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what do you do when your child is frantic about haircuts? (cutting while asleep - anyone done this?)

9K views 15 replies 9 participants last post by  Lilypie32 
#1 ·
Think sensory issues, for instance being touched on head/face/hair. Shampooing finally gets done (more easily, quickly) when ds (5) can be convinced to have a bath. But no combing, brushing, actually harder nıow on him than whjen littler. Hairdryer: he doesn't like it much but accepts it as part of the routine untill hair is partly dry.

Ds never got a haircut in a saloon, and I can assure you that is not going to work (may already be luck to have him wait quietly while mom has one). Often not comfortable with strangers, people touching him /head, trange/unsettling environments. And trouble is people are ALWAYS touching his head/hair they find him cute and this is the way they want to show that but this is something my son absolutely LOATHS and I can't blame him. I have to tell people all the time and over and over again, they don't get it. And strangers, you never know when they'll do this in passing by...so I just cannot avoid this every single time.

So, about the hair, I personally like longer hair on (my) boys they've actually had it half long for most of their toddlerhood/pre-schoolerhood. It's really cute on them. Ds1 now got a shorter haircut since he started primary school (hairstyle policy) he's still very cute and he likes it (only not the cut, but he can at least 'stand' it.

The main issue is that he now attends a pre-school he likes, he's used to the school and the routine, but school regulation requires 'traditional model', namely short and neat hair for boys (they've been pretty tolerant about little longer than that I must say) and for longer hair (on girls) to be styled neatly, and preferably held together, as well. This is also a cultural factor (bit oldfashioned, but still school policy). People tend to joke about putting ribbons etc. in boys' hair if it is, in their opinion, inappropriately long for a boy (yes even on such small children!). Of course we do not like those type of remarks, but it just seems to be inavoidable when boys have longer than average hair.. we have our coments ready when needed, and definitely our feeling of self-worth and pride about our 'hair'.

My 5yo son also likes his hair the way it is, and according to him it's not long at all in spite of him wiping it away from his eyes all the time ;-).

His 'excuse' for not needing a haircut is now that adult's hair grows but children's (or at least his) does not.

The last time I tried I actually tried over weeks to find the 'right' moment and mood (and without creating much pressure) but put the ultimatum that either dh would do it or he would take him to the barber and (hopefully) have it done there. I swore I would never want to try and cut it myself again because of the stress/fuss about it. That time my dh succeeded to have him have a haircut (but it was difficult!) but that was the very last time it could be done, now 4 months ago.

Ds also says/shows to be afraid (frantic! crying! screaming! trashing!) of having his hair cut, may it be scissors or any other tool cutting the hair. (last time I used little baby nailcutting scissors...which took very long and wasn't very effective in cutting)

He's 5. The ONLY way I see it happen now is cutting it while he sleeps, as I do with his nails. But very afraid he would wake up (realistic scenario, knowing him and his 'antenna's). And he's actually FIVE now, not two, even if he wouldn't wake up during cut or clean-up, he WILL realise what happened. And te worst: he may get afraid of going to sleep AS WELL (and that's much worse) and loose trust (also much worse)??? And even if he does not really realise what was done, he will deginitely understand what happened when people, the ones mostly commenting on his unstyled longer hair, remark on his new 'haircut'... sigh

Forget about bribing with sweets or anything, I do not lijke to do such (bribing, rewarding), and it is not something that would be effective - at all - rather create more/new issues.

And yes, people judge parents, and yes I try not to care, but yes, I am tired of comments on weirdiness, and so yes, this situation does create stress.

HOW do you, wonderful mothers and fathers, deal with sn, sensory issue, haircutting?

The same issue we ha with headphones. Hearing test could NOT be done because of this. This also really concerns us. So also for this, all tips welcome.
 
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#2 ·
Has he been treated for his sensory issues? Ds hated haircuts, but after OT for his sensory issues, they became bearable. Luckily for us, his reaction when overwhelmed was to freeze. We could take him to a salon because he would sit absolutely still (and petrified) while they cut his hair. He was the 'best' child client they ever had!

If that's not going to work for you son, I would recommend doing it while he sits on your lap (so you hold him to comfort him while dh cuts, or vice versa). You might also think about putting a bath visor on and cutting above it so that he can't see the scissors coming. You could also give him the option of having you try it while he's asleep so he won't feel it, or doing it quickly while he's awake. If all else fails, buy him some hair bands to keep his hair out of his eyes and wait until he grows older.
 
#3 ·
Thanks for the input.

Well, sitting on lap with trashing kid ans scissors/cutters nearby=rightout dangerous ;-). He's not the type to sit ****,l especially not when in a panicor angry or frustrated, to the contrary! And with him being 5, such physical and emotional outbursts are really heavy on him and the person dealing with him. We also tend not to do things against our childrens' wills, we do our very best to find the consensual middle path. But regarding the haircut we fail to find 'the' solution. Yes, it's his hair, but also his school.

And it's not just the look of the scissors, it's more the feel of being touched on the head, the hair being touched/held, the head being held, the KNOWING of what is being done or going to happen, the feel and possibly the sound of the cutting, the hair that's falling, etc.

I do hope TIME will resolve the issue, but I am not sure it will, since over time this issue just became worse so far, not less. And the hair getting any longer than it is now is so not socially acceptable where we live. He's already a bit an outsider and that longer and messier hair really won't help. He won't be brushed, combed, wear hats, or anything else in his hair/on his head (not even a birthday hat).

Actually, we took him for a hearing test as a first step to see if something's going on regarding auditory issues, but unfortunately also this test was unsuccesful because of the headphones.

At home we generally know how to deal with him best in for him difficult situations, are 'trained' in knowing what may trigger him, how to ease him into things, but the haircut is one thing where this fails, absolutely.

In front of tv won't work either, nor offering lollyipops or the like. Btdt, or at least: tried that ;-).

Therefore I am still looking for the 'magic formula' that would work for us, :) and I really do wonder if anyone has ever cut their (special needs or high needs) child's hair while asleep? And how that went, child's reaction to it, child's attitude towards going to sleep/bed and trust towards parents. I do not know if it's a good idea to risk it, iykwim. It may have us have the haircut done, at least to a proper length front and in the neck. You never know, he may be relieved just having had a cut without realising, having had the actual experience, and may be liking his 'new hairstyle' and be proud of it, but the reaction could very well be very heavily bending the opposite way. But it's the only solution left that I have in my sleeve, after everything else that we could think of or have tried, has failed. So, anyone who had the guts to actually try this?

It's not really consensual in the sense of 'we both agree on having his hair cut while he sleeps', but it can be in the sense of: the hair is cut and he didn't have to undergo the upsetting experience of the cut itself. I do cut his nails this way and he definitely notices them getting shorter and neater but we have had no trust issues about that. Hair cutting is more drastic, though.

?
 
#4 ·
#5 ·
Officially he does not have a disability or diagnosis. He definitely has sensory issues, but he has been dealing with the change of starting pre-school exceptionally well (much better than I anticipated). Dh is also not on the same wavelength as I am about this. And for now the main issue with outside world/environment is 'the hair' ;-). Things also do not work the same here, regarding such issues, as in some other countries, I understand. It is a very big step here to have your child labeled with 'disability' if in general the child is doing pretty well. Imo, where we live such may actually do more harm than good if there ar no actual large issues regarding malfunctioning/disabilities going on.

If things really do not seem to work out, I will have a talk with school staff about this, but for now we would like to solve this issue at home.

We also wonder if actually also sensory or things are being an issue in the school environment; if we would address our own concerns/experience about this reagrding our son with the school, they won't be truly able to objectively observe the child in question as they do with any other child, imo. With that extra info, they may be 'looking' for things rather than 'noticing', iykwim?
 
#6 ·
My almost dd(almost 6) who has SPD and AS/HFA used to have this issue. I explained why she needed to have her hair cut using nvc, let her pick out a favorite doll to cuddle while she was getting it done, and she had the choice to let me cut it or go to a child's salon, she chose the salon and was a very nervous at first but they had her laughing by the time she was done. The salon we went to was Cartoon Cuts, it's definitely worth it the hairdresser was very understanding and has worked with kids on the spectrum before and really put dd at ease! I find giving my dd as much control as possible over her big sensory issues(hair cutting, nail clipping, hair brushing and washing..) makes a world of difference.
 
#7 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by changes View Post

Therefore I am still looking for the 'magic formula' that would work for us, :) and I really do wonder if anyone has ever cut their (special needs or high needs) child's hair while asleep?
DS went through a period of no haircuts. We just let him grow his hair. Then he decided he didn't like long hair anymore so he wanted it cut. We tried a couple times with scissors. We tried awake. We tried asleep (just trimming the stuff right in front of his face, not a full haircut), nothing was working. He would freak out when we did it when he was awake. When he was asleep he would know that we were touching him and wake up freaking out.

What worked for us was an electric razor and just buzzing his head. It doesn't take as long as scissor cuts, it doesn't have to be perfect (his hair is all one length so I don't have to worry about getting different areas different lengths). I do it in the bathroom while running water in the bathtub (so the noise of the razor isn't so bad because the bathwater seems to drown it out a little). DS still screams (but not as much). He doesn't try to escape or run away anymore. I've perfected my "really quickly shave his head and throw him in the bathtub" technique. Oh, before we start he takes off his clothes and wraps up in a towel (to try to keep the hair from falling on his skin, he hates that sensation). Then when I'm done he just rips off the towel and jumps in the water.

Good luck!
 
#8 ·
My son does not have sensory issues and he always refused to have anyone but me cut his hair. I'm not very good and he would only sit still for so long, but at least he would sit for a little bit. Sometimes haircuts would take up to a week to finish. Then he decided he wanted his hair long like mine. We told him he could do that as long as he kept it neat. One day while I was trying to comb his hair and he was fighting me and I said, "If you don't want to have your hair combed you need to cut it off." So that's what he decided to do. I cut it, but I'm just not that good (and he has really straight hair so it's hard to cut.)

Then, just before his 5th birthday, I happened to ask another mom where she took her 3 and 4 year old sons to get their hair cut. Turns out she went to a private woman who has a shop in back of her house. The whole family would go and just hang out and play and everyone would get their hair cut. I asked if we could go. My son watched everyone else get their hair cut. Then he watched his 2 year old sister get her first hair cut. The woman was so good and so patient with all the kids. She let my daughter sit in my lap. My son still didn't want his hair cut. As we were about to leave, he came and sat on my lap. She said she could cut his hair right there. He didn't say anything so I told her to just try. She was so gentle and he tolerated it. He liked her haircut better than mine so when I made another appt for him, he only balked a little. We'll see how the third haircut goes, but I think it will be fine.

So, I don't know what country you live in, but frankly if the school didn't agree to his hair however he wants it, I would find another school. Of course, it is rules like this that are part of why we're homeschoolers.
 
#9 ·
Our first hair cut will be while she is asleep. She wears a helmet right now so it's ok but it's really long and in her eyes. no way in heck would i cut her hair with her flailing around. She also doesn't like her face to be touched. Ugh our hearing check up was torture. I had to physically restrain her and she's super strong and we couldn't figure out how to do it. A haircut is a bit longer than a 10 second hearing test. I feel for you. I'm not helpful but I feel for you!! Good point about the fear of sleeping.. man that's a toughie! I also cut her nails when she's sleeping. She just twitches too randomly and too much for anything to be safe. How about a flowbie. lol. Just vacuum up his hair and tell him it's a game? neeerooom! It looks fast anyway

edited to add my kid does ok washing the hair but not rinsing.. huge panic attacks and fear of falling. I've been "petting" her face as much as I can lately to try to desensitize her. Hopefully it works but who knows. I really need one of her ears rechecked as there is something wrong with it and right now that's not going to happen.
 
#10 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygirlie View Post

Our first hair cut will be while she is asleep. She wears a helmet right now so it's ok but it's really long and in her eyes. no way in heck would i cut her hair with her flailing around. She also doesn't like her face to be touched. Ugh our hearing check up was torture. I had to physically restrain her and she's super strong and we couldn't figure out how to do it. A haircut is a bit longer than a 10 second hearing test. I feel for you. I'm not helpful but I feel for you!! Good point about the fear of sleeping.. man that's a toughie! I also cut her nails when she's sleeping. She just twitches too randomly and too much for anything to be safe. How about a flowbie. lol. Just vacuum up his hair and tell him it's a game? neeerooom! It looks fast anyway

edited to add my kid does ok washing the hair but not rinsing.. huge panic attacks and fear of falling. I've been "petting" her face as much as I can lately to try to desensitize her. Hopefully it works but who knows. I really need one of her ears rechecked as there is something wrong with it and right now that's not going to happen.
Ok, I so totally get this since this is what we've been dealing with, only YOU've been at last 'succesfu'l with the hearing test getting done, apparently? Those 10 seconds we tried for mornings and went back in the afternoon, for hours, and it could not be done, they tried two different tests, when finally my dh could manage to have him wear the headphones for a second, he freaked out and threw it off at the hearing of the first sound...! So we have still no idea if he does have a hearing problem or auditory issues (which could be the source for some other issues related to speech and behaviour). The hair, indeed, his own solution for shampooing now is holding a washcloth over his face/eyes, but I need to do it quickly or let him do it (if he prefers that),but rinsing is still an ordeal, but done very quickly as well.

I think I might risk cutting some of his hair at night but ONLY front OR back and try it gradually (think Roald Dahl's 'The Twits', and Mr.Twit sticking wooden pieces to Mrs. Twit's chair and walking stick, so that she is not aware of her 'gradually shrinking' :))))). Anyway, ds most likely will 'feel' it and not let us continue, anyway ... always been a light sleeper.

A flowbie, what's that?
 
#11 ·
Well Our hearing test came out "good enough".. maybe she will let us try next year. She ripped the headphones off.. the tubes out. It was awful!! She mostly passed the sound room which isn't a good test. There IS something off with her hearing but for hearing sake and an aide she is good enough for now and we will have to look into another time because.. man... I don't want to hurt her! She just has a zero tolerance for things on her face. I CAN make her giggle if i pet her face and make it a game. So now whenever I can sneak it in I will tug on her ear or the back of her neck. But I have to be sneaky lol.

I had completely forgotten about the wet washcloth! My mom use to do that to me! Great reminder.

Yeah.. that sounds good... a little here and there and maybe he won't notice. I don't know how much he looks in the mirror. My dd never notices her nails have been clipped.

A flowbie is this device you stick on a vacuum hose.. and it sucks hair up into and cuts it all even LOL! Let me find a link. Now that I think about it it might be pretty darn scarey..

ok these people make it look pretty awful lol

 
#13 ·
Yes,a doctors note or medical exemption!

Personally I would not cut his hair while asleep due to the lack-of-trust issue. UNLESS you discuss it ahead of time & let him know that because he needs a haircut for school you will be cutting his hair while he sleeps so he won't have to feel it. I'd do it over a weekend so you have several nights to work on it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmeline II View Post

I think this could be addressed with the school by a 504. If he would be "barred from learning" due to his hair not being in compliance with dress code, which it cannot be due to his disability, then it should be a 504 issue. A note from a doctor regarding the SPD would probably make things easier.

http://www.greatschools.org/special-education/legal-rights/section-504.gs?content=868
 
#14 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygirlie View Post

kid does ok washing the hair but not rinsing.. huge panic attacks and fear of falling. I've been "petting" her face as much as I can lately to try to desensitize her. Hopefully it works but who knows.
Would this visor help? They're very effective at keeping the face dry during all parts of shampoo and rinse. http://www.amazon.com/Lil-Rinser-Splashguard-Blue-Pink/dp/B001B1FHIC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1299276714&sr=8-1-spell
 
#16 ·
My child has severe issues with people cutting his hair. He has sensory issues and his head/face/hair are the most sensitive. He says it actually hurts to cut his hair. I've tried everything to make it more pleasant but with time (we consistently go no matter what every 8 weeks) and the right person, he is finally a bit better. The woman we go to has a grandson with autism so she totally gets it. She lets my child touch and hold all the supplies and she explains everything to him. She is just great with him. After every cut she wipes him off because the hair on his skin makes him very anxious. I also use rewards (not food) to go to his favorite place, i.e., park, jumpy house, etc. This helps as well.

I wish you the best in finding what works for him! :)
 
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