Nicole Kidman and guilt - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 03:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, recently Kidman 'confessed' that she harbors much guilt for the shuffled lives she has given to her two adopted children. Apparently, she doesn't see them very much and both kids are going here, there, everywhere between Cruise and Kidman and nannies, grandparents.

I don't know if the kids currently live with Kidman as she gets mighty close to Lenny Kravitz (according to news reports) and she is living in his vacated apartment while hers is finished.

But I wonder, do all stars who don't mother in a very hands-on fashion feel guilt? Like, Madonna has I believe, three nannies and wants another child - does she feel guilt for the enormous time she spends doing things away from her kids?

I read that Susan Sarandon and Reese Witherspoon never use a nanny but schedule their film projects while spouse isn't working. Sarandon says she is the 'glue' for her family. I must say, it is admirable to me that she hasn't used a nanny with her kids and instead, the parents carry the burden of child raising and work accordingly.
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#2 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 09:24 AM
 
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I can think of a few other big stars whom, I have heard, took breaks from their careers when their kids were small, or schedule projects close to home. Sharon Stone, Meryl Streep, Andie McDowell. I'm sure there are others.
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#3 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 09:42 AM
 
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I love that about Susan Sarandon. Sissy Spacek took years off and lived away from Hollywood for many years while having her children. Then she returned and won an Oscar!

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
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#4 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 01:22 PM
 
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I think all working mothers feel guilt. Just because she is rich and famous, and can afford to quit, should she? I don't know. She is at the peak of her career. It must be very hard to strike a balance. I think Susan Sarandon is the exception. (in many ways). But what can you do? Is the choice either success or kids? That doesn't seem fair at all. :
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#5 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 06:09 PM
 
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I agree with Rainbrain that having to make a choice btwn success and your kids is not fair. However I also think that if you have kids and you don't need to work, then it is not fair to let someone else raise your children. : I mean why have kids just to be away from them all the time. I don't get that. Let's face it, being a celebrity is not like say being a teacher where you are home every night with your child, so that if you need to establish your career you can but you can also still be with your child on a regular basis. Being a celebrity means traveling all over the world and being away from your kids sometimes at very important times in their lives. I remember when Melanie Griffith just had her dd Stella and she was at some film festival while her dd was at home with a nanny??? At only a few weeks old?? I personally could never do that. There would be no choice for me it would be my kids. Especially if my dh had an income that would support us better then most ppl living in this country

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#6 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 06:40 PM
 
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IMO there's a huge difference between having a career that keeps you at the office or wherever some hours a day versus having a career that keeps you apart from your children for weeks at a time.

Nannies or day care during the day is one thing. Nannies raising your children is a whole 'nother thing.

IMO.
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#7 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 06:41 PM
 
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Not to be the defender of the rich and famous, but... What is need, really? I mean if Nicole doesn't have to work to support herself, then are you suggesting she shouldn't work at all? What about the fact that she can also take months off betwen projects? Or that she is an artist, and maybe needs to express herself? Or that maybe when she adopted the kids, she and Tom though they would do the switch off thing, then he left her, so now what? Does she lose her career because of that?!? Not fair either. I think she did take off when they were very young actually. I agree that the Melanie Griffith thing, of taking off with a very young baby is just wrong. But I would think that if she worked at 7-11.
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#8 of 35 Old 09-30-2003, 11:43 PM
 
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What the? Nicole is with my man Lenny?

Lucky lucky lucky.....
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#9 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 12:14 AM
 
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I wonder if she feels any guilt about her lousy acting? Millions of innocent filmgoers have suffered through poorly acted Kidman films... what compensation are we entitled to? :
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#10 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 12:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by merpk
IMO there's a huge difference between having a career that keeps you at the office or wherever some hours a day versus having a career that keeps you apart from your children for weeks at a time.

Nannies or day care during the day is one thing. Nannies raising your children is a whole 'nother thing.

IMO.
Thank you that was what I tried to say
Hilary LOL

rainbrain I can apprecaite an artist that needs to express themselves, but the world is full of community theaters they can work at . I would personally take the kids with me on any shoot and have them tutored if that were the decision I made. However even then those movie shoots last sometimes 16-18 hours a day so then what??? And no I am not saying that she should not work at all, but how many millions must a person make to be satisfied. Why not work only during the summer when your kids can come with you OR do as many others do and do theatre so you only work at night while your kids are sleeping anyway, kwim? I just feel that if I want a child it is MY responsibility to raise them

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#11 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 02:26 AM
 
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Well, why I feel compelled by this I don't know. But, Her kids are like 9 and 11. She didn't work so much when they were very small. Not at all for the first couple of years. She has shared custody. So, legally, if Tom is halfway around the world, she has to give them up for his turn.

Soccermom, I don't even know how to respond to your post. I mean community theatre? Should Madonna only be allowed to sing in the choir? As far as your statement about raising your own children, well, yes, it is a nice ideal. But what about all the mothers, the vast, vast, majority of them working??

I think we all need to use the same compassion for Nicole thet we use for our children. I think she is doing the best she can. She adopted those children and had no idea that her husband would leave or her career would skyrocket. What if your dh leff? What then?

Take a long walk in her Manolos before you judge.
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#12 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 03:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hilary Briss
I wonder if she feels any guilt about her lousy acting? Millions of innocent filmgoers have suffered through poorly acted Kidman films... what compensation are we entitled to? :
BRAVO.

Now - here - have an Oscar. They're giving them away these days, you know!

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#13 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 05:14 AM
 
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Quote:
... by rainbrain

... Take a long walk in her Manolos before you judge ...

Won't even go into how many people could eat how many meals for the price of one pair of Manolo Blahnik's shoes.

But that is a whole 'nother thread, I know.




It's not that Ms. Ciccone should limit herself to singing in the local choir. It's that before anyone holds her or anyone in her situation up as a paradigm of motherhood, they should really consider how much mothering she has to do or actually does.

And that's not the same as someone who has to make a living to put food on their table. Madonna could never work another day in her life and still eat Manolo Blahnik shoes for dinner every day of her life.

If Ms. Kidman wants to feel guilty for pawning her kids off on someone else to raise, go right ahead. Wallow away.

IMO.
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#14 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 11:08 AM
 
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merpk that is exactly how I feel! I honestly don't have a problem with working mothers I say if you feel the desire or have a need to work then by all means do it, but with celebrities at what cost to their kids.

rainbrain You said that what if they have the desire to create, that is what I was saying about community theatre, it is CLEARLY not about the creating that these ppl have to make millions. If it was only to create they could do it in a way where they are with their kids more, even if your kids are on a film set if they are with a nanny for 16-18 hours out of a day, how exactly are they being mothered? We cannot even try to compare celebrities with their team of "ppl" to average working mothers, not even close. Most working mothers I know, work their butts off to do their jobs, bond with their kids and be involved, bf, cosleep and so on, they don't have a night nurse so that they can sleep. As far as her dh leaving her, that has nothing to do with how she raises her kids, she raises them the say way she always has only now they split time with the parents, and yes those kids are older, but while they were younger both parents worked LONG hours on Eyes Wide Shut for a LONG shoot, who was with the kids then? If my dh left me I would obviously have to go to work, but my kids would be with me in the am, then in school and then with me again, and if I had too I would work at night so they would be sleeping while I was gone, but that is just me, being with them is important to me so I would make whatever adjustments I had to, kwim.

I think that ppl have to make decisions that work for their family and if Nicole feels that her kids are being taken care of in a way that she is happy with well then more power to her, for me though that is not how I would want to raise my kids

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#15 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally posted by SoccerMom
I think that ppl have to make decisions that work for their family and if Nicole feels that her kids are being taken care of in a way that she is happy with well then more power to her, for me though that is not how I would want to raise my kids
ITA. My point was that Kidman is by her own admission not 'happy' with how her children are being raised. So it isn't an issue of 'what works for one family' when that same parent is saying that they do not feel it is best.

I am sure her children see many exciting things, like that Samurai project Cruise finished, his son was able to participate on set in all sorts of martial arts.
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#16 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 04:37 PM
 
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Nothing to add other than that ITA...with Susana!

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#17 of 35 Old 10-01-2003, 05:06 PM
 
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I like Nicole as an actor. I loved Moulin Rouge and Potrait of a Lady.


And finally she is getting a real man - go Nicole!
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#18 of 35 Old 10-02-2003, 12:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by HannahSims
Nothing to add other than that ITA...with Susana!
Who is Susana?:
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#19 of 35 Old 10-02-2003, 01:53 AM
 
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Susana posted above.

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#20 of 35 Old 10-02-2003, 03:26 AM
 
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:LOL HB. OT: I admit that I enjoyed Moulin Rouge, but that scene with the Duke in her bedroom while Christian is hiding is downright PAINFUL to watch. Big ole nadir of that film. I also loved To Die For, but that's as far as I go.

On topic: ITA with merpk on this one.
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#21 of 35 Old 10-09-2003, 09:02 AM
 
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In this week's Entertainment Weekly, the "Photo Issue," on pg 67, a lovely pic of Julianne Moore by James White from Nov, 2002. She is sitting in front of fall foliage, framing her auburn hair beautifully. She is in a tattered white gown, and holding a chubby naked baby.

Caption reads:

Quote:
The most demanding member of Moore's entourage was her 7 month old daughter, Liz. "I would get to shoot for 5 minutes, then Moore would breast-feed," says White. "They looked so beautiful I just asked her if we could shoot her with the baby, and she was totally cool." But a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do. "She only cooperated for a short period," says White. Mom, on the other hand, was "Incredible. She's like a Vermeer painting."
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#22 of 35 Old 10-09-2003, 11:16 AM
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Thanks for posting DaryLLL. I love, love, love Julianne Moore.
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#23 of 35 Old 10-09-2003, 01:48 PM
 
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That's so cool about Julianne Moore.

As far as Nicole Kidman's acting goes- has anyone seen The Hours? I thought she was very good in that.

If she feels so guilty, there's an easy solution...take time off. I feel guilty about having to work 40 hours a week, so what did I do? I altered my work schedule, so that DS only has to be with Gammy or the babysitter 2 hours a day, and I don't get babysitters in the evening or weekends. DS goes where I go whenever possible.
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#24 of 35 Old 10-09-2003, 10:21 PM
 
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As far as Nicole Kidman's acting goes- has anyone seen The Hours? I thought she was very good in that.
Uh, I didn't see it, but, that wasn't acting, that was just a really good prosthetic makeup job.
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#25 of 35 Old 10-09-2003, 11:41 PM
 
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Originally posted by Hilary Briss
Uh, I didn't see it, but, that wasn't acting, that was just a really good prosthetic makeup job.
I know that was meant as humor but just had to comment anyway . It was actually so much more than that. Her voice changed... the way she carried herself, her entire statuesque-beauty persona. There was nothing left of her. It was one of the most amazing transformations and one of the most superb acting jobs I have ever seen.

I was never a Nicole Kidman fan until seeing her in Moulin Rouge - probably because I avoided most things she did solely on principle (because I can't stand Tom Cruise :LOL). But after that, I really warmed to her... and with The Hours, I think there's no turning back.
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#26 of 35 Old 10-09-2003, 11:52 PM
 
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Alright, I happen to think Nicole Kidman is a very good actor. And it's not just because people tell me I look like her
I am doing the best that I can with my children, and I still deal with guilt over one thing or another on a regular basis. It's all part of motherhood. I don't think one could really judge her mothering instincts or how close she is with her kids unless you really knew her.
I get a feeling about a couple of Hollywood actresses that they would just rather pretend they're not moms, though. It's really sad, if my intuition is correct
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#27 of 35 Old 10-10-2003, 03:13 PM
 
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I just had to add my 2 cents here.... I think the life of a celeb is extremely overrated and most are not true actors/actresses anymore than they are a pretty face. That being said I also think that "some" of the films they do are pressure from an agent/manager moreso than a desire to work. In the case of Nicole Kidman maybe her unhappiness/leaving her kids could be because she has a contract to fulfill therefore she works. Could be way off here. As far as her acting - shes ok. Its all too Hollywood for me. BUT I did like her in the hours - as a pp said it was a total transformation and you really didn't even know it was her. IMO a great piece of work.

OT- I could go on and on how many of the actors today are not worth the money that society pays them... its obscerd the amount even TV actors make per episode now! Don't get me started on Julia Roberts.....


Sarah
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#28 of 35 Old 10-10-2003, 05:27 PM
 
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OK. This is going to be toooooootally off topic, but I gotta ask it as I think the crew on this thread can answer this: Who are

Susan Sarandon

Meryl Streep

Sharon Stone

Julia Roberts

Madonna (or is she still unmarried?)

Julianne Moore

Reese Witherspoon

Andie McDowell

married to?

I know Melanie Griffiths is with Antonio Banderas (was with Don whassisname from Miami Vice who used to be with Pamela Des Barres before she became des Barres) and Kidman was married to Tom Cruise. But I don't normally follow this kinds of thing and recently, from one of my myriad of acquaintences, I heard a "blind" gossip item where he REFUSES to tell me the names of those involved. (Why I have NO clue, after all, I'm on construction sites all the time dealing with contractors, the last thing I do is follow movies star gossip, but now I'm really curious. And he is a NYC party-er extraordinaire and quite possibly has something genuinely juicy.) The clues I have are that wife is an "A" list actor, husband is definately "B" list with pretentions and is screwing around on her and she recently caught him at it in a very public way and she has been letting great roles go to others if they interfere with her time with the children and she's considering staying in the marriage just for the kids.

Any ideas?


PS: I'm really really embarrassed to be so interested in this...

edited to add: It is possible that this bit of gossip has already hit the mags...and I'm totally behind the times. I heard this a couple of months ago but my memory was only prodded by this thread. If so, fill me in, please.
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#29 of 35 Old 10-10-2003, 05:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by sohj
OK. This is going to be toooooootally off topic, but I gotta ask it as I think the crew on this thread can answer this: Who are

Susan Sarandon un-husband is actor Tim Robbins. She is more "A list" than he but not by much.

Meryl Streep husband not in the industry

Sharon Stone husband not in the uindustry, newspaper biz in SF

Julia Roberts husband a cameraman (?)

Madonna (or is she still unmarried?) Husband Guy Ritchie, director

Julianne Moore dunno

Reese Witherspoon actor can't recall the name. she more A list than he

Andie McDowell dunno


married to?


PS: I'm really really embarrassed to be so interested in this...


I am just as embarressed to have done this well off the top of my head!

So yer gossip could be abour Reese Witherspoon and whatsisname... but maybe not. I think they live in England now ( he's a Brit, methinks). Doesn't sound like Sarandon. Their kids are older now and I can't imagine her doing anything but booting him out in to the street half naked.
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#30 of 35 Old 10-10-2003, 05:54 PM
 
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I didn't think it sounded like "Louise" either, but, hey, she's an actor, I have no clue what she's like in real life. And my "spy" said that the guy involved is a "babe" and while Tim Robbins isn't exactly hard on the eyes, he's not matinee idol.

Maybe Griffith & Banderas?

Or someone else?

The "other woman" caught in the act, by the way, is apparently actively trying to break up the marriage and "win" him (as if that ever works : ).

edited to add: my source said, as well, that this actor refers to his, uh, member as "the big guy"...I am starting to wonder how he knows this.
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