my 5 yr old has her quirks and anxieties and obsessions... but her latest one is clothing related. she's always been EXTREMELY picky bout clothing. but the last year it's gotten so bad she is now down to ONE SKIRT and one pair of flip flops and ONE style shirt (thank God we have 4 of them b/c I bought one in every color as soon as i realized she liked it)
anyhow she refuses to wear ANYTHING else. at first I tried persuasion. then I tried bribing, then begging... then I finally decided i would just let it be thinking she would come around on her own. except she didn't. it's been over 2 months of wearing the same skirt every single day without fail and it's finally ripping. I know it's a matter of days before it's a goner. today she misplaced it for a couple of hrs we didn't know where it was (she was in her only PJ pants she will wear to bed) and she refused to leave the house even to go out and play with her friends in our yard. she said she'd just wait til it was found. when it was found it was dirty so she said she'd wait til it was clean... and she did. when it was clean she put it on and went outside. I was hoping the waiting while her friend were outside playing would make her want to just throw on something else - you know, like get caught up in the moment and just throw some clothe son real quick. but obviously that didn't work. she just stayed indoors!
now in a perfect world, that's totally fine. I honestly don't care what she wears so long as it isn't immodest or what have you. BUT.... I have to leave the house SOMETIMES! and she has to go with me... and aside from all of the "seatbelt wars" and all that, if her clothes rip and she refuses to leave the house I have no idea what to do!
trying to bully her into wearing clothes she doesn't want to only causes an anxiety attack. she just sobs and begs me not to make her - as if it was physically painful to her, so I know it's not just some crazy power struggle, she really agonizes about wearing other clothing. I just don't know how to respond. I want to help her through this. But I'm out of ideas and running out of patience!
If she has SPD it actually COULD HURT to wear certain clothes.
Can she tell you what it is about the skirt that she likes, is it the waistband, fabric, pattern, colour, is it stiff or soft, style? same with the shirt & flip flops(loose & don't make her feet sweat) Is there something about her other clothes she does not like?
Can you sit her down & explain that she needs to find at least 2 new bottoms(or 1 and a dress) for her to wear. Then take her shopping & have her pick out something that is comfortable for her. It may not happen in 1 day or 1 week but since this skirt is ripping it needs to be done.
Originally Posted by CarrieMF
If she has SPD it actually COULD HURT to wear certain clothes.
Can she tell you what it is about the skirt that she likes, is it the waistband, fabric, pattern, colour, is it stiff or soft, style? same with the shirt & flip flops(loose & don't make her feet sweat) Is there something about her other clothes she does not like?
Can you sit her down & explain that she needs to find at least 2 new bottoms(or 1 and a dress) for her to wear. Then take her shopping & have her pick out something that is comfortable for her. It may not happen in 1 day or 1 week but since this skirt is ripping it needs to be done.
Yes we have done all of this. we're not new to her sensitivities in clothing (I'm VERY picky about my clothing too so I have tons of sympathy! certain clothes HURT me that don't bother other people and I would never force her to wear anything uncomfortable b/c I know how it feels.) But what was a preference for soft clothing (which is totally not a problem) has turned into an anxiety about ANY clothing that isn't that skirt. even if it were an exact replica in another color I don't think she'd go for it happily at this point.
I even had made her a skirt with NO seams, no bunches... everything she said she wanted. I let her help me to get her involved an excited. then as soon as she put it on she just started to freak out about it. "I only like my favorite skirt! I never wanna wear anything but my favorite skirt ever!" and sobbed.
so I have told her nicely but firmly she HAS TO find other clothing. I told her I would take her to more stores and help her look through her closet and that she can wear anything she wants. I have also told her she can wear her favorite skirt every other day an then something else every other day. she sobbed and sobbed.... but it's what I'm sticking too.
the anxiety is no longer about what kind of clothes (soft/seamless etc) but about it not being her one favorite skirt. I don't want to make it worse on her by making her wear something else, but... i have to do something as it's only getting worse instead of better. she wont even look in her closet or dresser anymore!
so anyhow... yeah... today is all about getting her to wear something (anything!) different and trying not to loose my cool when she whines and whines and whines and whines endlessly about it. heh. wish me luck!!
Does she have a therapist (either a counselor or occupational) working with her? Could you enlist their help?
If she doesn't have one, then I gentle suggest that it's time to get one. When a child's sensory issues and anxiety reach the point that leaving the house is nearly impossible, intervention is needed.
(My DD has a very limited range of clothing, so when we find something that works we buy several, and sometimes I sew for her, but it sounds like you've exhausted those options).
Hugs, mama. I have a picky-clothes wearer, too. We are down to four dresses (all Hanna Anderson - the same dress, different prints). All I can suggest is - SCOUR ebay and thrift stores for the same skirt.
Originally Posted by Sharlla
just be glad its not a mario costume lol sorry, i totally feel your pain Posted via Mobile Device
oh my yes I am glad it's not something inappropriate!
to answer the other poster: she doesn't have a therapist anymore. back i Maryland they "graduated" her as soon as she hit a couple of milestones and we couldn't afford help after that. She was doing great for about 1.5 yrs and we didn't feel she needed one. and we JUST moved here so I haven't even gotten them a doc yet. I'm still working on it. all these things have just popped u[ last winter. I guess we thought she had hit a point where she was hppy and functioning and wouldn't ever need outside help again. but we're beginning to see she is going to have her ups and downs and will likely always need some form of off andon help. it's hard with her b/c her symptoms will go from 0-10 and back again from week to week. it's always been this way. she had that solid 1.5 yrs of hardly an issue! so yeah...
(We have issues with pants and shoes... plain t-shirts are fine. we're down to a couple pants - sweatpants that all need to be worn inside-out cause they are "too fluffy" inside and one pair of shoes that is about a year and a half old, getting close to wearing out and being outgrown. His plan is to never wear different shoes. Sigh.)
But what was a preference for soft clothing (which is totally not a problem) has turned into an anxiety about ANY clothing that isn't that skirt. even if it were an exact replica in another color I don't think she'd go for it happily at this point.
she may have to do it unhappily. The skirt isn't going to last forever.
I wonder though if this has more to do with your move & her trying to keep some of her "other" life.
I'm sure it has a lot to do with that. But, there is nothing i can do to get her to talk about it as it's an unconcious thing. this is why I didn't initially push the issue at all. I figure it's a lot of change on a little girl all at once.... but the skirt is near done for so I had to do something.
she cried a little today but i told her we could try to do something and take her mind off of it and that seemed to work. sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't! sometimes you can reason with her and sometimes you can't. I'm glad this was a reasonable day so she could have a good experience in her "new" skirt. (oddly enough the skirt she is wearing today used ot be her fav skirt and she would wear it every chance it was clean, but it got drty and she fell in lvoe with the other skirt etc...
now my mext problem is getting her to wear bloomers that don't have holes! she is set on wearing bloomers under her skirt. she will only wear one pair and the knees are completely gone. it's just some tattered elastic and cotton! lol... but one thign at a time.
I'm so happy about her wearing the new skirt today!!! seriously. who knew such a little thing could be so important to a mom!? lol SNs change all the rules for sure.
i hear you, mama. i really do. things were terribly restrictive and hard for a long time (and she's only 3.5 - lol). the one thing that surprisingly helped was going to the store one day and asking her to help me pick clothes. i didn't prep her for it, because i knew she'd get anxious thinking about it. we just strolled in, and i asked her if there was anything she liked. surprisingly, she picked out several things quickly, and even wanted to try them on. she wore those few outfits for several weeks, then it was like the seas parted, and suddenly she had this *interest* in clothing
. obviously it wasn't anything i did or didn't do, but i'm so grateful that it happened! for her, i think control is a big thing, and maybe that little bit of control tipped the scales.
i hope she keeps wearing that other skirt. good luck!! have you ever tried to get her to look through catalogs or at websites with you? dd has turned all girly on me, and sometimes will even say, "hey, mama, wanna look at some clothes on the computer?" hoping for a parting of the seas for you, too.
this control of clothing thing just started last winter. until then I picked out all of her clothes and she was happy. sometimes she picked out things.... but she was VERY picky about textures so if she didn't like it we just gave it away or whatever. only comfy things in her closet. last winter she started havign real big issues with textures (like big time!) and suddenly everytime she changed her clothes ended in sobbing. I felt SO bad for her b/c it legitimately felt painful to her. (I was the same way as a child and i still am to a large degree so trust me I have sympathy!)
anyhow if I ever mention clothes she gets stressed so I dont know. we tried the picking out her own clothes at the store thing. she gets so excited! and then... she tries them on and freaks out. she's got the attention span of a gnat lol so it's hard for her to concentrate on decisions like that in a loud bright environment. as far as the catolog I'm concerned it wouldnt work b/c she has to touch the fabric in order to see if she likes it if that makes sense. (which is why I never order fo catalogs myself!)
that said.... maybe now that she is wearing a different skirt she will be more info trying new things!! one step at a time!
I've been following this thread and thinking "It's too bad she doesn't live here. I bet the local consignment shop would let you borrow clothes for her to try on at home." Then I realized YOU ARE LOCAL!!! There is a great consignment shop in town and the owner has a special needs child herself. I'm sure if you explained the situation you could borrow clothes to let your DD try on at home. PM me if you want details. Also, I have a box of hand me downs if you want to see if your DD might like something I have. I could pick out the softest things for you.
2xand2y - that is lke the sweetest thing in the whole world! thank you!
when you say local... how local? I'm in LM. are you close by? my daughter is big for her age and wears a 7-8... even though she is 5. so I'm not sure if your handmedown would fit. but seriously, thank you for offering! it makes a mama feel good
you must tell me about this local consignment shop! I will try to make it there ASAP!
The store is next to Whole Foods in Charlottesville, it's called Sugar Snap Consignment. The owner's name is Vijay and I'm sure she would work something out with you.
You're right about my hand-me-downs they only go up to a 6.
I wonder if your dd would be more comfie in a dress for the summer.
The store is next to Whole Foods in Charlottesville, it's called Sugar Snap Consignment. The owner's name is Vijay and I'm sure she would work something out with you.
You're right about my hand-me-downs they only go up to a 6.
I wonder if your dd would be more comfie in a dress for the summer.
ok I think I know where that is actually b/c we go to whole foods like once week.
my daughter will not wear a dress to save her life - only skirts. she says dresses get crumbly. lol she has a funny array of descriptive words.
Yep, I can see how dresses get "crumbly" - love it! I'm assuming skorts are out too? Honestly, I am so blessed that my kids just get up and get dressed every morning with whatever is available.
She used ot ge up and dressed without a problem totally. this developed suddenly last winter. but... atleast she's communicating and talking. she is the type that regressives and moves fwd in different areas day to day. I would take the pickiness of clothing anyday over her stopping talking and crying over everything instead!
yeah skorts I know would be out b/c they have "lines" on them. she loathes seams or pockets.
Have you ever done the Wilbarger Brushing Protocol with her? 3 months of that made a huge difference in ds' ability to tolerate clothes. He's still picky, but no more picky that our sensitive 6 year old. In fact, probably less because she'll only wear knits.
We learned it from our OT, did it every 2 hours for a couple months, then 3-4 times a day for a few months, and then morning and evening for a few more. That was 4 years ago, and we've never had the kind of problems we had before we did it. Ds easily changes from long to short sleeves. He goes barefoot without socks when it's hot. Considering that dh never does that, and ds never did that in his first 5 years of life, it's amazing to me.
Originally Posted by LynnS6
Have you ever done the Wilbarger Brushing Protocol with her? 3 months of that made a huge difference in ds' ability to tolerate clothes. He's still picky, but no more picky that our sensitive 6 year old. In fact, probably less because she'll only wear knits.
We learned it from our OT, did it every 2 hours for a couple months, then 3-4 times a day for a few months, and then morning and evening for a few more. That was 4 years ago, and we've never had the kind of problems we had before we did it. Ds easily changes from long to short sleeves. He goes barefoot without socks when it's hot. Considering that dh never does that, and ds never did that in his first 5 years of life, it's amazing to me.
that's a good thought. we had a brush for her when she was a baby but who knwos what happened to that. it never made much of a different back then b/c she wasn't so "tactile defensive" but it might help now! I need to order a brush!
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Mothering Forum
16.5M posts
285.1K members
Since 1996
A forum community dedicated to all mothers and inclusive family living enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about nurturing, health, behavior, housing, adopting, care, classifieds, and more!