Need recommendations for parenting an Asperger's child. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 02-11-2012, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm looking for books on Asperger's that contain detailed strategies for parenting.  My son and his father have a very strained relationship and I'm trying to find other sources to help them.  What works for me and my son doesn't necessarily work with his father.
I've looked at a bunch of books about Asperger's but none seem to go deeper into giving examples on what to say (to the child) in specific situations.
 
His father also has Asperger's (not officially diagnosed) so it's very tricky.
 
Thanks!

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#2 of 9 Old 02-11-2012, 08:00 PM
 
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how old is the child?  Can you tell us more about what the child is like?

 

Different kids with aspergers can be VERY different


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#3 of 9 Old 02-11-2012, 08:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He's 9. With his father, he gets very agitated, hits, won't listen, etc.
They constantly bicker like they are both children.

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#4 of 9 Old 02-12-2012, 08:03 AM
 
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Is "agitated" loud, or tantrums or violent or what?

 

I honestly find that overall, good general parenting and communication skills always help. 

 

I also found (but I don't know if your son is like this) that it is especially important to be predictable and consistent (once again something that is good for all kids, anyway) and to give ample warning and adjustment time with any changes.  One thing in common to most kids on the spectrum is that they have trouble switching gears.  If you suspect your son's father is on the spectrum, you might have to be very clear with him like, "15 minutes before it's time to leave, you'll need to tell our son you are leaving and tell him what he needs to do to get ready one step at a time".

 

Actually write down important routines for your son's Dad so he knows.

 

As for "not listening" make sure Dad is aware if he's been heard.  Make sure he knows to walk right up to your son and state exactly what he wants, and have him ask a simple question to see if it is understood.  Once again, this is good for all kids, but a lot of kids on the spectrum get so caught up in what they are doing that they may not register verbal instructions.  If the Dad might be on the spectrum and wasn't explicitly helped with social skills or communication, he might not naturally notice if your son actually heard and acknowledged instructions.

 

Other things that helped in our family (especially if not the usual person is with your son) was actually posting rules on the fridge.  Make sure you and the Dad are on the same page, because two sets of rules could be really frustrating.


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#5 of 9 Old 02-12-2012, 08:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks FarmerBeth.

 

I know how to parent my Aspie son but his father won't listen to me.  That is why I'm looking for a book that will give him ideas.  Ds's father simply won't take my word for it even though the Neuropsych told him to listen to my suggestions (because I have experience with ASD kids...Not just from being a mom to my son.)  

 

As you may have guessed, I'm not in a relationship w/ds's father.  The whole situation makes me uhoh3.gif.

(although I don't show my own annoyance around ds because I don't want it to cloud his own judgement, etc.)  I tell ds that his father is trying to find a way to have a better relationship with him and that ds needs to calmly talk to/tell his father what works and what doesn't (and possibly why.)

 

Oh, and by agitated, I mean ds: yells, pushes his father away, 'talks back', has an 'attitude', and gets sensory overload.


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#6 of 9 Old 02-12-2012, 10:38 AM
 
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Would "How to Talk So Kids Would Listen " give him some communication ideas?  How about him meeting up with one of the professionals who works with your son so that he hears it directly from them (say the Neuropsych) instead of from you, which might involve more baggage.

 

Will he listen to concrete suggestions about avoiding sensory overload?


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#7 of 9 Old 02-12-2012, 11:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FarmerBeth View Post

Would "How to Talk So Kids Would Listen " give him some communication ideas?  How about him meeting up with one of the professionals who works with your son so that he hears it directly from them (say the Neuropsych) instead of from you, which might involve more baggage.

 

Will he listen to concrete suggestions about avoiding sensory overload?



This is an excellent book and come to mind reading the thread. It's a very easy read with cartoons.

 

Is your ex open to book suggestions from you?


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#8 of 9 Old 02-14-2012, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FarmerBeth View Post

 How about him meeting up with one of the professionals who works with your son so that he hears it directly from them (say the Neuropsych) instead of from you, which might involve more baggage.

 



Tried that a few times but he won't listen to the Neuropsych, either.


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#9 of 9 Old 02-14-2012, 11:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post



This is an excellent book and come to mind reading the thread. It's a very easy read with cartoons.

 

Is your ex open to book suggestions from you?


Can't hurt to try.  smile.gif

 


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