Expecting Our Rainbow Babies Fall 2015 Chat - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 160 Old 09-02-2015, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Expecting Our Rainbow Babies Fall 2015 Chat

Well, I'm 5 weeks and starting to feel a little nauseous. I also seem to need those daily naps. So I guess I'm feeling more pregnant. It still feels so tenuous. I'm going to make sure that I connect to this baby by the end of the first trimester, but I can't stop feeling like I "might" be pregnant.

How is everyone else doing?
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#2 of 160 Old 09-03-2015, 01:19 AM
 
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I don't feel quite safe yet. On Saturday I had bright red blood dripping onto the floor when going to the bathroom. I thought it must be the end if the blood literally drips out. I put a pad and decided to wait for the bleed to start. But nothing. A day later I was spotting brown and it tapered off to tan and my CM returned. A vaginal scan showed a small embryo and no bleeding near it. Though there was no heartbeat. I must have been around the late 5th week or early 6th week so it might have simply been too early. Will go back on the 15th and hope to see a heartbeat. I was put on progesterone due to conceiving right after a MC without a period. My doctor thinks it was too soon and hopes the progesterone will have a positive effect on my uterine lining.
My uterus sure feels busy at night.

I also feel a bit disconnected from this baby because of the loss. I try not to think too far and just go day by day.

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#3 of 160 Old 09-04-2015, 11:56 AM
 
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Hugs to you Marumi. Hoping you get good news on the 15th
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#4 of 160 Old 09-04-2015, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, hoping for no more bleeding and good news for you Marumi.

I'm feeling tired and queasy today. It's helping me to feel like I really am pregnant. But I have such a long road before I might start to feel even a little bit "safe".

I'm planning to get a doula lined up soon so that I will have support if I need it. That was one of the worst things about the last loss, that I went through labor and everything entirely at home.

Channeling positive thoughts for this time around for all of us!
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#5 of 160 Old 09-05-2015, 03:05 AM
 
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Thank you both!!

@azohri
A good doula or midwife would be on of the first things for me too. My OB is friendly but I feel she isn't very knowledegable with natural methods and breastfeeding. She already urged me to stop breastfeeding. Also I was hoping for a VBAC and my birth plan is not conventional.

My symptoms seem to be increasing. I am not nauseated 24/7 but if I am it is now fairly strong.

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#6 of 160 Old 09-05-2015, 03:59 PM
 
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I am 6 weeks tomorrow. I feel sick and tired, but I did last time too. I'm avoiding tests and meds this time - last pregnancy I had an u/s at 7 weeks, lots of labs and progesterone shots. It all feels really surreal and disconnected. I feel like I have a 10% chance of having a baby which is absurd; its more like 90% at this point, I guess.

I made an appointment with a new hospital-based midwife for 11 weeks. If I'm still pregnant then I'll have an ultrasound and a cell-free DNA test. I figure if/when all that looks good I might start connecting with this pregnancy. I don't know though.

I think a lot about how blissfully excited and naive I was when I conceived and gestated my boys so easily.

I have always told people about my pregnancies very early. I really regretted it last time so now we are thinking about waiting until 20 weeks or so to tell people, especially our kids. What are you all going to do?

@Marumi - I will be thinking about you and have my fingers and toes crossed for you that there is absolutely no more bleeding.

Positive thoughts to everyone else. I like that there is a little group of people here to support each other. This is such a weird time.

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#7 of 160 Old 09-05-2015, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm also almost 6 weeks. I'll go in for my first appointment with a very well liked hospital based midwifery practice at 8.5 weeks. I won't get an ultrasound or anything other than basic blood work done at that point, but I want to establish care. Last time I had a 15 week loss and felt like I really fell through the cracks by having a homebirth midwife. She didn't provide the care and support I would have wanted. I will probably get a maternal fetal blood test like Panorama at around 11 weeks.

I'm struggling with when I'll tell people too, Lizafava. I've told my best friend and a couple of local support people, but that's it. I haven't even told my mom yet because I know she is so invested. And I'm not sure when to tell my kids, since I don't want to tell them to be responsible for keeping a secret. I know I will start showing very soon though. Even today I noticed that I'm looking more relaxed in the lower abdomen than usual. So I don't know how long I can really keep it a secret. I will probably have to tell the friends that I see regularly by 16 weeks, and we'll be seeing extended family right around then for Christmas too. I may not post it on social media until the baby arrives healthy!
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#8 of 160 Old 09-05-2015, 10:30 PM
 
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I'm also almost 6 weeks. I'll go in for my first appointment with a very well liked hospital based midwifery practice at 8.5 weeks. I won't get an ultrasound or anything other than basic blood work done at that point, but I want to establish care. Last time I had a 15 week loss and felt like I really fell through the cracks by having a homebirth midwife. She didn't provide the care and support I would have wanted. I will probably get a maternal fetal blood test like Panorama at around 11 weeks.

I'm struggling with when I'll tell people too, Lizafava. I've told my best friend and a couple of local support people, but that's it. I haven't even told my mom yet because I know she is so invested. And I'm not sure when to tell my kids, since I don't want to tell them to be responsible for keeping a secret. I know I will start showing very soon though. Even today I noticed that I'm looking more relaxed in the lower abdomen than usual. So I don't know how long I can really keep it a secret. I will probably have to tell the friends that I see regularly by 16 weeks, and we'll be seeing extended family right around then for Christmas too. I may not post it on social media until the baby arrives healthy!
@azohri - I hope you get the support you need this time, for a whole 10+ months!

As far as telling people I guess I'm kinda lucky in that I am pretty chubby and carry small. I hated that with my boys, but am grateful now. Grateful too that if I stay pregnant I will be doing most of it in winter weather which means polar fleece and down vests.

My husband and I started a "healthy diet" in our house a few weeks ago, so luckily my kids aren't really wondering why I am eating different food or not drinking wine. Plus they can be kinda stereotypical oblivious boys... I think i can keep it from them indefinitely, haha.

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#9 of 160 Old 09-06-2015, 02:18 AM
 
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@Lizafava
I know how you must feel about all the testing. It seems like a lot of stressful exams and hoping the numbers are okay when all you want to do is relax and be pregnant.
With my son I never for a moment feared a miscarriage. I told everyone at 8 weeks and that was it. My Instagram mom friends I met through baby bump all carried to term too. I thought miscarriage was rare.

@azohri
So sorry about your 15 week loss! That is very sad....in the second trimester you are supposed to feel more safe. I also hope you get all the much needed support.
Here we can have a regular OB as well as a midwife.

I honestly don't know when I will tell people. I am already feeling bad about telling little lies to friends and family to conceal my pregnancy problems. I miscarried just before my sister's wedding, was in a horrible mood at the wedding and bled a bit.
I had to cancel meet ups with friends because of Nausea, bleeding etc. and they do wonder why I went from 8 cups of coffee a day to none. When I am bloated I look pretty big and my grandma already asked if I am pregnant.
I have told my 2 best girlfriends, and my mom friends. They also knew about the miscarriage and that these things can happen. My son knows too. I just could not keep it from my son he is really intuitive. He said the baby was a girl and now it is a boy. He has seen me bleed and asked of course. I have to explain why I don't want him on my stomach or can pick him up.
My parents don't know yet. They don't want me pregnant. My mother would always tell me to not have children or just one because they are a lot of work. They want me to have a great career, I want to be a mother that stays home with her children or works part time...we just don't have the same picture of a fulfilled life. I also don't think they would sympathize much with an early loss. Their way of making me feel better would be something like "You did not even know your baby yet".

What I wanted to share about my progress: I will be 7 weeks tomorrow. Curiously my diarrhea stopped when I started progesterone. I had diarrhea for the past weeks of this pregnancy. I did a bit of research and found that diarrhea can also be a symptom of low progesterone (not only but it can be). One article also said to not take large amounts of Vitamin C or Magnesium as it will disrupt the production of progesterone and can lead to miscarriage that way. Guess what I did early with this pregnancy when constipation was bothering me? I took a larger dose of Vitamin C powder to be able to go. And have suffered diarrhea ever since. I did the same with MC baby.

I feel like hormones definitely play a role for me also because my Candida problem is affected and bettered by pregnancy hormones. A pituitary tumor like I have (though it shrank) can also supress adequate progesterone production.

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#10 of 160 Old 09-08-2015, 01:15 PM
 
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Well I'm a fool and decided to go ahead and test my progesterone and hcg yesterday. My progesterone is low - 8.9 which more or less indicates this isn't a viable pregnancy. I decided to go ahead and make an appointment with my progesterone-happy OB for an u/s. If the u/s looks normal I guess I'll do the supplementation which is what I did last time.

Sigh. I'll test my Hcg again tomorrow too, just because I can.

It does not seem fair that I should feel so sick and tired and have these non-viable pregnancies.

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#11 of 160 Old 09-08-2015, 03:10 PM
 
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Well I'm a fool and decided to go ahead and test my progesterone and hcg yesterday. My progesterone is low - 8.9 which more or less indicates this isn't a viable pregnancy. I decided to go ahead and make an appointment with my progesterone-happy OB for an u/s. If the u/s looks normal I guess I'll do the supplementation which is what I did last time.

Sigh. I'll test my Hcg again tomorrow too, just because I can.

It does not seem fair that I should feel so sick and tired and have these non-viable pregnancies.
I'm sorry to hear this I hope your HCG is more reassuring tomorrow. I wish I could test myself, now I almost want to take my progesterone again after reading your post....thinking maybe it couldn't hurt. I'll be going for my beta HCG tomorrow but I won't have results for at least a few days or maybe a week depending on the labs. Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping everything turns out fine.

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#12 of 160 Old 09-08-2015, 04:45 PM
 
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Youre over here now @DungeonQueen - yay! Congratulations and luck to you!

Why do your betas take so long? I love the instant gratification of Quest. If I get my labs to the courier in the afternoon, most results are posted the next day.

I'm going to do my labs fasting at the lab tomorrow because I didn't do the draw exactly right and I'll just obsess about that, so I'll let the lab deal with it. Progesterone can be much lower after eating too, which I have seen with clients.

Hope is a crazy monster sometimes. I called my mother and told her what was going on, and that feels better than sitting with it alone.

Luck and hope for all of us!

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#13 of 160 Old 09-09-2015, 04:44 AM
 
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I hope your Progesterone will look better next time Lizafava!
I think if it is a viable pregnancy supplementing won't hurt. I'm not a professional but if I am correct one only needs to make it to about 10+ weeks until the placenta takes over progesterone production?

@DungeonQueen
Congrats! I think testing for progesterone might be a good idea. I researched the progesterone debate much, and while some sources say it is not effective, I found other info that says it is effective in women known to miscarry due to low progesterone and IF the synthetic drug is absorbed well. To me it seemed other research studied a wide variety of women, no just the ones with recurrent miscarriage and low progesterone and did not test whether they respond to synthetic progesterone. That could explain a lower success rate.
What is reassuring is to read experiences on forums also. Many mothers who had miscarried before, where tested in a subsequent pregnancy and given progesterone due to low levels and these pregnancies went well.

I seem to have adjusted to the progesterone and my chronic diarrhea is finally gone. I have had diarrhea since MC baby. Aside from that I am experiencing lots of stretching uterus pain and ligament pain. Breastfeeding really hurts somehow. I hope that is a good sign. Still have to wait a week before the next scan.

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Well I'm having some spotting today so I'm not sure if its even worth doing labs at this point

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#15 of 160 Old 09-09-2015, 05:49 PM
 
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Well I'm having some spotting today so I'm not sure if its even worth doing labs at this point
Oh no Hoping for you that it is nothing.... but I know how hard and crappy it is. Hugs and support to you.

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#16 of 160 Old 09-09-2015, 05:52 PM
 
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@Marumi - you are having such positive signs. Happy and hopeful for you!

I tested my progesterone this morning and it was *12* (it was 8.9 yesterday). That is a huge difference and makes me feel a little more hopeful. My HcG was nothing to write home about but it did go up and its over 20k which is normal-ish at that point. So we will see.
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#17 of 160 Old 09-10-2015, 01:26 AM
 
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Oh no Hoping for you that it is nothing.... but I know how hard and crappy it is. Hugs and support to you.
@DungeonQueen
Praying it's nothing or maybe just implantation bleeding.

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@Marumi - you are having such positive signs. Happy and hopeful for you!

I tested my progesterone this morning and it was *12* (it was 8.9 yesterday). That is a huge difference and makes me feel a little more hopeful. My HcG was nothing to write home about but it did go up and its over 20k which is normal-ish at that point. So we will see.
That sounds reassuring! Good thing you tested again.

And thank you, the symptoms seem promising but what scares me is the cramps I get every few days that will last for about 1 1/2 days. They can be very painful and it is odd it would last so long.

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We lost another one, I hope you ladies have a happy and healthy nine months.

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#20 of 160 Old 09-10-2015, 01:15 PM
 
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We lost another one, I hope you ladies have a happy and healthy nine months.
Aww no...I am so sorry. It really seems jinxed. I hope you will be lucky very soon

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#21 of 160 Old 09-11-2015, 01:30 PM
 
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We lost another one, I hope you ladies have a happy and healthy nine months.
Terrible news. I am so very sorry

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#25 of 160 Old 09-11-2015, 04:53 PM
 
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@azohri and @Marumi how are you guys doing?

Marumi, what kind of progesterone are you taking? I had an u/s and saw a heartbeat. The embryo is measuring a little small according to my ovulation guess, but I guess its within the range of normal. My OB REALLY wants me to do progesterone shots again. I just don't know. I think the pills make me feel worse than the shots, so I might just do one and not the other. I still don't think it does anything.

He's going to have me come back in two weeks for another scan. And then I'll see a CNM at 11 weeks if I make it that far.

Can I just say - I had ZERO ultrasounds and almost no testing with my kiddos. It is just so weird to be doing this.

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@Lizafava
Great to hear you saw an embryo and a heartbeat!

The brand of Progesterone I am taking is called "Progestan". It contains 100mg and I use it vaginally which I was told is better tolerated. I have adjusted to it pretty well by now it seems.

Like I said above, I have read informatio that said it IS effective as well. And there have been cases of women who had a previous MC, were started on Progesterone in their next pregnancy because of low Progesterone levels. Their levels normalized and they carried to term. If it does not work at all then Idk why it is so often reported that levels normalize after progesterone intake :
What I noticed is that my chronic diarrhea turned into constipation. There is one article that says that progesterone dries up the feces so most women experience constipation. My blood sugar, vaginal dryness and fatigue also improved which can be signs of low progesterone.

A few days ago I dealt with horrible cramping btw. 24 hrs in a row day and night my uterus was cramping and it was really painful. I was feeling as if I was going through a MC without miscarrying. Then I was told to give magnesium a try by members here and now the cramps are gone. My uterus feels so relaxed it is almost worrysome. At night I feel it working but the discomfort is like mild period pains I suppose (or what I imagine period cramps must feel like). I am now taking Magnesium citrate twice a day, 300mg all together.

My scan is on Tuesday. Almost every night I have a pregnancy nightmare about a miscarriage or not hearing a heartbeat. I just want to know what is going on. Two weeks of not knowing whether your baby will develop a heartbeat or not are torture.

Aodhán Cían 8/19/2011

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#27 of 160 Old 09-12-2015, 05:37 AM
 
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I felt like last time I was prolonging an inevitable miscarriage with the progesterone since my level were so low to start with. I vowed never to take progesterone again (I think, basically, its a chicken or the egg....). BUT, since my levels are higher this time (indicating this might be a viable pregnancy), and I am generally low on progesterone, I'll probably do it. The shots worked well last time to bring my levels up to a 15 where they'd started at an 8.

I hope you get great news on Tuesday! I will be thinking about you

Midwife, Mama
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#28 of 160 Old 09-12-2015, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lizafava, yay for a heartbeat! That's such great news!

Marumi, sorry you are still having cramps and such. That's so scary. I do know my neighbor had a lot of cramping early in her pregnancy and recently had her healthy baby. Hopefully your doctors can find something that gives you some answers.

I'm doing fine. The exhaustion is pretty intense though! I'm also nauseous, though thankfully I'm more or less functional through it.

I've scheduled meet and greets with three different midwife hospital practices over the next week. It's going to be a bit exhausting, but hopefully it will help me to feel really good and clear about my decision. I want to be set for my 8 week appointment, so that we can discuss and schedule NIPT testing at 10 weeks.

I went to a pregnancy loss support group at a local hospital last week. I found out that they have a comprehensive bereavement program to support women going through miscarriages after 12 weeks, including a special room, nurses that are specially trained, etc. As well as testing protocols. That has given me a lot of comfort in knowing that if I were to start bleeding I can just go in to the hospital. It's also made me sad and angry that my homebirth midwife didn't know about it last time, and not only did she not come over and take care of me, she didn't tell me to go to the hospital. I went through so much by myself that I didn't have to! It's frustrating, and heartbreaking. But also really great that the support exists, if women just knew to go there (rather than hospitals that have the standard less than 20 weeks is an ER thing, which is what I expected).

Anyway, overall feeling positive, and looking forward to getting past the hurdle of choosing a care provider.
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#29 of 160 Old 09-13-2015, 02:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizafava View Post
I felt like last time I was prolonging an inevitable miscarriage with the progesterone since my level were so low to start with. I vowed never to take progesterone again (I think, basically, its a chicken or the egg....). BUT, since my levels are higher this time (indicating this might be a viable pregnancy), and I am generally low on progesterone, I'll probably do it. The shots worked well last time to bring my levels up to a 15 where they'd started at an 8.

I hope you get great news on Tuesday! I will be thinking about you
Thank you!! Progesterone can definitely prolong a miscarriage if the pregnancy is not viable. I understand that is not a good thought and tbh I don't know if mine is viable either. I am just hoping in case it is the progesterone can prevent problems. With my son I had no problems, but I was on medication that suppresses the effects of the pituitary tumor. This time I am not and a pituitary tumor can cause low progesterone levels. I'sd rather take the progesterone than wean my son instantly and go back on medication that may be dangerous to my heart. I hope it works out for me this way.

@azohri
No support during a miscarriage, especially if past the very early first trimester sounds horrible... I was baffled at home little support there is here for such cases. With my recent Chemical I came to the ER and they left me waiting in the hallway for hrs, cramping, bleeding and crying. No one seemed to think it was sad I am miscarrying. They even had the nerve to tell me my hcg levels were so low I was probably never pregnant! After 3 positive hpt's, missed period and weeks of symptoms.
So I swore not to go to the ER again for bleeding in early pregnancy. With my recent bleed I decided to stay put in the city to see if it progresses (we were at a Festival when it happened).
2009 I had a medically induced miscarriage at home because the baby died at about 8+ weeks. No one had really prepared me for what was to come. I wish there would have been a special place in a hospital at the time.

Aodhán Cían 8/19/2011

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Nyd byþ nearu on breostan; weorþeþ hi þeah oft niþa bearnum
to helpe and to hæle gehwæþre, gif hi his hlystaþ æror.☾
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#30 of 160 Old 09-13-2015, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Marumi, that is exactly what I had expected from a hospital, which is why I didn't go in - even though I was in the second trimester and in full labor. I'm sorry.

I guess it's worth asking around the local doula/midwife community to see if any of the local hospitals do a better job of taking care of women have miscarriages and stillbirths. I was blown away by the work they are doing at our local hospital.

I am definitely looking chubby at coming up to 7 weeks. Hopefully the weather will turn a bit cooler soon so I don't start getting questions before I am ready! My kids don't seem to be questioning why I'm tired and nauseous all the time. My 6 year old says, "You should take more naps!" (so they get to watch a tv show, lol).
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