I'm falling apart... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 44 Old 05-31-2010, 10:12 PM
 
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I haven't read all the replies, so excuse me if I repeat. You need to get yourself to a naturalpath. I was where you are three years ago this month actually. My 2nd has terrible allergies and she would only sleep in 20 min blocks and then wake up screaming for 10 mins before starting all over again. I seriously thought I would die just walking down the hallway from a lack of sleep.

I saw a naturalpath. (Find one that specializes in women.) She was AMAZING! She was honest - "no she could not make me feel the way sleep does". But she could support my body as much as possible during it's terrible time. She put me on some supplements to support my adrenals and my gut, addressed my allergy issues and generally acted very motherly. (Sometimes I don't know which was more helpful.) And she was right, I wasn't 100% until I started getting some sleep. BUT, and this is a huge but, I felt so much better on the supplements. Almost human like. Once I felt almost human like, it was easier to deal with the plethora of issues my DD2 had with her allergies.

I'm sorry you're so exhausted! I hope you get some help soon!
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#32 of 44 Old 05-31-2010, 10:45 PM
 
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to you mama. Couldn't read and not respond.

Nena, Wife to S since 1995, mom to G (my wonderkid) since 2000 and R since 2006 (my snuggley boy who was diagnosed with mitochondrial disease in 2007)
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#33 of 44 Old 06-01-2010, 08:16 AM
 
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How are you holding up?

 
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#34 of 44 Old 06-01-2010, 01:24 PM
 
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I missed this the first time you posted, sorry. Mama, you are so not alone! I think most parents of SN kids have gone through similar. I know I have. I went through a time when I got, literally, 1/2 hour of sleep a night and then slept on Saturday nights. Between work, kids and the SNs we were just stressed and exhausted all the time. It will start to wear on your health. There is a whole year where I really don't remember a whole lot of anything. We moved 4 hours away to have a lower COL to allow me to stay home.

For starters, is your middle child in school yet? I know its coming up on summer but if you are considering public school, that helped with my sanity a LOT. While I'd love to homeschool, I just don't think my child would benefit from it and I really did need that time away from him so I could regenerate my energy and wits again. We participated in head start and other early education programs with him as well.

I'd first look at finding your team of professionals in the area. As your child gets older they will become a great asset for resources and support. Even now they can help point you in the right direction. You said you don't like peds, I was like you too. I called the clinic when we moved here and told them straight up front that I wanted a ped that was open to natural parenting, our delayed vax schedule and was also knowledgeable with SPD/ASD disorders. The one they referred us to has been a dream! She is the ped for all 3 of our kids and is amazingly supportive of all of our parenting choices. She lets us call the shots when it comes to care and schedules but HELPs us when we need it, making whatever referrals necessary and putting us in contact with the professionals we need. She is also patient. So before writing all pediatricians off I'd see if there are any like this in your area. In the finding your tribe area on MDC you can ask for recommendations too and moms here can tell you what Drs they've used and loved.

If you are thinking your child is moving towards PDD/ASD vs just SPD I recommend checking it out. Our insurance company covers these evals as long as the ped makes the referral, not sure this is true in all states though. But once you have a DX it can help get more services that can help your day to day. I know for us the SPD was hard to get people to take seriously because its not as widely recognized, but once we got the PDD and then ASD it was far easier. Once we had the ASD dx he also qualified for a PCA, which has been a life saver! The insurance pays for the PCA and she comes to help us with day to day living one on one with him. This frees me up to work with the other kids and relax a bit.

To find out what is available in your area you can try calling a local clinic, mental health facility or even the public school or early education office.

Above all, this is the one forum where the moms here will say its ok to walk away from a screaming child. SN parents have to live by a different set of rules. Its stressful and the traditional stuff doesn't always work. Not to mention, its not like you are handed a handbook when you get a dx with all the step by step directions for what to do next. SN parents are usually sent out blindly to fend for themselves. If you get too overwhelmed its ok to stop and walk away to regain your composure. My oldest would scream for hours for no reason, never slept and was just a very difficult baby. I thought I was going to go crazy. I finally convinced myself that if I was reaching my breaking point I wasn't a bad mom for putting her in her playpen for a few minutes so I could shut myself in the bathroom to breathe. She was safe, she was fed, she wasn't hurting, she wasn't wet... it was safer for her if I wasn't totally stressed out. I also allowed myself to take showers with her sitting in her bouncy seat next to the bath. She screamed, like always, but I found I just needed to do what I had to do. I simply could not bounce her in my arms 24 hours a day. I HAD to stop beating myself up over it, it wasn't helping her or me.

My point is, I hope you know it is OK to have those feelings. It is OK to have negative thoughts. I'd say you weren't being realistic if you said you were never upset at your child or never stressed out, it comes with the territory. The important thing is to know when you've reached your limit and walk away. Sometimes just a change in scenery can help, go for a walk with the kids, head to the park. Don't worry about if they are acting up, don't worry about what other people will think. Heck, I even created a safe room where the kids couldn't get into any trouble (or escape), had a ton of safe toys/activities and I could sleep on the floor while they safely played around me. You just do whatever it is that you need to do. An exhausted mom isn't going to be able to be of much use to the kids if she can't function.

Someone suggested looking into local groups, I think that's a wonderful idea. I know I avoid API groups because when I attended they were highly judgmental an didn't understand my child, too much stress for me. But once I found a ASD support group, those moms became wonderful friends and we didn't have to worry about what they might think of our child's quirks or if they were acting up... they just got it. Again, check out the finding your tribe area to see if there is anything in your area.

Also, one last tidbit, if you aren't getting much when you pump could you try a new pump? I pumped exclusively for 4 months with my youngest because she couldn't latch due to oral issues of her own and I found some pumps simply didn't work well for me. The hospital grade ones that everyone recommends simply didn't cut it for us. We went with a cheaper Avent manual pump and had amazing results. So if possible, I suggest experimenting with other options and see if it helps. Or swing by the lactation forum here to see f they have suggestions. It sounds like you may be BFing for the long haul, especially with the sensitivities, it might be beneficial if you can find something that works that will enable you to pass her off to DH when you need to get some extra sleep or a sitter.

I hope you are doing well and I hope you continue to come back here, I know all the mamas here are happy to offer support anytime you need it.

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#35 of 44 Old 06-03-2010, 04:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you everyone!! I am so sorry for not getting back to you all. I have so little time onine anymore and sometimes I'm just too tired emotionally to sit down and write. I've been spending a lot more "free moments" praying and meditating. I'm trying to get my head into a good place... so email and MDC have been by the wayside for a little bit. I hope you understand.

firstly, thank you so much to everyone who commented to me. seriously, every last word of every comment was helpful. I NEED that encouragement from other SN moms. I'm sorry I didn't write you all back personally - especially those that poured out their heart in so many words... I just don't have it in me right now. I hope you understand. but thank you!

so yeah I'm new to the area. and I gotta be honest, I'm not in the SN world WHATSOEVER. I know I've mentioned this before, but we ducked out of the western med world a few years ago completely after my daughter was so disgustingly mishandled by way too many doctors. We were tired of shelling out time and money - what a waste! so to be hoenst I have NO idea how to even go about getting a ped. we don't have insurance (b/c it doesn't pay for alternative things and my husband is self employeed to it's terribly expensive). b/c I'm new to the state I'm not sure where ot go either.

as stupid as it sounds I don't now how to get a ped! BUT... I did find a local holistic pediatrician chiroractor and I'm psyched about giving them a call tomorrow. Would they be able to refer me to an eval? or does that have to be a typical ped?

we homeschool for religious reason so public school isn't an option for us. (long story short )

I don't pump b/c I'm too tired ot stay up and even try to get any milk.I'mup half the ngiht anyhow but he nurses SO often that pumping is just plain useless. due to some nursing problems I have I always go dry on one side by 12 months... so I'm feeding him solely on the left breast. it works out fine in the sense that I make plenty fo milk on that side and he's porking up just fine. but... I don't make extra. I did for a while... but now that my period's back I don't.

My son has been irritable and cranky for almost 4 solid weeks. I'm at my witts end! seriously. I have to admit, I have a hard time feeling loving towards him sometimes. at ngiht I always try to make it up bycuddling him to sleep and singing to him and praying over him. but often during the day I think how badly I wish I had a daytime job out of this house! he is SO hard ot even be around. the other kids even avoid him! I feel so bad for him. if he's half as miserable as he's making us - it just breaks my heart!

so I have a couple fo new plans... I've had some success with the SCD style diet. but... I think I wanna give THREELAC a trying. do some anti fungal stuff. I have serious yeast issues and have for a long time, and regular diet and probiotics just aren't cutting it enough. so I figure it will do me some good. I've read from a lot of other people that their cranky irrtable kids with digestive issues did good with it, so I figure it's worth a shot.

secondly I'm taking him to the holistic ped/chiro as soon as they will see him. I just feel like running in and setting him down and refusing to leave until they help me! heh... but I gotta start somewhere.

I started making prayer/meditating/crying time for myself every evening. it's not helping my life be any easier or "better", but I figure it is something good for me that I need to do for my long term mental health.when my spiritual life lacks so does the rest of my life. sometimes I pray, sometimes I reflect, sometimes I sing praises..... but I almost always cry. and honestly it feels good. It's good to give myself permission to feel sad and angry and hurt. I have a lot of stuff on my mind. my heart feels heavy. you know it's not just having SN kids... but the fact that I have my own baggage on top of it you know? I used to try to hold back my tears, but that made my anxiety SO much worse! I thought crying was like a slap in the face to God. But now I realize that isn't so. I'm crying to release my feelings and concerns and stress in hopes it will help me heal and grow. it doesn't feel good... but again, I'm doing it for my own long term heath.

I need to find a sitter/mommy's helper. I haven't done that yet. sometimes (I'm sure you all know what I mean) I feel like I don't get a thing done but make sure nothing goes horribly wrong. and then it's 10pm and I think "I didn't get a thing done today!"

anyhow it's WAY late at night... but I am having anxiety and trouble sleeping so I figured I'd come here

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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#36 of 44 Old 06-03-2010, 04:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stephienoodle View Post
I don't know if you ever got the PM I sent to you a few weeks ago, but I've got some connections locally that can help. My kiddo is not special needs, but I used to teach special needs and have connections within that community here... and heck, I'll bring you a meal or something. (There are two of us MDC mamas locally that have tons of allergies, we can figure out how to safely feed you!)

I hope things start to calm down a bit.
I'm so sorry! I never got your PM! I will go check my inbox right now!

Laura

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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#37 of 44 Old 06-03-2010, 03:34 PM
 
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Try to find someone to help as soon as you can. You and your DH need a loooooong nap!



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#38 of 44 Old 06-06-2010, 01:57 PM
 
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I am also a mom of two kids with special needs, and I can say that as they get older it does get easier, but for now you have to get some help.

If you don't you will have a break down, I did, and that is no good for anyone, not yourself, your hubby or your children.

You have to look after yourself...Find a pead in your area, they can recommend someone, your local church, even a nanny service.

I know that you are exhausted, and don't have the strength or energy for anything, but take those 10 min to sit down, find the numbers and make the phone calls because when you get the help, it will be so worth it!

It will pass, I promise, but being in the thick of things as you are it doesn't feel that way...one hour at a time, that's all you need to get through, small steps and small goals, eventually wit won't seem so overwhelming!
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#39 of 44 Old 06-06-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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Sent you a pm, please call. I'll do my best to help.
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#40 of 44 Old 06-06-2010, 08:42 PM
 
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I couldn't read and not respond. My only suggestions (I have 1 special needs child which we now know is autism/CP/SPD)...would be familyconnection if they have that in your state -- a group of moms and professionals that create support groups, one-on-one counselors and invaluable amount of resources. Also groups like MOPS or the MOMS Club would be great because although they have nothing to do with special needs kids ... some of the moms might. They might know of people who could help. Also do you get any help through respite through the state or through Medicaid?
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#41 of 44 Old 06-07-2010, 08:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BetsyNY View Post
You need to sleep, mama. Sleep deprivation is serious! It makes people crazy, literally losing-your-mind crazy. Falling apart, as you put it....You're no good to your babes if you can't function.
I was there four years ago. I wanted to know how to be committed (the constant anxiety/panic... horrendous). A kind friend told me that the horror of being admitted for psych eval via the ER was NOT going to help me and I.just.gave.in.

I left hubby and kids, no backwards glance, picked up some "fridge friendly healthy food," rented a hotel room and slept for two straight days, only interrupted to eat either my good food or room-service yumminess.

Then I went home and put in ear plugs at night for the next 3 months, leaving hubby in charge. Was it easy on him? Were there moments my kids *needed* me? But six years of extended periods of NO REM SLEEP left me incapable of anything else.

Years later we're all okay, but I remember that time. Love your family and love yourself... and take the time to bring yourself back to functional. And know that you're not alone.
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#42 of 44 Old 06-08-2010, 06:32 AM
 
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you are not alone...

I hit my breaking point with 2 kids under 2 both special needs no sleep and both is masive eating issues. ( i am sure yours are worse)

I called the local children's hopsital and asked for support. The set me up with the ARC. http://www.thearc.org/netcommunity/
Some have programs for parents with special needs

Also a social worker is the person I call to help with appt. stress and just to witch at her. She is a life saver and really helped with doctors
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#43 of 44 Old 06-08-2010, 07:41 AM
 
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Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

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#44 of 44 Old 06-13-2010, 10:50 PM
 
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I'm just seeing this thread now but I totally could have written your post. Both of my children have EOS disease and you described my second to a tee. No sleep and complete frustration over not knowing how to help my child made me a wreck. As much as I hate to say it, elemental formula changed his life and in turn mine. When I finally got up the courage to try it (and with us it had to be an all or nothing choice so it was complete weaning when we found something he would drink at 15 months) He went from a baby who screamed 24/7 and never slept more than 20-30 mins at a time, to a completely new little guy. We had very fast results but many families report having a period of worsening before improvement. With my only eating 6 foods nursing was still not apparently a safe option for him.
My days are still not easy by any means and I still have my fair share of feeling at my wits end. Cooking two different allergen free menus, doing tube feeds, and being pregnant is hard. My youngest only has 5 safe foods now at 3 yrs but he is feeling much better. My oldest has had much better results and can now eat everything except dairy, soy, gluten eggs and most nuts which is great.
I now realize that I need to get things in line for help. I need to hire a mother's helper for when this baby is born but try to fit it in what we can afford. I'm doing everything possible to make nursing this baby work and although I can honestly say it is one of my biggest fears that it won't be the best option for this baby I think I would not be so resistant to trying an elemental formula this time.
I too do not have family nearby and although they will come if needed, they are not readily offering help and do not always seem that helpful.
I'm glad it sounds as though things are slowly improving, but please don't be afraid to ask for the help. You deserve to have the resources you need to parent the way you would like to.

Mama to three sweet boys ('04, '07 and the new addition arrived on Sept 8, 2010)
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