Nonviolent Communication: Ch 2, "Communication That Blocks Compassion" - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 36 Old 10-24-2003, 12:48 PM
 
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i ordered the books october 5th and they are still not here. did it take along time for people to get their books?
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#32 of 36 Old 10-24-2003, 11:58 PM
 
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(nak)

we went to marshall rosenberg's lecture here in atlanta on tues. i came away with some interesting stuff (when i was inside--my one yo had other ideas than sitting quietly in the sling!). this is my take--not nvc. the judgement thing is very cultural, ingrained from the beginning, reinforced especially in schools (competition, demands, telling you what to do/when/how....grading, etc) also, MR said no one can teach a child anything nor make them do something. you can force someone into through guilt, shame, humiliation...but it will always, at some point, haunt us. sigh. yes, i see this all too clearly.

i'd like to agree that language plays a huge part in my understanding of nvc. we are limited to words---what i might label sad may be totally different from someone else's understanding/interpretation---does that make sense? i'm really digging deep into the use of my words right now. i have a huge habit of not only making 1000s of moralistic judgements eachday but also stuff like:

"you are making me so angry"

no, i am choosing to react this way. no one can make me feel anything!

sorry if this isn't meeting everyone's need for clarity! i'm in such a stuck place with my almost 4 yo. MR was saying you can use NVC from birth, and unfortunately, it's like learning a foreign language to me, and i want to be fluent. i know just enough to realize how little i know...and how ineffective i've been communicating lovingly thus far in my life. hope i haven't gone waaaaay off the trail here.

for the greatest good,

amy

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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#33 of 36 Old 10-25-2003, 12:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by kaje62
did it take along time for people to get their books?
I pre-ordered months before the 2nd edition came out. My books arrived within a couple of weeks of the expected date.

Is it Powell's that has delayed? Maybe you could call them:

"My book hasn't arrived and I feel left out because I need to read chapter 2 so I can respond. Would you please tell me when you expect to send the book?"

You know, I may joke about the 4-part replies, but I figure the more clear I am about those when I have the time to think about it, the more easily it will come in stressful, face-to-face situations. I'm just practicing.
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#34 of 36 Old 10-26-2003, 01:26 AM
 
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I'm so fascinated by all of your stories about practicing NVC with your children. Ds is only 5 mo, so there isn't much opportunity. I just meet his demands! LOL.

One thing that struck me about this chapter is how similar it is to buddhist principles. For instance, one of the primary buddhist principles is to observe each moment as it arises without judgment. Just pure observation without the extra stuff of "this shouldn't be happening" or "I really like this" or "why can't he do that?" In other words, without all of our likes and dislikes and judgement tacked on to the experience.

I've thought about your suggestion elemental that NVC (or the lack thereof) might explain violence in our country. Such an interesting idea! I wonder, though, why there would be such a discrepancy in violence between the US and Canada, when (I assume) that the language is so similar (i.e., the lack of NVC).
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#35 of 36 Old 10-26-2003, 03:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rebekah
I wonder, though, why there would be such a discrepancy in violence between the US and Canada, when (I assume) that the language is so similar (i.e., the lack of NVC).
This topic is definitely more worthy than a blurb from an ex-pat Cdn., but first of all, yes, I agree that NVC is lacking in Canada, too, (probably a global problem!). Also, there's becoming much more of a feeling of "us vs. them" (violent communication #1), especially in places where there's lots of immigrants from Hong Hong and India. But that goes both ways - my Hong Hongese-heritage friend was born in Canada and grew up in my small town and learned only a little Cantonese - when she moved to the West Coast for university none of the caucasian people would be friends with her b/c she was Hong Hongese and none of the Hong Honese would be her friend b/c she couldn't speak Cantonese fluently!

We all need to consider how we can use NVC and other methods to learn to communicate more compassionately - there's a lot of anger from people everywhere b/c they aren't being listened to. When I first moved to the US I was truly SHOCKED at the racism I observed in caucasians toward Hispanics (prevalent in the agricultural area I moved to) and the stereotypes (beer-drinking-eh-saying-maple-syrup-collecting-igloo-living-"oot"-pronouncing Canadians) I encountered...but now I am crushed to hear of (Cdn) relatives who are becoming more racist b/c "those people" steal their jobs and are rich...may we all learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others...hopefully we, in learning NVC, will be able to impact our families as a first step toward truly listening to global problems.

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#36 of 36 Old 10-27-2003, 11:41 AM
 
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Join the new thread to discuss Nonviolent Communication Chapter 3, "Observing without Evaluating."

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