Debating quitting ECSE - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-19-2010, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
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My littlest (4 yo) (high anxiety (w/BHS), separation anxiety, OCD, SPD) has been with EI since 2 mos old. Last yr, he transitioned through ECSE as a 3 yo. He was there 2x/wk at 2 hrs & 45 min or I should say, *we* attended. Their goal was to get it so that he could attend independently. I did everything they asked & beyond to help my son. The teacher & one of the assistants were fantastic. However, our relationship with our Behaviorist has slowly been deteriorating for some odd reason (maybe because I made a scarf for the teacher as a thank you & gave the behaviorist a yogurt pretzel gift bag?? --know it sounds silly, but that's when things started to feel different).

Anyway, the behaviorist stated at the end of the yr mtg, that on day 1 of the new school year (coming up 9/7), she wants me to drop my son off & leave. We never even got to that point last yr & I was independently leaving to go down the hall to help facilitate things. When I brought up my concerns that I don't feel (& still feel this way) that he's ready for such a big step, I was made to feel that it was *I* who was not ready.

We've made *tremendous* strides through the summer & now, yes, *I* am dreading starting the school yr. He has been able to attend library programs & leave my side & participate in the activities. He attended a day camp (with his sister helping in his class) at church for a week --these are *huge* milestones. I believe to the core of me that he is not ready to be dropped off at ECSE for 3 days/wk at 2 1/2 hrs/day.

He takes a nap & they wanted me to wean him off his naps since his class will be in the afternoon. He sleeps poorly at night due to his anxiety & night terrors. We've made a lot of progress here, too. I no longer sleep on his floor next to his bed. I'm upstairs still in a spare room, but this is big. His wakings were getting fewer until we did the no naps thing. The therapist said his sleep would improve since he'd be more tired. It's the opposite. His oppositional behavior (hitting, kicking, spitting, biting) has worsened. His night terrors are longer lasting and more frequent and he's waking up just as often, if not more.

I would like to not bring him to ECSE and see about continuing doing the library program (1x/wk), church (1x/wk) & a fun, social activity like swimming in place of ECSE, but my husband's worried that if we stop with ECSE, then that's it for services. Like we closed a door.

I don't know what to do. We home school, so I would like to be able to do that with him next year. The pros of sending him there would be that I could focus on schooling my 8 yo SN son instead of the fragmented thing I had last yr having to have his older sister keep him on lesson track while I was at the ctr with my littlest. I don't know what to do. Feel like I can't discuss this with the school (his teacher or behaviorist) since it boils down to a funding issue: the more kids enrolled, the more funding the school receives -bleh. Such a complicated situation

: Jewel~ Mama to 4. Quilting & Sewing WAHM living a natural life.
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#2 of 2 Old 08-19-2010, 05:57 PM
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This is just my opinion, but I really feel like the EC classes are totally overrated and am planning on not doing them in a few months when my son turns three (similar issues to yours...and I worked in EI years ago myself). He doesn't have to be there to continue to receive services. Is he getting OT or anything? At least in my state, they have to provide alternative services. I would just ask myself what is he really going to get out of it if he's miserable the whole time? Clearly the BT is not on the same page as you are and that would make me concerned. It sounds like you have some great ideas on how to slowly ease him into social/structured play situations. I wouldn't try to push it especially if he's starting to blossom in these. Good luck.
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