Originally Posted by 2boyzmama
Do you have support? Is your husband, a friend, a family member, able to come relieve you once in a while? Are you able to sleep, eat, shower? You need to remember to take care of yourself while you wait for the meds to do their job.
Well, kinda and not. My dear has to take care of the baby, he comes every day with the baby while the others are in daycare and school, often he brings our other 5.5 yo. as well who doesn't thrive w/o his sister and actually gets sick with worry over her. But then he has to get home, pick up kids and take care of them the rest of the evening and night.
And he is basically the only one I would leave her with for more than 5 minutes.
Her personal assistant comes every day too, and she often entertaines/goes out of the room with the baby so we can get to talk a bit, and have some quiet time with her alone. She is hired only on her, so she doesn't have anything else to do when she is sick. I can take a very quick shower when she is here, and go to the bathroom without the door open.
Usually I forget to eat, but she and the nurses (they know us well and they are so caring) brings me food so I will try to eat a little. It's just damn hard, I don't have an appetite, I'm loosing weight already. (Also bc I'm puking every morning I think.)
And I can't sleep to well, I'm scared and worried, and it's also hard bc of all the sounds and noises, nurses in and out etc. And she needs meds and feeds several times a night too that I do. (I want too, I need to feel that I'm doing something for her, and the nurses coming in the door wakes me anyway.)
Emotional support, however, that I have. My dear is of course amazing, and he is as worried and scared as I am, and he can't even be here all the time. (I can't imagine even leaving this room.)
And her personal assistant has been with us for a couple of years now, and she loves her too, so she is also a support. Not to mention our team of doctors and others, and the nurses here, they've know us for 5.5 years, most of them. And my best friend, she comes as much as I want, she is great.
This is so deep in me, this fear of loosing her. It's very hard to deal with. I can't leave her side, I'm just terrified she will die when I'm not there, I could never forgive myself then.
Originally Posted by 2boyzmama
And I believe that your daughter can at least sense you, you have built an amazing emotional relationship with her over the years, she HAS to be aware of you and your love for her, even while unconscious. Just my opinion, but keep up the gentle touches, the soft words, the positive thoughts. All of that can only help her, and certainly won't hurt her.
Thank you, I have this feeling in my gut and heart that she senses me too. Sometimes I think I'm fooling myself when I think that because I want it to be true, but then again I've always listened to my gut feeling and with my little miss it's always been right.
And it can't hurt, absolutely not, so I'm going to keep it up, I also think it helps me, I think I need it too.
Actually, when I think about it, her pulse and o2 need sometimes drop when I am holding her hand or gently stroking her and singing/talking to her, just like when she was a newborn (premature) and I was doing kangaroo care. I haven't really thought of it until now, but maybe that's because she senses me. (Or maybe I'm fooling myself again.) And if it is, I really should never let go of her hand! *freaking out abit*
Uhm, yeah, total emotional roller coaster. Jeeez, everything can just flip me over.
And, I'm so rambling.
I really appreciate all of you, the kind, warm words, support, hugs, thoughts and prayers.