Originally Posted by CorasMama
How do you deal with a pregnancy that you know will have, at best, a difficult outcome, and at worst, a tragic one?
I have not been there due to an abnormality or anything, but I have been there because of a full term loss.
After a full term loss (and for many after almost any loss) you totally loose faith and fear the worse constantly. You always fear that you will loose the little one you are carrying, so based upon my experience with having gone through one pregnancy after an early loss and then a pregnancy after a full term loss (and now on a second pregnancy after a full term loss), I will answer some on this one.
For me DD2's pregnancy was not easy. It was an emotional roller coaster. We lost DD1 at full term, we had an umbilical cord issue that leads in some cases to fetal demise and in some other cases major birth defects (about 20-30% of kids with SUA fall into one of these two classes). We knew we didn't have this issue with DD2, but it didn't ease my mind that we wouldn't loose her.
I took things one day at a time, one kick at a time, one appointment at a time. I purchased a fetal doppler to check on the HB all the time. It was never easy. I was a total **tch, especially the closer to the end we got, knowing that things could end tragically any second. Even during labor, the normally crunchy mommy that I am, gave in and feel in love with listening to the HB and used it as my focus.
My best advice, take things one day at a time, enjoy every day that you have. Take pictures of your belly, at every US ask for a picture. Keep a journal, and make a scrapbook of your pregnancy.
If you are fearful something will happen at birth or shortly there after, get phone numbers of organizations like "Now I lay me Down to Sleep", know the means of best contacting your spiritual support person (priest, rabbi, etc.), know the name of the funeral home you want contacted. Just put this information in writing, and leave it in the bottom of your hospital bag (even if/when you go in for fetal surgery). This way, if you need it, you have it and are not scrambling if things go wrong (like we had to do). There was so much information the nurses wanted to know when we lost DD1, that we had no clue.
Also, don't make rash decisions. I totally hated when they were asking if I had to have a c/s if I wanted my tubes tied, after I just been told my baby was gone. I would talk with your OB before hand, and tell him your desires of this from the get go, and remind him/her of it at every appointment, because you really do not think rationally when bad things happen.
Also, think about what you might want to do after birth with your breast milk, if you baby should not need or be able to use it. It wasn't anything I thought of in advance, but after we lost our DD1, I wanted to make sense/some good of what happened, and figured I would make another child's or person's life go a bit smoother and pumped milk and donated for about 3 months.
Again, I would sit down with your SO, and make some advance decisions for a worst case scenario and have all your wishes/desires written down. Put it away, in a safe place until you are ready to pack your bags. Then, put it away in your bag, when you pack them so that if you need the information you have it.
Then, just enjoy every day you have with you little one right now. Make memories of it while you can.