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Pregnancy After Birth Loss > Encouraging stories
theboysmama's Avatar theboysmama 01:18 AM 05-16-2007
Dh and I had 2 boys w/ no complications then we lost a baby at 12 1/2 weeks that we named sam. Then we got pg 3 months later and m/c at 6 wks. We named that baby Morgan. 4wks later we conceived again and had cyrus. I wrote up his birth story when he was about 2 1/2 weeks old. I am just now posting it. He is almost 6 months and is such a miracle.

Cyrus’s Birth Story

It has taken me a long time to process the birth for whatever reason. I have done it in small segments and am now ready to write and share the whole birth story.
My midwife was going to be out of town until December 3rd. I had known this since before we conceived. (I knew that I would not go into labor while she was out of town as with my first I went into labor as she drove into the city limits.) This time we had a backup midwife that I like but I was just sure that I wouldn’t go into labor until my midwife got back into town. On the morning of the 2nd I woke up and just had so much to get done. I picked-up the entire house (something that I had not done in a while), fully cleaned my bathroom, organized my large menstrual pads on the back of the toilet with a peri bottle and put them in a cute basket (so not me), then I just had to make organic rice crispy treats. Then I finished up my final project for an independent studies class that I was taking this semester. Then I was completely starving and hadn’t cooked any dinner so I threw the diapers in the wash (since I hadn’t washed them yet) and we headed to sweet tomatoes for dinner.
On the way there, at about 6pm, I started feeling some pressure in my uterus. It wasn’t anything that I could time and it wasn’t crampy like with my previous labors. I had pressure off and on while we were eating and I went to the bathroom 4 or 5 times while we were there. On the way home I told peter that I was going to get in the bath and if the pressure like feeling didn’t stop then he should call the midwife. He said “but she isn’t back yet” I told him that she was back because I wouldn’t be going into labor until she was. While soaking in the bath the pressure began to get stronger and stronger so I had peter call our midwife. He paged her about 8:00pm and she didn’t call back so he called the back-up midwife and she came right over. (They had both told me to call right away since my labors in the past had gone fairly quickly). Right before she arrived peter put the boys to bed. When our back-up Jayme arrived she checked me and I was a 6 so we called the girls mom so she could bring them over and we called my brother so that he could be there to help with the kids. A few minutes later our midwife Jenny came in the door. I was so excited to hear her voice. I told her that I had told the baby to wait until the 3rd and she laughed and promised she wouldn’t kill me until after the baby was born. (Turns out she hadn’t returned our page because her plane was just landing. I knew she was in townJ). She brought in all of her stuff and started helping peter set up the tub. I stayed in the bath for a while and my best friend came over. She sat in there with me while peter sat up the tub. It was kind of weird because the last time that she had sat in the bathroom with me I was having an awful miscarriage. This was very healing to actually be having my baby but I was still really worried. I started to get really cold so I got out of the bath and sat on the toilet until the tub was ready. Our hot water heater doesn’t work well and Peter usually has to boil most of the water on the stove.
As soon as the tub was ready I got in the tub about 9:00 pm. I was using hypnobirthing (The mongan method) that I have used with all of my births and I did not have any pain. I usually don’t catch my labor so early on so it felt really weird to be in the tub just hanging out and talking with everyone around. The boys were in bed but the girls each took turns getting in the tub with me. My neighbor and close friend came over and we told her she could stay. Around 9:30 I started feeling my body begin to push the baby down. With my second child it only took about three of those before he was out so that is kind of what I was expecting. Peter got in the tub with me around 10:00pm and my neighbor Ashley and my brother went to wake up the boys. The pushing urge was coming closer and closer together. Both boys had a chance to get in the tub with me and put water on my belly. They were really excited. Every time that I pushed his head would begin to crown and then it would go all the way back in. I was starting to get nervous. With my first child that was happening and then his heart rate dropped because his elbow was stuck on my pelvis. I was starting to worry that something was wrong. Both Jenny and Jayme were checking the baby’s heart rate frequently, which helped me feel better.
At this point I started trying different positions to see if that would help move the baby down. It didn’t seem to be helping. Every time that I pushed Peter could see the head and then when I stopped pushing his head would go back in again. I could still feel the bag of waters. I knew as soon as that broke that I would get to meet my baby. A little after 11:00 I asked Jenny if she could check me to see if she could tell if there was a problem. She went and put on her gloves and then I had a really strong surge. I asked her to wait to check me until the surge was over. It lasted forever then all of a sudden I felt the burning in the perineum and I knew that the baby was coming out. I felt a big gush of water and then his head was out and then it took a moment and then the shoulders were out. The baby came out facing down just like he was supposed but he never turned so when I passed his shoulders I also passed his back and then his whole body was out. I was so excited. I brought him up to me and as I did I felt kind of a pop and saw a plume of blood. I didn’t really think anything about it until a moment later when Jenny was fishing in the water and she mumbled “where the he** is the cord”. At that moment I knew exactly what the popping had been and I said, “It broke! The cord broke!” Jenny grabbed the cord and asked Jayme to grab a clamp. They clamped the cord but the baby wasn’t crying. Jenny flipped him over and rubbed his back. That is when I notice that our baby was a boy. Jenny handed the baby back to me and started doing mouth to mouth. I was so scared but I knew that Jenny knew what she was doing and that I had no control over the situation. I just spoke to my baby and let him know how worried I was and how badly I wanted to meet him. Jayme brought over the oxygen and gave him a little blow by. Finally his color started to return (he had been awfully white) and he started to get his tone back. I didn’t realize until several days later how worried I had been. I just couldn’t believe that was happening. I had been worried my whole pregnancy that something was going to go wrong and here it was happening. In reality that moment was just that, a moment, but it felt so long and so scary. When I watch the birthing video it is amazing how relaxed I look because I certainly did not feel relaxed. The cord was just really short and must have had a week area and that is why it tore. Within in 15 minutes of the birth he was nursing and looking up at me. I couldn’t believe I finally had him in my arms. The water was so bloody from all the blood that had come out of the cord and all of the regular blood so we got out of the tub and headed to the family bed.
I had torn a little but Jenny told me she wouldn’t stitch me if I would stay in bed for 3 days. That is not something that I had ever done but I really wanted to have a baby moon this time. I stayed in bed 4 days and it was wonderful getting to know my little man. He weighed in at 7lbs 14oz and 21 1/2 inches long. We named him Cyrus Austin Wayne.
A week after he was born I was having a really hard time processing everything. All of the what if’s were coming up. I feel that we made the right choice about homebirth and that his birth went just as it was supposed. The bag of waters slowed down the pushing which kept my cord from tearing while he was still inside. He is 2 ½ wks old now and is nursing great. He is a true miracle and we are so grateful to have him finally with us.

Thalia's Avatar Thalia 11:16 AM 09-01-2007
We tried for a year to conceive. A day after we went for an intial visit with a reproductive endocrinologist, we found out I was pregnant. It seemed like a good healthy pregnancy, but at 8 weeks and 3 days I woke up, went to the bathroom, and found pink blood on the TP. We didn't even have a midwife yet, so I called my GP and she told us to go to the emergency room. We spent most of the day there, and around 2 PM we got into maternal fetal diagnostics for an u/s. The doctor doing the scan outlined and area on the screen and said: "This is the baby, but it's only measuring 6 weeks, and there's no heartbeat. I'm sorry." That wasy May 23, 2006. We had a long hard summer of grieving, and then started to focus on getting healthy and healing. We started trying again that fall.

We conceived again on our third cycle of trying, on Halloween 2006. Emotionally, the pregancy was very hard, but physically, it went very well. I was induced at 42 weeks (after trying every natural induction method there is except for castor oil) and delivered a beautiful, healthy, 8 pound 1 oz girl named Lucia after 12 hours of natural labor (with the exception of Pitocin). She came out after only 14 minutes of pushing!

She's here, and she's real, and we love her so much.
clharr's Avatar clharr 07:42 PM 10-08-2007
I suffered two mised pregnancies and a molar pregnancy in 2003, but I never gave up hope. WHen we were finally ready to try again last year, we were blessed with a normal, healthy pregnancy and our first child as a wonderful July 4th gift this year. Being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me! All I can say, is that I know it's hard now, but keep hope. It will happen for you too!
momoftworedheads's Avatar momoftworedheads 12:29 PM 10-13-2007
I have had three earth children. My first one came with no complications, at 40 weeks @ 9 lbs 2 oz. He has been ours for 7.5 yrs

Our second son was born at 37.5 weeks, my pregnancy with him was like a rollercoaster. I ended up on bedrest. His heart rate would just drop and drop. I delivered him almost 3 weeks early and he had his cord wrapped aound his chest. He was 7 lbs 14 oz. He has been with us for 5 yrs, 2 months.

Our third son was a suprise sticky baby and i spent a lot of time with a high risk Dr. I was dilated 4 cm for a month and he would not come. At 39 wks and 2 days, our son came into the world. He has had many challenges in his short life, but he is ours and we love him. He has been with us for 2 yrs, 10 months.

Our fourth th pregnancy ended in m/c at 6 weeks. I was sad but i had just found out. It was 12/24/05. Our 3rd son was 11 months old.

Our fifth pregnancy was a surprise and a joy. Our whole family (all 5 of us were excited). Avery's EDD was 3/28/08. Our oldest son would be 8 and our youngest son would be 3. God was blessing us with the 4th child we wanted.
At 11 weeks, I heard our baby's heartbeat for the 1st time. It was the fastest Hb of any of my children, ever. I was excited and had an appt to see the high risk Dr for an u/s. Unfortunately this baby had passed away and his/her spirit moved onto heaven. We have been mourning this loss for 2 weeks and I know my child is watching over us all from heaven.

We are hoping for a Rainbow baby next year.

Dreams do come true, you just have to believe.

Take care all. I pray for everyone here. For our earth children, angels, losses, m/c, ectopic and all the families here.

Hugs,
Zyla's Avatar Zyla 02:41 PM 10-13-2007
This is a wonderful thread. I'm finally ready to share my story -- I need an infusion of hope myself!

I am a single mother by choice, currently 40 years old (yikes!). I had my first miscarriage many, many years ago, in my late teens. It was devastating. I already knew, at 18, that I wanted to be a mother. The next time I conceived I had a completely healthy and uneventful pregnancy and birth. My son is 18yo now. But after that I couldn't seem to get a pregnancy to stick: every time I ttc, I would conceive, only to lose the baby between 3 and 13 weeks after conception. I had four losses in all. And then at 31 I conceived again: my doctor (a new one) recommended I get tested for low progesterone -- it was only 6! They didn't think the pregnancy was viable but the u/s showed 6wk twins!! I began taking supplemental progesterone but sadly, one twin died. : Well, my daughter (now 8) is a joy and a treasure: after the early troubles I went on to have a completely healthy second and third trimesters and birth.

When she was 11 months old I miscarried yet again. But then the next time I conceived everything was fine My little boy is five now.

I am ttc again, and conceived at the beginning of September. Sadly, I miscarried last week. But I know it is possible for me to have another baby. I fully believe in my heart and soul that it is going to happen.
ScarletBegonias's Avatar ScarletBegonias 12:30 AM 10-15-2007


after many years of ttc and 3 m/c, dh and i gave up. my third m/c was hard. it was the first time i had conceived in almost 5 years. we were so excited. at 12 wks, our mw couldn't find a hb, so she sent me for bloodwork. it showed i was still pg, but hcg was low. a couple days later i started spotting, and then full on bleeding. i lost so much blood and was going into shock. dh called an ambulance and i ended up with a d&c. we were devastated.

a couple months later i had a distinct feeling that i would be pg again before that baby would have been due. i hadn't even started really cycling again. research shows though that women are very fertile for the first 3 cycles after a m/c.

i finally got af and sure enough, 1 day before our baby's edd, i got a positive test! we were elated, but also scared. i had a wonderful mw and a homebirth. dd is now 20 months old.

i have pcos (a rarer form of it), and so i was curious to see if i would start to cycle after i had dd. many women are "cured" of pcos after having a child, so i was hoping. i am still bf'ing dd, but got af back at 13/14 months pp. i got pg the next cycle and am currently 23 wks pg with #2.

i never thought i would have the privledge of being someone's mother. even reading stories like my own, i would think to myself "yeah right, that will *never* happen in my life".

it's so hard not to lose hope and hard when ttc and dealing with losses. each woman's journey is her own. much love, light and peace to you all.
matey's Avatar matey 10:31 PM 01-10-2008
We began trying to have a baby in the summer of 2006. We conceived in September. I dreamed I was pregnant days before taking the test. The BFP was not surprising, I felt I knew all along and that my knowledge and comfort meant that this pregnancy was meant to be.

I went to the OB at 9 weeks 5 days. The u/s showed the baby, but the dr. could not find the heart beat. He talked about blood work and a better u/s. Stupid me, I didnt even understand at first that my baby was gone. But as the dr. talked I started to comprehend it, and I fell apart. The baby was measuring over 8 weeks. I had thrown up the day before, my first bout of morning sickness I thought, but really, it was just my hormones plummeting. I miscarried on November 20, 2006.

The winter was hard. Their with other friends having babies and getting pregnant. There was heavy depression. Six weeks of bleeding following the miscarriage. Constant cramping. Soon after the bleeding stopped I started yoga, and then I started going to a chiropractor. This helped eith the cramping.

We conceived a second time in April 2007. We did a lot of blood work, and the progesterone levels began falling. The dr. started me on progesterone supplements, and things seemed to level out. My son was born on Decemeber 14, 2008.
flapjack's Avatar flapjack 04:54 AM 02-19-2008
The story's a bit long, so I put it on my blog.
annieskry's Avatar annieskry 04:16 PM 03-12-2008
Although this is not directly from me, my mom actually had 5 miscarriages before she had my two sisters and i. Her earliest at 8 weeks and latest was at 14 weeks. She had them one after the other and then she found out she had systemic lupus and that she did not clot properly. She went on a medication and they watched her carefully and she went on to have three healthy babies in a row. I too experienced a loss in January, I am enjoying all the stories. There is hope after all.
Kayda's Mom's Avatar Kayda's Mom 08:01 PM 03-12-2008
I haven't read this whole thread yet but thank goodness it is here because I need to hear those stories.

My MIL had 3 and went on to have 2 healthy children. Quite a few friends of mine m/c and went on to have healthy children. I was just speaking to my family lawyer about something and she told me she had one years ago and then had her daughter who is a teenager now. When I mentioned my age she went on to mention her sister who had 2 children in her 40's. There are success stories everywhere but they are hard to see through our eyes that are so full of sorrow. I didn't know about any of these m/c until I had mine.
I keep telling myself about these success stories and hope that I will be one of them later this year.
Lets be positive because the alternative isn't pleasant is it? We can be there for each other and hope and pray that one by one we'll graduate and be able to post our birth stories.
bluewatergirl's Avatar bluewatergirl 05:21 PM 05-11-2008
I never thought much about pregnancy loss until it happened to us.
I had had two healthy, "normal" pregnancies resulting in 2 healthy
living children when I became pregnant for a third time. We found out
on the same day, at 9 weeks along, that I was carrying twins - but
that one had died probably a few days before. We were very, very sad
and named our little vanishing twin "Sam," as we never knew if it was
a girl or a boy. When our daughter was born, healthy and fullterm, the
doctor was able to show us her twin's calcified remains on the
membranes/placenta. The loss was hard to process, as at the very
same time we were also celebrating our growing girl.
Something a good friend once said has always stuck in my mind:
that the soul of our little lost one became part of our living daughter,
as she is "spirited enough for two!"
I never would have imagined that we'd have a second, devestating loss,
or that I would actually make it through what were very dark days
of numbness, pain and grief;
Nor could I have imagined the gut-wrenching fear of "trying again"
and carrying another pregnancy to term just on the faith that things
HAD to be all right this time.

My fourth pregnancy was fairly uneventful, and we all were looking
forward to welcoming J.T. to the family. We knew it was definately a
boy, and when I went into labor with him at 38 1/2 weeks we had
everything all ready for his arrival.
The nightmare began when we arrived at L&D and they couldn't find
his heartbeat on the fetal monitor. I had felt him moving as I had
contractions at home . . . but some time in the past hour, his little
heart had stopped beating. What we didn't know until he was born
was that his UC had become tightly wrapped 3X around his legs; the
contractions effectively cut off his oxygen supply.
I delivered him a few hours later, and he was so beautiful. Ironically,
it was physically the easiest labor and delivery I'd had. Emotionally,
mentally, I was never going to be the same person again.
It both tore me and my husband apart and brought us closer than
ever together.

I knew, even when I was still in the hospital that I couldn't NOT try
again. My DH felt the same way. My doctor asked that we wait 3 cycles
and then it was okay to TTC. I was very, very scared. I'm 38 and my
DH is significantly older. I feel that we were very, very lucky - or
blessed - or had divine intervention or a guardian angel watching over
us - as we conceived right away.
Being PAL was a long, tough, very scary road. Although everything
looked healthy and normal, this pregnancy was highly monitored
compared to any of my others. I invested in a doppler for home use,
and that really gave me peace of mind.

Our son Will was born screaming and healthy via a scheduled
c-section at 37 weeks . . . just a little less than 11 months after we
lost his big brother, J.T.

Love and best wishes to all who are going through or planning a
pregnancy after a loss. MDC has been a wonderful source of support
for me over the past 9 months.
Please feel free to message me if you have anything you want to ask.

Em
skylarsmama's Avatar skylarsmama 07:46 PM 05-29-2008
I feel ok to share my story now. Hopefully it will help some of you in your journey of TTC.

I have 2 children. Hubby and I weren't going to have anymroe children but after going through a very bad spot in our marriage, we grew stronger and decided that we wanted to TTC. I got a positive pregnancy test in late May of 2007. We were beyond thrilled! Everything was going well as far as I could tell until June 29th, I started to spot. I didn't think anything of it since I had never experienced spotting but I've heard many stories of normal pregnancy spotting. The next day, it became heavier and we headed off to the midwife. To spare you all the long story, we ended up finding out that I had a blighted ovum. I finally started to m/c naturally on July 13th.
In late Sept./ early October, we started TTC again. Periods came and went and it seemed to get harder each month. My due date for the baby we had lost was Jan. 20th. On Jan. 19th I got a positive HPT. Although we were thrilled, it was mixed with many emotions since we were mourning the baby that we should have been welcoming.
I was a nervous wreck and my midwife scheduled me for an u/s for dating. My cycles had not become regular since my m/c and I had no idea when we could have concieved. At 6w6d, we found out there was a healthy beating heart. I was sick as a dog and spent a better portion of my first trimester either in bed or over the toilet. We had our first appt. with the midwife a few weeks later and again, heard a healthy heartbeat.
On March 27th, I started light brown spotting. My heart sank and I called my midwife in tears. She had me come right in and she was not able to find a heartbeat. I called my husband and asked him to come home from work because I wanted him to go to the ultrasound with me to confirm fetal demise.
It was at this u/s that we not only saw one healthy heartbeat, but TWO! We hadn't lost a baby and it spotting was some sort of freak thing that we never could figure out.
I am currently almost 23 weeks pregnant with twin boys. They're both developing well and perfectly healthy.
We planted an aloe plant and made a book of poems for the baby that we lost. We weren't sure if it was a boy or a girl but we named her Arella and keep the book on a shelf next to our aloe plant that has healed members of our family more than once. I know in my heart that our spirit baby came back to us.
A sucessful pregnancy after a loss can and does happen often. Try to have patience and remember that every pregnancy is new and different.
jess_paez's Avatar jess_paez 03:55 AM 07-09-2008
you know what helps me? I lost my dd at 22 weeks almost a month ago due to preterm labor. I constantly worry that I will never be able to carry a child and be able to take care of one. Not to mention that I feel like the pain from losing her will never go away, but what I do, is I try to imagine myself typing a encouraging message to the "me that I am now". I have a feeling that in due time I WILL have a baby to hold and keep. Try to imagine yourself a year from now or however long you'd like. Think of yourself being one of the success stories that you read. You know in your heart that there is a high chance of you having a baby.
shannjane's Avatar shannjane 05:14 PM 07-15-2008
I am very happy to be in this thread. My story is beginning to turn a leaf. I have had three miscarriages. The first happened at 9.5wks but was found at 12wks. The second was at 7wks and the third happened around 6.5wks. We went to a speacialist and was tested for everything under the sun. I was also tested for thyroid problems where they found an elevated level so I am now on meds. I am prego for the fourth time in 1year 3mon and have had 4us all have been great. We heard the heartbeat today (11wks) and are feeling great to have made it this far. I hope we are the success story to give people hope that even after multiple msc you can still be successful
kohlby's Avatar kohlby 04:49 PM 08-02-2008
This is my 8th time pg and I've had 5 first trimester miscarriages. What kept me going was that I have children who made it. My pattern is: mc, mc, DS, mc, DD, mc, mc, currently 9 weeks pg. This is actually my 3rd time pg in 9 months and things are looking very positive. My DS was conceived just two weeks after a miscarriage, so there's more positive info! They're not sure why I miscarry so often. I have a couple possible reasons but nothing that's easy to treat.

If you look at the miscarriage stats, chances are that even a woman with several miscarriages is going to get a sticky baby. But stats mean little after so many times of being on the wrong side. But it still means there is a chance. I look at first trimester as the 12 week wait, like women with infertility look at ttc and the 2 week wait. Going through so many losses is hard. But I knew I had to keep to trying.

This last time is likely our last shot at trying because my husband had been diagnosed with testicular cancer. Four weeks after one testicle was removed he had low testosterone, which is normal for that but it means that the chance of me getting pg was low. We found out it was stage I on a Monday and chemo was set for that Friday. My DH didn't want to bank sperm becuase staying pg is so much trouble that he figured we were done if his fertility didn't return. (Chemo changes fertility 50% of the time). This baby was conceived right before he had chemo. This was also the first full cycle since my 5th miscarriage. So, this baby isn't just the hope of a sticky baby sticking after so many losses, but a story of hope since fertility was an issue for the first time as well.

*Update a couple months later: I'm now 20 weeks along! I did find out recently I had an additional clotting gene to the one I already knew of. So, I'm starting heparin injections today. (I'm already doing daily baby aspirin). I had a very detailed ultrasound a couple weeks ago due to a "positive" trisomy 18 screening, my positive being 1:31. All looked great on the ultrasound! I'm planning for a very healthy baby boy to be born in Feb!
Miguelsmomma's Avatar Miguelsmomma 09:22 PM 08-05-2008
Okay. Talia is four weeks old today and I am finally sitting down to write her birth story.

A little background~~DH and I have been trying to have a baby for five years. After a year and a half of ttc we got pregnant only to lose it at six weeks. My mom died of cancer 10 months after m/c. I was diagnosed with endometriosis a couple of months later. After two more years I got pregnant with our son Miguel who was stillborn at 19 weeks. Four months later I got pregnant only to lose it at five weeks. A year and a half later I finally got pregnant with Talia.

One long pregnancy~~After losing three babies I was naturally scared and "certain" most of the time that I was going to lose this one also, but week after week she kept chugging along with me. On one of the first ultrasounds I had a subchorionic bleed, then I had a bladder infection. I had morning (all day) sickness that lasted from 8 weeks to about 17 weeks. At 19weeks I was diagnosed with placenta previa and was told I would have to have a c-section. At 23 weeks I got two kidney stones that led to a kidney infection and spent four days in the hospital. At 29 weeks I was diagnosed with not only placenta previa but placenta accreta and most likely placenta increta. My placenta had not only grown through my uterine wall but into my bladder. I was also diagnosed with gestational diabetes, anemia and another bladder infection. It was a fun pregnancy. My care was transfered to the University of New Mexico Hospital, which could better handle my situation and was told I would have a team of doctors in there with me but was told that they would leave the placenta in after delivery and give me Methotrexate to pull the placenta off the bladder and then after about four to six weeks they would go in and give me a hysterectomy because there was no way to pull the placenta from the uterus.

My Angel~~Monday, July 7, I am talking to my friend who is a doula and works labor and delivery at the hospital I was originally going to deliver at. I am 35 weeks. I tell her that I haven't felt the baby move like she usually does. She calls my old m/w who tells her I have to go in for monitoring and to pack a bag because they probably would not let me go after that. My husband works early the next day so my friend takes me to the hospital. We get there and I am hooked up to the monitors. Baby is doing great. I am having regular contractions. I tell them I have been having them for a few weeks. They tell me they have to stop them, that I can't go into labor. It is late at night, so they will start the next day. My friend leaves. The next day they take me into a L&D room to give me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions. A few different doctors come in to talk to me about the "plan" for my delivery and that I will be scheduled for the c-section the next day and that they are getting my "team" all together. I am all alone except for the nurse. My husband has to work. My father is having heart problems and is just getting released from the hospital that day. My sister has to pick him up from the hospital and take him home. My brother and his family are at Disneyland.

My husband takes off early from work to go be with me. My nurse has started the magnesium and has to give me a catheter because you can't get up while on the magnesium. At about 2:30 my husband comes into my room followed by my nurse. I have to throw up. She hands me a bucket and I throw up twice. The second time I feel gushing liquid between my legs, gushing and gushing. For some reason, I don't know why, I think my catheter has come out and is backing up on me. I tell my nurse. She lifts my blanket and tells me that my catheter is still in place but that I am bleeding and she calls for the doctor. A doctor comes in followed by a few nurses. He too lifts my blanket and looks at the blood that is still just gushing from me and tells me that I am scheduled for the next day but they are going to have to do it immediately. He tells me it's okay, that the "plan" for me is all in place, we are just going to have to do it one day early, that the "team" is ready for me. I start crying. I am scared. I look at my husband. He is crying. He is scared. My husband helps pick me up and put me on the gurney. He gets covered in blood. The next thing I know they are running me down the hallway. They are running me so fast I hear someone panting. My eyes are closed. I am passing out. Someone is yelling at me to open my eyes. I am thinking, "They are open, aren't they?" "Open your eyes. Keep your eyes open." "I'm trying" is all I'm thinking. My husband is running down the hallway with us, holding my hand and talking to me the whole way. "Stay with me, Liz. Stay with me. Open your eyes." I'm so glad he is there. We get to the doors of the operating room. They tell him he can't go in and pull our hands apart and hold him back at the doors as they keep wheeling me. I lift my head to look up and back at him. I see him look helpless and terrified as they wheel me away and the doors shut. He tells me later that he tried to go in but they told him it was too much of an emergent situation and that he would have to wait out there. He tells me that he fell to his knees in the hallway and just cried and cried, still covered in my blood, but that one of the doctors stayed out there with him and she told him what was going to happen and gave him the different outcomes for us, including the one where they can't stop the bleeding and I die.

They wheel me into the operating room and there are people running around everywhere yelling at each other. One doctor looks between my legs and yells, "We need to get her going now. There's a blood clot here." Someone above my head says, "We need to get a central line," as he pushes my head to the left and starts looking at my neck. Then he's actually talking to me and says, "This is going to hurt." That makes me cry even harder. I hear another voice say, "Take deep breaths. Take deep breaths." I assume that was the anesthesiologist. I hadn't noticed that the big green mask that delivers the general anesthesia was next to my mouth. Someone reaches over and clamps it down over my mouth and nose. I do as he says and start taking big breaths as I start praying over and over for my little girl to be okay. That's all I want, is for her to be okay. I stare at the ceiling as everything goes dark.

That was Tuesday. The next day I am semi-coherent is on Thursday. By Friday I finally am aware of what is going on. My husband tells me that after they left him in the hallway, about 15 minutes later they brought our beautiful daughter out to him. She was 4 lbs. 8 oz. with lots of dark hair. Even though she was 35 weeks, she never needed oxygen and did really good right from the beginning. He followed her to the nursery with a promise that they would contact him when I was out of surgery. Five to six hours later, they told him that I was recovering in Trauma/Surgery Intensive Care. They did leave placenta in and went in through the groin area in my leg to try to stop the blood flow to the placenta but keep it going to my legs. They wouldn't let him stay there in the hospital, so he spent the next two days going back and forth between the unit I was on on the 4th floor and the unit she was on on the 3rd floor and going home real late at night and coming back real early in the morning. I have no memory of meeting my daugher the day after she was born.

My Placenta~~Like I said, the "plan" was to leave the placenta in, give me Methotrexate to pull it off of the bladder and then in four to six weeks, give me a hysterectomy. Friday I was still hooked up to my wonderful morphine drip. I could administer it every so often by pressing a magic little button that would take pain away. That day I was having a lot of pain, so that little button was getting a workout. My husband and aunt were in my room visiting. I got up to use the restroom and was having a lot of pain and all of a sudden I could feel what I thought was a big blood clot coming out. I called my husband and told him to call the nurse. She came in and looked and said, "I think that's your placenta." I was in the Special Care Unit and not regular postpartum, so some of these nurses were never in labor and delivery. My day nurse, who was a m/w for 20 years, came in and said, "Dear, you just delivered your placenta. Was somebody praying for a miracle?" And I said, "Everyone was." Because all of our friends and family, even people I didn't know were praying for us. All of the doctors were baffled. No one has ever heard of that happening. I am so thankful that I do not have to go back and have another surgery. How would I have managed? Who would have taken care of me and the baby? It was truly a miracle.

My Daddy~~My dad came to visit one of the days after she was born. This is his seventh grandchild, third granddaughter, and he was so excited to see her. He was still very weak after coming out of the hospital, so he was in a wheelchair, but he came to see me first, which I barely remember, and then he went to see her. My husband said that he just held her and held her and was so happy. I talked to him on Friday night to tell him about my placenta coming out and told him to come in on Saturday. I thought maybe they would release her and she might be in my room, so it would be easier to visit than having to go back and forth between the two floors. He said he would if my sister could pick him up and we got off the phone. That was the last time I ever talked to my daddy. He passed away the next day from his heart problems. Talia was four days old. It still seems unreal to me. I am a big daddy's girl and was very close to him, especially after my mom died. I always made it a point to call him and to go out with him at least once or twice a week. But I had been having a feeling for a long time that he would pass away either right before I had her or right after. I just didn't realize it would be in the same week. He was a wonderful father who taught us that your children and family are the most important thing in your life. I hope to pass that love onto my daughter. He was a disciplinarian but was always fair and loving. I miss him but I know I have been to busy for it to hit me fully that he is gone.

Of course, that is the really condensed version, but I had to share with you all. The women here at PAL really helped get me through this pregnancy. You always think that you are alone in these sometimes deep, dark thoughts, but I found a whole treasure chest full of women with the same fears and worries about a pregnancy after loss that I had. My daughter is so beautiful and wonderful and such a little miracle. If I had to do it all over again, I would in half a heartbeat.

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NullSet's Avatar NullSet 02:50 AM 04-03-2009
Well, I guess I am finally feeling ready to post my Encouraging Story. Ds is 8 months so I'd better get on it! Sorry it is short, I'm not one to be verbose.

First pregnancy- Dd1 born in Sept 04
Second pregnancy- Miscarriage at 11/12 weeks Mothers Day 06
Third pregnancy- Dd2 stillborn, 40 weeks 5 days June 07
Fourth pregnancy- Ds born 7/08 healthy and BREATHING!

I was terrified through my entire last pregnancy, but I did it. I survived, my ds is wonderful and I do not regret the decision to try again.


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