How To Break Up With Therapist - Update #11 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 07-23-2010, 09:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My 6 year old dd has been seeing a child psychologist for a little over a year. The sessions were weekly and for the past 6 months, they have been monthly. My dd has made great progress with Selective Mutism and I think that is due to a number of things including a great first grade teacher, the school speech-language pathologist, the psychologist, and things that we have been doing as a family.

I don't think our therapist has been very helpful lately and I want my dd to stop seeing her. I think right now, with the progress that has been made, I would like to try a different approach with my dd.

However, I know that our therapist is going to try really hard to keep us and guilt me into sticking with it. Any suggestions on what to say and how to be firm?

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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#2 of 11 Old 07-23-2010, 04:30 PM
 
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When I was in a similar situation recently (I had some concerns about what was happening in therapy with my DD) I wrote a letter to the therapist. In it I thanked her for the time and energy she had given my daughter and explained that- for now- we were taking a break and to please send me a bill so I could close the account. The issue did get pushed a little by my ex (who wanted her to keep going) at which point I made it clear that I had withdrawn my consent for therapy with this provider.

Best of luck.

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#3 of 11 Old 07-23-2010, 05:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for responding. Thanking her first is definitely a great idea, so is phrasing it as taking a break, which I realized is what we need to do. I'm not saying that she doesn't need therapy anymore EVER, I just think we need a break. Your post was very helpful.

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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#4 of 11 Old 07-23-2010, 05:31 PM
 
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I think its tough to sort make a break from a provider especially one that has helped your child. We were in a similar postion but with a SLP I felt that it came to a point in my son's therapy that he needed a break from it. In our case my son had started rebeling from speech therapy in a way and was becoming overly self conscience about needing help. Plus I didnt want to close the doors to it completly forever if we needed to go back.

But it was hard because our SLP felt we needed to push thru it and continue. I simply stopped booking appts (we booked 1 month ahead) and the week prior we informed her that the following week was the last appt for now. we also thanked her and went over what wonderful progress he made, I wanted to leave the proverbial door open if we needed to return.
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#5 of 11 Old 07-23-2010, 05:44 PM
 
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I'd just tell her straight out you want to take a break from therapy for now. We just stopped booking appointments. They are providing a service, unless you have a close personal relationship don't feel guilty about now going anymore. When we had an OT come to our home it was a bit different, that was far more personal than the other services.

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#6 of 11 Old 07-25-2010, 10:48 AM
 
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My 15-yr-old son saw a therapist for over a year (anxiety/depression). He reached a point where appointments were less frequent, then felt like he wasn't getting anything new out of them. The therapist cheered - she was delighted that J felt he didn't need her any more - that meant she had done her job well.

He has the option of scheduling an appointment with her any time he feels he needs it, and he has done so a few times.

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#7 of 11 Old 07-25-2010, 02:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by olliepop View Post

However, I know that our therapist is going to try really hard to keep us and guilt me into sticking with it. Any suggestions on what to say and how to be firm?
This worries me and indicates a distinct lack of professionalism. Are you worrying this is going to be the case, or is this based on a pattern of previous behaviour from the therapist?

A good professional should either take the approach of "yay, I'm glad you're feeling confident and moving forward" or "I'm concerned that your DD needs additional support. I hear that you're feeling like you need to change therapists, and I can make a few recommendations or link you to the referral service."

If your therapist really does as you fear, I would just state "We've decided we need to change some things up for DD, but I want to express my sincere appreciation for your work with DD as I've seen the progress she's made this year. Thank you." and goodbye.

Mom to a teenager and a middle schooler.

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#8 of 11 Old 08-04-2010, 09:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ladies, I have a pseudo-script and I plan on calling some time today. I plan to keep it brief and straight to the point. I will let you know how it goes...

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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#9 of 11 Old 08-04-2010, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I did it... sort of. I broke up with her via voicemail. In my defense, I called her office twice before I did it. I realize that it would have been better to talk directly to her and that my way was a cop out, I mean, easier so I went with it.

To sum up the voicemail, I basically said that DH and I have given it a lot of thought and we decided that dd will take a break from therapy. Then I thanked her for her time and energy and said that we were going to be trying some new things. I also canceled our upcoming appointment (that was in two weeks) and ended it with another thank you.

It's been a few hours since I left the message and I'm waiting for the phone to ring. I'm sure she won't let go w/o a fight, I mean, without saying goodbye. LOL

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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#10 of 11 Old 08-04-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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That sounds perfect. I think you did the right thing. I've had to part ways with a health care professional and it wasn't easy, but it gets easier the more you do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by olliepop View Post

It's been a few hours since I left the message and I'm waiting for the phone to ring. I'm sure she won't let go w/o a fight, I mean, without saying goodbye. LOL
I hope she doesn't try to argue with you.

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#11 of 11 Old 08-08-2010, 03:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finally got a call back from our therapist. She said she got my voicemail and wanted to know if I wanted a referral to a social skills group in the area. I told her that there was one at dd's school we were going to try. She also asked if anything happened at or after our last session that led me to this decision.

Then she asked if we can just put our sessions on hold and if I would mind if she called me in 3 months to see how dd was doing and if we want to schedule a visit then, we could. I told her that was fine.

I was really surprised and relieved at how professional she was. Thanks for the help!

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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