Ds has no self control. His biggest problem is keeping his hands and body to himself. He comes off as a bully to other people. If he see's other boys goofing around or rough housing he tries to join in and always takes it to far and makes people mad at him. It's so stressful to go or do anything with him. There is an incident every time we go out or spend any time around other people. The latest thing is he is causing problems at soccer practice, bothering one specific boy that he see's as his buddy and they are playing together but the other boy and his parents have complained about ds and now the coach says he can't play in the first game and if he doesn't stop he's off the team. I completely understand and told ds he was going to be off the team if he doesn't pull it together before the coach even said anything. Dh is at every practice and he tries very hard to keep ds under control. After ds gets in trouble or does something that hurts or bothers someone else he is always remorseful and upset by it but it doesn't seem to keep him from doing the same stupid stuff over and over again.
I don't know what to do. This has been going on ds's whole life. I'm so sad and tired and sick of people acting like we are terrible parents and that ds is a terrible kid. I feel like we have done everything possible to help and teach ds. I have read hundreds of book, taken him to doctors, worked with his teachers, had meetings and written out plans with the schools. Dh and I are always with him at events monitoring his behavior. Our other 3 kids are nice and well behaved. I guess I'm looking for some miracle that will make ds "normal" .
Although this has been going on his whole life, I think 12 is an especially difficult age. Both my SN child and my NT child were at their absolute worse at age 12. They are 14 and 15 now, and both are much easier deal with and can be downright pleasant both to us and others. I think (though I don't have anything to back this up) that the hormones of puberty make whatever else is going on with the child MORE intense until their bodies settle back down. It's like puberty just brings everything to a head.
This is the age where we signed our SN dd up for a social skills class. The class was open to kids with ADD, ADHA, and high functioning autism. It was taught by a social worker who works primarily at a school for autism, and met over a period of several weeks. They practiced conversation skills, reading other people's body language, playing games and taking turns, etc. It was expensive (about $500) and insurance did not cover it. It was, however, really good for my child and for the other kids who attended, most of whom really wanted to have friends but were incapable of going about it.
It wasn't a magic wand that made our child "normal" but it did help her learn a variety of skills that she now uses everyday. It helped get her over a difficult hump. It was a step in a positive direction.
You also might check into a social skills group, which is a little different in that it is an ongoing group that does activities together. We've never been in one of those.
My DD is on the autism spectrum. I'm hoping some parents with kids with ADHD can chime in with other ideas more specific to what your son is struggling with.
but everything has pros and cons
I did a goggle search on "social skills class name of our city." If his school has a counselor or social worker, talk to her/him. They may know of resources in the community. When my DD was 12, I got to know the school social worker VERY well and even had her speed dial
It sounds like you guys have all kinds of extra stresses this year. I hope things start to even out as you tweak meds, adjust to the school, and get into the new routine. Could part of what is making his behavior worse be stress? My DD doesn't cope with stress at all well, and her ways of expressing this can be odd.
but everything has pros and cons
Angie - also check with your local speech therapy offices. Many are expanding and offering social skills programs (at least here on the east coast they are). Another vote for the social skills stuff. If your son likes legos - check and see if there is a bricks for kidz near you. It's a national franchise that combines lego building and social skills.