SPD / Highly emotional / Sensitive / Immature and Binki need support or advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 06:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Theodore, who is FOUR today, is a mixed bag.

He had no spoken speech till 3.5 but it exploding. He has been signing since 15 or 16 months. he has never had a prob communicating. he rict. has been with Early Intervention since 20 months and since 3 has been with the school dist and we are going to ST at the school 6 times a montha nd Miss Em is great.

We have had a full assessment done at the children's hopital at teh state u med school. that SUCKED and was worthless except for the wonderful dev ped we saw.

the child psych wanted to dx him as ADHD but the Ped refused.

we and the local ped feel he is SPD, the Dev Ped though that was likly but wants to give it a year.

He was IUGR and SGA ... there werew a lot of issues with growth and weight gain when i was preggo and when he was tiny.

The Dev Ped feels that there is a question of physical immaturity -- ie his brain is jsut not mature as it should be for his age. his sleep cycles -- always a mess -- and the fact he is jsut now at 4 hitting physical markers for PT indicate to her that it is a physical delay.

in a year she will readress SPD 9and also ADHD)

Theo nursed till 3 and CLW .. the last year he was tadam nurseing with his brother. I never made any effort to limit his BF.

He took a binki from week 5. He had GER really really really bad ... and we got basically no sleep for 5 weeks. finally with the binki he could nurse, burp then suck the binki to sleep.

he had trouble nurseing at teh start, but we never gave up and he became a pro.

he has always needed his binki, needed it. he has never nursed for comfort, just held my hair and had binki.

he is very emotional, volital and sensitive.

he is four TODAY and shows no sign of giving up binki.

also when i do make any effort to limit it -- and i fully admit i don't really try -- he gets so emotional without it.

he doesn't, usally, have it in public -- he will leave it in hhis car seat without being asked. but faced with ANY stress he rereats to me and asks for it, having it, will hold my hair and hide his face in me and stress abounds for him -- any group, too much stimulation, any challange he can't met ...

I want to trust that he still has a oral need. he really can not self sooth with out the binki and me, thus not really self soothing at all.

i want to trust that as the need disapates he will give it up

i try to trust him.

i jsut don't know where to stand

needing supprot

Aimee
ps i would write more but DH is home and it is Theo's BD ... more next week thansk again

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#2 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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Theo!

Trust you gut momma. If your son has SPD (or even if he has ADHD), he has issues with self regulation. Right now, he's got reasonable, workable strategies for self regulation. As he gets older, you can work on other strategies.

Our ds's use of a binky was similar to your ds's. He gave up his binky at age 4 at daycare, but not until closer to 5 at home. And he didn't so much give it up as lose the last of them. We had a rough 2 days of falling asleep without it, and then he was fine. Ds found the binky in a toy bin about 3 weeks after he gave it up. He sucked on it briefly, threw it in the toy bin and never looked back. So, he was clearly ready. Some day your son will be ready.

I chewed 1/2 pack of gum last night because I was majorly stressed and it was either that or eat an entire batch of cookies. Ds chews gum when he does homework to help him focus. So, there are things you can introduce as he gets older. You might consider, for example, a chew-necklace/bracelet he can use for those times when the binky isn't available.

But my bottom line is that there are a lot worse things than having a binky at 4.

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#3 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 09:56 PM
 
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Yes, I second the idea of trying chewy things. In the past 2 years, there have been a few threads here on good chewy tools.

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#4 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i have got him several chew tubes, which little brother loves but he is not intrested in them.

the times i have tired to pull back on access to binki -- i always tell him "you can have a chew tube" and he just cries for the binki -- which i give

when he doens't have a binki -- he chews on anything -- toys, clothing ....

the need is still there, that i am sure ...

i jsut wonder if it will go away on it own or not?

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#5 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 10:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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and you are right --- he has NO ablity to self regulate -- none at all

















trust me ... i am exhusted most of the time ..... trust me

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#6 of 14 Old 11-14-2009, 02:49 PM
 
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I have 3 kids with SPD. One of them is a hair-player/binky soother (doesn't self-regulate: he has high anxiety). What has helped is to offer his binky in a small bowl on the kitchen table along with pieces of gum. It puts *him* in control of making a choice of when he needs something to chew, which, surprisingly helps a lot. He no longer uses a binky (unfortunately, he's starting to chew 2 fingers, so am trying to figure out something to dissuade that), but maybe by offering it in an accessible way to him (instead of *you* providing the item of comfort), could help him in the long run. If that makes sense.

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#7 of 14 Old 11-14-2009, 10:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ~mama jewel~ View Post
I have 3 kids with SPD. One of them is a hair-player/binky soother (doesn't self-regulate: he has high anxiety). What has helped is to offer his binky in a small bowl on the kitchen table along with pieces of gum. It puts *him* in control of making a choice of when he needs something to chew, which, surprisingly helps a lot. He no longer uses a binky (unfortunately, he's starting to chew 2 fingers, so am trying to figure out something to dissuade that), but maybe by offering it in an accessible way to him (instead of *you* providing the item of comfort), could help him in the long run. If that makes sense.
great idea. he is doing a good job asking "momma i need binki" .. I will try putting one out for him to have, and put back at will.

he can't chew gum -- he don't understand it is not food.

He also -- i beleive -- has anxiety issues, i tried to address that at The Worthless Assessment, but the child phych only wanted to talk ADHD not social anxetiy or snxiety or ......

Thanks

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#8 of 14 Old 11-14-2009, 10:50 PM
 
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Just to back up for a minute: can you put in words WHY you are concerned about limiting the binki? Is something bad happening to him physically from having it? If not, honestly, I wouldn't mess with what works.

We found it helped a lot to have a set place for the binky - a special bowl the child decorates can be an option. We tried to encourage putting the binki in the bowl for later when he got up from sleep. He could have it any time he needed it but, it encouraged some transition of leaving it aside and starting to associate it with resting or relaxing.
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#9 of 14 Old 11-14-2009, 10:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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[QUOTE=Roar;14674804]Just to back up for a minute: can you put in words WHY you are concerned about limiting the binki? Is something bad happening to him physically from having it? If not, honestly, I wouldn't mess with what works.

We found it helped a lot to have a set place for the binky - a special bowl the child decorates can be an option. We tried to encourage putting the binki in the bowl for later when he got up from sleep. He could have it any time he needed it but, it encouraged some transition of leaving it aside and starting to associate it with resting or relaxing.[/QUOTE]

you put it is words perfectly -- i have not been able to ---- i am fine with him useing it to meet a need for soothing, transtion, calming, and relaxing -- there are days when i want a binki ---- i just worry about letting him continue to have it all the time, and it is jsut a habit, just there ... not really doing anything. i find frequently i can take it from him (when he removes it to speak, or i jsut ask for it, or he leaves it) and he jsut goes on without it till he is tired or upset ... so there are times when he NEEDS it adn times when he just has it cuz i haven't taken it

does that make sense.

i like how you put it in words -- it helps me think though it too

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#10 of 14 Old 11-14-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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This may be more manipulative than some MDCers may care for...but one thing we did in conjunction with getting the "special bowl" was for the next couple of weeks I made a point when he was waking up to have a good plan along the lines of "hooray, it is popsicle time, where's binki go? yup, in the bowl, do you want an orange or a grape popsicle?" So, I just slipped that into the routine and on to happier things. If you present it right the special place for the pacifiers can be a respectful thing where he's in control of putting binki to rest in the bowl and he's keeping it safe by doing that.

I'm also wondering if your son might respond to having a chill out zone. We made one of these with our preschooler and he really liked it. We had some sensory stuff like a weighted pillow, teddy bear, books and so forth. Just stuff that helped him relax. Because so many people use time out in icky punitive ways sometimes it is easy to forget that learning to take a break can really help. For a kid who is sort of generally out of sorts it can help to have this kind of place as a distinct separate thing from the rest of life so he can start to hopefully recognize when he wants to take a break before he gets upset and to learn he can relax in ways that don't involve you too.

One more totally unrelated comment. If you haven't looked at supplements yet it might be worth a try. We found fish oil helped quite a bit with emotional regulation. You might want to make sure he's okay in terms of zinc and iron too.
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#11 of 14 Old 11-15-2009, 01:52 AM
 
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In my experience when a child has a need like this it will be met one way or the other. I'd much prefer a binky to a child with his hands in his mouth constantly (my kid). Unless it is causing him harm I'd let it go for now.

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#12 of 14 Old 11-15-2009, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post
This may be more manipulative than some MDCers may care for...but one thing we did in conjunction with getting the "special bowl" was for the next couple of weeks I made a point when he was waking up to have a good plan along the lines of "hooray, it is popsicle time, where's binki go? yup, in the bowl, do you want an orange or a grape popsicle?" So, I just slipped that into the routine and on to happier things. If you present it right the special place for the pacifiers can be a respectful thing where he's in control of putting binki to rest in the bowl and he's keeping it safe by doing that.

I'm also wondering if your son might respond to having a chill out zone. We made one of these with our preschooler and he really liked it. We had some sensory stuff like a weighted pillow, teddy bear, books and so forth. Just stuff that helped him relax. Because so many people use time out in icky punitive ways sometimes it is easy to forget that learning to take a break can really help. For a kid who is sort of generally out of sorts it can help to have this kind of place as a distinct separate thing from the rest of life so he can start to hopefully recognize when he wants to take a break before he gets upset and to learn he can relax in ways that don't involve you too.

One more totally unrelated comment. If you haven't looked at supplements yet it might be worth a try. We found fish oil helped quite a bit with emotional regulation. You might want to make sure he's okay in terms of zinc and iron too.
Thanks

We are going to move some stuff around in the living room -- as a long term get ready to put up the tree thing -- and Theo asked for a "home" he is into forts. so i am going to try to make an area for easy fort making. i will try to see if i can work that into his special space. That gets tough, Theo still depends almost 100% on ME for his soothing, regulating ... and I have Charles (2 years younger) too -- and so .... if i go into his area with him, which i am fine with, Charles is gonna be there too -- and that is gonna turn into Theo getting fustrated, or the boys just getting wild together -- them winding up is usally when Theo needs a break to start with ... little brother is gonna wanna be in the peace area all tie time big brother is anyway -- his shadow ...

I know over all i have got to teachhim , help him learn, to self soooth and to self regualte ....

thanks for all the wonderful support.

Aimee

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#13 of 14 Old 11-20-2009, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ugh

jsut this week Speech Teerpist suggested ditching it



but we are moving forward, i think, with more testing and maybe more IEP services ...

i feel like i am sinking

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#14 of 14 Old 11-20-2009, 01:45 PM
 
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I wouldn't worry at all about the paci right now....he will give it up at some point. If its too much of a battle right now, then don't stress out about it.

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