My son is about 3.75 years old and has delays/disabilities related to damage to part of his brain. He is not yet walking independently.
He talks about peeing and pooping a lot and pretends to do it (but not near the toilet). He will pee every evening when we put him on the toilet. He often tells me when he has a poopy diaper and he seems to reserve pooping for when we are at home. We have tried to offer him rewards (i.e. a special piece of chocolate or wearing special underwear) if he will poop on the toilet, but so far this hasn't worked.
My question is how do I know if he has control over his bladder and bowels? The few times I have put him in "big boy" underwear he has simply peed in them, but often after several hours. He often also poops first thing in the morning so it is hard to get him to the toilet before he poops in his diaper. Often when I ask him if he wants to sit on the toilet he says no, but as I said he does do it every night and most the time he does pee. When he does poop in his diaper he seems to be conscious of what he is doing, meaning he seems to like to do it in private or he gets a special look on his face. I think he is aware of it when it is happening, but I just wonder if he can tell right before when he needs to poop that he is about to poop, if that makes sense. I would really like to try to work on this with him more, but I'm trying to figure out if he has the physical ability to do it. Thoughts or experiences to share? And any recs for good books or websites that address potty training with special needs children? I feel like most that I have looked at (of course) are geared towards NT kids and I don't know where we fit in.
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