was b/c he started throwing up on Mondays after a busy weekend/and or week prior. Ever since I gave it all a rest he has been healthy as horse. I'm not implying that is the case with raina but it sounds like a scenario that happened recently with ds and I in which I proceeded to totally lose it too. It was awful and I promised ds I'd never do that to him again. So far I have tried to be more considerate of his abilities. It is so hard to know ahead of time though how he will be in an hour. Every day is sooo different. It's easy to get caught in one of those situations since there moods change so quickly.
I wish I had a quote to post but I am being lazy tonight. Dh and I just had our date since tomorrow and Sat. night are booked.
Off to kill some time with my eyes closed. Night, mamas!
Hello mama friends...
I'd like to propose that we combine two more chapters this coming week, if you dont mind~
"Jack and the Beanstalk" pages 206 and 207
"Bedtime" pages 208-210
"Jack and the Beanstalk" covers presence again and both chapters talk a little bit about stories so I think it will go together o.k.
Another reason for wanting to combine is that I am getting excited about moving onto Part VII of the book. Part VI is good, but we're definately past the juicy parts in this section. If we combine this coming Sunday it will leave us with one more chapter in Part VI which is "Gathas and Blessings" which is almost three pages or I'd ask to combine, but I think two chapters is enough anyway.
Have a wonderful weekend!
P.S. I loved hearing how Max got his name! Anyone else care to share naming stories? I will tell how dh and I chose ds's name, if anyone is interested.
I'd love to hear more name stories! Ours is very simple - it's the only girl's name neither one of us hates. Seriously. Eric is really difficult about girls' names and this is one of the few he didn't mind (we know someone named Margaret who goes by Meg and although she isn't named after her she was our name inspiration). Her middle name, Lee, is after Eric's grandmother (Emily, goes by Lee).
Had my first prenatal appt. today...I'm measuring large for dates. Which means either of two things...either our dates our wrong (not likely) or my baby is two babies...OMG...
So how does this possibility strike you? Wow!
my sophie is named for a hero of ours, sophie scholl (a young student who was part of the White Rose resistance movement in nazi germany). and her middle name was both my grandmother's, and dh's grandmother's, so an easy choice.
Sounds like a good plan for the chapters, H.