Hi, there are such great ideas above. Here is what worked for us.
Chewing gum during hair washing.
Using a mat in the tub and a hand held sprayer.
Having a regular hair washing schedule -- three days a week. Believe it or not, it is easier to wash hair more often than to wait two weeks and then wash it. It's easier to wash hair that is not totally filthy and tangled because it goes faster.
Also, shorter hair is nice. Our daughter wants long hair, so we ask for layers and shorter in the back when she gets it cut.
Keeping the hair untangled during the day helps with the washing at night.
Having a HUGE stack of washclothes, all the kind and same color, at one end of the tub so that our daughter can get as many as she likes for her eyes and ears. This gives her a lot of control.
Using spray on conditioner and a detangling comb, available from beauty supply stores. We also just found a special brush made for hair washing called the Wet Brush that works great. http://www.buy.com/prod/luxor-profes...215767401.html
It works so well for us that I went back and bought one for me and one for our other daughter. We made the rule that the wet brush must stay in the bathroom.
Good smelling shampoo that she chooses.
The main thing, according to our daughter, is that I need to remember to ask "are you ready" before actually squirting the water on her.