Potty training and discipline questions for ASD child? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 11-14-2009, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My ds is 3 1/2 and is on the Autism spectrum. He is very high functioning, social, cuddly, knows his letters and numbers. Many people wouldn't even know he was autistic if they saw him for a short time. His main issues are some sensory issues and behind in motor skills. He goes to a special needs preschool and his teacher said if we wanted to try potty training we could just put him in underwear and after he wets himself a few times he might realize when he is going and want to try the potty. Right now he has never gone and refuses to even sit down on the potty (he used to sit last year when his twin was being potty trained). He does talk but is about a year behind developmentally (like a 2 yr old). I'd like advice on how to start potty training. I think it seems cruel to just put him in underwear and let him have an accident. He only pees 2-3 times a day so even if he would sit on the potty he probably woudn't go. My thought is that if he is developmentally like a 2 yr old, do we need to rush potty training? Won't he be willing to try when he is ready? Normal 3 yr old boys aren't all potty trained by his age. I would like any advice on how you started training if your child wasn't willing to sit or go near the potty.
My second issue is discipline.....we can't put him in time out and leave because he will bang his head and scream. He is just started to understand consequences and if this, then that........He is a really good boy and doesn't need much discipline but he has recently gotten in a phase where he will yell at my dh and say "go away" and "give me that" in a mean voice. He's a big mamas boy and won't even let me husband get him or go near him in the morning. I would like advice on how to deal with that and how to discipline or help him to stop using mean words and phrases. He always seems to say it or yell at my husband in front of my in-laws and I know they feel so sad when they hear that because they know how much my husband loves ds. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
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#2 of 7 Old 11-14-2009, 12:51 AM
 
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I am not sure about the answer to potty training, it will probably depend on who you ask. I didn't think my 3 1/2 would EVER be ready to go on the potty, he doesn't care if he goes in his undies or not (we are in the midst of it right now) but he will go if I sit him on the toilet and ask him to go.

Our developmental pediatrician said that some kids, esp high functioning autism spectrum, like to have their gross motor totally under control before they start pottying, and then they do it in a day (except they're around 4-5 years old). However, his preschool teachers disagree and are having a lot of success teaching him to go on the toilet.

I would try it and see how much time you're investing into it. If he's sitting on the potty every five minutes and getting nowhere... revisit later. If he only has to sit on it for 2 minutes every hour then why not.

As far as yelling "go away" to his Daddy... maybe you can teach him a different phrase?
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#3 of 7 Old 11-14-2009, 03:31 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandy View Post
I am not sure about the answer to potty training, it will probably depend on who you ask. I didn't think my 3 1/2 would EVER be ready to go on the potty, he doesn't care if he goes in his undies or not (we are in the midst of it right now) but he will go if I sit him on the toilet and ask him to go.

Our developmental pediatrician said that some kids, esp high functioning autism spectrum, like to have their gross motor totally under control before they start pottying, and then they do it in a day (except they're around 4-5 years old). However, his preschool teachers disagree and are having a lot of success teaching him to go on the toilet.

I would try it and see how much time you're investing into it. If he's sitting on the potty every five minutes and getting nowhere... revisit later. If he only has to sit on it for 2 minutes every hour then why not.

As far as yelling "go away" to his Daddy... maybe you can teach him a different phrase?
My ds just did this two months ago. He's 4 (5 in Feb) He's been sitting on the potty since he was two but never consistently and he couldn't really tell he needed to go until he was going. He just started going in the toilet one day, he hardly ever has an accident.
I was content to wait until he was ready, he has language issues and pushing something he didn't quite get yet stressed him out. A couple times he sat on the potty and couldn't pee (before he started using it regularly) he was convinced his pee didn't work anymore so he wouldn't try again for a few days.
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#4 of 7 Old 11-14-2009, 02:35 PM
 
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I put both of my boys in undies... it never crossed my mind that it may seem cruel. The sensation of peeing in undies as opposed to peeing in an absorbant diaper is completely different. As well, the caregiver can see that the peeing action is happenning right away and say..." oop! Theres pee! Lets get to the toilet!" or something of the sort. It is an easy and effective way to connect the two actions in my opinion.It was much easier to do in the warmer months and outside. I also had a couple of potties around the house so that we could get to one quicker. There was more resistance to poops in our house, but peeing in the toilet came pretty quick. Both of my boys are on the spectrum and were using the toilet before three, but I approached it the same as if they were neurotypical. If it stresses him out though, by all means, wait until he is ready. There is no rush as it really does happen really quickly when the time is right!

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#5 of 7 Old 11-14-2009, 03:26 PM
 
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This is how we potty trained our child.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ighlight=potty

We had to get rid of the diapers completely unless at naptime/bedtime. She had to feel when she was wet in order for her to realize she had to go.

Normal is just a setting on your dryer.
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#6 of 7 Old 11-14-2009, 04:22 PM
 
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My son would pee in underwear too. I think it seemed like a diaper to him. When we went naked he never had an accident. After a few days we went commando. In time we added underwear back in. He was four. I think waiting was the best thing we could have done for him. He just wasn't ready before.

For your husband. That's hard. I'd say it's a stage and that's what I'd tell the inlaws if needed. But reading All Children Flourishing helped me understand how to effectively discipline my spectrum child. I recommend it. Is there a huge interest of your son's that your husband could share with him. For us it is trains. I made a huge effort to make that (a love of my son's) a daddy thing for them to connect with. Around your son's age we also started having daddy put him to bed. I know it was a little hard at first but now he wants his daddy (for that) and rejects me! My point here is that we did have to work at the relationship between my spectrum son and his daddy.

Rachelle, mommy to 8 year old boys! 

My Blog-free homeschooling finds and my lesson plans and link to the new User Agreement

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#7 of 7 Old 11-14-2009, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for everyones responses. I just ordered a book about potty training too. Now my issue is how to get him to the potty....the little potty chairs are too small for my son, he is scared of the big one. He is too short to stand with the big potty (and not coordinated enough to stand on a step stool and go, plus I don't think he would). I looked into the urinals for kids but a review said it is too small for a child who is 40 inches tall.
And thanks sbgrace about the response about the husband. It's funny, they do a lot together. My ds also loves trains, but he also loves to fish, and go places with and wrestle with my husband. He has a great time with him but he just won't let him near him in the morning and then phases throughout the day. One minute he will be yelling go away daddy and then a minute later he will say "daddy, bite me", which means he wants to wrestle. I'm not sure why is gets in a love-hate relationship. My dh does put my son to bed and my son is fine with that part. I just wish I could say something to my husband to make him feel better because I know his feelings get hurt a lot.
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