“Everyday Blessings” Part VI ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 330 Old 05-16-2003, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On Sunday we'll be ready to discuss, "Resonances" from Part VI of “Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting” by Myla and Jon Kabat Zinn. At least I hope you'll be ready.

For anyone that wants to join us or wondering how this works: We discuss one chapter a week and move ahead on Sundays. We try to be non-judgemental and don’t always stay on topic! Whatever happens it is usually interesting and the book and mamas here have been a HUGE inspiration in my life! Thanks, mamas! But really my biggest source of inspiration has come from my 17 month old son and husband of 7 ½ years. Here are the chapters of Part VI:

“Part VI ~ Resonances, Attunement, and Presence”
Resonances p. 187
Attunement p. 191
Touching p. 195
Toddlers p. 198
Time p. 201
Presence p. 204
Jack and the Beanstalk p. 206
Bedtime p. 208
Gathas and Blessings p. 211

May the mindfulness quest and party continue!!! CLINK
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#2 of 330 Old 05-16-2003, 12:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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P.S. If anyone out there wants to join us, you are more than welcome to. We are really just getting warmed up! There are still months of chapters left to discuss.

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#3 of 330 Old 05-16-2003, 12:44 PM
 
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New thread dance

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#4 of 330 Old 05-16-2003, 03:00 PM
 
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Just wanted to chime in on the intimacy issue related to co-sleeping. According to studies done by James McKenna (not sure about the last name) from Notre Dame, they did see an increase in sexual activity (I think that the metric was the number of sexual partners) by boys that co-slept with their parents, but didn't see one for girls. I was more perplexed than worried, but decided that maybe this increased sexual activity stems from both comfort with physical touch as well as being a more desirable partner (given all the empathy, self-confidence, etc that come from co-sleeping and having those needs met). It's not clear whether these sexual encounters were within in the context of emotional relationships or not.

Anyways, I can't wait to meet Finn's future lovers (as long as there aren't a ton of them) and think how lucky they are going to be to find such a sweet and sensitive mate (how's that for a brag)

clink
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#5 of 330 Old 05-18-2003, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi ya, mamas! I hope you are well! Thanks, Angie and Cheryl for your thoughtful posts. And thanks, Analisa for the new thread dance. I am ready to roll on "Resonances" and really looking forward to another week with you all here at MDC.

So did anyone besides me find time to read this chapter? I have been running around like mad and actually sat down for about five minutes this afternoon (locked myself in the bedroom) and read the chapter. It was very relaxing and made me do some thinking about the "resonances" around our house between dh, ds, and I. It is always nice to be reminded that there is always more to our behaviors than meets the eye. I can see how my stress level or excitement level can effect ds and dh. I can especially see how my stress can effect ds when I am trying to get him to bed at night! He wont settle down until my breathing is slower and my limbs relax. It is very eery! But also so amazing to witness this phenom every night.

I also loved the little breastfeeding story they threw in there! :bf Very cool! Except I need help figuring out what this means from page 189 (the part about the little breastfeeding infant and mom)~"Her eyes are so open, her mouth is so open, her face so open, she is an incarnation in this moment of pure presence." I have done very little reading about incarnation and I am not totally understanding this sentence. Maybe I just have sleepy eyes today?

CLINK

P.S. I am pooped and just ready to go stuff my face into a book and call it a day! I hope my post made sense...
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#6 of 330 Old 05-19-2003, 12:40 AM
 
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I haven't read the chapter yet but DH and I got lots of great stuff done around this house today, and had a really nice lot of family time today.

My understanding of incarnation (from "carn", meaning body or physical I think) is the embodiment of something normally w/o a body. I don't really understand the quote, though, b/c I would normall say someone was "peace incarnate" or "anger incarnate" or "the incarnation of peace" or something like that. The only time I have ever seen incarnation used w/o that kind of elaboration is in reference to Christ. :

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#7 of 330 Old 05-19-2003, 01:58 AM
 
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Curley Locks - how funny! I also locked myself in my bathroom and read this chapter. I was going to finish a chapter in The Mist of Avalon which I am also reading, but thought that I should review this chapter instead.

I think that co-sleeping, nursing, slinging - it all helps us to stay in tune with out children. It is why all of those things are so hard on our marriages (or on mine at least.) DH and I don't do much to stay in tune with each other and so consequently we are at odds most times.

This morning there was a dead dove in the "love and marriage" part of our back yard. It does not bode well for us - that has to be a bad omen.

I really need to resonate more with my husband, but I'm struggling with it....
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#8 of 330 Old 05-19-2003, 12:05 PM
 
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haven't read my chapter yet, but i will soon.

ig- hang in there. that struggle is hard. i know how wearing that being odds w/dh can be. it's such a relief to break the ice finally. sending you healthy dove love.
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#9 of 330 Old 05-19-2003, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks again everyone for your thoughtful posts last week! I really enjoyed them and was so intrigued by everyone's thought processes! And thanks Gen. and Analisa for helping me to figure out what that sentence means. I think I can feel the meaning better than I can understand it in words.

Gen.~ I'm so sorry to hear of the dead dove in your yard. One of the dove nests in our backyard has been a fascination for our family this spring. The other day I gently shook the little tree hoping the mama dove will fly off so I could see her babies. Well she did not move off her nest so I left her alone. A few days later I noticed she had abandoned her nest and there were no babies to be seen!! I felt so terrible for shaking the tree and wondered where the babies were. On Saturday I saw a dead baby dove on the ground by the tree. I became so frantic and upset but not crying just very angry with myself. I cant help but feel it was my fault the baby dove died. So Gen. my heart really goes out to you! I know how sad a dead dove can be! I see them as very peaceful and sacred birds. I'll never forget my mistake and I will grieve for years for what I did.

Also, Dh and I are really working on our resonaces. When we are not getting along or resonating well with one another ds is really caught in this frantic current. The other day we had a little squabble (compared to some of our squabbles it was little) and ds said "sorry." Like it was his fault we were fighting. It broke my heart!!! And dh and I are vowing to try harder. We realize we have "ISSUES" and love eachother and ds enough to try to work through them. I'll be sending you all warm and loving vibes in this department as well. Please send us some resonaces as well.

Just for fun here's what the dictionary says about resonances~

Dictionary.com definition of resonances:

res·o·nance ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rz-nns)
n.
The quality or condition of being resonant: words that had resonance throughout his life.
Richness or significance, especially in evoking an association or strong emotion: “It is home and family that give resonance... to life” (George Gilder). “Israel, gateway to Mecca, is of course a land of religious resonance and geopolitical significance” (James Wolcott).
Physics. The increase in amplitude of oscillation of an electric or mechanical system exposed to a periodic force whose frequency is equal or very close to the natural undamped frequency of the system.
Physics. A subatomic particle lasting too short a time to be observed directly. The existence of such particles is usually inferred from a peak in the energy distribution of its decay products.
Acoustics. Intensification and prolongation of sound, especially of a musical tone, produced by sympathetic vibration.
Linguistics. Intensification of vocal tones during articulation, as by the air cavities of the mouth and nasal passages.
Medicine. The sound produced by diagnostic percussion of the normal chest.
Chemistry. The property of a compound having simultaneously the characteristics of two or more structural forms that differ only in the distribution of electrons. Such compounds are highly stable and cannot be properly represented by a single structural formula.

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#10 of 330 Old 05-19-2003, 05:17 PM
 
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I loved this chapter. I really feel like it is an important concept and I wish DH could understand that concept. DD is the same way when falling asleep. She needs us to be relaxed and resonating calmness. If I am impatient with my mind elsewhere it takes her forever. And it takes DH forever because he doesn't relax into the moment. We had houseguests this weekend and that does not resonate well. Not that they were not fun or anything, but it changes the home dynamic. Very weird. DD went to bed so late and she was sooooo tired the next day.

Then again, sometimes we really don't get the dynamic at hoem right and I feel terrible. I can be stressed and DH is busy and our minds are elsewhere and it just goes crazy. Babies really do pick up on the stress in a household.
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#11 of 330 Old 05-19-2003, 06:03 PM
 
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Well today is my seventh wedding anniversary. I'm having a really hard day. Took a pg test this morning (2 weeks exactly past when I thought I might have conceived) and was so so disappointed that it was negative - and we weren't even officially trying! DH was disappointed too so I guess we are officially trying now! But I'm not even sure I'm ovulating yet. I've had two periods in the last three months but this one is very very late.

We had an awful night. We are weaning Meg between the hours of 11:30 pm and 3:30 am and last night was our first night of that. Not good. I got up at 6:30 to take the pg test and Meg woke up too, so then we slept from 10 to 1. I missed my Al-Anon mtg. which totally gets me through the week these days.

Sigh...

DH and I are going out to dinner alone for the second time since Meg's birth. We are leaving her at home with a dear friend who she is very close to, and will be home by bedtime, but I'm really nervous.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#12 of 330 Old 05-19-2003, 06:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Analisa~ Happy anniversary! I hope your evening goes well. You are really gung ho! Trying to TTC and night wean. I am a weanie in both areas. Or maybe I am lazy? :

Having a hard time adjusting to dh working...I ate a bunch of candy and cake this weekend and now I feel so sluggish and crappy. Please send some happy resonances my way...I'll send you some when I get my stamina back.

Poor ds is really being neglected by me today. Not in an abusive way. I am just a mentally a million miles away. I think I'm depressed about not going anywhere for the upcoming holiday and I desperately want to go somewhere...but no money yet.

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#13 of 330 Old 05-20-2003, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to say I am better today and feeling more mindful! Dh and I are even resonating very well. Yesterday and this weekend was too busy!

Sending you all warm thoughts...gotta go tend to my little funny bunny.
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#14 of 330 Old 05-21-2003, 04:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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CLINK

I hope you are all gearing up for a long weekend. Anyone want to take next week off? I will miss you all but I know most people go out of town or have family visiting this time of the year. We'll be around but hopefully we'll make time to visit my dh's family and have a bbq.
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#15 of 330 Old 05-21-2003, 05:03 PM
 
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[<== That's me rushing into the room and giving everyone hugs!]

WAIT! No, don't take a week off next week - maybe just the long weekend. But I've missed you guys too much! We were away for 11 days but it feels like months. And I thought I'd have internet access from dh's laptop occassionally but it didn't work. Which was great in terms of us being forced to do all kinds of other wonderful activities outdoors, (and, miraculously for us, a few wonderful activities indoors! ). BUT it did mean I missed MDC.

I've been trying to catch up on all your reflections on nursing, family bed, and resonances, and won't try to catch up on all my own reflections on the subject in the five minutes I have here. But I will say that this trip was such an affirmation for me of how in tune I am with dd, now 15 months. With all the changes of scenery, people, language, everything familiar, she definately took huge comfort in nursing and the sling. Without them both the trip would have been pretty hard, but with them, and co-sleeping, I felt like we did great. It didn't feel that jarring, because we could continue our primary activites (nursing, sleeping together, being held) just like we were home. [Totally off topic, can I just brag for a moment that I used cloth diapers almost exclusively -- including washing a few out in the hotel bidet on the last night?! ]

And without all the stress of home life, dh and I finally got back in tune with our own resonances. It was such a remarkable change in us both. It felt good to remember who we are.
I wish it weren't so hard to be mindful when I am back here... already the transition feels very un-smooth, and I'm afraid of the old bad patterns slipping back in. On the trip, we all slept in the same bed, and at home dh is in the guest room. I really was reminded how significant that is to he & I connecting at the end/start of each day. DD & I have that every day without him instead, and I think it's been damaging.
I'm going to look into extending our bed, even if he can be on a twin alongside us.

Anyway... back to work

anne

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#16 of 330 Old 05-21-2003, 05:12 PM
 
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oh yeah - Analisa, I also wanted to say happy Anniversary!
How did the dinner go?

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#17 of 330 Old 05-21-2003, 06:44 PM
 
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The dinner was OK. It was over too quickly. We went to Outback and it was kind of loud. Meg did great with my friend. We brought home dessert to share with her after Meg went to bed.

This friend is my roommate from college, a big successful doctor-type, and I never thought we'd be lucky enough to live in the same state much less the same city. But we have another year before she goes to Hopkins to do an oncology fellowship...

Quote:
Originally posted by mamabutterfly
oh yeah - Analisa, I also wanted to say happy Anniversary!
How did the dinner go?

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#18 of 330 Old 05-21-2003, 10:18 PM
 
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Hi Everyone,

Took me a while to find you here and then lately I've been too emotionally flat to think of anything to post. I haven't read the chapter in a while, but I can tell you that right now, nothing seems to be resonating with me . . . I have discovered in coming off of the allergy/near starvation diet that while ds can now tolerate certain foods in my milk, **I** cannot. And it was one thing to give up stuff for him, but giving it up for my own health is an entirely different story! Man, what a lesson this is for me!

Then this week we finally gave up our TV, and I am having a tough time. Not that I really watched it that much, but it's hard not having there when I need to zone out.

Which seems to be every night lately. Especially when I'm trying not to eat for entertainment.

AND AF is here AND it has rained most of this week AND my best friend/SAHM tribeswoman has been out of town all week. It's the kind of week where some big household appliance should break, KWIM?

I'm thinking of deleting this entire post . . . but maybe I'll just leave it so you know I'm here and wading thru the fog . . . to return when the clouds lift . . .

e.
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#19 of 330 Old 05-21-2003, 10:22 PM
 
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Welcome back, Anne! Just wanted to agree that APing makes for fabulous travel! We've had the same experience -- it's like the babies hardly notice anything is different -- or at least they don't care -- as long as they have their slings, their family beds, and their boobies!

Oh, and we also find it to be just too sad to have dh sleep in another room, so I support you in trying to find a way to get him back in your bedroom!
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#20 of 330 Old 05-21-2003, 10:26 PM
 
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Oh, and Heather, may I join the Memorial Day Pity Party? My dh has to WORK! Frickin' state government . . . no raises for years, suck-suck-SUCKY health insurance, AND he frequently has to work holidays!!! All this moaning to say that we will not be going anywhere fun, exotic, or sunny, either.
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#21 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 12:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone! Welcome back MB. We're glad your trip was wonderful. And your post was sooo sweet. Glad you liked reading the posts from the last few weeks. I really enjoyed reading them myself. The mamas here are sumthing special!

E~ Here's a GREAT BIGGGG Yes you can join my pitty party. But tonight I realized it may not turn out so bad afterall. But I still wish we were going somewhere. Like you wrote in another post...something about our society making us feel like we need to be somewhere else to be happy...Cancun or someplace like that. It is so true!!! I often dream of being someplace else and with other people too... Oh well. I can dream. I'll just try to do it mindfully...Oh I wish I was on the Pacific or Atlantic this Memorial Weekend. Instead I'm in the boring old Midwest. : Which isnt so bad...I got two gorgeous loves to share it with. Even if one is not here mentally either. I'm sorry your dh has to work, sister mama. I really know that bites. Except that in times like these some crazy people would think "at least he has a job." We wont even go there.

Analisa~Glad your anniversary went well. And glad to know you didnt ditch your friend from college. My college friends are history. I wish I would have kept in contact. Even if they dont have a clue about AP or EB.

Angie~I liked your brag!!! Very cute! I keep thinking about that and how each of you are looking to the future with your children. I am slowly but surely weaning myself from the idea that ds will not always be my baby. It has been a hard week for me. I feel myself slowly pulling away from ds. Not in a mean way. A healthy way. I dont think I am codependent on him or enmeshed but I could see it turning out that way one day maybe. I am so in love with this child. His smell and utter cuteness makes me ga ga. It does the same thing to dh. I think I'll go cuddle my little boy now and go to sleep.

Anyway, today I was at the store and had ds in his sling (just went in to buy 3 things) and a stocker boy commented on how cute ds is. I thought later that maybe the image of cute and happy ds and the sling would stick out in his mind when he has kids. Little by little our little ones happy resonances and our loving mama vibes will change the WEST! To me that is how the "West will be won!"

Warmly,
Heather
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#22 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 09:59 AM
 
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Hi, everyone - glad the trip went well, glad the anniversary date went well! Kudos to you both! Dh and I need to figure out how to have a date. We don't have anyone "primed" for the babysitting job (no family or close friends in the area), but we really need to cultivate someone this summer. We have been out together only once since ds was born, and that was a minor disaster (my parents were visiting, and they insisted - ds ended up screaming for over an hour until he pretty much passed out from exhaustion).

El - big hugs to you. It's so hard to function during weeks like that. I'm thinking of you and sending loving, healing thoughts to you and all of your major appliances.

I wore ds in the sling to my concert last night (although not onto stage) but having 250 high school kids see that ds and I are so connected was really cool. They all remarked at how cute and happy he was. As you said, Heather, I hope this is an image they carry with them later on in life.

Resonances. As several of you mentioned, dh and I are having trouble in this area, too. We really need some alone time. I'm just not sure how to get it, KWIM? We do all sleep in the same bed, but with ds in the middle. I know that dh misses (and so do I) our "us" cuddle time in bed, but we just haven't figured out how to get it on a regular (or even semi-regular) basis. This is so hard for me, because I know that the reason ds and I resonate so well in each other's lives is because of the AP, family bed, etc, but it may also be the reason dh and I are falling out of tune.

Also joining the pity party of "no great travel plans" for the weekend, but am trying to be mindful of all of the wonderful things we have. Things I'm thankful for today are: fresh rhubarb and asparagus, perennial plants and bulbs that flower even though I haven't done anything with/to them, and dh and ds who are the lights of my life. I'm just hoping for good weather this weekend so that we can play outside. Let's not take a week off, Heather - I'd miss you all too much!

K
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#23 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 10:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just checking in to see how you mamas are doing. Lks like there will be enough of us around next week so we wont even consider taking another week off. Next week is "Attunement." I really like that chapter too. You mamas are HARD CORE!

Off to fantasize about another world. And cook breakfast as mindfully as possible.

Sending chipper, mindful vibes too all!!!!
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#24 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 10:46 AM
 
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Sorry for all the gloom and doom on last night's post -- I seem to have come down with a stomach bug in the middle of the night, and as crazy as it sounds, I'm somewhat relieved, 'cause MAN, was I feeling grumpy and ungrateful and whiny! But now I can cut myself some slack. (Wouldn't it be cool if I could do that without getting sick?) :

Dh stayed home today so maybe I'll get some EB read.

Here's a warm fuzzy for today . . .

In the middle of the night, ds rolled over to me and said, "Mik? Udda side?" As I pulled up my shirt, he started to laugh with excitement, then said, "Mik Maxie's faaav-wit!" (I know I don't have to translate for you mamas!)

Made my whole YEAR.

And chased the poor-me's away.
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#25 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 05:25 PM
 
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Hello everyone

Nice to hear how folks are doing, even when the blues have moved in for awhile. The ebb and flow and ebb and flow.

Thanks, El, for sharing Max's enthusiasm for the milk. I think Finn truly believes that the milk (his name for my breasts and the substance that flows from them) are his, but that I'm temporarily wearing them at the moment. I'm reading "how weaning happens" and enjoying all the stories about how babies show their love for milk and how they decide that they're ready to let go (we're not trying to wean, but i do get kind of curious about how it happens since Finn's nursing about 20! times a day right now).

Sorry momcat that you haven't been able to get out with dh. I can't remember how old your ds is (maybe a bit younger than Finn), but we've recently been able to leave him with some friends who we see a couple times a week. It helps that his closest friend, Eileen, these friends' baby is there to keep him company. Before that, we instituted a weekly date in-house night every Friday, where we would take turns planning the evening (which normally revolved around food). Chris comes home early that night so that we can get dinner done and Finn to bed before 10pm which has become his regular bedtime. No working allowed. Normally we sit and talk or work on crossword puzzles and occasionally we watch a movie (though that seems like time wasted most of the time). Just a thought!

And mamabutterfly - good luck with a new sleep solution. I think that we are also suffering from lack of cuddles and am hoping to shift us around so that I'm between Finn and Chris occassionally (but I feel squished just thinking about it). Probably not an option if you guys are in a double, though.

And Heather, whenever I see your username, I think Curly locks, curly locks, will you be mine. you shan't wash the dishes nor yet feed the swine, but sit on a cushion and sew a fine seam and you shall eat strawberries, sugar and cream. how's that for a memorial day fantasy. and to show you how out of it I am, I hadn't even realized that it was memorial day weekend (chris works most holidays). I didn't even know that I was supposed to be feeling sorry for myself.

Anyways, we're heading to Kansas on Tuesday and will be gone for a week. Finn and I are travelling one leg alone and then Chris will come for a short visit and travel back with us. I had vowed not to travel alone with Finn after our last trip, but somehow that's where we are again. Better start stashing away his favorite books so that I can entertain him for 7 hours or so.

And Happy Anniversary to Annalisa and dh

clink (drinking water but dreaming of bailey's)
angie

Angie, Mama to Finn (6/01) and Theo (4/05)
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#26 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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<== Me laughing at you funny mamas and trying not to be a tired mama so I can get happy about a long weekend. I am drinking water too and dreaming of a Pina Colada on a sandy beach somewhere....maybe I'll eat some strawberrys and cream too. BTW, I know that rhyme too! You found me out. I am such a goody goody at heart. It BITES (I even changed my choice of words so I wouldnt offend )!!!! WHAH!



Happy travels to you, Angie! I havent traveled since the last time I swore I wouldnt travel b/c the time b4 I swore was the last time alone w/ ds on a long day of traveling! You traveling mamas are so awesome! Send me some get guts vibes.



And, El...I loved your story about ds and his mik...CUTE!!!!!!!!! No interpretations were needed.

Off to see where my darlings went...

H
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#27 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 06:09 PM
 
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Hey Angie, that in-house date is a great idea! You guys are gonna wanna kick me for ever complaining, 'cause we live in our home town (we're h.s. sweethearts) and have all of ds's grandparents here to help out for dates (all SEVEN of them, since everyone is divorced). Not all of them are up to the job, but 2 sets consistently are, so we get out 1-2 times a month.

That said, on weekends when no one can sit, we have instituted "Family Date Night," where all 3 of us go out to dinner, then to the movie store (where ds very seriously and intently rearranges all the movies at his eye level -- so cute!), and then home for the bedtime routine, after which dh and I watch our movie, no matter how late it is. And since you've twisted my arm, I'll divulge one last secret . . . I'll usually agree to fool around after the movie (even if it's 1 a.m.) if dh promises to let me sleep in the next morning.



I know, I know, that's pure and simple BRIBERY, but hey, I love lovin' my husband, so I'm not compromising myself, and dh, for some whacko reason, thinks it's kinda cute (not to mention that his needs get met so he doesn't care how tired he is) and it makes for a very nice start to the weekend. Really and truly, dh and I get along SO much better once we've reconnected physically.

I did get to read "Resonances" again today and I was reminded of a guidance counselor at the school where I taught who used to emphasize to parents how CRITICAL it was that they put their marriage FIRST. He said that if the parents were happy, the babes would be happy. And I, being childless yet oh-so-knowledgable about ALL things, agreed with him wholeheartedly and spouted this opinion to any parents who would listen.

Now of course I understand that it's WAY more complicated than this (did I mention that the counselor didn't have children, either?), and in fact have believed all along that ds comes first and our marriage can wait, if needed, 'cause we are adults.

And I still believe this, but I must say that I am DISTRESSED to hear this common theme among us . . . that we so often feel distant from our partners, and perhaps our AP choices are making the distance last longer than it might.

What can we do about this, mamas? How can we show the world that AP is right for the whole FAMILY, not just the precious babes? 'Cause you know this is a favorite and pervasive criticism. And I DO believe that our babies need us to stay married to their daddies (or other mommies, but in this case, all daddies, I think) bc our partnerships can be the foundations for their lives -- a safe place from which to venture and a reliable place to come home to.

Can we help each other with this? :

(H: I think you just posted, but I haven't read it yet -- will do soon.)
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#28 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 08:18 PM
 
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I think connecting physically definitely helps us resonate (actually got lost in thought about this just now), but it's SO HARD (hee hee no pun intended) to make it happen when you just don't feel like it.

I think non-AP families have issues with partner resonance, too, it's just different issues from ours.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#29 of 330 Old 05-22-2003, 11:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I lost my post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugg. Well a shorter version will have to do...Thanks for all the wonderful ideas to try with dh. Seems like I am ready to try to tune into dh a little more. Ds wants dh to be there now when I nurse him to bed lying down. Dh sometimes lays behind ds and we play footsie and hold hands. Sometimes dh lays behind me and we cuddle. Tonight he kissed my neck (quietly and softly) and caressed to the point of goosebumps, while ds was nursing me... Normally I am a prude but I am fertile murtile right now! Of course ds wasnt really ready for bed yet so he got up after 20 minutes of nursing like a wild animal and toddled off downstairs leaving dh and I alone for a good five minutes... (yee ha!! )

I definately agree that there has to be some sort of balance but I feel like being a wife AND a mother for the first time is a huge adjustment on everyone...I feel more so for the mother b/c the infant and then toddler relies so heavily on the mother's life force since we dont live in tribes/villages anymore. Dh even told me last week that since he has been home more this year he can see why I get so tired. He says when he is home all day ds sucks the life out of him and he is more tired on those days. So he is starting to understand what a mother goes thru...sort of.

I love the way ds smiles when he sees dh and I hugging...sometimes he comes over and tries to get in on the lovin'...Dh and I are trying to kiss longer now and hug more, esp. when sex is not an option at the moment.

Keep on resonating those sensual vibes out there! AP can work. I think it just takes some time, creativity, discipline, and patience from everyone. And it may not seem to work for awhile with our dh's but I think the 1st baby is a huge adjustment period and learning time for us as mamas and for dads too.
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#30 of 330 Old 05-23-2003, 11:13 AM
 
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Breathe - I am one of the few, maybe , that actually does think that you need to take care of your marriage - maybe not first, but sometimes first.

AP is about making things work for the whole family - not just the parents and not just the children. So sometimes it may be appropriate to take care of our marriages first. But we *are* the adults, so we have to really weigh whether that decision is in the best interest of all the family members.

I was kind of frustrated last night because dd (6 months) just doesn't know how to fall asleep when she is obviously tired. She will fall asleep instantly once the car is moving, but with me at home it is fussing, pulling on and off of the breast for hours before she finally passes out. So last night her fussing about was eating into our "date" night - the first time a in a while.

Eventually she passed out and we had our role in the hay, but it was definiately one of those times where we needed to take care of our marriage.

I am trying to tune into my husband a lot more so we can get "reattached"! It's working.
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