Walking on eggshells - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 05-05-2012, 11:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This morning, like so many mornings, I stood in my kitchen, a child on each hip, and cried. Scared to move, lest I incite another meltdown. Between the usually clingyness of my 1yr old, and my very controlling 3yr old, I feel totally stuck, and quite franky, totally over it.
We just recovered from a total meltdown because I walked into the laundry to put a load of washing on. It took me 20 secs! But it was enough to set DS1 off. This is after having just been out to spend some one of one time with him. We went to the library together, I carried him around in the carrier. Sigh.
And as I speak, yet another tantrum begins because the pumpkin in the oven is not yet cooked and ready to eat.

Days like today, I feel stuck in one place, scared to move. Walking on eggshells. I hate feeling this way, but I've no idea how to change it. I reassure him. I'm with him all day, every day. I explain what I'm doing, where I'm going. I am constantly helping him with things. Putting things up and away for him. Mediating between the two of them.

And to top it off, I'm very anxious about the up and coming appointment we have with the Dev. Ped on Friday. He's our second try at getting an ASD assessment for DS1. The first Ped. we saw totally dismissed my concerns, and I'm worried the second will do the same.

Thanks for listenig mamas. It's good to get it off my chest.

 

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#2 of 8 Old 05-06-2012, 02:49 PM
 
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Didn't want to read and not post. hug2.gif So much of what you wrote sounds like my DD (now 6.5), who at 5 was finally dx with PDD, anxiety and OCD. We really didn't  see much relief from the meltdowns, controlling, rigid behavior, and intense anxiety until we started her on inositol a few months ago. It's been a tough road.

 

I hope you get some answers soon. Please PM me if you ever want to talk.

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#3 of 8 Old 05-06-2012, 05:53 PM
 
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Just a hug. I remember those days quite well.


 upsidedown.gif  Please see my Community Profile! energy.gif blogging.jpg about Asperger's Syndrome!

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#4 of 8 Old 05-08-2012, 06:15 PM
 
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Have you tried Early Intervention? Usually administered through the school district, they can often offer services without a specific diagnosis. My YoungSon was just that brand of clingy/demanding/volatile that you describe. I never did get a diagnosis that truly fit him, so I tend to put less stock in the medical paradigm than some. But I would probably have accepted respite if anyone offered, or I had known to ask.

 

Do you ever get a break, Eloisa? You sound exhausted. As a single mama to a special needs kid (and another only one year apart), I felt like I NEVER got a chance to catch my breath. Do you have a partner, a parent, a friend, or neighbor who could give you a little time off now and then?

 

This stage will pass. In a couple years. And then comes the next stage, which won't be easier, but at least will be different. In the meantime, nurture yourself, or there won't be anything left to give to your kids. You've heard the flight attendant's instruction to get your own oxygen mask on first? This is one of those times. You NEED a regular break - a bubble bath, an hour alone at a cafe, date night, whatever it looks like for you.
 


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#5 of 8 Old 05-09-2012, 03:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much fo your replies.

Mamarhu, he's not in any early intervention. We were intending on being a homeschooling family, so I wasn't sure there was much available to us.

The assessment begins on Friday, so I am hoping we will get some support and ideas on what sort of therapy he might benefit from.

Being a single mama to two boys, I don't get much of a break .But DH and I are sorting out of issues, and working on getting back together, so he does come around to help out. I was getting time to myself for a while there, leaving both boys with DH, but DS1 has started clinging to me as soon as DH arrives, so I've been just taking him with me when I go out. And now DS1 is even more clingy than usual. But I do make time to treat myself, even if it is with the boys. I buy myself coffee at the park, or sit down and read once they go to bed.

Thank you, again for all of your support. I'm actually having a really good day today, despite the rough morning with DS1. And despite my nerves about the assessment on Friday!

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#6 of 8 Old 05-09-2012, 07:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eloisa View Post


Mamarhu, he's not in any early intervention. We were intending on being a homeschooling family, so I wasn't sure there was much available to us.

 

 

 

Early intervention doesn't have anything to do with your intention to homeschool. Preschool doesn't either. Therapies, such as speech therapy, are available for homeschoolers through their school *if they qualify* just as they would be if the child was enrolled in school.

 

Also, many parents find that once they get to know their child, their choice to homeschool or send a child to school is impacted by what is best for that specific child. There are parents on this board who had no intention to homeschool but are now homeschooling because they find that it is currently working best for their child. And the reverse is true, there are parents on this board who intended to homeschool and used to homeschool, but currently find that school is working best for their child (I fall into that category -- my ASD dd homeschooled until she was 12, attended traditional school for one year, and now attends an alternative school).

 

I don't think there is a right answer, but part of parenting a special needs child *for me* has been letting go of what I thought was in general best for kids and just doing my best to make sense of what seems to be working for my kid for now.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#7 of 8 Old 05-09-2012, 10:13 AM
 
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Early intervention doesn't have anything to do with your intention to homeschool. Preschool doesn't either. Therapies, such as speech therapy, are available for homeschoolers through their school *if they qualify* just as they would be if the child was enrolled in school.

Also, many parents find that once they get to know their child, their choice to homeschool or send a child to school is impacted by what is best for that specific child. There are parents on this board who had no intention to homeschool but are now homeschooling because they find that it is currently working best for their child. And the reverse is true, there are parents on this board who intended to homeschool and used to homeschool, but currently find that school is working best for their child (I fall into that category -- my ASD dd homeschooled until she was 12, attended traditional school for one year, and now attends an alternative school).

I don't think there is a right answer, but part of parenting a special needs child *for me* has been letting go of what I thought was in general best for kids and just doing my best to make sense of what seems to be working for my kid for now.

ABSOLUTELY!!! We've done public and home, depending on what works best for that child at that time.

 upsidedown.gif  Please see my Community Profile! energy.gif blogging.jpg about Asperger's Syndrome!

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#8 of 8 Old 05-09-2012, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, don't get me wrong. Although I always had the intention of homeschooling, the only reason we will still be pursuing it, is because I feel it's the best option for DS1, where he is at the moment. He has a pretty severe social anxiety, and I find the amount of socialising we get from our current homeschooling group is well enough for him right now.

But as for the EIP, how would we go about getting him into that? We're in Australia, and I've not been suggested it so far by the OT, Ped or Psych.

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