Immediate pregnancies after a loss? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 12-21-2013, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
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I also posted this in TTC after a Loss, but maybe I'll get more responses here.

I just lost my baby at 10 weeks two days ago (he/she stopped growing around 7 weeks).  I'm still working through a lot of things, but the more I think about it, the more I want to start trying immediately.  My midwife says technically it's safe to get pregnant before even getting a period, but she recommends waiting at least a cycle to process things.


I'm mostly just looking for advice/thoughts/experiences.  Has anyone gotten pregnant immediately after a loss?  Was it difficult to process?  Would you recommend it/not recommend it to someone else?  What kinds of challenges did you face? 


I've read a few things online that say that women who seem ready to start trying immediately are cause for concern, because they haven't sufficiently processed the loss.  I'd like to hear whether those who have actually done it found that to be the case. 

Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#2 of 10 Old 12-21-2013, 01:12 PM
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I only have a few minutes but I hat to leave a quick reply. I suffered my first loss at 8 weeks, miscarried at home on July 26th and found out I was pregnant again August 30th (I must have conceived just 2 weeks after my loss). That baby is now 11 years old smile.gif
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#3 of 10 Old 03-05-2014, 08:29 AM
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LilyTiger, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  I can say that there are several women in the November DDC who just had recent losses in December.  For my DP and I, we simply figured that we could not wait because of my age (40).  So, we knew as soon as we went in for the sad ultrasound that we would be risking it again very soon.


Personally, I think it is important to do something to honor the baby you lost and to say goodbye before the next pregnancy.


Still, I find myself unable to get excited this time.  I don't expect things to go well, and feel bad about that.  I think I dissociate from my feelings of attachment.  I did that some last time, too, even though it had been a long time since my other losses.  So, I don't know how much time helps.


I am less tired so far this time.  Part of it is that I am taking less progesterone, but I also think my body was able to start adjusting to the hormones more quickly because it had dealt with them so recently. 


Ultimately, I think everyone processes differently, and there are many factors to consider.  For me, age was the overwhelming consideration.  If feel you need time to heal, then taking such time would probably be wise, absent other considerations.

Mom, , to DS(10), , , due November 3, 2014, and 4 's: 4/01, 7/01, 9/01, and 12/13. DP to .

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#4 of 10 Old 03-08-2014, 02:20 PM
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LilyTiger I am so sorry that you lost your baby, no woman should ever have to know what that feels like.


I miscarried late last year.  It was a very long and drawn out process b/c my baby died around 6 weeks even though I had no symptoms, I found out at 9 weeks and patiently waited for my body to miscarry....and at the 16 week mark I was emotionally drained and opted for a D&C.  So the time I waited and waited gave me time to grieve the loss.


Hubs and I decided to try as soon as my period returned.  I'm not sure what the medical opinion is, but I felt that I needed to wait until I knew my cycle had returned, plus since I had a D&C I felt that I needed to give my body time to heal from the surgery. (I think of it like when you cut yourself, it takes time for the skin to heal).


Our decision to TTC soon was based partly b/c I turned 40 recently.


We conceived after 2 cycles and I'm now 7 weeks - but I'm in limbo b/c my scan last week was inconclusive and there is a chance I could be going through another m/c.


The one thing I will say, is that being p/g again brings up the grief again, because there is a huge fear of losing the baby again, and of course these early weeks of p/g are so uncertain.  I guess what I'm trying to say is to that matter how much time you give yourself to grieve, there will probably be future events that trigger the grief.  So the important thing is to be kind to yourself and have support in place. I also think being p/g again has helped me to recover - b/c if I don't have another child I feel there's an additional grieving process of not only losing a child but never having a second child, if that makes sense.


As for the concern you read about women who TTC too soon not fully processing the loss - I really think it depends on the individual.  I think you will know deep down if you are ready. Everyone deals with grief differently.

40 y/o married Mama, 3 y/o DS, Angel Baby lost in Sep 2013, Angel Baby lost March 2014.
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#5 of 10 Old 03-17-2014, 07:50 PM
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Typing on my phone so it will be short but we had fullterm stillborn and I got pregnant 7 weeks PP. We were surprised as we were not trying, but not really preventing. We were kind of just trying to get throuh each day and not thinking about protection or pregnancy, etc. Physically it was my best pregnancy but it took me until around 20 weeks to get accept the pregnancy and snap out of the denial-shock haze. Now she is 3 years old. I had a 6 weeks m/c when he was around 14 months old and we wanted to start trying riht away again but it almost 3 months for my cycle to come back and then it was wonky for 2-3 months after that. We did get pregnant on the first cycle that was somewhat normal nd now he is 10 months old (and currently refusing to go to bed tonight). I got pregnant AGAIN 3 months after she was born and am due in 8 weeks. This pregnancy has been very tough physically because of taking care of 2 other little ones, and ths youngest being so dependent. This pregnancy has gone by fast though, which I don't know if I should be happy about or not since it is my last pregnancy. This baby has so far checked out healthy and I havemt had any illnesses or anything other than morning sickness. I would say that if you feel that trying right away is right for you then mke sure you are taking your vitamins and go for it.



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#6 of 10 Old 03-17-2014, 07:53 PM
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*sorry about stupid typos!



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#7 of 10 Old 03-17-2014, 10:10 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss. I wanted to share my story real quick. In July 2011 I found out I was pregnant, it was a big suprise but my husband and I were happy regardless. Due to a lot of pain and bleeding I had made several trips to the ER before we finally found out at the last trip that I was having a twin ectopic pregnancy. One fetus was in the uterus and wasn't thriving, and there was another fetus in my left tube that was still growing. My tube tore and I was hemorrhaging, so they did surgery right away to remove my left tube, and of course I lost both babies. I was about 9-10 weeks along, it was the beginning of august. After the fact my husband and I were not actively trying though I was eager to get pregnant again. Each woman will recover from a loss in their own time and their own way.

So don't feel bad for wanting to jump in and try again immediately, but do give yourself until you feel you have truly been able to let go of the loss and recover mentally and physically.

With that said, I got pregnant in December 2011. So four months after the losses. And since, I got pregnant again in June 2013 (still waiting for him to come out lol)

Good luck and best wishes!
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#8 of 10 Old 05-18-2014, 08:03 PM
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I know this thread is a few months old- but I thought I would add my thoughts. 

I am currently waiting for a MC... My baby stopped growing at 7 weeks- currently heading into 14 weeks... So- waiting!!!  This baby was much wanted. I got pregnant 5 days after I had an IUD removed (most likely the issue that cause the MC) I didn't find out the baby stopped growing until I was almost 13 weeks after a week of spotting/bleeding. They did an US and told me the baby "was good, at 7 weeks without a heartbeat".... agh... NOT GOOD STUPID DOCTOR! He said "call me if you start cramping or bleeding heavy. But we consider this a viable pregnancy.... idiot! So, I am waiting- I am also smack dab in the middle of a 1 1/2 month vacation- 2500 miles from home. So, not my care provider, not my bed, not my house, not my city.... 

But, I had a feeling from the start there was risk, due to the IUD. I think for some women, starting right away would be emotional and not enough time to process. Esp. with a stillbirth or late term miscarriage. But, I am going to be 36 in Sept. and I really don't have time. I have processed that the baby is not alive and I accept that for whatever reason it was not viable. I can't dwell- I have to stay focused and although I am sad, I hope my body gets this phase over with quickly and I can move one. I am actually mad that my body is holding on for 7 weeks now to a non-viable pregnancy when I feel like I could have had 2 cycles or been pregnant again. :-P to my body! 

Once I announced my MC was happening on FB- I had a flood of support from family and friends I never knew had late 1st tri and early 2nd tri miscarriages. It actually breaks my heart for how common this is. And that realization that it is common, although SAD has helped me too process this and I have screamed "I WANTED THIS BABY" and I cry- but that doesn't mean I can't move on and add blessing to my life with a new pregnancy and a new baby. It doesn't mean I don't miss what could have been. But I can be happy with what I have and what is to come. 

My grandma, sadly, lost a little boy she was pregnant with- late in pregnancy- due to a car accident she was in. She quickly got pregnant again with my mom- so, again, as sad and mad as I am- I know the life I bring forth will make a difference and be important and I focus on that and I am joyous in that realization.

I wish it could be this baby- but it can't.  

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[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

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#9 of 10 Old 07-21-2014, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you everyone for your responses. I just wanted to update quickly for anyone who finds this thread later. We ended up having to wait a full month because the cytotec (2 rounds) didn't work and I ended up with a D&C a month after we found out the baby had died. That drawn-out process was so traumatic and painful that I decided to wait for two cycles before we tried again. I got pregnant the first cycle we officially tried and I'm 20 weeks now.

This pregnancy was much harder than either of the previous two. The emotional side of things meant that I needed more reassurance and did more ultrasounds than I was hoping to and the physical toll on my body of the month of stress involved in waiting for the m/c to finish meant that I wasn't starting at my "goal" weight or fitness level or healthy eating or iron leves, etc. I still think it was the right decision to move as quickly as we did, since for me at least, I couldn't have moved on from the grief until I had something else to focus my energy on. But the emotional side of things was much rougher than I was anticipating. I'm happy to be pregnant with a healthy babe now, but as everyone else said, I think there are pros and cons to both trying immediately and waiting a few months.

Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#10 of 10 Old 07-21-2014, 01:21 PM
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Thank you SO much for this thread. I just m/c today at 5w. I'm feeling pretty well emotionally, thankful to my body and nature for knowing when things weren't going right and putting a stop to it. I'm 38 so I don't have all the time in the world. Your stories were inspiring and uplifting... Thanks!!!

Happy housewife and mom to big Z, born at home 1/2012. m/c 07/14 @ 5w and happy to get back to trying!  
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