Is it possible to suggest ASD to a woman I barely know?!? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 08-31-2011, 07:40 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep View Post

? Ok. I'm sorry you have judged me to be judgmental and harsh. I have a hard time believing that your anger is really directed at me, especially since looking back at what I wrote I don't see any post in which I was disrespectful or harsh...Curious and concerned, perhaps, but the whole point of MDC is that women are supposed to be able to ask others' opinions without being judged or reprimanded for asking what's appropriate. As I mentioned earlier, I see more and more of this on MDC now, and it's quite a shame. It seems your anger is likely coming from a different place, unrelated to this thread. I wish you all the best in your healing.
 



 


Your question isn't appropriate. It's extremely inappropriate. This a mother that you don't know well. You don't have all of the facts of the situation. You don't know anything about the situation except what you've learned second hand from your mother, who also doesn't have all of the facts of the situation. The mother is working with a doctor and is trying interventions recommended to her by her doctor. 

 

You've decided that she is neglecting her child, despite the fact that she is consulting a doctor. You decided that you know better and that she needs your advice, even though you don't know the facts.  

 

As I said, judgmental and harsh. 

 

Lots of people -- especially people who don't have a special needs kid -- have things to say to parents of kids with ASD or ADHD. Many people think that they know better than the parents or the doctors, just because they have seen 5 minutes of a kid's behavior.  It's an extremely rude, obnoxious behavior.

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#32 of 37 Old 08-31-2011, 08:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Look, first of all, my question has been answered by many kind, informed, honest and direct women. I feel satisfied with having asked it and gotten my answer. I don't see how a question about what's appropriate under the circumstances can in itself be inappropriate. Could we stop beating a dead horse here? As you suggested in your own statement, you may have had your own experiences with people judging your parenting and that is why you feel the way you do. I respect that. I do feel that you are projecting because of this experience and judging me, in turn. I promise you I had no ill intentions in asking my question and I appreciate those who answered respectfully. Thanks ladies!

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Your question isn't appropriate. It's extremely inappropriate. This a mother that you don't know well. You don't have all of the facts of the situation. You don't know anything about the situation except what you've learned second hand from your mother, who also doesn't have all of the facts of the situation. The mother is working with a doctor and is trying interventions recommended to her by her doctor. 

 

You've decided that she is neglecting her child, despite the fact that she is consulting a doctor. You decided that you know better and that she needs your advice, even though you don't know the facts.  

 

As I said, judgmental and harsh. 

 

Lots of people -- especially people who don't have a special needs kid -- have things to say to parents of kids with ASD or ADHD. Many people think that they know better than the parents or the doctors, just because they have seen 5 minutes of a kid's behavior.  It's an extremely rude, obnoxious behavior.



 


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#33 of 37 Old 08-31-2011, 12:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RiverTam View Post

Your question isn't appropriate. It's extremely inappropriate. .


 

I thought the question was a very valid one. I can see how a person could wonder about how to handle a situation where they see flags, but the parents don't.

 

My answer would really depend on the whole situation, because in some situations, I think it might be appropriate to say something. In this situation I think its best not to say anything, but it was very valid to ask.

 

I think the OPer was asking from a place of care and concern about the welfare of a child, and was putting a lot of though into how to react. That's not something she should get beat up over.

 

Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people came from a place of care and concern, and put a lot of thought into how to react? That's all the OP did.

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#34 of 37 Old 08-31-2011, 12:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post




 

I thought the question was a very valid one. I can see how a person could wonder about how to handle a situation where they see flags, but the parents don't.

 

My answer would really depend on the whole situation, because in some situations, I think it might be appropriate to say something. In this situation I think its best not to say anything, but it was very valid to ask.

 

I think the OPer was asking from a place of care and concern about the welfare of a child, and was putting a lot of though into how to react. That's not something she should get beat up over.

 

Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people came from a place of care and concern, and put a lot of thought into how to react? That's all the OP did.




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#35 of 37 Old 08-31-2011, 02:50 PM
 
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RiverTam-
I appreciate your passion on the subject. I have a child on the spectrum as well, and peoples judgments can be harsh. That being said, I'd much prefer to have someone come here and ask a question on how to handle this sort of thing, rather than go off and do something without looking at another perspective.


Toposlonoshlep-
I appreciate the fact that you have stuck around when things have gotten a little heated and heard what people have said.

I am going to ask everyone to stop with getting personal and stick to the question at hand. Thanks!

 
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#36 of 37 Old 08-31-2011, 03:05 PM
 
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RiverTam-
I appreciate your passion on the subject. I have a child on the spectrum as well, and peoples judgments can be harsh. That being said, I'd much prefer to have someone come here and ask a question on how to handle this sort of thing, rather than go off and do something without looking at another perspective.


Toposlonoshlep-
I appreciate the fact that you have stuck around when things have gotten a little heated and heard what people have said.

I am going to ask everyone to stop with getting personal and stick to the question at hand. Thanks!

 


I don't mind people asking questions. I do mind people who ask questions preceded by the statements that the mother is "crazy" for 1) consulting a neurologist from her home country and 2) giving her child supplements prescribed by a neurologist. The question here was "How do I tell this crazy person that she is parenting her child all wrong?"

 

If the question were "How can I hook up an isolated person with good resources in the community?" or "How can I best help this isolated person?" that's an entirely different thing.

 

 

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#37 of 37 Old 08-31-2011, 03:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RiverTam View Post



 


I don't mind people asking questions. I do mind people who ask questions preceded by the statements that the mother is "crazy" for 1) consulting a neurologist from her home country and 2) giving her child supplements prescribed by a neurologist. The question here was "How do I tell this crazy person that she is parenting her child all wrong?"

 

If the question were "How can I hook up an isolated person with good resources in the community?" or "How can I best help this isolated person?" that's an entirely different thing.

 

 


RiverTam-
If you can not post to this thread without making it a personal attack, please do not post to it anymore.

 
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