*~SPD support thread for December~* - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 01:24 PM
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We actually did pretty well. Low lights and soft music in the two houses we hung out at, and his crazy uncles throwing him in the air and running around the house with him like wild people. He was exhuasted, and didn't sleep well at all over the weekend.

We had a fluke night where DH slept downstairs and it was the best night DS has had in a while. I'm beginning to wonder if they're not compatible roommates. DH snuffles and moves around a lot in his sleep, and they are both very light sleepers. I'm thinking we might try a few more nights and then see if he wants to try out his own room that's been ready for him forever. I'm also looking into weighted blankets, although I've heard mixed reviews.

We had problems with transitions and noisy toys that made him frustrated, but other than that, it all went pretty well. We're learning. Only one more month til our dev ped appt.
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#122 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Rose-Roget View Post
Not sure how to phrase this, but do others here have trouble getting others other people to follow (or understand) the plan, too? I'd like to think I'm pretty attuned to ds and try to plan/prepare. But others (specifically grandparents and to some extent dh, teachers, and some friends) see it as me being overly coddling and over-controlling. That frustrates me to no end! Maybe it's because he has no dx, or because he looks like a typical kid who refuses to calm down sometimes.
YES YES YES. My ILs and DH are all guilty of trying to drag him from place to place and change things way too quickly. I don't think even normal 2yo can change pace that quickly, but DS just falls apart when he doesn't have adequate time to transition.

I've had that thing with mentioning SN too. When I mentioned it to one friend (not that I go telling everyone, but it seemed appropriate at the time) she said, "Oh, he doesn't look SN". I can't say how many times I've heard that. So many of my family think that ASD or SPD kids would look like... I don't know what... Ds kids, maybe? It drives me crazy! When I explained SPD to my friend, she said, "Well that's not really SN, is it?"
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#123 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 05:09 PM
 
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Wow! I'm so sorry that I missed the beginning of this support thread. I don't have time to read through all the posts right now, but I am definitely glad to be here!

My DS is 3. He has a tentative diagnosis of SPD (sensory seeking), but has not had a full eval yet. Last summer was the most trying for us. DS was engaging in some very violent and destructive behavior at preschool. I feared for the worst and thought that I might have to homeschool. However, we've been working with a community organization, who has been educating the private preschool and us to give us strategies to help DS succeed at school and at home. Things have turned around a LOT! But I also still worry.

In particular, I I'm expecting our second child in June. I worry about the difficulty of this transition on DS...and I am especially interested in what experience any of you may have have in this area.
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#124 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 05:29 PM
 
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your 3 yo said this?? i think that's pretty funny! (i know it wasn't at the time) obviously it's something he heard and was repeating, but it's pretty witty!
He's heard it from me before, in a different context -- and without the "Quiet!" with a hand pushed in someone's face! I've said "You're not involved in this conversation" a few times to dd because she's been interrupting a lot when I'm trying to straighten something out with ds, which totally derails him (auditory filtering is his biggest issue) and shifts the focus to her. And he's pulled that phrase, with the "Quiet!" and the hand, on both dh and I a few times. He says it when he knows he's made a poor choice and doesn't want to have to hear anything said about it; it's a very defensive move. I get it, even though that still doesn't mean he's off the hook. But oy, the attitude!


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Originally Posted by Rose-Roget View Post
Not sure how to phrase this, but do others here have trouble getting others other people to follow (or understand) the plan, too? I'd like to think I'm pretty attuned to ds and try to plan/prepare. But others (specifically grandparents and to some extent dh, teachers, and some friends) see it as me being overly coddling and over-controlling. That frustrates me to no end! Maybe it's because he has no dx, or because he looks like a typical kid who refuses to calm down sometimes.
Oh my gosh, yes. I think that he doesn't "look" SN really is an issue. Most of the time he comes across as a smart, verbal little boy. Fidgety and really active -- like a stereotypical 3-year-old boy. And dh and I are getting pretty good at helping him with coping techniques when the world gets to be too much for him. It makes his meltdowns and quirks more surprising, though, when they come out, and I think sometimes people think I'm coddling him too much and causing the behavior.

In fact, the teacher sitting in on our first PPT a couple weeks ago pretty much came out and said that. She totally had the attitude of "let me take him for a few days and I'll straighten him right out for you." It was really frustrating. Luckily, the other PPT team members, who had actually met him before and read his file, had a better attitude and were actually trying to work with us. Needless to say, when ds does a trial run in the preK classroom so they can see how he handles groups, the teacher will NOT be solo with him! The OT is going to be there, as well, both to help if he needs it, since we anticipate that he won't let the teacher near him (and we're ok with that) and to act as a neutral observer for us.
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#125 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 05:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by earthmama369 View Post
He's heard it from me before, in a different context -- and without the "Quiet!" with a hand pushed in someone's face! I've said "You're not involved in this conversation" a few times to dd because she's been interrupting a lot when I'm trying to straighten something out with ds, which totally derails him (auditory filtering is his biggest issue) and shifts the focus to her. And he's pulled that phrase, with the "Quiet!" and the hand, on both dh and I a few times. He says it when he knows he's made a poor choice and doesn't want to have to hear anything said about it; it's a very defensive move. I get it, even though that still doesn't mean he's off the hook. But oy, the attitude!
you said he is 3? i think you're way ahead of the curve if he even gets that he did something rude.

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#126 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 06:58 PM
 
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Subbing! (hope to read the whole thread tonight after dinner )

quick bio- my 2.5yo dd2 was diagnosed with SPD a little over a year ago (through our local EI program after referal from our family practice dr, the closest dev ped is about 2 hours away with an 8-12 month wait so that is still in the future). She also has Raynaud's (an extreme reaction to temperature change that can cause sudden pain) and a suspected anxiety disorder.

It took a loooooong time to get a diagnosis... our dr kept saying it was early/appropriate/late seperation anxiety. I ended up leaving my job and becoming a SAHM in large part because no one else could soothe her (not even dh). It wasn't until we taped her "normal" behavior and played it for our dr that they finally said "huh. nope, that's not normal" and got the ball rolling for a diagnosis. But the first year of her life was really hard on me. She had to be held, by me, 24/7 or she would scream and scream and scream. And even now she has strong sensory related aversions to things that make life tough... like her aversion to pumpkins. In rural upstate NY in autumn, a fall on the floor panic meltdown aversion to pumpkins is a BIG problem.

It's getting better, but there's a long way to go. I'm so thankful to have a diagnosis and to know this isn't something I did "to her", glad that I pushed to get a diagnosis so young, and thrilled that there's a support group here! I'll be back later to read the whole thread...

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#127 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 07:10 PM
 
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I'm seeing a lot of people with 2 and 3 year olds already diagnosed. My ds is 5 and not diagnosed. I've always described him as "spirited." When he was younger, I always sensed he was just more of everything. People would always commisurate and say that it was totally age appropriate, and to an extent it was - just more, it seemed to me. Now that he's 5 and some of his behaviors look like 3, I have started to realize that it's likely not just his age, or just because he's "on the immature side". I don't know what severe/moderate/mild SPD look like, but seeing as I'm not 100% he would meet all criteria for a dx, I would probably say he's on the milder end of the continuum; however, it definitely fluctuates depending on other things going on in his life. This year, he started a new school AND got a baby sister (1st sibling) all in a matter of months. I think that stress has led to some intensified reactions/behaviors. I'm excited to have somewhere to turn for advice from people who have btdt and who may be able to offer strategies.
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#128 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 07:49 PM
 
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isign, as your DS gets older you will learn to know ahead of time what will be a train wreck for your child. you will know ahead of time what he can and can't handle and then you will plan accordingly. it all takes time.
Thanks. I am an overplanner by nature and it drives DH nuts. He wants to go to a NYE thing with the church at someone's house. This means I have to have my eyes on DS 100% of the time. They have a pond and it's easy for him to get near it, and he has. DH thinks I'm just looking for an excuse not to go, but what 2 year old might not have a rough time in a house full of people till mid night with an almost 40 min ride home?


Does anyone have a DH who is struggling with the Dx? Our EI instructor said he might be boarderline PDD. We're going for an autism eval in Feb, and DH is taking it hard.
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#129 of 141 Old 12-28-2009, 09:17 PM
 
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Early diagnosis- I think that having already had dd1 helped a lot in terms of my pushing for a diagnosis. DD1 was really high needs, but dd2 was just so much more than that. People kept telling me it was ok that dd2 was just high needs or sensitive or spoiled or whatever, but I had a personal experience to compare it to and I knew things weren't right.

I'm really glad I wasn't hit with dd2 first... having had dd1 and being comfortable with breastfeeding and cosleeping and babywearing was my salvation.

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#130 of 141 Old 12-29-2009, 07:22 PM
 
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new mamas.
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In particular, I I'm expecting our second child in June. I worry about the difficulty of this transition on DS...and I am especially interested in what experience any of you may have have in this area.
My dd was born when ds (who has SPD) was 2 yr 7 mo. It actually was a pretty smooth transition for him. What helped was dh being on hand much more than usual -- he took quite a bit of time off work and was one on one with ds a lot. It also helped to really actively work on meeting all of ds' baby needs as we welcomed the new baby. He really didn't want to be a "big boy" (and still doesn't). We had to be careful to manage folks visiting to see the new baby -- overdoing that was a real problem for ds. Also, we tried not to be overprotective of the new baby. Letting ds interact with her directly and not freaking out and saying "be careful!!" all the time really helped him to bond directly with her, and not just with the idea of being a big brother, which was never a big thing for him. It never hurts to read Siblings Without Rivalry.

Rose-Roget, my ds is 6 and just in the process of being diagnosed now and we had similar experiences to yours. I wish that we had understood SPD years ago. I was kind of familiar with it, but here in Canada the diagnosis process is very complicated and difficult to manage. I had to spend $480 for an OT evaluation.

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#131 of 141 Old 12-30-2009, 01:28 PM
 
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I should add that while I felt like something was "wrong" with dd2, I didn't get help for her until a therapist I was seeing for myself commented "of course, she's been evaluated for sensory processing disorders" while we discussed my relationship with dd2. She was the one who told me to bring vidoe footage to our family dr, who suggested EI, and who really helped me see the bigger picture instead of just my sense of failing to meet dd2's needs.

~~~
New baby- ds was born in August. Given dd2's anxiety and her need to more or less be in constant physical contact with me, we were worried. We had planned on a third but had decided to wait till dd2 was older and more balanced and then ds totally surprised us.

DD2 was seeing an OT 2x/week and a social worker 1x/week when we learned about ds, so we were able to work with them to adjust her sensory diet and therapy to focus on some of the specific challenges a new baby might bring. Toys that made sudden sounds were introduced slowly and eventually a baby doll that "cried" and needed to be soothed stayed with us for a few weeks (it was a "sick doll" so the cheecks would glow for fever and booboos would appear on the arm and the child needs to put bandaids on or hold a thermometer in the mouth to stop the crying and make the doll laugh). We started having sessions at playgrounds where dd2 and her therapist moved further and further away from me (dd2 climbing on the structure and waving to me but not actually touching), lots of peekaboo type games and lift the flap books and role playing with beanbag frogs and bilibos.

Meanwhile dd1 and dd2 came to all my dr appointments. We read the Sears baby book for siblings over and over. We watched youtube videos. We talked about babies and what they need and how both girls could help mama/baby/dada/each other. Both girls loved on my belly a lot.

Then once ds arrived we made sure there were treats and lots of love for them too. New dvds, baby dolls, mini slings, doll cloth dipes, etc. And I offered to let the girls sit with me and cuddle a lot but we didn't push dd2... if she needed to be on her own that was ok. We did a modified laying in (I followed the three days in bed/three days on the bed/three days near the bed model) and dh spent a lot of time with the girls while I stayed with ds in the bedroom. There were some meltdowns but dh spun everything as "helping" and dd1 and dd2 got to play in the kitchen and "make lunch for mama" and do a lot of special/favorite activities. Plus the laying in meant no visitors for the first week at home and only brief visits from a few well known family/friends over the next two weeks so dd2 was able to adjust more gradually.

Sorry for the long post, but we just went through the fear/stress of a "what will our SPD kiddo do" with the new babe! And while some of it is just luck (ds is a laid back little guy), I do think all our planning helped dd2.

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#132 of 141 Old 12-30-2009, 08:43 PM
 
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I think I need to find something for DS to bite on. We'd finally gotten back to normal after the craziness of Christmas when my niece's party came up today. It was just a few adults - mom, grandma, me and great grandma - and my dad took DS out for lunch, skipping the noon nap. I should have trusted my intuition and said no, but I really wanted to make this work and have DS spend alone time with my dad. Around 3:30 ish, he and niece - 2 and 5 - were roughing with my mom when things got out of control. I saw signs of him wanting to bite, and relayed that to my mom, wanting another pair of eyes. He first got niece's shirt, grazing her arm. A little later he got her arm, and then her butt. Her mom was so wonderful and understanding and said it was just part of growing up, SPD or not. He slept the 30 min ride home, but that's been it. He's trying to bite again, and got my arm pretty bad. What can I do for him? Are there teething 'toys' for him?
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#133 of 141 Old 12-31-2009, 12:20 AM
 
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Isign- We like the chewies that vibrate and chewie tubes. You can put a string through the chewie tube and make it a necklace or hang it on the review mirror ect. They sell them on Amazon che ap. The vibrating star or grape chewies I get in Walmart and the like.

I feel like an idiot and a bit let down today. Baby kept me up til 3am with her late night antics: pushing her feet and hands til shes up the bed into the wall and then bumping her head (she has a lil red spot on the top of her head)arching her back and groaning, gritting teeth and the one that threw me was flapping at her ears. Its a new thing shes doing this week. I was thinking she had an ear infection. I took her to the peds this am becuase she was up so much and whacking at the ears so much. My ped has seen us through 2 SPD dx now. So she takes a look in DD ears and sees nothing wrong. She says it's behaviorial "you missed your last well baby. How is her speach coming along" as she tries to make eye contact. I was so wishing this baby just had an ear infection. I mean really 3am!
My 2yo is at the pint of just standing inthe tub and screeching while I wash her. The screaming doesn't stop til her hair is dry. No we cannot use a hair dryer as it makes noise.
My 4yo is eating less and less foods and biting her tounge trying to eat what remains on her small list more and more. Poor kid. I wonder if her oral motor is so bad at this point that shes restricting foods becuase shes afraid to eat. I mean she does have texture issues but even the old favorites arent making the cut now.
We are a sensory mess here
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#134 of 141 Old 12-31-2009, 12:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Rose-Roget View Post
I'm seeing a lot of people with 2 and 3 year olds already diagnosed. My ds is 5 and not diagnosed. I've always described him as "spirited." When he was younger, I always sensed he was just more of everything. People would always commisurate and say that it was totally age appropriate, and to an extent it was - just more, it seemed to me. Now that he's 5 and some of his behaviors look like 3, I have started to realize that it's likely not just his age, or just because he's "on the immature side". I don't know what severe/moderate/mild SPD look like, but seeing as I'm not 100% he would meet all criteria for a dx, I would probably say he's on the milder end of the continuum; however, it definitely fluctuates depending on other things going on in his life. This year, he started a new school AND got a baby sister (1st sibling) all in a matter of months. I think that stress has led to some intensified reactions/behaviors. I'm excited to have somewhere to turn for advice from people who have btdt and who may be able to offer strategies.
I can totally relate. My DS is only 3, but until June of this year I had never heard of SPD. DS is my first. He is a VERY intense and spirited kid. As an infant he would cry for 20 hours a day, even nestled in a sling or constantly at my breast...it was a rough time for both DH and I, but especially me. Everyone told me that he was spirited and that there was nothing "different" about him, but in my heart I always knew something was off kilter.

This summer, DS started having violent tantrums at home and in daycare/preschool. It was the director of the school that first suggested that it might be SPD. I've been doggedly pursuing more information and trying to get an eval for months. I even went to a workshop for teachers on dealing with students with SPD. The person running the workshop gave me a bunch of great ideas for coping at home, but when I asked her how to go about getting an eval she looked at me like I had two heads. No one could give me concrete advice.

At first the Ped flatly refused to give us a referral to an OT for an eval. He only saw DS at his best and thought I was just an anxious first mother or something. I finally enlisted the help of a community organization that is set up to help children with behavioral or learning disorders succeed in early education settings. A psychologist observed DS repeatedly at school and home from August until this month. He believes that DS has SPD - that DS is a sensory seeker. He prepared a letter to help convince the Ped and now we finally have a referral to an OT. I hope that DS will see the OT but the end of January. The whole process has been SOO frustrating and s.l.o.w!

I am also annoyed that we couldn't get the eval done before the end of the year, because I know that we will probably be paying $600-800 out of pocket for it!

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Originally Posted by Ksenia View Post
new mamas.My dd was born when ds (who has SPD) was 2 yr 7 mo. It actually was a pretty smooth transition for him. What helped was dh being on hand much more than usual -- he took quite a bit of time off work and was one on one with ds a lot. It also helped to really actively work on meeting all of ds' baby needs as we welcomed the new baby. He really didn't want to be a "big boy" (and still doesn't). We had to be careful to manage folks visiting to see the new baby -- overdoing that was a real problem for ds. Also, we tried not to be overprotective of the new baby. Letting ds interact with her directly and not freaking out and saying "be careful!!" all the time really helped him to bond directly with her, and not just with the idea of being a big brother, which was never a big thing for him. It never hurts to read Siblings Without Rivalry.

Rose-Roget, my ds is 6 and just in the process of being diagnosed now and we had similar experiences to yours. I wish that we had understood SPD years ago. I was kind of familiar with it, but here in Canada the diagnosis process is very complicated and difficult to manage. I had to spend $480 for an OT evaluation.

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Originally Posted by wombatclay View Post
I should add that while I felt like something was "wrong" with dd2, I didn't get help for her until a therapist I was seeing for myself commented "of course, she's been evaluated for sensory processing disorders" while we discussed my relationship with dd2. She was the one who told me to bring vidoe footage to our family dr, who suggested EI, and who really helped me see the bigger picture instead of just my sense of failing to meet dd2's needs.

~~~
New baby- ds was born in August. Given dd2's anxiety and her need to more or less be in constant physical contact with me, we were worried. We had planned on a third but had decided to wait till dd2 was older and more balanced and then ds totally surprised us.

DD2 was seeing an OT 2x/week and a social worker 1x/week when we learned about ds, so we were able to work with them to adjust her sensory diet and therapy to focus on some of the specific challenges a new baby might bring. Toys that made sudden sounds were introduced slowly and eventually a baby doll that "cried" and needed to be soothed stayed with us for a few weeks (it was a "sick doll" so the cheecks would glow for fever and booboos would appear on the arm and the child needs to put bandaids on or hold a thermometer in the mouth to stop the crying and make the doll laugh). We started having sessions at playgrounds where dd2 and her therapist moved further and further away from me (dd2 climbing on the structure and waving to me but not actually touching), lots of peekaboo type games and lift the flap books and role playing with beanbag frogs and bilibos.

Meanwhile dd1 and dd2 came to all my dr appointments. We read the Sears baby book for siblings over and over. We watched youtube videos. We talked about babies and what they need and how both girls could help mama/baby/dada/each other. Both girls loved on my belly a lot.

Then once ds arrived we made sure there were treats and lots of love for them too. New dvds, baby dolls, mini slings, doll cloth dipes, etc. And I offered to let the girls sit with me and cuddle a lot but we didn't push dd2... if she needed to be on her own that was ok. We did a modified laying in (I followed the three days in bed/three days on the bed/three days near the bed model) and dh spent a lot of time with the girls while I stayed with ds in the bedroom. There were some meltdowns but dh spun everything as "helping" and dd1 and dd2 got to play in the kitchen and "make lunch for mama" and do a lot of special/favorite activities. Plus the laying in meant no visitors for the first week at home and only brief visits from a few well known family/friends over the next two weeks so dd2 was able to adjust more gradually.

Sorry for the long post, but we just went through the fear/stress of a "what will our SPD kiddo do" with the new babe! And while some of it is just luck (ds is a laid back little guy), I do think all our planning helped dd2.
Thanks for the advice ladies. We alsowaited to have our second kiddo until we thought DS might be ready to handle being a big brother. LO2 will be born a month before DS turns 4...I hope this will be good spacing. It also helps that many of my friends have had their second kiddo this year, so DS has been around a lot of babies. He talks about babies all the time and plays with his babies and pretends that his stuffies are babies too. I've also involved him in all the prenatal visits. He's seen the baby in the ultrasound and heard the babies heartbeat. I am even considering an expensive birth center (even though we are stretched for the funds), over a homebirth or hospital birth, in order to make DS as comfortable as possible. He is very at ease in the birthcenter and spent a lot of time there as a little one during "mom" gatherings.

Two of the things I'm trying to cultivate with him are #1) realization that babies are fragile and have to be handled gently (he often uses too strong of pressure with others), and #2) enlisting his help around the house and teaching him to be as self-sufficient as a 3 yo can be. So far, the results have been good. The only worrisome behavior I've noticed is that he also likes to pretend that he is a baby...Just what I need, a 40lb baby and a newborn !
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#135 of 141 Old 12-31-2009, 06:06 AM
 
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Two of the things I'm trying to cultivate with him are #1) realization that babies are fragile and have to be handled gently (he often uses too strong of pressure with others)[B
Good idea, but IMO healthy babies aren't as fragile as people make them out to be . They can usually take the "love" they get from an older sibling pretty easily.
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#2) enlisting his help around the house and teaching him to be as self-sufficient as a 3 yo can be. So far, the results have been good. The only worrisome behavior I've noticed is that he also likes to pretend that he is a baby...Just what I need, a 40lb baby and a newborn !
My 6 yo ds still wants to be a baby. And he really needed us to honour that and let him be the baby too. The older sibling already has to adjust and change so much when the little one comes along. It's so much easier for us to see the babyishness in our second children than our first. My 3.5 yo dd still seems so babyish to me...

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#136 of 141 Old 12-31-2009, 07:57 PM
 
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Does he have any food issues? We cleaned off a low shelf in the kitchen and stocked it with plates/bowls/cups for the girls (heavy ceramic from the thrift store) along with foods they could prepare/enjoy. DD2 eats primarily savory/chewy things so there were bags of jerkey, dried fruit, crackers, and a bowl of apples. Shelf stable soy milk boxes went on the shelf too, along with a jar of peanut butter. DD2 couldn't spread the peanut butter, but dd1 could so they worked together on that. It works pretty well.

~~~
Our OT suggested surgical tubing to make a chewie bracelet for dd2... she bites whenever she gets overwhelmed (positive or negative stimuli, it doesn't matter) and also chews on her fingers/clothing. She prefers the surgical tubing to the fish tank tubing since the fish tank stuff isn't necessarily good for people.

DD2 also has a chewy tube that she loves. It's this one. When she's older we'll get one of the more "jewelry" styles like the smartmom stuff if she is still chewing on everything.

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#137 of 141 Old 12-31-2009, 10:00 PM
 
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Good idea, but IMO healthy babies aren't as fragile as people make them out to be . They can usually take the "love" they get from an older sibling pretty easily.
Yes, thankfully babies are pretty resilient. I wouldn't be stressing this point though, unless I thought that DS had to learn appropriate touching. He routinely hurts DH and I just because he "plays" very rough and hard. And when I see him squeeze our cat's throat, I worry what he'd do to an infant, if I left it unattended even for an instant.
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#138 of 141 Old 12-31-2009, 10:03 PM
 
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My 6 yo ds still wants to be a baby. And he really needed us to honour that and let him be the baby too. The older sibling already has to adjust and change so much when the little one comes along. It's so much easier for us to see the babyishness in our second children than our first. My 3.5 yo dd still seems so babyish to me...
Yeah, I was the oldest and sometimes I feel like I never had a childhood...I was always babysitting from the age of 5, on. It's going to be a difficult balance of encouraging independence, while honoring his childhood.
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#139 of 141 Old 01-03-2010, 12:45 AM
 
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I'm sorry - I need to vent a little...

Ugh - I made the mistake of mentioning to my mom the idea that I may take him in for an OT eval, specifically wondering about SPD. What possessed me?? My mom is a retired school psych. She asked where I was inquiring and I told her a pediatric therapy/rehab place that had been recommended by a friend. "Does it have a psychologist?" No. It's for therapy. "But for diagnostics, they need a psych." Not for the things they are diagnosing. She wouldn't let it go. Then she said it's not a verifiable disorder - it's not in the DSM-IV.

I love my mom and she is incredibly intelligent. But she will always think that my decisions are wrong unless they are exactly what she would do, until one of her colleagues agrees with me.

And the thing is, ds doesn't "look" like an atypical kid - he kind of marches to his own beat, but not in an obviously quirky sort of way. I can't remember how many times I've heard that "it's a boy thing" or an only child thing or an immaturity thing... Maybe, but there just seems to be such a collection of symptoms that could be more. I don't want to be the mom who goes "looking" for something to be wrong with her children. But I am the one who sits through the conferences feeling like crying because the teachers can't see past his off-task but not "bad" behaviors to who he really is and then trying to defend him to them, and I am the one who works so hard to manage his transitions and tantrums and wiggles and falling/bumping and noise and fine motor difficulties and him rolling on the floor or bouncing off the wall because he has to pee so badly but doesn't go and every step of simple directions and tasks every minute of the day some days (but not so much other days) to the point I just want to (and sometimes resort to ) scream/yell/cry myself. Either something deeper is going on or I am just not very good at this mothering thing.

It would be possible to just accept adhd here and now - I'm sure I could find a doctor to dx it, if that's what I thought it was, but I think that would be the "easy" diagnosis. Frankly, it just seems like there's more to it (and I not-so-secretly hope that there is). I work in special education, and I know many kids with true adhd, and I know many who carry the dx who just seem like that just doesn't quite fit. And if there is a sensory component to his difficulties, then even if there is a co-diagnosis with adhd down the road, at least there is one component that I can really make modifications to treat/manage.

When I read that medication is the most effective treatment for adhd and intense behavior modification is the second most effective, I get fearful of the snowball effect with medications or the way teachers/others would react when they see a b-mod plan come their way. And he's not a "bad"kid, at all - fidgety and impulsive but not "bad." So if there is a piece to him that I can help with, then I'll do it. If it turns out there is no SPD, then I will go from there.

I know that things have intensified recently because of the new baby and ds is incredibly slow to transition. Things may be getting a little better. We'll see when school starts back up and when dh is back at work after vacation.
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#140 of 141 Old 01-11-2010, 08:38 AM
 
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Just bumping us up...Should we start a January thread?

Rose-Roget, I'm sorry you're not getting support from your mom. I struggle with the 'how much of this is SPD and how much is my parenting' thing, too. DAILY.
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#141 of 141 Old 01-11-2010, 11:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was just coming to start the new thread!
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...8#post14915258

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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