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fazer6 01-15-2012 07:47 AM

I couldn't see a Jan thread so thougt I'd start one to see how everyone is. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Isabel's death so that's going to be an interesting day. It's always been a tricky one. Technically for me the 6th is the last day I saw her with brain function and it's later that day the seizure stopped brain function. So that's when I consider my daughter died. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day the other 2 children made it to the hospital so the organ donation could happen.


On the 19th I get my first scan, so that should be interesting. I don't know why but I'm half expecting there to be no hb. No idea why. I'm not finding out the sex (although Jordan is adament he needs to know so we've agreed to organise names first and then he can find out but must not let me know). So at the moment there is still a bit of hope in me that I may get a daughter. I know I'll just be amazed by the newborn baby so at that point it won't matter if it's a boy. But sitting in a room in a hospital I will be very sad if I find out it's a boy. Yes for Leo a boy is best as they'll be such close friends, but I can't help but want a daughter for me. I want to share so much with a daughter, a daughter in law wouldn't be the same.


Good news on the hospital front though. They've installed birthing pools in 2 of the 3 hospitals in my province. The 1 hospital that hasn't got them will be getting a new birthing suite built so that's why they didn't get a pool now. And that is the big main hospital. The one with the NICU. So if I want a water birth I can't go to the NICU hospital. I do need to double check what I've read is correct, but if the other 1 hospitals have pools then I have to go to them. THey're both just over an hour from here so I'll probably continue the monitoring here (it's done at an out patients building completely separate to the NICU big hospital so no problem for me) and then switch later. THe hospital I have birthed at twice used ot have a c/s of 12%, so they set out to reduce it and now its just over 10%. THey have just under 2 births a day so you can imagine how lovely and friendly it is. So hands off.  I was put on the monitors a couple of times for 10 mins with Leo, that's it. They just left me alone. That's why I don't minding birthing in a hospital here, it's better than my house as people bring me 3 course meals and fresh changes of clothing!


Enough about me, how is everyone else doing? How are all these babies and toddlers growing?

NullSet 01-15-2012 09:46 AM

Clare  hug.gif  I'll be thinking of you on the 19th.  It's okay to assume the worst, I hate it when folks got irritated that I was being morbid.  That's just how we deal sometimes.  I had the same thing with my last dd, I really wanted a girl.  I know I would have been fine with a boy but there would have been disappointment.  With PAL everyone will always tell you "I'll be happy with any living baby, boy or girl." but we always long for what we lost.  At least I did.  I love my son and I was so happy he was a boy after Calliope.  That made something different with that pregnancy and I could hang onto that that things would be different.  But the pregnancy after that I felt ready for a girl and I really wanted a girl.  I felt a little guilty but I've learned to just accept my feelings, I can't change them.  


AFM, all is well in my household.  The kids are fabulous and so entertaining.  Anyone else feel like a HUGE bonus to having kids is that they entertain you all day?  Sometimes good entertainment and sometime bad, lol.  The youngest dd has a fascination with the toilet and I keep catching her up to her elbows in it.  It doesn't happen often enough to warrant buying a lock but geez, I wish she would stop.  Ambrose is such a funny guy too.  I laugh and laugh at him most days, he's such a card!  Yesterday he told me his poop was talking to him.  "Hey, let me out!  Your butt is closing.  Let me out!"  I'm not used to so much poop and butt talk, Athena was never like that.  He loves the topic though, as much as I try to steer the conversation away.  smile.gif 

theboysmama 01-22-2012 07:26 PM

I somehow missed that a new thread started.

Clare- thanks for starting a new thread. I hope Isabel's day went well. I am glad your pg seems to be progressing well. I went in for our scan and could feel saphira kicking me in the waiting room and I was still so surprised to see that hb on the screen. Let us know how it goes.


nullset- Poop talk...l know all about that with 3 boys and my dh really seems to encourage them too. My dd1 (3 yrs) isn't any better she can talk poop with the best of them.

Definately constantly entertained over here. Our house is sooooo loud and never a boring moment.


AFM- saphira is doing is fabuously! She is 3 months now and I have finally bonded with her, took a while but worth the wait. I AM IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her first tooth cut through at 10 wks and then she got a lot happier. Her second tooth is on its way so she is a bit cranky again. The kids and dh and I are absolutely smitten with her but I keep waiting for the ball to drop.

We are doing mommy and baby yoga on wed mornings and I love having that special tiem with her. Also, it feels good to stretch. I have been pg so much and so close together that my body just needs to recover.


Hope everone is well!



fazer6 01-23-2012 10:13 AM

Well while looking through paperwork to change Leo's ped to the new place I found out that Isabels date of death is actually the 15th. Just show's I've never really known when they actually turned off life support. To be honest it isn't so bad, it's not as bad as her birthday, or the last day I saw her. That's really just when the other kids gained the gift of life. It is shitty though and I'm sick of all of this every single year. It's never going to go away and getting better means it's been a long time so it doesn't seem so bad, and I don't know if I want that. It does get easier each year, but that's shit.


The scan went good. Well there's a live baby in there. The ob was a pillock. Proper pillock. Wouldn't let me record the scan. Oh come on, do not take ownership of my baby there Mr God Complex. You're just the doctor, that's my baby. Couldn't be bothered to argue, as basically you know when a consultant thinks they're so important that they wouldn't ever change their mind. It just pisses me off that he's robbing some people the chance to have a video of their baby alive. For some that's the only chance they ever get. I know I'm not delivering there so I'm not bothered. If I can't video a scan I may switch sooner than I had planned to. They're half an hour away so it would've been handier to go there for a bit and then switch to the other hospital as that's just over an hour away.


It's nice to be able to admit here I would be disapointed with a boy. There's just so much you share with a daughter that you don't share with a son or daughter in law. I know I will miss out if I don't have a daughter. Jordan has sort of mentioned that well if this is a boy wouldn't we just have another. I think I would prefer 3 living children than 2. I don't know, I just don't want to be done with pregnancy birthing and babies. If I'd started younger I could've turned into a proper Duggar wannabe! This time I finally will hopefully get a waterbirth, and if I love hypnobabies and water as much as I think I will I will want to go again. Birthing is awesome. I loved it with Leo as there was no pit so it was less intense and I was more aware of everything. I could feel him really going in my pelvis, I could tell I was properly pushing him through the pelvis. It just sort of felt great to know what was happening and stuff. All this cool stuff and you only get a few goes, and if you really like it and only have boys you can't share it with a girl. That sucks. I've thought about adopting a girl for the third if this is a boy, that way it's guaranteed. Plus I could save a baby from Thailand (a friend adopted from there as she's worked int he orphanages and knows how desperatly the children need parents). But I don't know, I just love birthing.


Nicole how is her hearing? You were a little concerned she wasn't reacting so much for a while. Mommy and baby yoga sounds good. What a lovely time together. My sister did baby massage and she loved it.


This is a scan photo, we have another one on the 29th, or 30th. THe baby was too small to do the nuchal fold trisomy checks (standard over here) so I go again later. Oh and the ob said they go by LMP as it's more accurate than O dates, no matter how I was checking O dates are not as acurate as LMP! Yeah spot the male who is an ob, an expert in babies and bellys not fertility and cycles. Most women don't know all this stuff so why should an ob, his training does not include fertility so no wonder he thinks maybe women can't know accuratly when they ovulate.




theboysmama 01-24-2012 07:33 AM

LMP for accurate than O? what a whack job. lol I O on day 28ish so my dates would always be off if I didnt know that.

Your baby is adorable!!! What a excellent pic!


Saphira had a hearing screen last week and the test was inconclusive. They scheduled her for audiology and audiology referred me to nb screening bcs she was under 4 months but when I got there the lady said she had to be asleep (yeah right) and that the test wasn't accurate for a baby her age. Sure enough it kept timing out. We are scheduled for next monday in audiology and will know more then. She is reacting some to sounds but not as much as I would expect at this point.

fazer6 01-24-2012 09:45 AM

I think I O'd on cd20, can't remember now. Plus I get confused as it was the 21st nov so I forget if it was cd 20 on the 21st or the other way round! I guess he just didn't like me telling him when I conceived, he's the doctor he knows the stuff.


Inconculsive, super. I guess you're in limbo at the moment then if she's too young for a nb and not old enough for older tests. If she's reacting some then she has some hearing. Worst case is she needs some help hearing things louder, or she's jsut so chilled she doesn't feel the need to react right now!

namaste_mom 01-25-2012 09:50 AM

Clare - sorry. I missed Isabel's anniversary. I just haven't been around. Yhe new nugget looks strong and perfect.


Amy - poop talk is nonstop in my house. I just don't like them to talk about it while we are eating.


tbm - I'm so glad that you were able to bond with Saphira!  yeah for yoga


me - i'm busy. i'm home today because dh is sick and can not care for the younger two.

theboysmama 01-30-2012 02:43 PM

Saphira had her hearing screen today. Everything looks good. The audiologist said it is common for kids with lots of older siblings to not respond to noise as they are so used to so much noise. tee hee. makes since.


I really did not like the audiologist. She chastised me for not having the test done sooner and said she still needs the other test (the one where she has to be asleep) to check past the coclia. I asked her if she was at risk and she said oh it is not very likely that she has issues since this test is good BUT it is a state law you have to have it done. She said not to feed her for a while and keep someone in the back seat with her on the way there to keep her awake and make sure she is pissed that way she will nurse well and fall asleep (ummm I don't think so). If she doesn't sleep then they can just sedate her and do the test (ummm NOT). I talked to dh and I think we are going to skip it. She will report us (to whom i'm not sure) if we don't get it done. I am assuming there is just a paper we can sign. This IS MY child right?

Since the hearing seems fine we are going to possibly call early intervention and see if there are any issues there (she just doesn't respond, has trouble making eye contact, etc.) I assume it is sensory issues (like my 3 older kids) so it won't hurt to get on the radar now.


Also, she has 2 teeth through the skin and number 3 on the way. Crazy!!! The ones that are through are just little dots, once they pop through they haven't done anything else.

cameragirl 03-04-2012 04:04 PM

Hi ladies! My little guy is making his arrival tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to joining you soon. smile.gif

theboysmama 03-06-2012 05:47 AM

Cameragirl- hope everything goes well. Can't wait for the details.

This thread could definately use some more activity. It used to be hoppin'.

Vermillion 03-06-2012 08:33 AM

Cameragirl- soooooo exciting!!! I hope everything went well and that you're snuggling your sweetness right this second!! love.gif



How's everyone else doing? We're fantastic here! My little guy will 3 months (how did that happen!) next week and he's just beyond amazing! I'm savoring every.single.moment. luxlove.gif

ekandrmkb 03-06-2012 10:09 AM

Hello there - I'm a little early to this board, and I feel like thinking ahead is always a jinx due to my loss, but I've hit 35 weeks, so may be joining you too if I'm so lucky in 4 weeks and 1 day, when my c-section is scheduled...if not sooner of course.


I had a question for all of you, though - have any of you had a scheduled c-section? I'm getting one this time, and I've never had surgery, at least abdominal. It's starting to freak me out a bit.  If you have any advice?


And cameragirl - if you are reading this or catching up, I hope all went well yesterday/today!


Vermillion - BTW, I love your pic of your new one (I'm assuming) that is your avatar. 3 months, wow!


and, theboysmama - sorry about the hearing test craziness. As for the teeth, I remember DS1's first teeth were right at 4-5 months, which I thought was kind of early, but not that uncommon.


Anyway, hello, and I hope to be here soon, fingers crossed.



cameragirl 03-07-2012 10:46 PM

A quick update copied from the Expecting thread:

Avery was born Monday night at 11:16 PM. After laboring for about 11 hours on pit, I had dilated to a 4-5 and neither an external or internal contraction monitor would work. The nurses were trying to put in a new monitor without any monitoring, and one had her hand up in my cervix when a contraction hit. I started screaming from the pain, and then after that I couldn't get a break. The contractions were back to back and not helping with dilation, and baby wasn't descending. I gave in and got an epidural, only to have my bp crash over and over. After talking with my OB, I decided that I couldn't handle laboring and having my bp crash anymore, and took the offer of a c-section. I had seen some meconium earlier, but they said it wasn't much and weren't really concerned.

I kept crashing in the c-section, and it was pretty rough. I lost twice as much as the average for a c-section. In recovery I kept crashing for hours, and couldn't have anyone with me. I finally recovered and nursed for a few minutes, but they had to take Avery back to the nursery because of rapid breathing. When I got to my room they let me nurse him, and he was suckling on and off for a couple hours. Unfortunately they decided that he needed to go to the NICU. That was SO hard. I ended up alone with a really crummy nurse for hours. (really, really crummy...but that's a long story.) Avery was on bubble pap for a day, but he decided to fight all night last night with it. They decided to try just a nasal cannula, and he's down to just 1% oxygen through the cannula now. I was able to get him latched on twice today for a couple minutes, and then he stared getting disorganized and fussy. They want to try longer nursing sessions tomorrow, so I'm going to ask about using an SNS. (They want him to get the required fluids by mouth so that they can discontinue the IV, and I'm still waiting for my milk to come in.) Right now he's doing pretty well, the bacterial cultures were normal, and they believe it was a little meconium that he aspirated. It sounds like he *may* be able to come home the same day as me. Oh - he was 10 lbs 4.5 oz, and 21 inches. It was a pretty crazy couple of days, and that's the short version. Sorry it took so long! smile.gif

Here's a little album:

NullSet 03-08-2012 06:01 AM

cameragirl-  Congratulations and welcome to Avery!  He's gorgeous!


ekandrmkb-  Hello!  I have never had a c-section but I know a lot of the Moms on here have so hopefully they can answer your question.  I hope you can have an easy, stress-free few weeks until your birth.  You can do it!  I do know that in the births after my dd was stillborn anything that was different was good to me.  So, the fact that I had a boy instead of a girl gave me that little difference to hang onto that things would not have the same outcome.  Maybe you will be the same?  By having the scheduled c-section, you might feel a great comfort from that difference in your previous birth.  I wish you all the best.  Pretty soon your little one will be here with you and you can give him/her lots of hugs and kisses.

Vermillion 03-08-2012 08:39 AM

cameragirl- what a big, beautiful boy!!! love.gif I hope all goes smoothly from here on out and that he can go home with you!!!


ekandrmkb- I've never had a section so no advice there, but I wanted to send some good thoughts to you! Soooo close to getting to meet your sweet little one! love.gif

cameragirl 03-19-2012 10:25 PM

We're doing pretty well here, all things considered. I'm still dizzy, but the pain is better and the bloating from the infection looks like it is going down. Avery is breastfeeding like a champ. He hasn't seen a ped yet since getting out of the hospital, but they admitted that as long as he seems healthy, it isn't a rush. (We're trying to secure Healthy Families insurance instead of Medi-cal because Medi-cal coverage is horrible in comparison. They had a computer crash, the application process got messed up, so we're stuck waiting for a response.) I have my first IVIG treatment since having him. I'm looking forward to it, but it will be interesting with a newborn. I'm having my husband come to take care of Avery for everything other than milk and cuddles. Once all of this calms down, it'll all be smooth sailing. smile.gif

This was his first real bath. The infant insert to our baby bath was still in storage and I can't take a bath yet, so Daddy got in with swim trunks on and took a bath with him. He was totally confused for a couple seconds, but once we got most of him in the water he was relaxed and happy. I'm always afraid I'll get pooped on, but I love baths like this. heartbeat.gif


Fireflyforever 03-25-2012 02:41 PM

Hi. I had a planned c-section with my rainbow. I had emergency sections with both my elder children, a vba2c with my stillborn baby girl and a planned section at 38+3 with my rainbow boy. Really, it was my best birth (my daughter's vbac labour was beautiful and peaceful and everything I hoped labour would be, but she died during the second and I can never really own the experience in any way except the death of my child). But my son's birth was special - not the way I would have chosen it - but special still. I had amazing staff - my OB did the surgery and I had a named midwife (we have midwives in delivery here in the UK)  who cared for me from booking, through surgery and into recovery. I had them lift him over the screen so I saw him all bloody and gooey, rather than cleaned and wiped like my EMCS babies (it meant I discovered he was a boy too, which was special :). I insisted that I be able to feed him in recovery (that was no biggie here, I was able to do that with my EMCS babies too but it was such a huge and magical and important moment for me with my rainbow - the first moment I realised that he had come to me alive.)


The hardest part for me was being booked for surgery for 8.30am (they told me they always schedule loss mothers for first thing) but being bumped because of an emergency. I understood the bumping, of course I did - I've been that mum twice but I kept thinking - if my baby dies now, I'll regret this wait for ever. Fortunately my midwife understood and kept turning up with the doppler (not very Mothering but essential in the circumstances). He was finally born at 11.35am.


Practicalities of abdominal surgery - don't be brave, accept pain relief if you need it ... (and peppermint tea or cordial if you can - the trapped wind pains after abdominal surgery can be awful - shooting pains up your arms (I thought I was having a heart attack after DD1) and peppermint can relieve that. Otherwise, it's a question of  listening to your body and not trying to be supermum. I have been fortunate - my recovery after my sections has been quick and easy comparatively, I've breastfed easily after each and I've been able to tend to the needs of my newborn each time without feeling incapacitated.


Good luck - I hope your surgery is straightforward and you welcome your beautiful baby without complications.

Originally Posted by ekandrmkb View Post

Hello there - I'm a little early to this board, and I feel like thinking ahead is always a jinx due to my loss, but I've hit 35 weeks, so may be joining you too if I'm so lucky in 4 weeks and 1 day, when my c-section is scheduled...if not sooner of course.


I had a question for all of you, though - have any of you had a scheduled c-section? I'm getting one this time, and I've never had surgery, at least abdominal. It's starting to freak me out a bit.  If you have any advice?


And cameragirl - if you are reading this or catching up, I hope all went well yesterday/today!


Vermillion - BTW, I love your pic of your new one (I'm assuming) that is your avatar. 3 months, wow!


and, theboysmama - sorry about the hearing test craziness. As for the teeth, I remember DS1's first teeth were right at 4-5 months, which I thought was kind of early, but not that uncommon.


Anyway, hello, and I hope to be here soon, fingers crossed.




ekandrmkb 03-25-2012 06:50 PM

Firefly - thanks so much for telling your story with your planned c. I think the peppermint tea is a great tip, too - I just need to get to that point, you know? Where I think there will actually be a c-section, and a baby after? I don't think I'll believe it until it happens. I'll add the tea to my bag I packed - the one where I was wondering why I was even packing a bag in the first place. Sigh.


Pregnancy after a loss is so, so hard. Now that I know, the (luckily very few) people I've known IRL who have had to go through this - well, I feel awful for not fully understanding it. I'm so glad, though, that your planned C was such a good experience. I'm just hoping for the same thing...


I have about 9 days to go, and I SO hope to be able to join this board soon. I hope everyone is well.

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